Who's single?

I find the opposite is true, when women are young they want the broad shoulders and tall men, when they older height becomes less of a requirement (Or at least i prey it does). But yeah i think when women are young, they are all requiring height and good looks, but as they get older they are more about whats on the inside or at least that's what i've been told.

nthclare wrote: »

I love being single it's great.

Humble bragging here I may be.
But being single in your mid 40's is wayyyy better than the late 20's up until at least 41

Women are less superficial in their late 30's they go for a more alpha strong guy rather than the mangina blue pill guy they got tired of. He's usually kicked to the kirb by the time she's 34 5 to 7 year's a woman will put up with a puddy cat.

Then when she's sick of his pandering to her every need but under current control,and he's reduced her to a quivering wreck because he just simply is too jealous passive controling and sensitive,her instincts kicks in.

She starts finding the guy with the broad shoulders, beard and tattoos more appealing.
She has her career well tuned,so she doesn't need Mr Blue pill no more.

I find dating in my mid 40's is a whole new level, women in their mid 30's to 50s + want a good strong empathic man who'll be more honest,less demanding and confident.

His bank account doesn't really matter, because the workaholic is always busy.
The average guys has more time for her and he's more than likely never been married either.
So he's likely to have less baggage, than the guy who's divorced or separated.

I love being single love it....

whoever came up with the phrase it is better to have loved and lost then never have loved didn't consider my scenario. I knew a girl from work for 3+ years, was friendly and there was a connection but nothing happened. She went back to her home country last year and returned this year. During this time we stay in touch. In August I met her and asked her out, and generally we had a great time. Earlier this month I tried to contact her, she lives in a remote part of the county, alone, and she didn't respond or so I thought. She had sent a imessage where we normally communicated through WhatsApp. I had my notifications turned off so I didn't see it and thought something was wrong. I phoned in the morning and she didn't answer so I drove for one hour to see she was ok. She was and she said she was shocked (not in a good way) that I would call unexpectedly. The next day we met and she broke it off, apparently one of her exs did something similar and now she believed she was getting the same feeling about me.
Now I was shocked and she even said that it didn't make sense but was basing her decision on a feeling.
This month has been the worse month of my life, but hoping she will change her mind or talk to someone. I have given her a few weeks space but she is ignoring my messages. It's bad enough losing your gf and on top of it losing a friend as well.

100% agree with your general point. Due to distance we communicated by message, usually over 50 a day. Given her isolated location and I did phone her as well with no response, I was concerned. But yes, time to move on. Thanks for your point of view

omerin wrote: »

whoever came up with the phrase it is better to have loved and lost then never have loved didn't consider my scenario. I knew a girl from work for 3+ years, was friendly and there was a connection but nothing happened. She went back to her home country last year and returned this year. During this time we stay in touch. In August I met her and asked her out, and generally we had a great time. Earlier this month I tried to contact her, she lives in a remote part of the county, alone, and she didn't respond or so I thought. She had sent a imessage where we normally communicated through WhatsApp. I had my notifications turned off so I didn't see it and thought something was wrong. I phoned in the morning and she didn't answer so I drove for one hour to see she was ok. She was and she said she was shocked (not in a good way) that I would call unexpectedly. The next day we met and she broke it off, apparently one of her exs did something similar and now she believed she was getting the same feeling about me.
Now I was shocked and she even said that it didn't make sense but was basing her decision on a feeling.
This month has been the worse month of my life, but hoping she will change her mind or talk to someone. I have given her a few weeks space but she is ignoring my messages. It's bad enough losing your gf and on top of it losing a friend as well.

Okaaaay... so thats a little strange. Where you dating or in a relationship. It sounds bonkers

I dont agree that calling to see if she was ok.was ott.
Tbh i think her reaction was a bit much.
Ok maybe she had a bad past relationship but no one nerfs to tar everyone the same.

Being unable to see that it was a genuine response, especially after a month of many messages a day, means this girl isnt ready for any relationship.

and therein lies the issue, you (understandably) presumed, not knowing all the facts, that I was chasing her and why nothing happened after 3+ years meant that it was always a non runner. This is where I find myself today, someone who wont listen to my reasons or allow us to talk about it, so she doesn't know all the facts so she presumes I am the same as her ex as it happened in the past so it will be the same with me - shoot first ask questions later.

This is dangerous today as it results in a guilty until proven innocent attitude. Sorry I can't give you all the details in my posts as it would require a thread of it's own, so I kept it to a high level We met for the first time when she returned to Ireland, spent some time together and got on really well. It was she that indicated she wanted a relationship, I was looking for something casual, but I was in a good place to start a relationship with her.
In terms of timelines, as mentioned she was in her home country for a year and when in Ireland she was either in a relationship or I never asked her was she single, I just presumed she was as it could get awkward and didn't want to embarrass her or me or make it awkward in work. Unfortunately I'm more Hugh Grant then Hugh Hefner

Dalomanakora wrote: »

It's saddening that you seem to have taken in nothing that's been said to you.


It's not about guilty until proven innocent. It's not about shooting first and asking questions later.


You acted like a stalker, you displayed massive, glaring, screaming, neon red flags, and she took the appropriate action to protect herself.

have you read my posts? Just lol, I do realise I was at fault, but my point was that I was looking to explain the circumstances to her like two adults. None so blind as those who will not see.

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

The point is, if she liked you enough you landing on her doorstep after one missed text wouldn't be an issue. But maybe it was a step too far and that's fair enough, she's allowed it. We all bring baggage and prejudices into a relationship, maybe her ex was some sort of stalker that crossed lines with her and that's her dealbreaker. Which she's entitled to, it's a pretty scary behaviour to be fair regardless of the intention.

Mine are things like if he's a heavy drinker, tells white lies, is full of talk about what he wants to achieve in life with little to back it up...because my ex was those things. It hurt to be in a relationship that was going nowhere because of those things and I wouldn't risk that kind of misery again. So I'd walk from a guy that displayed any one of them, even if it was uncharacteristic of him or a one-off mistake on his part. It's too big a risk.

This girl heard alarm bells with your behaviour and that's not some new "guilty until proven innocent" thing, it's a woman exercising the right to change her mind about a guy because that's what every human is allowed to do. Whether you like it or not.

Sorry to hear about your ex.

Good point on carrying baggage, she never talked about it until the end, but I can understand her reasons for not talking about it. Just to be crystal clear, I did phone her before I left and on my way and just before I got there I text her to see if she was ok. These were placed at a time when she would have been awake. I just didn't turn up with no attempt to contact her.
I knocked on the front door

The definition of stalking is - pursue or approach stealthily - my actions were hardly stealthy

omerin wrote: »

I'm not wound up, just disappointed that someone that I've known for years would not have the emotional intelligence, understanding or the humanity to treat me this way.

Time to move on

Move on

You sound like a young man

Learn from your experiences

Really sorry to hear that, it must have been tough.

Our end wasn't by text, I asked to meet her and she agreed to meet the following day (probably a mistake on my side). I am a straight forward, honest person and just wanted to understand why she said she was shocked as in my head I went out of concern for her (your replies helped to clear this up and see it from her perspective). I thought everything would be resolved as I am level headed and don't get angry and she said the previous day that she would be ok. Also when we worked together, she would sneak up on me at my desk and shock me, so I thought in some way her original reaction and knowing who I was, was a kind of reference back to that. It clearly wasn't and she told me she wanted to end it because of a feeling she now had about me based on an experience with an ex. It made no sense to me and she said it made no sense to her, but said it anyway.

I have an analytical brain and work in an analytical job and what she said does not compute so it was going around and around in my head trying to make sense of it. It didn't until I got all of your responses, so thanks again for both the positive and negative replies.

I'm not too young but life is a learning curve and I have learned from this.

I do not regret meeting her, we shared great experience and she was and is still a beautiful person

Break ups suck, they can be very painful.
But they are almost always for the best in the long run.