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Anyone know any confirmed bachelors/ never met anyone special who were happy?

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  • 20-11-2014 9:10pm
    #1
    karaokeman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭


    Just a thought because one of my favourite musicians hoped to marry, have kids, but alas he's 61 and its looking unlikely, then another one was the same and died as a bachelor a few years ago.

    Not worried about myself because I'm only 23 but I do wonder what it would be like to look back in old age to something society has us believe is such a pivotal moment in anyone's life.

    Also, I put the "/" in the thread title before anyone suggests unmarried couples living together permanently :P.


«13

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    #2
    costadeldole
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 162 ✭✭costadeldole


    I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
    Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
    For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
    And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
    I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
    In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
    Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
    I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
    Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
    I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
    The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
    Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
    I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
    At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.


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    #3
    Littlekittylou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,357 ✭✭✭Littlekittylou


    costadeldole wrote: »
    I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
    Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
    For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
    And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
    I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
    In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
    Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
    I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value you my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
    Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
    I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
    The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
    Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
    I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
    At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

    Good for you :-)


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    #4
    Daroxtar
    Registered Users Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭Daroxtar


    Where the fúck is Louis Walshe when you need him?


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    #5
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    costadeldole wrote: »
    I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
    Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
    For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
    And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
    I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
    In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
    Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
    I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
    Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
    I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
    The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
    Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
    I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
    At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

    While I'm impressed and respect your view, 37 is actually relatively young. If you still feel that way in 20 years time, Id be even more impressed.


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    #6
    Teyla Emmagan
    Registered Users Posts: 5,641 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    anncoates wrote: »
    While I'm impressed and respect your view, 37 is actually relatively young. If you still feel that way in 20 years time, Id be even more impressed.

    Great to be a man!


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    #7
    costadeldole
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 162 ✭✭costadeldole


    Teyla Emmagan wrote: »
    Great to be a man!

    Well it would be fun to have a clit and pair of boobs to play with for a day.
    So being a woman does have its perks too.


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    #8
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,040 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    Fúck society.


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    #9
    johnty56
    Registered Users Posts: 822 ✭✭✭johnty56


    costadeldole wrote: »
    I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
    Am I happy?
    .......
    I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
    At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

    So up until two years ago you felt differently, but now you think you will feel the way you do now for the rest of your life?


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    #10
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    costadeldole wrote: »
    .Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
    .

    Whatever works for you Costadeldole and as long as you are genuinely happy and don't hurt anyone else then I don't see a problem.

    Your quote above though about the younger women wanting an older mature man? You sound very mature but when a woman goes for an older man because he is 'mature' I would imagine that is probably or possibly because they feel they might be or may have been messed around some 'immature' younger man. Do these women that you attract know that you are a confirmed bachelor, not interested in a relationship or children ever?


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    #11
    Cosmicfox
    Registered Users Posts: 245 ✭✭Cosmicfox


    I have an aunt in her fifties whose never married or had kids.

    She's very happy and has a very good career, always has plenty of money to spend on herself and to hand out to nephews and nieces. She did put up with some stick from her parents, especially since she's Spanish from a very catholic family but eventually they gave up pestering her and they got on better in the end. Some people just prefer their own company.


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    #12
    Joe prim
    Registered Users Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Joe prim


    That lad Liberace always seemed happy enough, tickling away at d'oul ivories and that, like.


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    #13
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Teyla Emmagan wrote: »
    Great to be a man!

    ?


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    #14
    Teyla Emmagan
    Registered Users Posts: 5,641 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    anncoates wrote: »
    ?

    Just moaning about my biological clock again. You know, the usual :D


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    #15
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Teyla Emmagan wrote: »
    Just moaning about my biological clock again. You know, the usual :D

    /treads carefully


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    #16
    the_monkey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,556 ✭✭✭the_monkey


    costadeldole wrote: »
    I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
    Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
    For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
    And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
    I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
    In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
    Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
    I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
    Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
    I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
    The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
    Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
    I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
    At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.


    Living the dream !!!


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    #17
    supersean1999
    Registered Users Posts: 2,465 ✭✭✭supersean1999


    In fairness its pretty hard to tell if anyone is happy. Especially men. Iv a good few mates who are single. We dont tend to sit down and discuss there happiness much. But i know lads who seem to love being single. One buck near 50. No problem getting a woman. But loves his freedom. Big tv for sports. He did tell me once that he would crack up if someone was nagging him about doing the dishes. Etc etc. So i guess he is happy. Or else he is just a big childish pleb.


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    #18
    The Backwards Man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    I can't sleep most nights I'm that ecstatic.


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    #19
    Laura Palmer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 249 ✭✭Laura Palmer


    I'm not sure if I'm convinced someone would be happy to live their entire life without ever having a partner of significance (for want of a better word) - but then again, that's just me thinking people think the same way I do.
    I do think it's definitely possible to be happy single for long periods though, and right up to well into one's 30s/40s. We assumed the bachelor life was the one for my uncle (and he seemed content too) and then he met herself in his late 40s, married and had kids.
    costadeldole wrote: »
    I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
    I don't agree that the above is selfish. Selfish to whom?


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    #20
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    One the old boys round here never married. I suppose he's in his 60s - its hard to tell. He seems happy enough.

    I sometimes ask my wife - Does she suppose he's always laughing and joking because he never married?


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    #21
    Highflyer13
    Closed Accounts Posts: 954 ✭✭✭Highflyer13


    supersean1999 wrote: »
    In fairness its pretty hard to tell if anyone is happy. Especially men. Iv a good few mates who are single. We dont tend to sit down and discuss there happiness much. But i know lads who seem to love being single. One buck near 50. No problem getting a woman. But loves his freedom. Big tv for sports. He did tell me once that he would crack up if someone was nagging him about doing the dishes. Etc etc. So i guess he is happy. Or else he is just a big childish pleb.

    That sounds like the life! Freedom and sports:). Im not sure what I want, In a relationship now but there are many days where I really miss my independence. My gf even thinks I want to be on my own as I'm fierce for doing things by myself and love the peace and quiet and not being tied to anything.


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    #22
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    I reckon that's why old men who never married live so long. No hassle in their lives , lot to be said for it


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    #23
    Lau2976
    Registered Users Posts: 1,030 ✭✭✭Lau2976


    I know a man in his 70's who loves his bachelor life. He seems to always have a "girlfriend" hanging around him because he's the life of the party.

    He's convinced it's the years of doing his own thing that means he's still has so much energy.


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    #24
    Lau2976
    Registered Users Posts: 1,030 ✭✭✭Lau2976


    Saralee4 wrote: »
    Whatever works for you Costadeldole and as long as you are genuinely happy and don't hurt anyone else then I don't see a problem.

    Your quote above though about the younger women wanting an older mature man? You sound very mature but when a woman goes for an older man because he is 'mature' I would imagine that is probably or possibly because they feel they might be or may have been messed around some 'immature' younger man. Do these women that you attract know that you are a confirmed bachelor, not interested in a relationship or children ever?

    I know girls who would be around my own age (24) who would go for men like Costadeldole because he doesn't want that. I even know a girl who won't date anybody under 35 because of it. A lot of the girls I know want flings and not relationships or friendships. So they go with slightly older bachelors because they feel gaurenteed that they'll just want some fun.


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    #25
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Lau2976 wrote: »
    I know girls who would be around my own age (24) who would go for men like Costadeldole because he doesn't want that. I even know a girl who won't date anybody under 35 because of it. A lot of the girls I know want flings and not relationships or friendships. So they go with slightly older bachelors because they feel gaurenteed that they'll just want some fun.

    Really? I would have thought the opposite that more men in early 20s would be more interested in a casual relationship and the more mature man would be looking for something more meaningful and deeper by that time.

    I not saying that an older man should be that way! What i am saying is if i was a 24 year old women and looking for casual sex i dont think it would be hard to find another 24 year old man looking for the same thing so i wouldnt think that i would have to necessarily attract an older man in order to do that.


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    #26
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Lau2976 wrote: »
    I know girls who would be around my own age (24) who would go for men like Costadeldole because he doesn't want that. I even know a girl who won't date anybody under 35 because of it. A lot of the girls I know want flings and not relationships or friendships. So they go with slightly older bachelors because they feel gaurenteed that they'll just want some fun.

    Really? I would have thought the opposite that more men in early 20s would be more interested in a casual relationship and the more mature man would be looking for something more meaningful and deeper by that time.

    I not saying that an older man should be that way! What i am saying is if i was a 24 year old women and looking for casual sex i dont think it would be hard to find another 24 year old man looking for the same thing so i wouldnt think that i would have to necessarily attract an older man in order to do that.


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    #27
    Lau2976
    Registered Users Posts: 1,030 ✭✭✭Lau2976


    Saralee4 wrote: »
    Really? I would have thought the opposite that more men in early 20s would be more interested in a casual relationship and the more mature man would be looking for something more meaningful and deeper by that time.

    I not saying that an older man should be that way! What i am saying is if i was a 24 year old women and looking for casual sex i dont think it would be hard to find another 24 year old man looking for the same thing so i wouldnt think that i would have to necessarily attract an older man in order to do that.

    Personally I would think the same! But a lot of them go after the older bachelors (who they know are like that) because they feel like when they have casual sex with a man out age, they latch on and want a fwb deal. They find it easier to see the older guy since or twice and never have to speak to them again.


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    #28
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    costadeldole wrote: »
    I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
    Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
    For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
    And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
    I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
    In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
    Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
    I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
    Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
    I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
    The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
    Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
    I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
    At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.


    You should still think about having some sperm frozen as a 'just in case' for the future and then get a vasectomy - happy days. Also, what'd be your cutoff age for the youngest and oldest you'd hookup with?


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    #29
    NotASheeple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 424 ✭✭NotASheeple


    karaokeman wrote: »
    Anyone know any confirmed bachelors/ never met anyone special who were happy?



    Yes. My older brother is a bachelor and very happy with it. He learned a painful lesson many years ago when his woman betrayed him. Thankfully he wasn't married and they had no kids. Today he hasn't a care in the world and is totally minted.


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    #30
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Its great as long as you are truely happy as a batchelor.

    All this talk of having the big tv and not being nagged. If those things are that important to a person then that is fine. Little luxerys can be very important to people.

    Some people are just lone wolfs i guess and that is just their nature. Their is no point in trying to go along with society if thats not what makes you happy.

    Personally emotional connection with someone is more important to me. I love knowing that me and my so are on the same page, enjoy separate and similar things. It iscomforting and exciting to know that someone is planning their life with you. Yes its not always easy but i imagine neither is batchelor life.

    Not comparing this to the batchelors at all so dont freak out but i remember watching a documentary about a man who could not connect with women. He was desparate to emotionally connect with a woman that he bought a sex doll and lived with her and believed that she was his wife. It wasnt just a sex thing, he was in love with her. He was resigned to the fact that he would never be with a real woman so he took control and got what he thought was the next best thing.

    I just think that in some cases, the confirmed batchelor is resigned to the fact that he is not going to meet a person that fulfills his needs or even more so that he feels pressure to fulfill somebody elses needs and perhaps that does not appeal to him. But i would never say never because one day you could meet that person that makes you feel like you want be with them, talk to them, share experiences with them and have fun.


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    #31
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Its great as long as you are truely happy as a batchelor.

    All this talk of having the big tv and not being nagged. If those things are that important to a person then that is fine. Little luxerys can be very important to people.

    Some people are just lone wolfs i guess and that is just their nature. Their is no point in trying to go along with society if thats not what makes you happy.

    Personally emotional connection with someone is more important to me. I love knowing that me and my so are on the same page, enjoy separate and similar things. It iscomforting and exciting to know that someone is planning their life with you. Yes its not always easy but i imagine neither is batchelor life.

    Not comparing this to the batchelors at all so dont freak out but i remember watching a documentary about a man who could not connect with women. He was desparate to emotionally connect with a woman that he bought a sex doll and lived with her and believed that she was his wife. It wasnt just a sex thing, he was in love with her. He was resigned to the fact that he would never be with a real woman so he took control and got what he thought was the next best thing.

    I just think that in some cases, the confirmed batchelor is resigned to the fact that he is not going to meet a person that fulfills his needs or even more so that he feels pressure to fulfill somebody elses needs and perhaps that does not appeal to him. But i would never say never because one day you could meet that person that makes you feel like you want be with them, talk to them, share experiences with them and have fun.


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