Who's single?

omerin · 28-10-2018 3:49pm

100% agree with your general point. Due to distance we communicated by message, usually over 50 a day. Given her isolated location and I did phone her as well with no response, I was concerned. But yes, time to move on. Thanks for your point of view

Dalomanakora · 28-10-2018 4:04pm

omerin wrote: »

100% agree with your general point. Due to distance we communicated by message, usually over 50 a day. Given her isolated location and I did phone her as well with no response, I was concerned. But yes, time to move on. Thanks for your point of view

It was one day. And she DID message you, you just didn't see it. Your behaviour was creepy, scary and stalker-ish tbh.

I'm sorry you're hurting now and in pain from the breakup but you need to examine your actions closely so you can have a normal healthy relationship in future

Commanchie · 28-10-2018 4:08pm

omerin wrote: »

whoever came up with the phrase it is better to have loved and lost then never have loved didn't consider my scenario. I knew a girl from work for 3+ years, was friendly and there was a connection but nothing happened. She went back to her home country last year and returned this year. During this time we stay in touch. In August I met her and asked her out, and generally we had a great time. Earlier this month I tried to contact her, she lives in a remote part of the county, alone, and she didn't respond or so I thought. She had sent a imessage where we normally communicated through WhatsApp. I had my notifications turned off so I didn't see it and thought something was wrong. I phoned in the morning and she didn't answer so I drove for one hour to see she was ok. She was and she said she was shocked (not in a good way) that I would call unexpectedly. The next day we met and she broke it off, apparently one of her exs did something similar and now she believed she was getting the same feeling about me.
Now I was shocked and she even said that it didn't make sense but was basing her decision on a feeling.
This month has been the worse month of my life, but hoping she will change her mind or talk to someone. I have given her a few weeks space but she is ignoring my messages. It's bad enough losing your gf and on top of it losing a friend as well.

Okaaaay... so thats a little strange. Where you dating or in a relationship. It sounds bonkers

omerin · 28-10-2018 4:46pm

it was a relationship. I've never done something like that before and wont do it again. As mentioned I tried to contact her before I went, it wasn't just driving there and hiding in the bushes lol. I knew of people who had accidents at home who were in isolated areas and have died so this was a factor.

Sometimes though I have to laugh at the way things are heading, in the past doing what I did would be seen as caring for someone, now it can be seen as freaky.

While I am devastated at the moment, I prefer that she was ok and ended it with me, then she was injured or something worse and I did nothing. Life goes on

Rubberchikken · 28-10-2018 4:59pm

I dont agree that calling to see if she was ok.was ott.
Tbh i think her reaction was a bit much.
Ok maybe she had a bad past relationship but no one nerfs to tar everyone the same.

Being unable to see that it was a genuine response, especially after a month of many messages a day, means this girl isnt ready for any relationship.

ginandtonicsky · 28-10-2018 5:32pm

Omerin the whole situation just seems like it was a nonrunner from the get-go tbh. Ye knew each other for how long, and nothing happened in all that time?

Sounds like you were chase, chase, chasing her and she decided to give it a shot despite not really feeling the same, jumped at the first legitimate"out" she could find. Sorry to say I've done the same, blown something out of the water that would probably just be a frank conversation with someone that I actually liked a lot. Not a dealbreaker, unless you're looking for one.

omerin · 28-10-2018 9:00pm

and therein lies the issue, you (understandably) presumed, not knowing all the facts, that I was chasing her and why nothing happened after 3+ years meant that it was always a non runner. This is where I find myself today, someone who wont listen to my reasons or allow us to talk about it, so she doesn't know all the facts so she presumes I am the same as her ex as it happened in the past so it will be the same with me - shoot first ask questions later.

This is dangerous today as it results in a guilty until proven innocent attitude. Sorry I can't give you all the details in my posts as it would require a thread of it's own, so I kept it to a high level

We met for the first time when she returned to Ireland, spent some time together and got on really well. It was she that indicated she wanted a relationship, I was looking for something casual, but I was in a good place to start a relationship with her.
In terms of timelines, as mentioned she was in her home country for a year and when in Ireland she was either in a relationship or I never asked her was she single, I just presumed she was as it could get awkward and didn't want to embarrass her or me or make it awkward in work. Unfortunately I'm more Hugh Grant then Hugh Hefner

omerin · 28-10-2018 9:01pm

thanks a lot for your replies, it helps to get impartial advice and feedback.

Dalomanakora · 28-10-2018 9:09pm

omerin wrote: »

and therein lies the issue, you (understandably) presumed, not knowing all the facts, that I was chasing her and why nothing happened after 3+ years meant that it was always a non runner. This is where I find myself today, someone who wont listen to my reasons or allow us to talk about it, so she doesn't know all the facts so she presumes I am the same as her ex as it happened in the past so it will be the same with me - shoot first ask questions later.

This is dangerous today as it results in a guilty until proven innocent attitude.

It's saddening that you seem to have taken in nothing that's been said to you.

It's not about guilty until proven innocent. It's not about shooting first and asking questions later.

You acted like a stalker, you displayed massive, glaring, screaming, neon red flags, and she took the appropriate action to protect herself.

ginandtonicsky · 28-10-2018 9:14pm

The point is, if she liked you enough you landing on her doorstep after one missed text wouldn't be an issue. But maybe it was a step too far and that's fair enough, she's allowed it. We all bring baggage and prejudices into a relationship, maybe her ex was some sort of stalker that crossed lines with her and that's her dealbreaker. Which she's entitled to, it's a pretty scary behaviour to be fair regardless of the intention.

Mine are things like if he's a heavy drinker, tells white lies, is full of talk about what he wants to achieve in life with little to back it up...because my ex was those things. It hurt to be in a relationship that was going nowhere because of those things and I wouldn't risk that kind of misery again. So I'd walk from a guy that displayed any one of them, even if it was uncharacteristic of him or a one-off mistake on his part. It's too big a risk.

This girl heard alarm bells with your behaviour and that's not some new "guilty until proven innocent" thing, it's a woman exercising the right to change her mind about a guy because that's what every human is allowed to do. Whether you like it or not.

omerin · 28-10-2018 9:18pm

Dalomanakora wrote: »

It's saddening that you seem to have taken in nothing that's been said to you.

It's not about guilty until proven innocent. It's not about shooting first and asking questions later.

You acted like a stalker, you displayed massive, glaring, screaming, neon red flags, and she took the appropriate action to protect herself.

have you read my posts? Just lol, I do realise I was at fault, but my point was that I was looking to explain the circumstances to her like two adults. None so blind as those who will not see.

Dalomanakora · 28-10-2018 9:30pm

omerin wrote: »

have you read my posts? Just lol, I do realise I was at fault, but my point was that I was looking to explain the circumstances to her like two adults. None so blind as those who will not see.

Yes I read your posts and you still don't get it.

She doesn't have to allow you to explain yourself. You are not entitled to her time. You are not entitled to have her listen.

Your behaviour scared her and she reacted accordingly.

That you're so wound up over a one-two month relationship that ended due to your own actions, and blaming her for being scared by you, says a lot about you.

She doesn't owe you anything. Not her time, her ears, to listen, a relationship. Nothing.

omerin · 28-10-2018 9:32pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

The point is, if she liked you enough you landing on her doorstep after one missed text wouldn't be an issue. But maybe it was a step too far and that's fair enough, she's allowed it. We all bring baggage and prejudices into a relationship, maybe her ex was some sort of stalker that crossed lines with her and that's her dealbreaker. Which she's entitled to, it's a pretty scary behaviour to be fair regardless of the intention.

Mine are things like if he's a heavy drinker, tells white lies, is full of talk about what he wants to achieve in life with little to back it up...because my ex was those things. It hurt to be in a relationship that was going nowhere because of those things and I wouldn't risk that kind of misery again. So I'd walk from a guy that displayed any one of them, even if it was uncharacteristic of him or a one-off mistake on his part. It's too big a risk.

This girl heard alarm bells with your behaviour and that's not some new "guilty until proven innocent" thing, it's a woman exercising the right to change her mind about a guy because that's what every human is allowed to do. Whether you like it or not.

Sorry to hear about your ex.

Good point on carrying baggage, she never talked about it until the end, but I can understand her reasons for not talking about it. Just to be crystal clear, I did phone her before I left and on my way and just before I got there I text her to see if she was ok. These were placed at a time when she would have been awake. I just didn't turn up with no attempt to contact her.
I knocked on the front door

The definition of stalking is - pursue or approach stealthily - my actions were hardly stealthy

omerin · 28-10-2018 9:37pm

Dalomanakora wrote: »

Yes I read your posts and you still don't get it.

She doesn't have to allow you to explain yourself. You are not entitled to her time. You are not entitled to have her listen.

Your behaviour scared her and she reacted accordingly.

That you're so wound up over a one-two month relationship that ended due to your own actions, and blaming her for being scared by you, says a lot about you.

She doesn't owe you anything. Not her time, her ears, to listen, a relationship. Nothing.

I'm not wound up, just disappointed that someone that I've known for years would not have the emotional intelligence, understanding or the humanity to treat me this way.

Time to move on

SEPT 23 1989 · 28-10-2018 9:41pm

omerin wrote: »

I'm not wound up, just disappointed that someone that I've known for years would not have the emotional intelligence, understanding or the humanity to treat me this way.

Time to move on

Move on

You sound like a young man

Learn from your experiences

Sephiroth_dude · 28-10-2018 9:49pm

omerin wrote: »

I'm not wound up, just disappointed that someone that I've known for years would not have the emotional intelligence, understanding or the humanity to treat me this way.

Time to move on

I was in a similar position before, started going out with a girl, we lived quite a distance from each other but I visited her every two weeks for 3 months and I was due to go to hers the next day and she just ended it over text, to say I was heartbroken was an under statement

it only hit a few days after though, I felt very hurt after it, that wasn't her fault though, she didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't working for her so she ended it, I couldn't see that at the time though and txted her a few times and was told where to go, thankfully time is a great healer and you'll get over this eventually as well, keep yourself busy.

omerin · 28-10-2018 10:17pm

Really sorry to hear that, it must have been tough.

Our end wasn't by text, I asked to meet her and she agreed to meet the following day (probably a mistake on my side). I am a straight forward, honest person and just wanted to understand why she said she was shocked as in my head I went out of concern for her (your replies helped to clear this up and see it from her perspective). I thought everything would be resolved as I am level headed and don't get angry and she said the previous day that she would be ok. Also when we worked together, she would sneak up on me at my desk and shock me, so I thought in some way her original reaction and knowing who I was, was a kind of reference back to that. It clearly wasn't and she told me she wanted to end it because of a feeling she now had about me based on an experience with an ex. It made no sense to me and she said it made no sense to her, but said it anyway.

I have an analytical brain and work in an analytical job and what she said does not compute so it was going around and around in my head trying to make sense of it. It didn't until I got all of your responses, so thanks again for both the positive and negative replies.

I'm not too young

but life is a learning curve and I have learned from this.

I do not regret meeting her, we shared great experience and she was and is still a beautiful person

Tell me how · 29-10-2018 12:02pm

omerin wrote: »

and therein lies the issue, you (understandably) presumed, not knowing all the facts, that I was chasing her and why nothing happened after 3+ years meant that it was always a non runner. This is where I find myself today, someone who wont listen to my reasons or allow us to talk about it, so she doesn't know all the facts so she presumes I am the same as her ex as it happened in the past so it will be the same with me - shoot first ask questions later.

omerin wrote: »

have you read my posts? Just lol, I do realise I was at fault, but my point was that I was looking to explain the circumstances to her like two adults. None so blind as those who will not see.

omerin wrote: »

I'm not wound up, just disappointed that someone that I've known for years would not have the emotional intelligence, understanding or the humanity to treat me this way.

omerin wrote: »

I have an analytical brain and work in an analytical job and what she said does not compute so it was going around and around in my head trying to make sense of it. It didn't until I got all of your responses, so thanks again for both the positive and negative replies.

Reading your posts and specifically the points in Bold, it seems to me that while you berate this girl for not knowing all the facts and not seeing what is obvious, you are doing exactly the same thing. There are no facts when it comes to human emotions. She decided that for whatever reason she had had enough. That is it. Full stop. Don’t be the blind person who will not see this.

Also, your point on her emotional intelligence is a bit dark.

Finally, trying to apply analytical processing to human emotions and behaviours too deeply will, and I would bet on this, affect future relationships negatively. Absolutely be cognisant of others feelings and behaviours but to over-analyse (as I think you are doing here) will not help.

Sunny Disposition · 29-10-2018 12:25pm

Break ups suck, they can be very painful.
But they are almost always for the best in the long run.

jimbobaloobob · 30-10-2018 3:18pm

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Break ups suck, they can be very painful.
But they are almost always for the best in the long run.

That's the sunny perspective:)

Have to agree, Ive never regretted a break up that i've been involved in.

diceyriley · 31-10-2018 3:47pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

I don't live in Ireland anymore, but returned recently for a spate of weddings, one friend got engaged while I was there, and I noticed that I got asked approximately 531 times why I was single, or if I had a fella yet, or if "I'd be next" *wink wink*

I don't think I've ever had that many questions or that much curiosity about my love life in such a short time period, I live abroad and while a lot of people are married or coupled up, there's a strong percentage of single/divorced/not arsed dating folks in pretty much all walks of life over here too.

I'm 33, female and a total ride, obviously. I broke up with a long-term ex about a year ago and am far too fragile to consider new relationships just yet...but all the same, harbour notions about returning home in a year or two and finding some miraculously gorgeous Irish man who was equally unlucky in the love stakes (until I walk in, obv)

So general essay about my life story aside - are you single? And what age are you? And if so, why?

ETA: how does one add a poll around here?

say it like you mean it

yourdeadwright · 31-10-2018 4:48pm

In a long term relationship and we have toddler,
Now don't get me wrong I wouldn't change it as I love my life but I think if things did change and for some unforeseen reason we did break up i'd be fine
Id still love my life even if I was single
No slight on the missus she's great but if everyone is honest there is upsides and downsides to both,

I reckon i'd be fine either way,
In the end of the day its down to yourself weather your happy or not
Everyone else is living there own life around you regardless if your in a couple or not, your still just yourself living your own existence

Mite sound a bit mad but when you die you'll die alone with just yourself regardless of family or partner's or being single,

So learn to love yourself the most and love life regardless of a status

Tell me how · 31-10-2018 4:56pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Mite sound a bit mad but when you die you'll die alone with just yourself regardless of family or partner's or being single,

That's true for the final moments but one of the things I notice about being single and having all friends and siblings in the long term relationship/married mode is how many of them look out for the others health.

My father would be gone 10 years at least but for the loving diligence by which my mother ensures he manages his illness.

I've noticed partners of friends casually say things to them like "this would be good for your blood pressure" when eating out. It would be nice to have someone helping you make the effort to be healthy even though, obviously, the primary beneficiary is yourself.

31-10-2018 5:38pm

Tell me how wrote: »

That's true for the final moments but one of the things I notice about being single and having all friends and siblings in the long term relationship/married mode is how many of them look out for the others health.

My father would be gone 10 years at least but for the loving diligence by which my mother ensures he manages his illness.

I've noticed partners of friends casually say things to them like "this would be good for your blood pressure" when eating out. It would be nice to have someone helping you make the effort to be healthy even though, obviously, the primary beneficiary is yourself.

I had a chat with a friend of mine last night about something kind of similar. What I notice is the amount of support some people get from their parents and how it unique it is. Relationships can end but loving parents will only depart when death arrives. The older I get the more I miss this. My dad is great but really its me looking out for him. That's not to say he doesn't look out for me, of course he does. It's just different to how it was with my mam.

LolaJJ · 31-10-2018 5:45pm

Was long term single for 10 years....with a few medium-significance-heart-bruising-interruptions

Aged 35 completely convinced myself I would be single for ever, was actually pretty happy about that idea...

Downloaded Tinder again, went on one date, he was awesome, we celebrated our first anniversary last month

Dickie10 · 24-05-2020 11:57pm

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

Wanderer19 · 25-05-2020 12:08am

Dickie10 wrote: »

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

I'm not single, however, I am a massage therapist and I've noticed an increase in the amount of requests I've received over the last couple of months, mainly from single people who want someone to talk to.

Obviously, I'm not working at the moment, but have been asked if I'd meet a few, for a walk, as they're fed up walking by themselves.

Whilst we have to isolate/use social distancing I think mental health issues will rise because of the situation.

Plus, there's also the ones that wish they were single ...

Dickie10 · 25-05-2020 12:13am

Yes i really thonk mental health of the nation is under serious pressure the last 2 weeks. i am not one usually to go hyperbole and pull the mental health card but this is getting tough. think the government should pull a bank holiday in late september or something and announce it to try to lift the morale

dennispenn · 25-05-2020 12:20am

Dickie10 wrote: »

Yes i really thonk mental health of the nation is under serious pressure the last 2 weeks. i am not one usually to go hyperbole and pull the mental health card but this is getting tough. think the government should pull a bank holiday in late september or something and announce it to try to lift the morale

what is getting you down?

i and anyone i speak to is absolutely loving this period.

Arghus · 25-05-2020 12:22am

Dickie10 wrote: »

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

It's easier, now that FOMO is non-existent.

Wanderer19 · 25-05-2020 12:51am

Dickie10 wrote: »

Yes i really thonk mental health of the nation is under serious pressure the last 2 weeks. i am not one usually to go hyperbole and pull the mental health card but this is getting tough. think the government should pull a bank holiday in late september or something and announce it to try to lift the morale

That would be nice, maybe in December when everything has calmed down a bit?
Or the 12th of March, as that seems to be the date all this kicked off.

Potential-Monke · 25-05-2020 1:00am

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

Church on Tuesday · 25-05-2020 1:01am

A lot worse has happened to general humanity than Covid 19.

I think us single folk can hold out for another few months.

PARlance · 25-05-2020 1:40am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

That's a lot of paying attention to other people's business for a person who likes to see themself as some kind of hermit.

Potential-Monke · 25-05-2020 6:41am

PARlance wrote: »

That's a lot of paying attention to other people's business for a person who likes to see themself as some kind of hermit.

Can't feckin miss it these days. It's all that's on Facebook (which I peruse during a smoke), and it's all that the parents are talking about. And it's far from paying attention, can one not notice things without actually really caring? I notice things quite often, doesn't mean i'm interacting. My thoughts are mine and mine alone. I'm a hermit because I don't socialise:

"You hear about hermits more often than you meet one, and that's because a hermit is someone who likes to be alone, far from people, sometimes because of their religious beliefs or maybe because they simply want some privacy."

I'd add to that "or because he's just sick of humanity and doesn't want to interact with them any more". Didn't know part of being a hermit was making sure to not pay attention to anything or anyone ever. TIL!

Realt Dearg Sec · 25-05-2020 6:51am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

. My thoughts are mine and mine alone.

If only.

LeYouth · 25-05-2020 9:45am

Dickie10 wrote: »

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

I'm doing great. Loads of time to finish editing my novel.

Women? What women.....

cena · 25-05-2020 10:09am

Any single ladies want to chat

25-05-2020 10:42am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Can't feckin miss it these days. It's all that's on Facebook (which I peruse during a smoke), and it's all that the parents are talking about. And it's far from paying attention, can one not notice things without actually really caring? I notice things quite often, doesn't mean i'm interacting. My thoughts are mine and mine alone. I'm a hermit because I don't socialise:

"You hear about hermits more often than you meet one, and that's because a hermit is someone who likes to be alone, far from people, sometimes because of their religious beliefs or maybe because they simply want some privacy."

I'd add to that "or because he's just sick of humanity and doesn't want to interact with them any more". Didn't know part of being a hermit was making sure to not pay attention to anything or anyone ever. TIL!

Your post seemed quite bitter. It's as if you are thinking "ha ha all those couples and families are really challenged by this

"

The reasons why so many people find this difficult are varied. For a lot its because they miss people they love, they miss human contact and connection and their old way of life. Also having choice taken away can lead to feelings of being trapped and even desperation. None of that means the person wasn't mentally stable to begin with. They are experiencing normal human emotions to a crisis.

It's ok that you are having a different experience. It's yours. It would have been better though to try and understand that others are also having their unique experience without judging them for it. You have your opinion on families and couples, again without showing understanding of their lives.

PARlance · 25-05-2020 11:40am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Can't feckin miss it these days. It's all that's on Facebook (which I peruse during a smoke), and it's all that the parents are talking about. And it's far from paying attention, can one not notice things without actually really caring? I notice things quite often, doesn't mean i'm interacting. My thoughts are mine and mine alone. I'm a hermit because I don't socialise:

"You hear about hermits more often than you meet one, and that's because a hermit is someone who likes to be alone, far from people, sometimes because of their religious beliefs or maybe because they simply want some privacy."

I'd add to that "or because he's just sick of humanity and doesn't want to interact with them any more". Didn't know part of being a hermit was making sure to not pay attention to anything or anyone ever. TIL!

Sick of humanity... still browses Facebook when having a fag, still interacts on Boards. But a self professed hermit.

Church on Tuesday · 25-05-2020 12:08pm

PARlance wrote: »

Sick of humanity... still browses Facebook when having a fag, still interacts on Boards. But a self professed hermit.

Well, that's basically most of us now these days apart from the self imposed part.

suicide_circus · 25-05-2020 12:12pm

cena wrote: »

Any single ladies want to chat

a/s/l ?

andekwarhola · 25-05-2020 12:23pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEojXETRW3k

cena · 25-05-2020 12:27pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

a/s/l ?

?????

howamidifferent · 25-05-2020 12:30pm

cena wrote: »

?????

ger vallely · 25-05-2020 12:35pm

Potential_monke well I think if people are struggling, either with their partners or children. Maybe it's partially because this whole lockdown isn't the normal run of things. Generally people signed up for a different type of life. If this virus worked a different way, if you had to mingle, be around people way more than usual, then you would be uncomfortable. Plus, for many, there was the added stress and genuine fear of illness or death. The uncertainty of their future career.

Church on Tuesday · 25-05-2020 12:51pm

ger vallely wrote: »

Potential_monke well I think if people are struggling, either with their partners or children. Maybe it's partially because this whole lockdown isn't the normal run of things. Generally people signed up for a different type of life. If this virus worked a different way, if you had to mingle, be around people way more than usual, then you would be uncomfortable. Plus, for many, there was the added stress and genuine fear of illness or death. The uncertainty of their future career.

Fair enough but I don't think we should be lambasting people for their life choices either.

I have no doubt it's beyond frustrating at this stage for people with young families, it's times like these I'm glad I don't have kids yet.

And yeah, I would like to be able to meet up with people and family I haven't seen in months but what can you do? If I was living with a partner atm I guess things would be grand but also you need your time away.

We are over the worst of it now and come September things will be much better. Perhaps this pandemic will make people appreciate what they have that bit more than before.

cena · 25-05-2020 1:10pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

a/s/l ?

male. mid 30s Ireland

Ultrflat · 25-05-2020 1:17pm

I'm single or that horrible word "separated" Hate that word it's such a horrible label...

world class wreckin’ cru · 25-05-2020 2:02pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

As another poster said - you're coming across bitter. I'd go so far as to say you've not noticed anything, but have conjured up you're own negative-laden fantasy of what it might be like to be married with kids at a time like this. Perhaps as a means to validate your own existence.

And it's almost like you want to believe anyone who's finding it hard has therefore made the wrong choice in life (bizarre) and which strangely enough again, validates your own situation. You don't seem to have any understanding of these people's lives.

I'd also say that posts like yours makes it look like it's far from being a choice for you. There's just too much glee in the thinking of how bad others with families must have it.

Who's single?

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