Funny sayings

Robsweezie · 30-04-2015 4:31am

I'd drag my balls through miles of broken glass and junkie needles with an tank of katie Hopkins queefs as my only air supply just to sniff the chair you farted on two years ago.

Generally any "drag my balls" jokes gets a laugh from me. The more outlandish the better.

anto9 · 30-04-2015 4:39am

SHE COULD SUCK A GOLF BALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 30-04-2015 4:48am

Gimme the money or I'll blow your fcuking head off.

porsche959 · 30-04-2015 5:00am

As me old farder used to say, 'tis better to be hung for a sheep as a lamb than to be counting pennies before they are hatched when hurling into a ditch.

jamesbere · 30-04-2015 5:24am

If he fell into a barrel of tits, he'd come out sucking his thumb

30-04-2015 6:23am

Some help..
I recall reading one in here before about someone who was mean and loosing sleep but cant remember it.

Anyone remember it?

brandnewaward · 30-04-2015 6:35am

he's so mean , if he had two diseases , he would'nt give ya one of 'em

riya99 · 30-04-2015 7:08am

brandnewaward wrote: »

he's so mean , if he had two diseases , he would'nt give ya one of 'em

(He's so tight) he'd peel an orange in his pocket!

riya99 · 30-04-2015 7:09am

brandnewaward wrote: »

he's so mean , if he had two diseases , he would'nt give ya one of 'em

(He's so tight) he'd peel an orange in his pocket!

riya99 · 30-04-2015 7:09am

brandnewaward wrote: »

he's so mean , if he had two diseases , he would'nt give ya one of 'em

(He's so tight) he'd peel an orange in his pocket!

mass_debater · 30-04-2015 7:25am

My uncle describing my lazy cousin, "if there was work in the bed he'd sleep on the floor"

mikeymouse · 30-04-2015 7:56am

My father;

He'd stale the winkers off a nightmare

He's a cute hoore.

Over and back like a sh1t on a swing-swong.

TheSelf · 30-04-2015 8:03am

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt?

I left her with a face like a painters radio.

deseil · 30-04-2015 8:51am

"He wouldn't get his hole in a polo mint"

"Me mouths as dry as ghandis sandal"

Savage Tyrant · 30-04-2015 8:54am

He'd give a panadol a headache, that lad.

Sam Kade · 30-04-2015 8:55am

El Weirdo wrote: »

From a thread in here recently, I think:

"I wouldn't get off of her 'til I felt the baby crowning."

I rather have her down than a field of hay and she'd be saved a lot quicker.
I'd rather feel her than feel the cold.

piersquared · 30-04-2015 9:16am

brandnewaward wrote: »

he's so mean , if he had two diseases , he would'nt give ya one of 'em

he's so mean, if he found a plaster he'd cut himself

Sam Kade · 30-04-2015 9:19am

piersquared wrote: »

he's so mean, if he found a plaster he'd cut himself

He's so mean he wouldn't give his sh1t to the crows

missierex · 30-04-2015 9:36am

My uncle when describing a very thin man:

'He's so thin one eye would do him'.

My uncle again, this time describing the town bike:

'She's had more pricks than a porcupine'.

Can't beat Kerry people for their way with words!

anto9 · 30-04-2015 9:48am

He is so mean ,that you would not get the steam of his piss.

30-04-2015 9:49am

My first time hearing "You're not as green as you're cabbage looking" left my eyebrows taking their time returning to the front of my forehead.

smash · 30-04-2015 9:52am

Years ago a friend slept with a very big girl and during a slagging sessions someone said "How did you even get it in" to which someone else chirped in "Sure she's so big, she's full of fannies!"

somesoldiers · 30-04-2015 9:53am

A leper never changes his spots
Running round like a two ar$ed fly

I believe the term for this is malapropism, although my examples also would stand as sayings on their own I suppose

BUBBLES1978 · 30-04-2015 10:02am

I wouldn't ride her into battle!!

Cilit wouldn't even bang her!!

stimpson · 30-04-2015 10:49am

Busier than a dog with two cocks.

kfallon · 30-04-2015 11:03am

The wind is that strong it would blow a knacker off his sister!

Better late than pregnant!

foxy farmer · 30-04-2015 2:06pm

Watching someone clumsy tackle something small and finicky.
Like a cat trying to ride a matchbox.

Knex* · 30-04-2015 2:15pm

That one lives in such a bubble, I'm surprised she doesn't float the fuck away.

Its so cold, even the skobes have their hands in their own pockets for once.

fleet_admiral · 30-04-2015 2:33pm

A south African I work with always leaves work saying the same thing every time - Im off like a jews foreskin lads, see you all soon:D

Sam Kade · 30-04-2015 10:22pm

My friends UK aunt used to say to him when they were at home and he was going out for the night "be good and if you can't be good buy a pram"

TheOtherBloke · 30-04-2015 11:19pm

She has a head like a half eaten apple

ballinasloex · 01-05-2015 10:45am

These are fair popular one were I'm from

- shut ur mouth and eat ur dinner
Ah isit yereself?
Gammy feen
Margine face
I'll kick ya with a box!
And the list goes on:|

foxy farmer · 08-08-2016 3:42am

2 things that will get a man into trouble-- his tongue and his tool.
A bit of advice given to me by a solicitor. I was seeing him on an unrelated issue and he came out with this when somehow we started discussing marriage.and relationships.

triona1 · 08-08-2016 3:58am

Don't look at the mantelpiece when you are poking the fire.and it's a ship to any port in a storm.

Mena Mitty · 08-08-2016 7:20am

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

It takes a big hammer to drive a big nail. (Reply when asking a male friend you hadn't seen for some time if he had put on some weight)