DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

td5man · 10-10-2013 10:48pm

Hes a quiet man but mentioned guilt over a bereavement in the family as well, he was also a self employed builder and was owed a lot of money and his 7 yo daughter was questioned by a "really good neighbour" how many cows they have now, f***er was really asking any sign of a sale sign going up
He takes all this on board and could keep it there for years.

jfmck20 · 11-10-2013 2:15am

Hi ppl. I'm also in a bad position with a good friend. I try talkin to him but he goes blank. We can talk about farming and everything else but I'm worried about him. Don't know if he's eating, sleeping, or even drinking. If someone has some advice please help. I will persist with him, I only wish someone could advise me wot wot wud be the best route to take with him.

freedominacup · 11-10-2013 9:45am

td5man wrote: »

Hes a quiet man but mentioned guilt over a bereavement in the family as well, he was also a self employed builder and was owed a lot of money and his 7 yo daughter was questioned by a "really good neighbour" how many cows they have now, f***er was really asking any sign of a sale sign going up
He takes all this on board and could keep it there for years.

All you can do is keep in contact with him and always ask him how he is simply that "How are you?/how are you feeling?". You might be surprised at how he replies. A man who has become a good friend of mine was very reluctant to open up at first when in a difficult spot a few years ago. His wife and mine were good friends and when they were in trouble we did as much as we could practically and support. He changed from an accquaintance to a friend in this time. At the start someone with a bit of experience in dealing with people in their position told us to always ask that question and listen to the answer even if its "I'm ok". They still have plenty of bad days but are much improved I still ask that question and occasionally the answer is "bad or sh1tty for the pastg few days".

They also got professional help and joined a support group which had a huge bearing on how they got through things. The support group was made up of people in the same position as them and I know that the people in that group know far more than either my wife or myself or any other friend or relations do about the bad days and how they coped. All friends can do is support the pro's, take the phonecall when it comes, mind the kids, bring them out for a Sunday lunch or bring them over for a Sunday lunch those small things seem to help.

My friend was and still is a proud, tough, independent man though what happened to them could have killed them. Going to a shrink was something he thought only people of a weaker disposition did, his mind is firmly changed on that. They still have tough times and for quite a while just were going through the motions. They had plenty of family support and support from friends as well as each other, your friend has been cut off from some of that and is cutting himself off from more of it. He needs to get help and his GP might be a place to start. You have to keep in contact with him.

jfmck20 · 11-10-2013 2:31pm

Thanks for the advise. I'll make sure I see him every day even if it's just for a few min. I must chat with td5man. See how he is gettin on. We can help each other to help our friends. Even if I get a smile every now and again. Just a glimmer so he knows I'm tryin to help and maybe, just maybe, he'll open up and explain his side of the story.
A problem shared, is a problem halved........
Thanks again

td5man · 12-10-2013 11:59am

Look on the personal issues thrrad, there are a lot of people in a sad lonely and confused state and they are just the ones on here. How many more are out there carrying baggage around everyday and nobody realising that there is anything wrong.. :-(

jfmck20 · 12-10-2013 12:11pm

td5man wrote: »

Look on the personal issues thrrad, there are a lot of people in a sad lonely and confused state and they are just the ones on here. How many more are out there carrying baggage around everyday and nobody realising that there is anything wrong.. :-(

Couldn't agree more with ya, td5man. It's scary how many ppl are out there that suffer in silence. I strongly believe that talkin to ppl, be them friend or stranger, does help. My friend looks to be in good spirits at the moment, on the outside, but I can't even imagine wot he is like on the inside. I'll keep chattin about the everyday stuff and when he is willing to talk I'll listen. But I need to let him know that wot ever he says to me won't go any further.and at times Im gutted when I think of all the ppl that have no-one to talk to.
Don't suppose you have any advice for me, td5man. How is your situation progressing? Do you find it as hard as me?? Cos I'm mentally drained at the min

td5man · 18-10-2013 10:37am

Another young man lost locally this week

freedominacup · 18-10-2013 6:49pm

td5man wrote: »

Another young man lost locally this week

Did you know him well?

CJA James · 18-10-2013 7:56pm

Very sad about the loss of life of another young man

td5man · 18-10-2013 7:58pm

freedominacup wrote: »

Did you know him well?

No know his brother though.

td5man · 18-10-2013 8:09pm

CJA James wrote: »

Very sad about the loss of life of another young man

There seems to be very little help for someone in this position.
Brother in law comitted suicide a couple of years ago.
Gp backed away from him and said she was out of her comfort zone when he went for help!
He was sent to hospital but couldnt get a bed despite there being a new physcriatic ward with nobody in it.
So he was sent home with a weeks supply of tablets after taking an overdose.
When he died the doctor in the hospital said he didnt think he'd do it as he was well dressed.

freedominacup · 18-10-2013 8:52pm

td5man wrote: »

There seems to be very little help for someone in this position.
Brother in law comitted suicide a couple of years ago.
Gp backed away from him and said she was out of her comfort zone when he went for help!
He was sent to hospital but couldnt get a bed despite there being a new physcriatic ward with nobody in it.
So he was sent home with a weeks supply of tablets after taking an overdose.
When he died the doctor in the hospital said he didnt think he'd do it as he was well dressed.

Words escape me. Too well dressed??? My God.

moy83 · 18-10-2013 9:15pm

freedominacup wrote: »

Words escape me. Too well dressed??? My God.

Can you believe that doc went to college to give a prognosis like that ? The hospital situation can be very hit and miss in this country :mad: and from what I can see its the pig that squeals loudest that gets looked after .
What hope has someone with depression fighting for proper service :mad:

reilig · 21-10-2013 11:31am

moy83 wrote: »

What hope has someone with depression fighting for proper service :mad:

That's why it is so important that everyone is tuned in to depression and mental illness. If everyone knows the signs to look out for then they can recognise it their friends, family, colleagues, etc. and squeal loud on their behalf. Suicide rates could be cut by 80% if all people were trained to recognise signs of depression and trained to intervene. It's a simple 4 hour course but only seems to be taken up by people who work with vulnerable people and those who have already suffered losses through suicide.

It's important to note that there is help out there beyond gp's and hospitals. When you suffer with a mental illness, you often lack the ability for broader thinking and when one outlet doesn't help you, you believe that there is nothing else for you. That's why it's so important to support others in maintaining their mental health as well as maintaining a positive outlook in life.

A resource for some of the people that posted in this thread is the Psychologist Shane Martin who runs a programme called Moodwatchers. I have been on some of his training courses through my work. He focuses on positive mental health. His aim is to try to prevent mental issues rather than trying to treat mental health issues after they have impacted on a person. His work is fascinating. He offers low cost (sometimes free) seminars around the country that would be hugely beneficial to anyone with a mental health issue, family members or anyone with an interest in mental health.

www.moodwatchers.com

GY A1 · 23-10-2013 9:47pm

another young man lost again near here
very sad

Marooned75 · 23-10-2013 11:44pm

Ah Jesus that man had it all to live for talk to people so devastating for his family and him.and his teammates.

Toplink · 26-10-2013 8:57pm

Marooned75 wrote: »

Ah Jesus that man had it all to live for talk to people so devastating for his family and him.and his teammates.

A terrible day in Ballyturn. I hope he's at peace in the arms of his mother and grandmother tonight.

A warrior lost. Rest in Peace Niall.

redzerologhlen · 26-10-2013 11:47pm

Toplink wrote: »

A terrible day in Ballyturn. I hope he's at peace in the arms of his mother and grandmother tonight.

A warrior lost. Rest in Peace Niall.

It's an awful sad story. I know a few people that were very friendly with him and they are devastated, So many questions and no answers. RIP Niall.

onyerbikepat · 27-10-2013 1:16pm

Ya, very sad. When a yound guy of just 22 feels he has lost all hope, what can you say. RIP.

whelan1 · 29-10-2013 11:32pm

Anyone watching primetime

Muckit · 29-10-2013 11:36pm

whelan1 wrote: »

Anyone watching primetime

Fair play to that Conor Cusack. Spoke very well I thought

Timmaay · 30-10-2013 10:29am

Muckit wrote: »

Fair play to that Conor Cusack. Spoke very well I thought

I missed that, but just read his blog here: http://ccusack111.blogspot.ie/2013/10/depression-is-friend-not-my-enemy_28.html?m=1 . Really puts things in perspective, and a very useful read for anyone in trouble.

hallo dare · 30-10-2013 10:38am

Depression is a horrible thing, but there is help. I myself suffer with it but thankfully i have an extremely loving and patient wife, family and friends that i can turn to.

I use a company call abate,
Phone: 01 8309613 Fax: 01 8301699 Email: info@abatecounselling.com

I am currently going through my second round of sessioins with one of their counsellors and she really is amazing at her job.

Like many a poor soul i find it impossible to talk about things, but i forced myself to go to abate and it's the best thing i have ever done.

So please don't feel like you are alone, there's always someone there for you.

CJA James · 31-10-2013 4:02pm

Hi yes Connor spoke from the heart, thats why he was so heart wrenching for people to watch. He told the real picture of depression and how difficult it is to ask for help, especially for men. His message is one will reach many and its does only take one thing for a person not to decide to take their life, his mother did not go to Mass, little did she know. Its a thought and a thought can be changed. Well done and hopefully others will ask for help

freedominacup · 29-12-2013 12:18pm

How are all those we know who are going through a hard time getting over the festivities? It can a very hard time bringing things back to the surface, a face missing around the table or a feeling that eveyone else is having a ball bar themselves. Keep an eye out folks.

jomoloney · 02-01-2014 3:10pm

Bressie posted the following on FB and I'm sure he won't me quoting here

"honoured to be part of Donal Walsh documentary this evening. Remember, it's ok not to feel ok and it absolutely ok to ask for help"

biddy2013 · 02-01-2014 4:01pm

jomoloney wrote: »

Bressie posted the following on FB and I'm sure he won't me quoting here

"honoured to be part of Donal Walsh documentary this evening. Remember, it's ok not to feel ok and it absolutely ok to ask for help"

some times just talking to someone who will listen can take a big weight off your shoulders, a problem shared is a problem halved

ghogie91 · 02-01-2014 4:19pm

Great thread well done!

exercise is the antidote · 02-01-2014 6:27pm

I agree great thread...
My username.....are the words of bressie!

Exercise is the antidote... for me anyway

knockmulliner · 03-01-2014 1:58am

biddy2013 wrote: »

some times just talking to someone who will listen can take a big weight off your shoulders, a problem shared is a problem halved

Agree 100%, friend or family or G.P. or support line , accord or samaritans are are great listeners no matter how big or small your worry is, the thing is to talk, a little help can do a lot of good and the earlier one acts the better.

great tread, keep it going, supportive posts will help people under stress.

Irishmale · 15-01-2014 7:38pm

Sick of farming.

Right to the back teeth. All gra for the job gone. Fed up looking at it, listening about it, working at it, talking about it.

I don't know how all you other boardsies are so enthusiastic about it!! So much energy for the work.

Not depressed about it. Just fed up of it.

There; I said it.

Phew!

biddy2013 · 15-01-2014 8:21pm

Irishmale wrote: »

Sick of farming.

Right to the back teeth. All gra for the job gone. Fed up looking at it, listening about it, working at it, talking about it.

I don't know how all you other boardsies are so enthusiastic about it!! So much energy for the work.

Not depressed about it. Just fed up of it.

There; I said it.

Phew!

do you get any time away from farming?

Bizzum · 15-01-2014 8:29pm

Irishmale wrote: »

Sick of farming.

Right to the back teeth. All gra for the job gone. Fed up looking at it, listening about it, working at it, talking about it.

I don't know how all you other boardsies are so enthusiastic about it!! So much energy for the work.

Not depressed about it. Just fed up of it.

There; I said it.

Phew!

Ya know what, I bet there isn't a man (or woman) on here that hasn't felt the same at some stage. Maybe if you could take a step back ,or a break of some description your vigor might be renewed?
There's not much glamour in farming this time of the year...........But it won't be long till the evenings start to stretch out!
Best of luck to you.

A cow called Daisy · 15-01-2014 8:35pm

Irishmale, thank God im not the only one out there. You have just said all i feel. Going on this few years. And can't see me getting back the admittedly small 'gra' i once had for it. Sorry folks

moy83 · 15-01-2014 8:47pm

Irishmale wrote: »

Sick of farming.

Right to the back teeth. All gra for the job gone. Fed up looking at it, listening about it, working at it, talking about it.

I don't know how all you other boardsies are so enthusiastic about it!! So much energy for the work.

Not depressed about it. Just fed up of it.

There; I said it. It

Phew!

You are not tne only one IM , my own father hit the same thing years ago . Farming is alot of work for not alot of reward and its hard to keep slogging with that in mind .
Do you go out for a pint or play any sport that might take your mind off things ? It might help to get away from the place for a while every now and then

epfff · 15-01-2014 9:19pm

Irishmale wrote: »

Sick of farming.

Right to the back teeth. All gra for the job gone. Fed up looking at it, listening about it, working at it, talking about it.

I don't know how all you other boardsies are so enthusiastic about it!! So much energy for the work.

Not depressed about it. Just fed up of it.

There; I said it.

Phew!

Know the feeling
Im not always enthusiastic about it
but it's important to have mentor to talk to that talks the truth not one that everything goes right and profitable for I find
Year I got married I had horrific year with calves but It passed best fun I had out of it was one mate in pub claimed he couldn't figure how any man could lose so many calves his father drunk at closing time started to talk and it turned out they had nearly as bad of a year with cows through stupid stuff
Long story short everyone has bad spells but they are always followed by lucky stricks just wait for it to come

Conmaicne Mara · 15-01-2014 10:34pm

I get sick of it when things are going wrong, that's a lot more often to do with people than the work or animals.

Then I think I could be stuck within in an overly heated, air conditioned office having to put up with absolute bull****, office politics, and even more paperwork.

Usually feel better after that thought.

Reggie. · 15-01-2014 11:42pm

Conmaicne Mara wrote: »

I get sick of it when things are going wrong, that's a lot more often to do with people than the work or animals.

Then I think I could be stuck within in an overly heated, air conditioned office having to put up with absolute bull****, office politics, and even more paperwork.

Usually feel better after that thought.

Can be a drain when both jobs are getting to ya tho. No escape then I'm afraid

darragh_haven · 16-01-2014 12:16am

I'll admit to being so down for long periods, even months, solely due to farming and all the extra pressure it puts on me. I'm lucky that my official job allows me to say no to farming at times. But alot of the time I wish I didn't even have to look at the place, knowing that I feel obliged that the farm take up all my weekends when I could be woth my family
So don't feel you are alone in this, but you do have to get an outlet from farming if you find it difficult.
A lot of people on here live a breathe farming, but then again there are others who can't wait to get away from it.

Conmaicne Mara · 16-01-2014 12:19am

Reggie. wrote: »

Can be a drain when both jobs are getting to ya tho. No escape then I'm afraid

I imagine it can, I've just the one job at the moment so can't say I know what that's like. Always tried to avoid indoor type work, I am not suited to it.

Happiest time in farming for me is coming along in a couple of months, lambing, and the potential new life brings with it

Irishmale · 16-01-2014 12:43am

I do get away especially this time of year. I go see the gf who is a dub and Them I dread coming back! But I can't help but come back. Does that make sense?

I used to love farming but now not so much.

It's everywhere. All day everyday with everyone!

If I never saw another cow or got out of the tractor cab to open a gate again I would not care at the min.

I can't believe some lads are still pushing and trying after years and mad about farming. I just don't have it in me I don't think.
Oh well. Thanks for the replies.

Irishmale · 16-01-2014 12:51am

darragh_haven wrote: »

I'll admit to being so down for long periods, even months, solely due to farming and all the extra pressure it puts on me. I'm lucky that my official job allows me to say no to farming at times. But alot of the time I wish I didn't even have to look at the place, knowing that I feel obliged that the farm take up all my weekends when I could be woth my family
So don't feel you are alone in this, but you do have to get an outlet from farming if you find it difficult.
A lot of people on here live a breathe farming, but then again there are others who can't wait to get away from it.

That's what am trying to say I guess. I just can't wait to get away from it most times. Would rather be anywhere. Maybe a thread in the forum for all what I could be doing but can't be bothered?

Brown Podzol · 16-01-2014 1:32am

I got a bit fed up with farming about ten years ago, so decided to do something else. Back to school and eventually wound up with a level 8 degree in business studies. I kept the farm going while there with family and labour. Did a bit off farm office stuff for a few years. Back farming full time and enjoying it much more now. A step back and got the itch out of the system. Worked for me.

Conmaicne Mara · 16-01-2014 1:40am

Irishmale wrote: »

Sick of farming.

Right to the back teeth. All gra for the job gone. Fed up looking at it, listening about it, working at it, talking about it.

I don't know how all you other boardsies are so enthusiastic about it!! So much energy for the work.

Not depressed about it. Just fed up of it.

There; I said it.

Phew!

Is there something in particular you're fed up with. I suppose what I am getting at is what can you change to maybe enjoy it again?

There are a lot of bright lads and ladies here and a different view on a problem might help.

foxy farmer · 16-01-2014 3:06am

There's lines in Baz Luhrmans The sunscreen song about people not knowing what to do with their lives. Nothing wrong with changing your system or taking a break from it all for that matter. Our self esteem comes in the way sometimes and we might be more concerned about people talking about us if we do make big changes. If you're not happy do something about it. No good doing a job you don't like. I'm rearing cattle with 20 years. Haven't been away from home for more than 3 days. Time has come for s serious break. I'm getting prepared this year so I can get away next year. I couldn't give a stuff what people will say. Life is short.

knockmulliner · 16-01-2014 7:44am

Irishmale wrote: »

I do get away especially this time of year. I go see the gf who is a dub and Them I dread coming back! But I can't help but come back. Does that make sense?

I used to love farming but now not so much.

It's everywhere. All day everyday with everyone!

If I never saw another cow or got out of the tractor cab to open a gate again I would not care at the min.

I can't believe some lads are still pushing and trying after years and mad about farming. I just don't have it in me I don't think.
Oh well. Thanks for the replies.

we all get fed up at times, but there must be parts of it that you still get a buzz out of, as you said you loved it once. If farming was keeping me away from someone I loved I could see myself hating it, could that be the problem? Maybe you could plan to get away more often, that would give you something to look forward to and get over the immediate pressure.
Best of luck, keep posting your first post in this tread drew a lot of support, so you know there are a lot of good boarders out there to help.

biddy2013 · 16-01-2014 8:40am

had a very tough time last year, after the bad spring and the wet weather before that, i think my father thought i was going to do something stupid, everyday he would say tomorrow is another day keep looking forward, forget about yesterday. I made goals week by week and when they started happening it put a new prespective on things. I am a totally different person to this time last year when i was contemplating walking away.

A cow called Daisy · 16-01-2014 8:41am

I know everyone says to 'get away for few days' which i used to have interest in doing but found that i was worse when i came back as the same crap was still there - so why bother? Even going to some meeting or other can be pain in ass a lot of the time. Join a club? Lost interest in things used to be interested in so don't even bother thinking about it anymore. Part time job may give an outlet from farming and vice versa but i am not qualified to do anything. Again, sorry for my rant!

moy83 · 16-01-2014 8:44am

Would it be possible for you to lease out the farm for a year and do a bit of travelling or even move up closer to the gf to see what life is like without the farm .
Lots of people change their careers and there is nothing wrong with that , its just harder for a farmer to walk away from their land I think .

biddy2013 · 16-01-2014 8:51am

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

I know everyone says to 'get away for few days' which i used to have interest in doing but found that i was worse when i came back as the same crap was still there - so why bother? Even going to some meeting or other can be pain in ass a lot of the time. Join a club? Lost interest in things used to be interested in so don't even bother thinking about it anymore. Part time job may give an outlet from farming and vice versa but i am not qualified to do anything. Again, sorry for my rant!

but can you not change what you dont like?

DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

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