Dental plan!

Noccy_Mondy · 22-02-2014 2:54am

Homer: [lounging on the couch in his pajamas, drinking beer] Ah. I love these lazy Saturdays.
Marge: It's Wednesday, Homer.
Homer: Ahh! Work!
[he quickly runs off]
Homer: Ah. I love these real Saturdays. They're so relaxing.
[angry] Not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired!

dr.fuzzenstein · 22-02-2014 1:28pm

And don't forget, you never shave me off.

I_smell_fear · 22-02-2014 1:44pm

You're a dull boy, Billy.

haro124 · 22-02-2014 2:29pm

Lisa: Dad, it's just that too much of your love can really be... scary.
Homer: Some day you'll thank me for all this scary love. But now I've gotta go somewhere and do some serious thinking.
[leaves]
Bart: I'm sure he meant to say "serious drinking".
Lisa: That's what I assumed.

Welsh Megaman · 22-02-2014 8:54pm

Ralph: (Whispering) Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?

Lisa: (Whispering) Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.

Ralph: My cat's name is Mittens.

Omackeral · 23-02-2014 4:02pm

Big Bucks wrote: »

This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat hatless.

"Suspects are directly under the sun...........…

..……………… now!"

Big Bucks · 23-02-2014 8:51pm

Omackeral wrote: »

"Suspects are directly under the sun...........…

..……………… now!"

I can assure you the police do not take prisoners out of their cell and race them.........Anymore

Noccy_Mondy · 25-02-2014 1:32pm

Superintendent Chalmers: And *why* is a cafeteria worker posing as a nurse?
Lunch Lady Doris: I get two paycheques this way.

dr.fuzzenstein · 25-02-2014 5:34pm

http://dontworry.tv/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/supernintendo-chalmers.jpeg

efb · 25-02-2014 5:46pm

Noccy_Mondy wrote: »

Flanders [when he comes out of the hospital]: Thanks, everyone! I'm all better now. No more storing up the anger till I explode. If any of you does something I don't like, yo-ou're gonna hear about it!

[the crowd cheers]

Dr. Foster: Yes, that's very healthy, Ned.

Flanders: [ominous] And if you really tick me off, I'm gonna run you down with my car.

I literally burst my shît laughing at that- kinda frightened the girl opposite on luas

Duffy the Vampire Slayer · 25-02-2014 5:47pm

Well you're certainly doing your job today Mr Sun.

Oh rats.

ivytwine · 26-02-2014 7:18pm

I fell 8000 feet onto a pile of jagged rocks. Course, folks were tougher in those days. I was up and jitterbugging that very night!

RobbingBandit · 28-02-2014 12:50am

Indian Casino Owner: If you want to see your future, throw a prized item into the fire. [Bart throws something in the fire and it pops] Not a firecracker!

Bart: Hey, I bought it off an Indian on your reservation.

Indian Casino Owner: That's crazy talk!

Bart: No, it's true.

Indian Casino Owner: No, that's my brother, Crazy Talk. We're all a little worried about him.

dr.fuzzenstein · 28-02-2014 3:02pm

Monkey knife fight!

Burlap_Sack · 01-03-2014 6:15pm

Homer: From this day forward, I am an inventor!
Guy: Do us a favour, invent yourself some underpants!

paddylonglegs · 03-03-2014 9:31am

Quimby: well I'll be. Eh, long pants

ivytwine · 03-03-2014 11:41am

Hey you! Get that steel drum out of, eh, the mayor's office!

Sorry mon!

Noo · 03-03-2014 12:06pm

Big Steve wrote: »

Kent Brockman: This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at eight o'clock for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came, and when Marge Simpson put the cat out... possibly because it was harassed, we don't know.

One of my favourites ever!
I remember jokes like that going completely over my head when watching as I child. Makes the older episodes so much funnier watching now!

iDave · 03-03-2014 12:10pm

Lousy 2 legged pants

Noccy_Mondy · 03-03-2014 8:31pm

Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.

Bart: You're right, dad! [leaves]

Homer: Rats! Almost had him eating dog food!

Hootanany · 03-03-2014 8:49pm

krudler wrote: »

Lisa needs braces.

Don't gettit

Red Pepper · 03-03-2014 8:54pm

William Bonney (Billy the Kid) and his evil gang of undead henchmen have risen from the ground.

Billy the Kid: Now let's rob the bank, give the money to the poor, then rob the poor, and shoot the money!

ivytwine · 03-03-2014 9:26pm

It's an old fashioned hole diggin! By gar, it's been a while!

toastedpickles · 03-03-2014 9:35pm

ivytwine wrote: »

It's an old fashioned hole diggin! By gar, it's been a while!

This canary died of natural causes...

BACK IN THE HOLE!!!!!!

Padkir · 04-03-2014 12:18am

paddylonglegs wrote: »

Quimby: well I'll be. Eh, long pants

Read the other one; the non-duck one.

larrykinney · 04-03-2014 2:28am

Lenny: My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

Nerdkiller1991 · 04-03-2014 4:22am

toastedpickles wrote: »

This canary died of natural causes...

BACK IN THE HOLE!!!!!!

"AAAAAAAH!"

larrykinney · 04-03-2014 7:15am

FarmerBrowne wrote: »

We're picking up the weirdo and that's final

'I didn't think I was rehabilitated but I guess they needed the bed....'

paddylonglegs · 04-03-2014 9:17am

More dogs Lumley

dr.fuzzenstein · 04-03-2014 11:17am

At first, I thought prohibition was a good thing.
People were drinking more and having a lot more fun.
But without beer, prohibition doesn't work.

McChubbin · 04-03-2014 1:54pm

"Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say, take it."

krudler · 04-03-2014 2:27pm

larrykinney wrote: »

'I didn't think I was rehabilitated but I guess they needed the bed....'

I didn't realise for years that the hitchhiker they pick up is the guy from the Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the references you miss as a kid.

Professey Chin · 04-03-2014 2:29pm

krudler wrote: »

I didn't realise for years that the hitchhiker they pick up is the guy from the Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the references you miss as a kid.

THAT'S WHO IT IS! :eek:

krudler · 04-03-2014 2:33pm

"Oh Monty you're the devil himself.."
"WHO TOLD YOU!..oh"

krudler · 04-03-2014 2:34pm

Professey Chin wrote: »

THAT'S WHO IT IS! :eek:

sure is, animal bone necklace and all

All Hail President Murphy · 04-03-2014 2:42pm

Uh-oh, that's Joh Judge Schneider. He's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.

You did?

Well replace the word kinda with repeatedly and the word dog with son.

Galway K9 · 04-03-2014 2:49pm

Marge: Sting, you look tired
Sting: I can't stop when one of my fans needs me!
Marge: actually, i dont think I've heard him play any of your records
Homer: Shhh...Marge....hes a good digger

RobbingBandit · 04-03-2014 2:53pm

Homer: "Don't worry, son. Just 'cuz you're trapped in a hole doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life."

Fishyfreak · 04-03-2014 3:36pm

Herb: [on phone] Okay, this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna hang up, call me back, and say the exact opposite of everything you just said. Goodbye.
[hangs up]
Herb: Bart, Lisa, come over here.
Lisa: What is it, Unkie Herb?
Herb: I want you to hear what the guys down at the plant think of your old man.
[phone rings]
Herb: Hello?
Engineer: Um, Homer Simpson is a... brilliant man with lots of well thought-out, practical, ideas. He is insuring the financial security of this company for years to come. Oh yes, and his personal hygiene is above reproach.

This was on last night, i'm still laughing!

Galway K9 · 04-03-2014 5:34pm

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Homer: "Don't worry, son. Just 'cuz you're trapped in a hole doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life."

It's too big!

Reporter: Timmy, where are your parents?
Bart: [through radio] Ah, I have no family! I tried to enroll in school, but your Principal Skinner turned me away because of my shabby clothes.
[The citizens gasp. Principal Skinner is took surrounded by people taking pictures of him.]
Principal Skinner: He's a liar.
People: Booo!

dr.fuzzenstein · 04-03-2014 10:32pm

Kent: Tonight on `Eye on Springfield', we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years!
Man: [hic!] Kill me! [hic] Kill me!

Welsh Megaman · 05-03-2014 12:28pm

VoteQuimbyVoteQuimbyVoteQuimbyVoteQuimby...aah.

Fishyfreak · 06-03-2014 12:40pm

Welsh Megaman wrote: »

VoteQuimbyVoteQuimbyVoteQuimbyVoteQuimby...aah.

"If you were running for Mayor, he'd vote for you"

pajor · 06-03-2014 1:06pm

Fishyfreak wrote: »

"If you were running for Mayor, he'd vote for you"

"Hey four eyes.. vote for Quimby!"

dr.fuzzenstein · 06-03-2014 1:23pm

Welsh Megaman wrote: »

VoteQuimbyVoteQuimbyVoteQuimbyVoteQuimby...aah.

This time he really is the lesser of two evils!

Omackeral · 06-03-2014 1:53pm

When the new sporting franchise the Springfield Meltdowns came to town.

Carl: I've got Melt Mania!

Lenny: And I've got Downs Syndrome!

Burt Macklin · 06-03-2014 2:38pm

Burns: Men, there’s a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.

Milhouse: (to his mom and dad) I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he’s coming back.

Burt Macklin · 06-03-2014 2:41pm

Bart: Come on, man, everyone knows the first day of school is a total ****.

Seymour: Well, if by "****" you mean educational fun, then stand back it's **** time!

Limerick Dude · 06-03-2014 2:57pm

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

This time he really is the lesser of two evils!

krudler · 06-03-2014 3:00pm

Marge, I'm never going to church again!
Homer..are you actually giving up your faith?!
No, no no no no...well yes.

Dental plan!

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