My frame is killing my chances with females

FOREVERALONE2018 wrote: »

I don't know what to do, females don't so much as look at me. I spent 50 minutes in the club seething on Friday night, throwing daggers at every female who walked past. I've tried to be a positive, fun guy but never manifests in cold hard results.

It's not your frame that's causing your lack of success. People are very perceptive and women are hardly going to throw a 'chat me up' glance at a bloke that's glaring angrily at every woman that walks past.

Why are you seething?

In fairness to the OP, maybe he was just having a bad night in the club and doesn't always behave like that? That's understandable. But the advice you've received here is correct. Be positive, if you can't do that then act it.

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Oh ,are we in pick up artist territory here?

I hope not. Because that is forbidden by the charter to discuss here...;)

Basically OP your aim seems to be to become a nite club douche, its very superficial and within a few years most women would treat you like a joke. If you want to avoid getting angry towards women you need to pivot in a new direction. Take up some social or sports activities where you can see women as individuals and take it from there.

silverharp wrote: »

Basically OP your aim seems to be to become a nite club douche, its very superficial and within a few years most women would treat you like a joke. If you want to avoid getting angry towards women you need to pivot in a new direction. Take up some social or sports activities where you can see women as individuals and take it from there.

This is good advice. Learn to socialise with women in a non-sexual way and it will stand you in good stead. Your current attitude of hating yourself and hating women will get you nowhere but in a downward spiral.

FOREVERALONE2018 wrote: »

I workout and ****, I'm in alright shape(Objectively I'm in pretty good shape but nothing that is gonna wow anyone) however i have a small frame so I never really look like I work out. I just feel that it's a huge deterrent and I'm not viewed as manly due to my frame. I'm 5'8'' but I feel I look a little shorter due to having a stocky type body(short legs and arms)

I don't know what to do, females don't so much as look at me. I spent 50 minutes in the club seething on Friday night, throwing daggers at every female who walked past. I've tried to be a positive, fun guy but never manifests in cold hard results.

Your looks are not the issue here. You're not obese, abnormally tall, abnormally short, or malnourished looking - by your own admission, you're in good shape. Even if you were those things, that would still not preclude you from meeting a partner. 

All over the world there are skinny men, fat men, old men, ugly men, short men, all types of men who have managed to have relationships. Looks are an important factor in initial attraction, but they are not the only factor. And to some potential partners, they are low down the priority list. 

Take some of that gym time and spend it instead on working on your confidence, your demeanour, and your attitude. These are the things which seem to be causing your problem, not looks.

Your attitude in your post came off really really badly towards women. Pretty repulsive. Let’s just say that you feel let down in your dating history, and that you had a temporary women-hating moment. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about, that you actually despise women.

You seem to think of women as conquests. And take rejection incredibly badly. To me, that says that you aren’t happy in yourself, and you aren’t ready for a relationship. There’s something just not right in your views. I don’t believe that you see women as equal partners. I really do believe that you need to sort yourself out before you could have a decent relationship

OP if you want to work out, do it for yourself, not in an attempt to attract women. I hate to break it to you, but a lot of women don't care about muscles on guys...

I agree with others that it's more about attitude than looks.

Also, clubs aren't a great place to meet women, unless you're just looking for a fling. Do you have any hobbies that get you out mingling? Have you tried online dating?

If people arent responding to you the way youd like then maybe have a look at your personality and mind set and ask yourself is there anything you could work on or improve? Ill make some suggestions to get you started..
1. You could drop the sexist attitude and try to see 'females' as actual real people with emotions, thoughts, autonomy etc.
2. You might not realise youre sexist but thats because you lack self awareness - this would be a great place to start evaluating your mindset and how you perceive yourself and others. Youre very insecure and it sounds like youre projecting your own self hatred onto other people (mostly women) by blaming them for how you feel, explicitly referring to women as 'females' and having feelings of anger towards them for not giving you sexual attention is sexist and worrying behaviour imo. As a general rule to keep in mind nobody owes you anything and that includes sex or relationships.
3. You could try to learn how to take rejection in a positive way - some counselling would be great in this respect as difficulties with rejection often stem from low self esteem which is an obvious issue for you judging by your post.

OP I'm going to go through some of your points individually below.

HitMeLikeaHurricane wrote: »

OP here,

Thanks for replies, it took me a while to log back in here.

TBH, there is probably a degree of coping blaming in on my frame entirely(also it is certainty a factor), I am also probably not as facially attractive as I think anyway(I just judge myself off best pics and not my awful selfies or what I look like in bad lighting, I just assume how the public sees me is how I look in my best pictures)

While attractiveness is important to a degree to attract someone to you initially, what one person finds attractive can vary massively to what someone else will. I think you're getting too hung up here on the physical appearance aspect. As many have noted previously, frame has flip all to do with a lot of why someone ends up with someone else. Likewise, I have a very different "type" to that of my best friend. We would rarely find the same guy attractive.

HitMeLikeaHurricane wrote: »

Personality wise, I can't change much tbh. I am losing my enthusiasm and rush of liking girls because I know inevitably they won't feel the same. Only recently I messaged a girl in the AM that I used to like a few years ago and she replied politely but swerved my obvious advances. It was pretty brutal. I thought my 'transformation' meant I just had to have 'confidence' to approach and she would reciprocate. Just further compounded that these girls don't like me, because if they did they would make their intentions clear.

Ok just because you changed how you appear physically does not mean that girls will reciprocate if they don't want to. If she politely swerved it then it wasn't brutal - she's just not interested. That doesn't mean someone else won't be but no one is under an obligation to find you attractive just because you've worked out. If you go forward with the idea though that inevitably a girl won't like you then you will not attract anyone because that in itself is unattractive. It's a cliche but you have to love yourself before someone can love you.

HitMeLikeaHurricane wrote: »

My personality is terrible but I also think it's a two way street. It's terrible in a I'm just a regular guy who likes music and football and can't flirt for **** type of way. If a girl was reciprocal to my humour and demeanour I would buzz of them and be able to have a good rapport but girls are ambivalent towards me. I know that. I've seen guys who aren't funny that girls call funny because they are attracted to them.

What is terrible about being a regular guy?! Most girls, including myself, that's all we really want. A guy who has interests that he's passionate about, things he enjoys doing and an ability to chat about them.

So maybe you've been trying with the wrong type of girls. The only demeanour you've mentioned is glaring at girls in a club which isn't going to get any girl to want to be reciprocal at all.

OP it sounds like you're trying to be something you're not sometimes with this and that can be very unattractive. Instead of trying to be funny and make girls get your humour, just be genuine and talk to them like they're normal people about your interests, about theirs and find common ground. Chat up lines and trying too hard to be funny aren't going to get most girls interested as it says nothing much about you as a person so ditch that if that's what you're doing.

Originally Posted by HitMeLikeaHurricane
It's terrible in a I'm just a regular guy who likes music and football and can't flirt for **** type of way. If a girl was reciprocal to my humour and demeanour I would buzz of them and be able to have a good rapport but girls are ambivalent towards me. I know that.

You sound like my partner then.

Is it possibly when you are talking to women you are trying too hard to impress /be witty and it's coming across as awkward and clunky and a bit off putting? Nervousness can make that worse too.

Sincerity and good listening skills would work way more in your favour.

Humour is very subjective. I found in my dating years that often what a bloke would think as humour was actually lad-banter and while he thought he was impressing me with his wit, I was actually bored and uncomfortable at him jumping in to take the piss out of stuff like he might with his best mate and usually would write them off as being juvenile. I'm not saying women have a different sense of humour but you tailor the humour to the recipient and err on the side of caution.