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24-08-2017, 20:52   #196
Suckit
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Son: Dad, a guy called me gay at school today

Dad: Punch him in the face.

Son: But he is so cute.
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24-08-2017, 21:12   #197
flutered
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yank ends up at the wedding reception end of bunratty castle, he orders a large burbon, while waiting for the drink he looks around and spies a cat on the landing behind the railing which runs around the top floor, its sitting on its arse washing its nether regions, while paying for the drink he says to the barman i wish i could do that, while getting his change the barman scoops out some cat food using the change, hands it to the yank saying, give him that and he might let you
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25-08-2017, 11:45   #198
TheChevron
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What did the cowboy say when he walked into a German car showroom?

Audi
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25-08-2017, 11:49   #199
branie2
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How do you make a Swiss Cross?

Step on his foot!
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25-08-2017, 12:10   #200
Loafing Oaf
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Originally Posted by branie2 View Post
How do you make a Swiss Cross?

Step on his foot!
While we're on the subject:

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25-08-2017, 16:00   #201
Fabritzo
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I went to my girlfriend's funeral today. It was the first time I'd met her parents...

What a pair of miserable bastards!
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25-08-2017, 19:40   #202
 
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I went to my girlfriend's funeral today. It was the first time I'd met her parents...

What a pair of miserable bastards!
Jesus fckin Christ!! I thought I had clicked on the "where are you now" thread!!.... nearly fell over
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29-08-2017, 09:40   #203
McMurphy
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I lol'd.


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30-08-2017, 01:08   #204
branie2
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I got my mother in law a chair for Christmas.

She won't let me plug it in though.
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30-08-2017, 04:07   #205
thesandeman
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Originally Posted by branie2 View Post
I got my mother in law a chair for Christmas.

She won't let me plug it in though.
Mine wouldn't let me use electricity either.


I used gas instead.
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30-08-2017, 08:07   #206
TheBody
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You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
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31-08-2017, 12:17   #207
blueser
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Those Stannah stair lifts drive me up the ****ing wall.
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31-08-2017, 20:48   #208
the_pen_turner
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Those Stannah stair lifts drive me up the ****ing wall.
that's a shame I find them very up lifting
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31-08-2017, 20:48   #209
the_pen_turner
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A man who worked for a fire station came home from work one
day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system
at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and
we're ready to go on the trucks.
So from now on we're going to run this house the same way. When
I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I
want you to jump into bed, and when I say Bell 3, we're going to
make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled "Bell 1" and
his wife took off her clothes. He then yelled "Bell 2" and his
wife jumped into bed. Then he yelled "Bell 3" and they began to
make love.
After 2 minutes, his wife yelled "Bell 4!"
The husband asked
"What's this Bell 4???"
And the wife replied "More Hose!!!
You're nowhere near the fire!"
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31-08-2017, 22:47   #210
somefeen
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What do you call a testicle with ADHD

Hyperbolic
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