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17-06-2017, 15:26   #31
Microdot
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A huge hole has been discovered near my house.
Police are looking into it.
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17-06-2017, 17:10   #32
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I was at the local baths today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.
The Lifeguard must have notice.
He blew his whistle so fxxking loud, i nearly fell in.
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19-06-2017, 22:12   #33
MonkieSocks
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I visited the Patent office to register some of my Camping Inventions.

I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out.

She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle."

She said, "Okay, what do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"I have also invented a folding carton."

Again she said, "what do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She sniggered and said,

"Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude."




I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket


_____________________________________________




For Sale Washer And Dryer
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20-06-2017, 18:12   #34
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Two leprechauns went to the convent and begged an audience with the Mother Superior. “Well, how can I help you little people?” asked Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked “Oh Mother Superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns here at the convent?”
“No,” says Mother Superior, “I don’t have any midget nuns here at the convent.”
“All right then, Mother Superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?”
“No, no,” replied Mother Superior, “I don’t know of any nuns who are also midgets in all of Ireland at all.”
“Well then Mother Superior, in all of nundom, in the whole world of all the nuns, would you be knowing, then, of any midget nuns?”
“No, I would not; there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!” replied Mother Superior, “and would you please tell me what this is all about!!?”
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the other leprechaun and said “See, it’s as I told you all along… you’ve been dating a penguin!”
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20-06-2017, 18:24   #35
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Musical joke for all you sophisticated people out there-what is very brown and sits on a piano stool? Beethovens last movement.
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20-06-2017, 20:35   #36
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^^^
No, it's a stool on a stool!
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20-06-2017, 21:02   #37
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More like a bum note..
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21-06-2017, 01:00   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dolanbaker View Post
^^^
No, it's a stool on a stool!
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.Flyer View Post
More like a bum note..
What you say again?
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21-06-2017, 01:08   #39
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Knock knock.

Who's there?

Runyp

Runyp who?
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21-06-2017, 01:26   #40
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Customer: Hello, can I have one of the chocolate bars with purple wrap?
Shopkeeper: Turkish?
Customer: Merhaba, mor sarması olan çikolata çubuklarından birine sahip olabilir miyim?
Shopkeeper: Get out of my shop.
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21-06-2017, 01:40   #41
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Probably repeating someone else's post now, sorry


Latest headlines:

"Stationery shop moves"
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21-06-2017, 01:46   #42
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I'll probably get banned for this:

Did you hear the joke about the German sausage? It was the wurst.
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21-06-2017, 01:49   #43
A Tyrant Named Miltiades!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonkieSocks View Post
I visited the Patent office to register some of my Camping Inventions.

I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out.

She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle."

She said, "Okay, what do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"I have also invented a folding carton."

Again she said, "what do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She sniggered and said,

"Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude."




I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket


Syl Fox?
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23-06-2017, 00:01   #44
MonkieSocks
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Tyrant Named Miltiades! View Post
Syl Fox?

Yeah the Funny Fox, lovely man seen him lots of times in The Donaghmede Inn

Here's another one I heard him tell.


Lone Ranger wakes up, steps out of the tent to see Tonto with his ear to ground.

What is it Tonto?

Buffalo come, replies Tonto

You can tell that from the vibrations you feel?



No - Ground Sticky
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23-06-2017, 00:06   #45
PlentyOhToole
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-My daughter has gone to Malawi
-Lilongwe?
-Yes, about 5000 miles
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