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Alan Partridge Superthread - Sponsored by Dettol

12467…70

Comments

  • #92
    Penn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,196 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    Needless to say, I had the last laugh!... Now f*ck off!


  • #93
    Jimbob1977
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,239 ✭✭✭Jimbob1977


    Rolled on the thighs of a Virgin!

    Knowing me, Alan Partridge. Sacking you, Glen Ponder

    I will remain impartial. I will be Pontius Partridge


  • #94
    Jimbob1977
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,239 ✭✭✭Jimbob1977


    o Arm wrestling with Chas n' Dave

    o Youth hostelling with Chris Eubank

    o Cooking in prison



    Two of those concepts are now a reality.....


  • #95
    Thargor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,964 ✭✭✭✭Thargor


    Ciaran_B wrote: »
    At the end when he dresses up as a zombie (shower curtain cape etc) he has the screws taped to his fingers.
    Oh yeah :p

    love the way Micheal is going to hit him:



  • #96
    Jimbob1977
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,239 ✭✭✭Jimbob1977


    Ten years ago, I spent months staying at the Watford Hilton for work. No joke.

    Effectively I lived in the Linton Travel Tavern.

    It was grand. Not like a troll living in a lay-by.

    One night, I had to call reception to make porn come on my telly


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  • #97
    Welsh Megaman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 73,202 ✭✭✭✭Welsh Megaman


    Dr. No Vocal Chords


  • #98
    Ipso
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,995 ✭✭✭Ipso


    Welsh Megaman wrote: »
    Alan: It's nearly 7 o'clock, this is Dave Clifton.

    Dave: Yes, indeed! Good morning, it's Dave Clifton! And there goes Alan Partridge..."Cone" but not forgotten!

    Alan: *a bit annoyed but laughing*

    Dave: You must've seen a film like, "Cone"an The Barbarian.

    Alan: Yeah, good one.

    Dave: Then watch a bit of TV like, "Cone" dancing.

    Alan: Yeah, not so good but... fine.

    Dave: Come on Alan, whats the matter with you? "Cone" you take a joke?

    Alan: Oh, F**K OFF!

    Dave: I am speechless! Dave Clifton is actually speechless! I don't believe you just said...

    Alan: You don't sound it! I wish you were!

    Dave: I mean, I really don't know what to say! I find it really difficult to find the words...

    Alan: Try saying nothing!

    Dave: You and I both know that dead air is a crime, and I think it's terrible that you have to fill it with swearing on your show!

    Alan: Fortunately Dave, you are bang wrong! It's 1 minute past 7, it's your show, you're responsible for the output. I am technically a guest and you failed to control me...READ THE SMALL PRINT ON YOUR CONETRACT.

    Enough to make you hit the boddle.


  • #99
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    When he is asking that red head woman on a date and says "I know a cracking owl sanctuary?"

    There's a scene, i cant find it but Alan is staying at the hotel and he looks out the window and sees michael. He "shoots" Michael with an imaginary gun sort of like a nod of appreciation :)


  • #100
    stimpson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,821 ✭✭✭stimpson


    Jimbob1977 wrote: »
    o Arm wrestling with Chas n' Dave

    o Youth hostelling with Chris Eubank

    o Cooking in prison



    Two of those concepts are now a reality.....

    Monkey tennis?


  • #101
    Welsh Megaman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 73,202 ✭✭✭✭Welsh Megaman


    Alan: Well done, Lynn. Now, before we get up, I’m just going to warn you...I have popped out again. It’s in no way connected with our proximity, so just don’t turn round.

    [Alan untangles himself from the phone and adjusts his crotch.]

    Alan: Right, the boys are back in the barracks! [Singing] Take a pinch of white man…


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  • #102
    rtron
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 640 ✭✭✭rtron


    To soccer player going into the dressing room: "You missed penalty why?"
    Or

    "How long have we been drinking?"
    "10 minutes Alan."


  • #103
    FizzleSticks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,172 ✭✭✭FizzleSticks


    This post has been deleted.


  • #104
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


  • #105
    groucho marx
    Registered Users Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭groucho marx


    Your suffering from minor womens whiplash☺


  • #106
    loyatemu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,100 ✭✭✭✭loyatemu


    Alan: I'm not driving a Mini-Metro.
    Lynn: No, no, no, it's different. It's called a Rover Metro now.
    Alan: They've rebadged it, you fool!


    My first car was an Austin Metro

    Mini_Metro_1983_pre_any_facelifts_1275cc.JPG


  • #107
    stimpson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,821 ✭✭✭stimpson


    FizzleSticks wrote: »
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFN_Y2pgKrk


    Fixed. I do love a nice cup of beans.


  • #108
    fryup
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,067 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    even Michael the loner doesn't want him in his house :D


  • #109
    loyatemu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,100 ✭✭✭✭loyatemu


    fryup wrote: »
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    even Michael the loner doesn't want him in his house :D

    Michael's up to something, but we never find out what.


  • #110
    Thargor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,964 ✭✭✭✭Thargor


    stimpson wrote: »
    Fixed. I do love a nice cup of beans.
    fryup wrote: »
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    even Michael the loner doesn't want him in his house :D
    "I cannae sell you any petrol" :D


  • #111
    Mr.Nice Guy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 45,630 ✭✭✭✭Mr.Nice Guy


    "Have you ever shaved your crackling?"


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  • #112
    groucho marx
    Registered Users Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭groucho marx


    We're down to the final lather...just relax. .there's a foamy bit on your shoulder...let's make it even more frothy with a squirt of light lemon liquid. Don't you feel good. Careful not to fall asleep and fall under there's some terrible statistics about that.
    I love alans deep bath!!!


  • #113
    Sir Oxman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,492 ✭✭✭Sir Oxman


    Welsh Megaman wrote: »
    Alan: It's nearly 7 o'clock, this is Dave Clifton.

    Dave: Yes, indeed! Good morning, it's Dave Clifton! And there goes Alan Partridge..."Cone" but not forgotten!

    Alan: *a bit annoyed but laughing*

    Dave: You must've seen a film like, "Cone"an The Barbarian.

    Alan: Yeah, good one.

    Dave: Then watch a bit of TV like, "Cone" dancing.

    Alan: Yeah, not so good but... fine.

    Dave: Come on Alan, whats the matter with you? "Cone" you take a joke?

    Alan: Oh, F**K OFF!

    Dave: I am speechless! Dave Clifton is actually speechless! I don't believe you just said...

    Alan: You don't sound it! I wish you were!

    Dave: I mean, I really don't know what to say! I find it really difficult to find the words...

    Alan: Try saying nothing!

    Dave: You and I both know that dead air is a crime, and I think it's terrible that you have to fill it with swearing on your show!

    Alan: Fortunately Dave, you are bang wrong! It's 1 minute past 7, it's your show, you're responsible for the output. I am technically a guest and you failed to control me...READ THE SMALL PRINT ON YOUR CONETRACT.

    That was an epic scene :)
    The hatred between them


  • #114
    stoplooklisten
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,492 ✭✭✭stoplooklisten


    The wife's been struck off the life insurance
    Spice girls!!


  • #115
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


  • #116
    stoplooklisten
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,492 ✭✭✭stoplooklisten


    After reading this thread, I'm now watching Alan Partridge: Mid Morning Matters
    I didn't know he had a new show!


  • #117
    Valentina
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,281 ✭✭✭Valentina


    stoplooklisten wrote: »
    After reading this thread, I'm now watching Alan Partridge: Mid Morning Matters
    I didn't know he had a new show!

    MMM has some Partridge Gold :D

    "You'll recall that at the top of the show that someone phoned in to say: 'You can avoid Type 2 diabetes by injecting yourself with Ribena.' That can't be right but no one as yet has called in to debunk it."


  • #118
    Mr.Nice Guy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 45,630 ✭✭✭✭Mr.Nice Guy


    "Fernando, you're 22 years old and you're spending your Saturday afternoon in bed with a girl. You're wasting your life."


  • #119
    Oops!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,266 ✭✭✭Oops!


    A Partridge amongst the pidgeons....


  • #120
    Valentina
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,281 ✭✭✭Valentina


    “This is North Norfolk Digital: Sustaining and maintaining our core listenership in an increasingly fragmented market place… I just realised I read that from an internal memo… Wasn’t for you to hear. Sorry! Sorry!”


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  • #121
    stimpson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,821 ✭✭✭stimpson


    Michael: I did hear about this corporal, right?

    [Alan lies down on the bed, listening to Michael’s story, fascinated.]

    Michael: And he’s in the third battalion this lad, but he’s right mean, OK? And he goes out in Bangkok, right? And all the prostitutes is comin’ up and saying “How much?” and he’s going “Oh I’m not paying that”, right? And then this beautiful lassie comes up –

    [While Michael tells his story, Lynn knocks on the door.]

    Michael: – she’s gorgeous, man. And she’s half the price of the others. And they’re getting down to it –

    [Lynn enters the room]

    Michael: – he puts his hand up her skirt, gets a hold of the old meat and two veg, right? Thinks, hang on, I’ve paid my money, I’m going to have something, so he flips him over, and he fu-

    [Michael has just noticed Lynn, standing in the corner of the room.]

    Michael: And funnily enough, it lands on its wheels, and it starts first time and they just drive away.

    Alan: Strangest story I’ve ever heard. [Gets up] Oh, hello. Lynn. Oh! I see what you were… ah, right, yes. Hello, Michael was just telling me an army story about a friend of his who slept with… a landrover. Lonely nights in the desert.


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