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What Do I Tell My Mother?

2»

Comments

  • #52
    whoopsadoodles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    Chancer3001 wrote: »
    Awful awful awful attempt at being a funny troll.

    One things for sure - whether he's winding people up because they actually believe the story, or whether he's winding people up because they're annoyed at the lack of effort - he's still winding quite a few people up! sooooo....job done?!


  • #53
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Take a dump where the vase was. Tell your mother that someone broke in, stole the vase, and shat where it was.


  • #54
    fizzypish
    Registered Users Posts: 1,000 ✭✭✭fizzypish


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Take a dump where the vase was. Tell your mother that someone broke in, stole the vase, and shat where it was.

    I concur with this thoroughly. One addition. Radically alter your diet so your **** is not of the normal variety. Your mother may be well versed in identifying your stools and this will throw her off the scent. Don't just go on the razz. She'll see the hungover head on ya and know you shat on the table! I recommend all bran in orange juice.


  • #55
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    That's what happens when you let things fester too long. Just tell her you're sorry that you knocked the vase by accident and it broke. It's a bit early to pick some more flowers but you could buy her some that aren't pollen riddled. I'm surprised as your mother that she isn't mindful of your hayfever but maybe it's her age. Is this some sort of joke post? What's copying and pasting got to do with it?


  • #56
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Widdershins wrote: »
    That's what happens when you let things fester too long. Just tell her you're sorry that you knocked the vase by accident and it broke. It's a bit early to pick some more flowers but you could buy her some that aren't pollen riddled. I'm surprised as your mother that she isn't mindful of your hayfever but maybe it's her age. Is this some sort of joke post? What's copying and pasting got to do with it?

    Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.


  • #57
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    It's "d1ckhead drivel" at its worst. The place is getting worse as the Millennials are at opinion age.

    Yknow...the ones that think they have life experience and are desperate for attention all the time.

    After hours was fun?


  • #58
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.

    We know


  • #59
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    We know

    Thank you, my friend. You seem lovely too x


  • #60
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    gramar wrote: »
    Did you make this up all by yourself OP?

    Why would I make a story up? That's not right in the head.


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  • #61
    Pac1Man
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    What's a sextuagenarian?


  • #62
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,914 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    What's a sextuagenarian?

    A person aged between 60 and 69.

    Like the OP's ma.


  • #63
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    What's a sextuagenarian?

    It's like a professor.


  • #64
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,614 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    PARlance wrote: »
    Here's the tl;dr

    That tl;dr is still pretty long. Can someone give me a brief synopsis?


  • #65
    TheBlock
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭TheBlock


    Deleted User wrote: »
    That tl;dr is still pretty long. Can someone give me a brief synopsis?

    OP's a roaster.


  • #66
    sharkfox
    Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭sharkfox


    Why not just put the vase and flowers outside when she left instead of sitting in the house for days with it? Maybe the lilies were a trap from your brother....


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  • #67
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    You should make a small cut on the palm of your hand and claim it happened when you lifted the case to dust underneath it, it just shattered in your hand causing the cut/injury. You can tell her you then threw the debris outside as you weren't in a position to clear it up properly given the serious injury to your hand. Then sue your mother for negligence and injury. At today's rates you'll get €30k easily. Insist that she pays your full costs too. That'll teach the aul bag for allowing flowers to be displayed in her own home in which I assume you are merely a lodger.

    Oh yeah OP you sound like a real cünt.


  • #68
    infogiver
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 ✭✭✭infogiver


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.

    As Spandau Ballet would say, this much is true.


  • #69
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    infogiver wrote: »
    As Spandau Ballet would say, this much is true.

    I like 80s references - we should be friends :)


  • #70
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    That's not right in the head.

    Oh, so right.


  • #71
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.


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  • #72
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    seamus wrote: »
    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.

    Thank you so much - this really helps, really ;)


  • #73
    the_syco
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,305 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Why the funk did you smash the vase? It could have been your mammys favourite vase. You really are a spanner, aren't you!?!


  • #74
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    the_syco wrote: »
    Why the funk did you smash the vase? It could have been your mammys favourite vase. You really are a spanner, aren't you!?!

    Have you never experienced the pure joy of smashing pottery?


  • #75
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    Have you never experienced the pure joy of smashing pottery?
    To quote yourself...
    That's not right in the head


  • #76
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    seamus wrote: »
    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.
    Bad news, I'm afraid. The scent does not come from the Stamen but from a oil in the petals.


  • #77
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    True that. The irritation though comes from the stamen. The thing that makes watery eyes and itchy noses.


  • #78
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Jensen Defeated Vigilante wrote: »
    To quote yourself...

    Ah, you're no fun.


  • #79
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    seamus wrote: »
    True that. The irritation though comes from the stamen. The thing that makes watery eyes and itchy noses.

    And migraines


  • #80
    DoozerT6
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,589 ✭✭✭DoozerT6


    Whatever about the lillies, this whole thread stinks. Six pages of this shyte?


  • #81
    harry Bailey esq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?


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  • #82
    EndaHonesty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭EndaHonesty


    harry Bailey esq wrote: »
    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    Post no. 13 of the thread. On the first page...


  • #83
    DoozerT6
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,589 ✭✭✭DoozerT6


    harry Bailey esq wrote: »
    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    Page 1.


  • #84
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    harry Bailey esq wrote: »
    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    I believe it has been suggested, yes. Try being original next time :)


  • #85
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things

    They listen to Al Porter's radio show?


  • #86
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    They listen to Al Porter's radio show?

    I believe it was Nigel Farage's show.


  • #87
    Peregrine
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,403 Mod ✭✭✭✭Peregrine


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    I believe it has been suggested, yes. Try being original next time :)

    Try Personal Issues. You've gone and destroyed someone's property and want to manipulate her into believing it never existed. We can't help you.


This discussion has been closed.
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