Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

pwurple · 14-11-2019 4:19pm

We are also not the worst for the multiple day events... anyone here been to a wedding in India?

Salvation Tambourine · 14-11-2019 4:24pm

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Engagement Party
What's wrong with:
No fuss engagement
A few drinks in the local the night before
Local wedding
Small dinner party in a nice restaurant
Bride and Groom go off to a hotel in a convertible, then go on honeymoon the day after.

Nobody is saying there's anything wrong with doing that, some people just prefer the large, over the top party which should be perfectly fine.

Scarinae · 14-11-2019 4:24pm

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Got a woman to do their hair on the morning for normal price (no extravagant up-styles because we're not travellers).

I've heard it all now - only travellers get their hair done for weddings? Or did you mean that only travellers get updos?

LirW · 14-11-2019 4:31pm

pwurple wrote: »

We are also not the worst for the multiple day events... anyone here been to a wedding in India?

My sister was invited as a +1 to an Indian wedding in Thailand. Her friend would have taken her, said friend worked with the groom.
Both couples had morbildy and I mean unimaginably rich parents.

Some details because my sister didn't go but her friend gave her a live stream:
3500 guests. They rented a luxury resort for a whole week in Phuket and all expenses were paid for the guests (just flights they needed to cover). The wedding was a 5 day affair. Crazy amount of drinks and drugs. Groom was shagging around a fair bit. Bride and groom didn't hang out that much in that time. 3 different ceremonies. Food was amazing.

Sister regrets deeply not going.

El_Duderino 09 · 14-11-2019 4:33pm

Scarinae wrote: »

I've heard it all now - only travellers get their hair done for weddings? Or did you mean that only travellers get updos?

The second one. Maybe not only travellers get them but it's what I think when I see them.

SusieBlue · 14-11-2019 4:51pm

pwurple wrote: »

That wasn't small money though either I'd say!
4 parents, the couple,2 siblings each plus partners = 8
Maybe 8 nieces and nephews...

Flying 22 people to las vegas = 22,000 euro. Plus hotels, helicopter rides, a week of accommodation for all and a honeymoon in mexico? Looks like close up on the 40k again there.

Also, if their parents were there, by definition it wasn't eloping, but I'm being picky there.

To be fair, I didn't say it was more cost effective or that it was a cheaper alternative to an Irish wedding :pac: I just think its a nice way to do it!

Flights to Vegas are nowhere near a grand for a start, ours were only about €550 iirc. Accommodation is cheaper than you would imagine for such a touristy spot, particularly if sharing rooms. Our hotel was about mid-level price wise.

I highly doubt it cost €40k, probably more like 20/25k, which sounds extortionate but they would have spent the same (if not more) if they'd had the average Irish cookie cutter wedding.

TheBoyConor · 14-11-2019 4:52pm

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Well said, my brother is getting married next year and only agreed to it at all was because of the pressure he was put under cause all her "mates were getting married"

He couldn't give two fcuks

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Personally i am married and the reason i proposed and got married was because i knew my mrs always dreamt about getting married and all the sideshow that goes with it.

I left her to it will all the arrangements and she was delighted with it that i did

Are these lads for real. I cannot get my head around how this notion that you'll go ahead and marry someone just to humour a girlfriend and stop her moaning about a wedding.
I wonder would a lot of these types of fellas end up regretting it when they end up 40 and miserably married to someone they were only lukewarm about.

14-11-2019 4:52pm

There are some mean-spirited comments here. Some people want a big celebration and if that's not your thing then don't go. How or how much they pay for it is there business.

I'm not really a wedding person, mine is going to be just the two of us and the few close friends and immediate family who matter the very most. No DJ's, no wedding planner, no relatives we haven't seen for years and +1's we've never met.

Neyite · 14-11-2019 4:53pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

One olden day tradition that I’m glad no longer exists is the newlyweds leaving their own reception to go on honeymoon. My MIL and FIL did that. It’s so weird to me. Leaving a party that’s in full swing and contains all your loved ones?

Me too!

But I can kind of see why back when it was a thing - your parents paid for the shindig so chances are you both got fcuk all of a say in who attended, what food was served and what music got played. On the other hand, you were likely a horny virgin who has been simmering with hormonal lust for months so I suppose finally getting it on versus doing the seige of ennis with your mother's mates, I know which option I'd be taking :pac:

sportsfan90 · 14-11-2019 5:02pm

It amazes me how some people complain about getting invited to a wedding of someone they aren't very close to, but still choose to go.

My parents recently told me that they're invited to one on New Years Eve for a son of one of the neighbors. They'd know his parents reasonably well but barely know the groom and have never met the bride. Yet they still RSVP'd yes, and will spend the next 6 weeks complaining about having to go.

What makes it more puzzling is that it being on New years eve, it would have been very easy to come up with an excuse saying they already have plans. I really don't get it.

Electric Sheep · 14-11-2019 6:23pm

I see sheep wrote: »

Just don't go! Why would you go if you didn't want to??

Each to their own, you could make the case for 99% things being a waste of money - cars/clothes/eating out/drinking/travelling/hobbies.

If the couple want to spend a lot I've no problem.

If you can't afford to go don't go.

I'd a fairly small wedding around Xmas, It was great but if anybody couldn't make it then grand, wouldn't bother me a bit.

Why would you invite someone if you didn't care if they came?

Electric Sheep · 14-11-2019 6:34pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

One olden day tradition that I’m glad no longer exists is the newlyweds leaving their own reception to go on honeymoon. My MIL and FIL did that. It’s so weird to me. Leaving a party that’s in full swing and contains all your loved ones?

I loved that - it was the signal that you can leave now, instead of being expected to stay up all night in the residents bar.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 6:43pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I loved that - it was the signal that you can leave now, instead of being expected to stay up all night in the residents bar.

But they left quite early! It wasn’t vamoosing at 1am.

Spanish Eyes · 14-11-2019 7:53pm

We definitely need those who know to compare Irish weddings with those in other EU/non EU countries. Would love to know, so spill if you have the information for me!

I think most are as mad as our own, but what do I know! That's why I'm asking, lol.

Greyfox · 14-11-2019 7:55pm

Candie wrote: »

There are some mean-spirited comments here. Some people want a big celebration and if that's not your thing then don't go. How or how much they pay for it is there business.

It's not that simple. If a close friend of yours or sibling is getting married not going would be very rude

nthclare · 14-11-2019 8:11pm

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Are these lads for real. I cannot get my head around how this notion that you'll go ahead and marry someone just to humour a girlfriend and stop her moaning about a wedding.
I wonder would a lot of these types of fellas end up regretting it when they end up 40 and miserably married to someone they were only lukewarm about.

There's a lot of people who got married in the Celtic tiger era who got married for convenience and supposedly it was the thing to do.
Spend like it'll never run out

Now a lot of them are an addition to the never ending que on Plenty of fish, Tinder and Bumble

Looking for a serious relationship where they can only meet every second weekend and expect single guy's and single women who were never married and are able to be spontaneous and adventurous to fit ok into their window period...of a Saturday night a fortnight.

One has to be careful what they look for that's for sure.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned but if I got married I'm in it for the there after not some ostentatious wedding and reception and the bells and whistles..

Spanish Eyes · 14-11-2019 9:10pm

Weddings are boring unless you are under 40 or so really, so I confess to being a fekkin grinch in that regard.

But I love to see the craic and enjoyment, but wanna go to bed and Netflix kinda early after a loooooong day, I am slightly older you see and have the freedom to feck off if I want to, no one will miss me anyway! And the party goes on....

ITman88 · 14-11-2019 9:26pm

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Are these lads for real. I cannot get my head around how this notion that you'll go ahead and marry someone just to humour a girlfriend and stop her moaning about a wedding.
I wonder would a lot of these types of fellas end up regretting it when they end up 40 and miserably married to someone they were only lukewarm about.

This is the case with many of my friends who have recently got married, “to stop her moaning”, these guys are early 30s, doesn’t bode well for the future

NIMAN · 14-11-2019 9:34pm

Hate weddings.

Having to laugh at the jokes in the speeches you've heard many times.

In fact, heard one speech and you've heard them all.

But I think I'm just getting old. They were definitely better craic when I was younger and more up for the lash.

road_high · 14-11-2019 10:08pm

I’m amazed at the amount of people that hate weddings too- I thought I was the total fcukin oddball!! I wish people would just go off and quietly do it with a few very close family and friends. Like in England this tends to be the case, nice relaxed little affairs that don’t cost a deposit on a house

Bigbagofcans · 14-11-2019 10:20pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

We definitely need those who know to compare Irish weddings with those in other EU/non EU countries. Would love to know, so spill if you have the information for me!

I think most are as mad as our own, but what do I know! That's why I'm asking, lol.

Spanish wedding I was at went on until 6/7 in the morning. Plenty of eating throughout the evening and we had another lot of food at midnight. The groom's mother walked him down the aisle before the bride's entrance with her father. Makes it more personal and Spanish are very family orientated.

Open bar too. I think it would be seen as strange if you had a wedding in Spain and didn't have an open bar.

lisasimpson · 14-11-2019 11:09pm

There is a lot of social pressure and bitchiness surrounding Irish weddings. Realisitic all you need is 2 witnesses after that its up to the couple. If someone wants to spend 40k plus thats up to them but please dont be moaning you cant get a mortgage or complain about paying the loans back. That was your choice tough.
I was at a wedding 2 years ago cost at least 40k and the groam was nearly worse than the bride. Insisted all the lads from the GAA and soccer teams along with their plus ones to be invited. People still getting invited 2 weeks before the wedding. All the gimkics too the ice cream cart outside the chruch a gin reception at hotel. Choice of beers if you didnt drink the gins, candy cart, wedding favours (a lot of them left behind i dont thi k she was impressed with that), photoboot, a finger print thingy etc
Next year im going the oposite and having a simple wedding. Neither of us could justify spending that amount on 1 day. Its not we are tight with money but we both like the simple things in life. Himself having a stag but im not having a hen. Ive being on so many im over them at this stage plus im not a big drinker. Well the looks ive gotten of people when I said that I wasnt having one. One person went to start organising one behind my back and wouldnt drop it until I said the organiser wouldnt be invited to the actual wedding. Another people goes is that all when I said it would be about 180 going to it. This person had 400 at theirs and invited half of work. Same person cant understand why im only inviting the lunch gang and not my whole team. For us no candy cart no photoboots no wedding favours we will make a donation to charity instead etc. Im only having 1 bridemaid.. i didnt travel the country looking for the dresses like what some do.
I was at a wedding this year and the couple did it their way. Was a church wedding but at a later time that usual. They did their photos before the cermony so they could spend time with their guest once the church part was done (thought it was a great idea having a later start time takes the rush from the morning) no bridesmaid or bestman (i didnt even miss them from the day), family members provide the transport and cake

Snow Garden · 14-11-2019 11:30pm

NIMAN wrote: »

Hate weddings.

Having to laugh at the jokes in the speeches you've heard many times.

In fact, heard one speech and you've heard them all.

But I think I'm just getting old. They were definitely better craic when I was younger and more up for the lash.

Agreed. Weddings are very very fake. In almost every way.

People going on about how scrumptious the cold carvery dinner for 300 people was...it's all a big sham.

My worse nightmare is being invited to watch the wedding videos. I'd rather cut myself.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:05am

Snow Garden wrote: »

Agreed. Weddings are very very fake. In almost every way.

People going on about how scrumptious the cold carvery dinner for 300 people was...it's all a big sham.

My worse nightmare is being invited to watch the wedding videos. I'd rather cut myself.

People will always say it’s wonderful on the day - I find when you get them on a one to one afterwards you’ll get the real truth come out of what they really thought of the “special day”!

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:10am

If you don't like someones wedding or any wedding don't go to it . .go home . . instead of pissing and moaning like a cowardly scumbag about the couple behind their back. If you do go to a wedding . . may as well enjoy yourself, it's all in the head. So what if it's not your taste . . it's not your wedding.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:15am

high_king wrote: »

If you don't like someones wedding or any wedding don't go to it . . instead of pissing and moaning about the couple behind their back.
If you do go to a wedding . . may as well enjoy yourself, it's all in the head.

If only it was that simple I’d gladly never ever go to one- but being the big load of overhyped ****e that they are it’s almost akin to murder to decline one.
Such is some people’s overinflated sense of self importance

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:21am

road_high wrote: »

If only it was that simple I’d gladly never ever go to one- but being the big load of overhyped ****e that they are it’s almost akin to murder to decline one.
Such is some people’s overinflated sense of self importance

It's hardly the couples fault if you behave like a passive aggressive pussy that is nice to peoples faces, but a hateful coward about them behind their back, and they've made the honest mistake of giving you the benefit of the doubt and inviting you.

Don't like the couple or weddings ? Man up and don't go.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:26am

high_king wrote: »

It's hardly the couples fault if you're a passive aggressive pussy that is nice to peoples face but a hateful coward about them behind their back,, and they make the honest mistake of inviting you. Don't like the couple or weddings ? Man up and don't go.

Most people just want an easy life and aren’t going to tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there. It’s usually easier just grin and bare the ****e that is weddings

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:28am

road_high wrote: »

Most people just want an easy life and aren’t going to tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there. It’s usually easier just grin and bare the ****e that is weddings

Nobody asked you to "tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there" , or "grin and bear it". Man up and don't go, instead of being some behind the back whiner.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:31am

high_king wrote: »

Nobody asked you to "tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there" , or "grin and bear it". Man up and don't go, instead of being some behind the back whiner.

Have in the past “not gone” and the grief for years afterwards....I just don’t like weddings generally - no need to get your knickers in a twist over it, Jesus

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:32am

road_high wrote: »

Have in the past “not gone” and the grief for years afterwards....I just don’t like weddings generally - no need to get your knickers in a twist over it, Jesus

As I said, time you manned up.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:34am

high_king wrote: »

As I said, time you manned up.

Ok. Will do random internet person :pac:

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:35am

road_high wrote: »

Ok. Will do random internet person :pac:

Good lad random passive aggressive type.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 15-11-2019 12:36am

high_king wrote: »

It's hardly the couples fault if you behave like a passive aggressive pussy that is nice to peoples faces, but a hateful coward about them behind their back, and they've made the honest mistake of giving you the benefit of the doubt and inviting you.

Don't like the couple or weddings ? Man up and don't go.

Well, this is OTT. A hell of a lot of people don’t like weddings. But they like the people throwing the wedding. Are weddings teeming with “passive-aggressive pussies”? Of course not.

It’s easy for you to say here that you’d be fine with anyone who is not keen on weddings not attending yours. Talk is cheap. Just imagine that the list of people not attending because they simply don’t weddings includes, say, your best friend, your father, your brother. You’d be grand with them not attending? I doubt that very much.

If you really think people are cowards for attending weddings when they don’t like them, then you had or will have a lot of cowards at your wedding.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:38am

high_king wrote: »

Good lad random passive aggressive type.

Do you even know what passive aggressive actually means? It appears not

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:39am

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Well, this is OTT. A hell of a lot of people don’t like weddings. But they like the people throwing the wedding. Are weddings teeming with “passive-aggressive pussies”? Of course not.

It’s easy for you to say here that you’d be fine with anyone who is not keen on weddings not attending yours. Talk is cheap. Just imagine that the list of people not attending because they simply don’t weddings includes, say, your best friend, your father, your brother. You’d be grand with them not attending? I doubt that very much.

If you really think people are cowards for attending weddings when they don’t like them, then you had or will have a lot of cowards at your wedding.

Not liking weddings and attending and getting on with it one thing, but going and pissing and moaning about the people behind their back and their wedding is another. People can have whatever style wedding they want, and you are free to not go or go.

Wompa1 · 15-11-2019 12:42am

Got married but didn't have a wedding. Just went to the court with a couple of witnesses. Went to a restaurant afterwards. We went on a trip and both had a day off before going back to work. We realized it might be the only time for the foreseeable future that we both had off a weekday together. Neither of us regret it. Being invited to or hearing about other people's weddings makes us even more happy that we didn't go through it.

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:44am

road_high wrote: »

Do you even know what passive aggressive actually means? It appears not

Do you know what being pretend nice to people, why whining about them behind their back is ?

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:45am

Wompa1 wrote: »

Got married but didn't have a wedding. Just went to the court with a couple of witnesses. Went to a restaurant afterwards. We went on a trip and both had a day off before going back to work. We realized it might be the only time for the foreseeable future that we both had off a weekday together. Neither of us regret it. Being invited to or hearing about other people's weddings makes us even more happy that we didn't go through it.

What a great way to do it, fair play

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:46am

road_high wrote: »

What a great way to do it, fair play

Newsflash : people can have their wedding any way they want to.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 15-11-2019 12:46am

high_king wrote: »

Not liking weddings and attending and getting on with it one thing, but going and pissing and moaning about the people behind their back and their wedding is another. People can have whatever style wedding they want, and you are free to not go or go.

How many people actually piss and moan on the day though?

People are indeed free to not go but don’t pretend you’d be fine with an RSVP no from somebody close to you simply because they don’t like weddings. That’s nothing but bluster.

MissShihTzu · 15-11-2019 12:46am

Meh. it's a wedding. One of life's events.

If you want to spend loads? Fine. If you don't? Also fine. The couple have the wedding they want. If I am available and want to go? I'll go and give a nice present. If I can't? Send regrets and a card.

These threads are all the same as LirW says. An opportunity for hypocrisy and wedding-bashing. People need to mind their own business and get on with life.

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:48am

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

How many people actually piss and moan on the day though?

People are indeed free to not go but don’t pretend you’d be fine with an RSVP no from somebody close to you simply because they don’t like weddings. That’s nothing but bluster.

Actually I've seen lots of people do that all day at weddings behind a couples back. I'd much rather that someone who didn't want to go simply declined, rather than being a two faced ass hole. I've been to many's a wedding that might not be to my personal taste, but it's their wedding not mine, and people can have whatever type of wedding they like, and like any adult, I'm free to decline or go home if I don't want to be there.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 15-11-2019 12:56am

high_king wrote: »

Actually I've seen lots of people do that all day at weddings behind a couples back. I'd much rather that someone who didn't want to go simply declined, rather than being a two faced ass hole. I've been to many's a wedding that might not be to my personal taste, but it's their wedding not mine, and people can have whatever type of wedding they like, and like any adult, I'm free to decline or go home if I don't want to be there.

Who’s saying they can’t?

JJayoo · 15-11-2019 1:00am

Weddings generate huge amounts of money for the economy, 30k for a day of bolllox.

high_king · 15-11-2019 1:05am

JJayoo wrote: »

Weddings generate huge amounts of money for the economy, 30k for a day of bolllox.

Most money is spent on bollox if you examine it.
But for now, people in Ireland are free to spend money legally any way they like.

twowheelsonly · 15-11-2019 1:22am

Each to their own as far as I'm concerned. If someone wants to spend €40k, and they can afford to do so then fair play, off with them. If someone else wants to spend €400 then fair play to them as well.
The only time I'd seriously question a 'fancy' wedding is when people go into debt for it or spend seriously ridiculous money that they can ill afford. My wife's niece is a case in point. Spent €38k earlier this year yet they live in a rented house and complain about not being able to get a mortgage. That's seriously nuts.

As a guest, I'll go if I like the couple , and know them well, or if I think I'll enjoy it. Otherwise I won't bother. My own Mrs has been to at least three weddings in the last couple of years without me and that's fine by me. (Her Niece's one above being one of those..)

Second day, IMO, should be family and very close friends only and should be by casual arrangement so that guests don't feel under pressure to attend. The second day seems to be a by-product of that tiger fella that was hanging around a couple of years ago, never happened before that as far as I can remember other than sometimes all meeting up in 'the mam's house' or down the local. The day after my wedding...waaaaaayyyyy back in 1987.... we went to Turners Cross as Cork City were playing Dundalk. She headed to the pub at half-time and I joined her later and it turned into an unmerciful session. Best part of the weekend IMO !!

Generally you'll hear older people saying that "They're nuts to be spending that kind of money...." or "They'll regret spending that much later..."
Generally the older people are right !!

cj maxx · 15-11-2019 1:30am

Weddings are pure shyte in my mind. A load of pretending the guest are your bestest friends and vice versa. All the time looking at what money came in. And guests talking among themselves later how much it cost them .and the hotel owner counting his/her money later. Pure shyt

JJayoo · 15-11-2019 2:43am

Do any grooms enjoy the planning and day of the wedding? Or is it just something they have to endure for the bride

2pacshakur · 15-11-2019 6:30am

Utterly pointless having a massive wedding in my opinion. I have cousins I haven't talked to in ten years and some I don't particularly like and just because there related I'll invite them to my wedding. No thanks!!
It's one day of your life and spending huge amount of money on one day is utterly pointless.

It will be registry office in the afternoon, 3 or four close friends, current siblings, meal afterwards and then on the piss for the night.

Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

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