Anyone know any confirmed bachelors/ never met anyone special who were happy?

karaokeman

Just a thought because one of my favourite musicians hoped to marry, have kids, but alas he's 61 and its looking unlikely, then another one was the same and died as a bachelor a few years ago.

Not worried about myself because I'm only 23 but I do wonder what it would be like to look back in old age to something society has us believe is such a pivotal moment in anyone's life.

Also, I put the "/" in the thread title before anyone suggests unmarried couples living together permanently :P.

costadeldole

I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

Littlekittylou

costadeldole wrote: »

I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value you my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

Good for you :-)

Daroxtar

Where the fúck is Louis Walshe when you need him?

anncoates

costadeldole wrote: »

I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

While I'm impressed and respect your view, 37 is actually relatively young. If you still feel that way in 20 years time, Id be even more impressed.

Teyla Emmagan

anncoates wrote: »

While I'm impressed and respect your view, 37 is actually relatively young. If you still feel that way in 20 years time, Id be even more impressed.

Great to be a man!

costadeldole

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Great to be a man!

Well it would be fun to have a clit and pair of boobs to play with for a day.
So being a woman does have its perks too.

Mister Vain

Fúck society.

johnty56

costadeldole wrote: »

I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
Am I happy?
.......
I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

So up until two years ago you felt differently, but now you think you will feel the way you do now for the rest of your life?

Saralee4

costadeldole wrote: »

.Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
.

Whatever works for you Costadeldole and as long as you are genuinely happy and don't hurt anyone else then I don't see a problem.

Your quote above though about the younger women wanting an older mature man? You sound very mature but when a woman goes for an older man because he is 'mature' I would imagine that is probably or possibly because they feel they might be or may have been messed around some 'immature' younger man. Do these women that you attract know that you are a confirmed bachelor, not interested in a relationship or children ever?

Cosmicfox

I have an aunt in her fifties whose never married or had kids.

She's very happy and has a very good career, always has plenty of money to spend on herself and to hand out to nephews and nieces. She did put up with some stick from her parents, especially since she's Spanish from a very catholic family but eventually they gave up pestering her and they got on better in the end. Some people just prefer their own company.

Joe prim

That lad Liberace always seemed happy enough, tickling away at d'oul ivories and that, like.

anncoates

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Great to be a man!

?

Teyla Emmagan

anncoates wrote: »

?

Just moaning about my biological clock again. You know, the usual

anncoates

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Just moaning about my biological clock again. You know, the usual

/treads carefully

the_monkey

costadeldole wrote: »

I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

Living the dream !!!

supersean1999

In fairness its pretty hard to tell if anyone is happy. Especially men. Iv a good few mates who are single. We dont tend to sit down and discuss there happiness much. But i know lads who seem to love being single. One buck near 50. No problem getting a woman. But loves his freedom. Big tv for sports. He did tell me once that he would crack up if someone was nagging him about doing the dishes. Etc etc. So i guess he is happy. Or else he is just a big childish pleb.

The Backwards Man

I can't sleep most nights I'm that ecstatic.

Laura Palmer

I'm not sure if I'm convinced someone would be happy to live their entire life without ever having a partner of significance (for want of a better word) - but then again, that's just me thinking people think the same way I do.
I do think it's definitely possible to be happy single for long periods though, and right up to well into one's 30s/40s. We assumed the bachelor life was the one for my uncle (and he seemed content too) and then he met herself in his late 40s, married and had kids.

costadeldole wrote: »

I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.

I don't agree that the above is selfish. Selfish to whom?

Buona Fortuna

One the old boys round here never married. I suppose he's in his 60s - its hard to tell. He seems happy enough.

I sometimes ask my wife - Does she suppose he's always laughing and joking because he never married?

Highflyer13

supersean1999 wrote: »

In fairness its pretty hard to tell if anyone is happy. Especially men. Iv a good few mates who are single. We dont tend to sit down and discuss there happiness much. But i know lads who seem to love being single. One buck near 50. No problem getting a woman. But loves his freedom. Big tv for sports. He did tell me once that he would crack up if someone was nagging him about doing the dishes. Etc etc. So i guess he is happy. Or else he is just a big childish pleb.

That sounds like the life! Freedom and sports:). Im not sure what I want, In a relationship now but there are many days where I really miss my independence. My gf even thinks I want to be on my own as I'm fierce for doing things by myself and love the peace and quiet and not being tied to anything.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I reckon that's why old men who never married live so long. No hassle in their lives , lot to be said for it

Lau2976

I know a man in his 70's who loves his bachelor life. He seems to always have a "girlfriend" hanging around him because he's the life of the party.

He's convinced it's the years of doing his own thing that means he's still has so much energy.

Lau2976

Saralee4 wrote: »

Whatever works for you Costadeldole and as long as you are genuinely happy and don't hurt anyone else then I don't see a problem.

Your quote above though about the younger women wanting an older mature man? You sound very mature but when a woman goes for an older man because he is 'mature' I would imagine that is probably or possibly because they feel they might be or may have been messed around some 'immature' younger man. Do these women that you attract know that you are a confirmed bachelor, not interested in a relationship or children ever?

I know girls who would be around my own age (24) who would go for men like Costadeldole because he doesn't want that. I even know a girl who won't date anybody under 35 because of it. A lot of the girls I know want flings and not relationships or friendships. So they go with slightly older bachelors because they feel gaurenteed that they'll just want some fun.

Saralee4

Lau2976 wrote: »

I know girls who would be around my own age (24) who would go for men like Costadeldole because he doesn't want that. I even know a girl who won't date anybody under 35 because of it. A lot of the girls I know want flings and not relationships or friendships. So they go with slightly older bachelors because they feel gaurenteed that they'll just want some fun.

Really? I would have thought the opposite that more men in early 20s would be more interested in a casual relationship and the more mature man would be looking for something more meaningful and deeper by that time.

I not saying that an older man should be that way! What i am saying is if i was a 24 year old women and looking for casual sex i dont think it would be hard to find another 24 year old man looking for the same thing so i wouldnt think that i would have to necessarily attract an older man in order to do that.

Saralee4

Lau2976 wrote: »

I know girls who would be around my own age (24) who would go for men like Costadeldole because he doesn't want that. I even know a girl who won't date anybody under 35 because of it. A lot of the girls I know want flings and not relationships or friendships. So they go with slightly older bachelors because they feel gaurenteed that they'll just want some fun.

Really? I would have thought the opposite that more men in early 20s would be more interested in a casual relationship and the more mature man would be looking for something more meaningful and deeper by that time.

I not saying that an older man should be that way! What i am saying is if i was a 24 year old women and looking for casual sex i dont think it would be hard to find another 24 year old man looking for the same thing so i wouldnt think that i would have to necessarily attract an older man in order to do that.

Lau2976

Saralee4 wrote: »

Really? I would have thought the opposite that more men in early 20s would be more interested in a casual relationship and the more mature man would be looking for something more meaningful and deeper by that time.

I not saying that an older man should be that way! What i am saying is if i was a 24 year old women and looking for casual sex i dont think it would be hard to find another 24 year old man looking for the same thing so i wouldnt think that i would have to necessarily attract an older man in order to do that.

Personally I would think the same! But a lot of them go after the older bachelors (who they know are like that) because they feel like when they have casual sex with a man out age, they latch on and want a fwb deal. They find it easier to see the older guy since or twice and never have to speak to them again.

DoYouEvenLift

costadeldole wrote: »

I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.
For some its an ambition or goal in life, but for others like me; it isn't.
And that is just the way it is, different strokes for different folks.
I used to get some peer pressure from parents, and friends; but after years of it they stopped, and just accepted me for who I am.
In Ireland its cultural, and expected of us to marry and have kids, people follow their parents wishes and expectations; often marrying or having children with the wrong partner in doing so.
Personally I feel the key to happiness is not giving a f.uck what anyone thinks of you. Its easier said than done, but the more free one is from expectations, the happier one is.
I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes, it is.
Lonely? At time yes. But being able to do as you wish, without having to consider anyone else's wishes is a luxury.
I have friends that are happily married with kids, and those that aren't. So it works for some, and not for others.
The only problem I have, is that often a man in his late 30's or early 40's without a wedding ring or kids, is stereotyped as being odd or gay.
Being older and single with no kids does attract women though, as the younger ones often want a mature man, over one their age. And the older women prefer a man with no ex-wife or kids to deal with; so it has its benefits sometimes.
I used to worry about not being married and having no kids up until about 35, but then I stopped caring about it.
At this stage in life, I don't think my view will change.

You should still think about having some sperm frozen as a 'just in case' for the future and then get a vasectomy - happy days. Also, what'd be your cutoff age for the youngest and oldest you'd hookup with?

NotASheeple

karaokeman wrote: »

Anyone know any confirmed bachelors/ never met anyone special who were happy?

Yes. My older brother is a bachelor and very happy with it. He learned a painful lesson many years ago when his woman betrayed him. Thankfully he wasn't married and they had no kids. Today he hasn't a care in the world and is totally minted.

Saralee4

Its great as long as you are truely happy as a batchelor.

All this talk of having the big tv and not being nagged. If those things are that important to a person then that is fine. Little luxerys can be very important to people.

Some people are just lone wolfs i guess and that is just their nature. Their is no point in trying to go along with society if thats not what makes you happy.

Personally emotional connection with someone is more important to me. I love knowing that me and my so are on the same page, enjoy separate and similar things. It iscomforting and exciting to know that someone is planning their life with you. Yes its not always easy but i imagine neither is batchelor life.

Not comparing this to the batchelors at all so dont freak out but i remember watching a documentary about a man who could not connect with women. He was desparate to emotionally connect with a woman that he bought a sex doll and lived with her and believed that she was his wife. It wasnt just a sex thing, he was in love with her. He was resigned to the fact that he would never be with a real woman so he took control and got what he thought was the next best thing.

I just think that in some cases, the confirmed batchelor is resigned to the fact that he is not going to meet a person that fulfills his needs or even more so that he feels pressure to fulfill somebody elses needs and perhaps that does not appeal to him. But i would never say never because one day you could meet that person that makes you feel like you want be with them, talk to them, share experiences with them and have fun.

Saralee4

Its great as long as you are truely happy as a batchelor.

All this talk of having the big tv and not being nagged. If those things are that important to a person then that is fine. Little luxerys can be very important to people.

Some people are just lone wolfs i guess and that is just their nature. Their is no point in trying to go along with society if thats not what makes you happy.

Personally emotional connection with someone is more important to me. I love knowing that me and my so are on the same page, enjoy separate and similar things. It iscomforting and exciting to know that someone is planning their life with you. Yes its not always easy but i imagine neither is batchelor life.

Not comparing this to the batchelors at all so dont freak out but i remember watching a documentary about a man who could not connect with women. He was desparate to emotionally connect with a woman that he bought a sex doll and lived with her and believed that she was his wife. It wasnt just a sex thing, he was in love with her. He was resigned to the fact that he would never be with a real woman so he took control and got what he thought was the next best thing.

I just think that in some cases, the confirmed batchelor is resigned to the fact that he is not going to meet a person that fulfills his needs or even more so that he feels pressure to fulfill somebody elses needs and perhaps that does not appeal to him. But i would never say never because one day you could meet that person that makes you feel like you want be with them, talk to them, share experiences with them and have fun.

costadeldole

costadeldole wrote: »

I am a 37 year old man, never married, no kids.
Am I happy? Yes. I don't feel the need, or desire to every marry or have kids.

I can understand why people want to marry and have kids, but I value my freedom to do what I like with no responsibilities more. Selfish? Yes.

I don't know how this could be considered selfish, I think people getting married just because they want to marry or think they should, is selfish.
And don't get my started about those people who have kids so they have ' someone to take care of them when they are old'
I don't think you're selfish at all.
Just like I'm not!

Laura Palmer

Agreed. Selfishness affects other people. If you don't have a spouse/kids, then there aren't other people in the equation!

karaokeman

NotASheeple wrote: »

Yes. My older brother is a bachelor and very happy with it. He learned a painful lesson many years ago when his woman betrayed him. Thankfully he wasn't married and they had no kids. Today he hasn't a care in the world and is totally minted.

In all honesty, if your brother was tied to someone that treated him unfairly in the end he probably would of been better going on casual dates until he found someone he knew he could trust.

Not saying he was just serious with someone for the sake of it, but there are probably cues people should be aware of in the progression of any relationship.

Saralee4

NotASheeple wrote: »

Yes. My older brother is a bachelor and very happy with it. He learned a painful lesson many years ago when his woman betrayed him. Thankfully he wasn't married and they had no kids. Today he hasn't a care in the world and is totally minted.

In this case it sounds like he was hurt and now has decided that all relationships arent worth it based on the woman who betrayed him.

Saralee4

NotASheeple wrote: »

Yes. My older brother is a bachelor and very happy with it. He learned a painful lesson many years ago when his woman betrayed him. Thankfully he wasn't married and they had no kids. Today he hasn't a care in the world and is totally minted.

In this case it sounds like he was hurt and now has decided that all relationships arent worth it based on the woman who betrayed him.

smash

NotASheeple wrote: »

Yes. My older brother is a bachelor and very happy with it. He learned a painful lesson many years ago when his woman betrayed him. Thankfully he wasn't married and they had no kids. Today he hasn't a care in the world and is totally minted.

What lesson did he learn?

Grayson

I'm in my late 30's and if I met someone and settled down, that'd be nice. If it never happened, I'd be ok with it too.

I would like to be a dad, but unfortunately you kinda need a woman to do that.

Grayson

Grayson wrote: »

I'm in my late 30's and if I met someone and settled down, that'd be nice. If it never happened, I'd be ok with it too.

I would like to be a dad, but unfortunately you kinda need a woman to do that.

For all the...they are having a marvellous time and its all great, I would say Grayson post is the reality for most people.

Have you really been on boards 15 years wow.

Grayson

mariaalice wrote: »

For all the...they are having a marvellous time and its all great, I would say Grayson post is the reality for most people.

Have you really been on boards 15 years wow.

No. I joined back when this was a board for people who played quake. then left for 14 years

valoren

The thing is you can be in a relationship or a marriage with kids and not care what anyone else thinks either and be happy as well.

It's a constant across every culture I'd imagine.

"Are you seeing anyone yet?"

"Aren't you two married yet? *nudge nudge*"

"Congratulations! Have you set a date yet?"

"Congratulations, are you expecting yet? *wink wink*"

etc

You can do what you want (get married/don't get married, live here/live abroad, have kids/no kids), when you want together as well so long as it's a healthy and fulfilling relationship and neither of you are needy or overly demanding.

bur

mariaalice wrote: »

For all the...they are having a marvellous time and its all great, I would say Grayson post is the reality for most people.

Have you really been on boards 15 years wow.

Bit passive aggressive.

The same goes for relationships and marriages. Brother is married to a woman who has gone a bit nuts the last few years, she's a nightmare but he stays for the kids. One uncle in a similar boat and another going through a messy divorce.

bur

bur wrote: »

Bit passive aggressive.

The same goes for relationships and marriages. Brother is married to a woman who has gone a bit nuts the last few years, she's a nightmare but he stays for the kids. One uncle in a similar boat and another going through a messy divorce.

The way I see it is it all random that's not a popular view though because humans like to think they have some controlee over things.

There are all kinds of situation people who are happy married, happy single and unhappy in both situations, happiness or rather contentment is an inner state and closely related to you underling temperament.

Birneybau

You do realise that 'confirmed bachelor' is a euphemism for an older gay man that never came out?

Holsten

Never had any form of intimate relationship and be happy? I doubt that very much.

Knowing men who have been trough the mill with ex wives and divorces etc. They can have very happy lives with a dog and casual partners.

Potatoeman

Birneybau wrote: »

You do realise that 'confirmed bachelor' is a euphemism for an older gay man that never came out?

Nah, people that say stuff like that are usually gossips that are unhappy in their own lives and feel the need to knock other people behind their backs.

blackbird98

aren't all single men batchelors???

Fuhrer

blackbird98 wrote: »

aren't all single men batchelors???

Some are widows

Birneybau

Potatoeman wrote: »

Nah, people that say stuff like that are usually gossips that are unhappy in their own lives and feel the need to knock other people behind their backs.

Well, I heard it said of Joe Dolan, Cliff Richard...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=confirmed+bachelor

Polite euphemism for a gay man (from Victorian times, on the premise that such a man will never marry.)

blackbird98

Fuhrer wrote: »

Some are widows

Widowers even!!

Mesrine65

50 never married, no progeny & I'm happy out.
Never wanted the whole marriage, kids thing, find relationships too much of a hassle, prefer my own company anyway.
Free to roam & live my life as I see fit without the burden of responsibilities.