Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

Thelonious Monk

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Recreate the ‘Blinded By The Lights’ video - now, that’s a plan.

great song but never saw the video. I never got the lyrics either, something like "Wake up like a douche now in the middle of the night". Wtf.

razorblunt

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

great song but never saw the video. I never got the lyrics either, something like "Wake up like a douche now in the middle of the night". Wtf.

I think that poster meant The Streets version of the song.

razorblunt

Hardtochoose wrote: »

Boards.ie must have the most miserable people in Ireland. It would depress you reading threads like this.

Agreed.
There's a lot of people afraid to say "no" it seems.

I've been invited to weddings that I either couldn't be bothered attending or was too expensive / awkward to get to. Simple "no, thanks" and token gift if they were at our wedding and that was that.

Thelonious Monk

razorblunt wrote: »

I think that poster meant The Streets version of the song.

The who? I'm old.

LirW

Nokotan wrote: »

I love the mayhem of the actual wedding day so it's the best of both worlds for me.

In terms of not missing someone that you invited, there's enough going on and enough people that are there that it'd be foolish to be thinking about the person not arsed going. In my case I'm still friends with the lad, I was disappointed at the time that he declined but I got over it quickly, nothing I can do.

I hope you didn't take any offense in what I said, trying to see it from your point of view just makes me understand how much I struggle to understand the general concept of Irish wedding customs.
See, back home weddings are very small compared to here and people are invited because they're close, often not even extended family makes the cut and there are generally no hard feelings about not being invited because the custom is so different. People get married in small settings, go have food, drink and mingle and the couple, while being the most important part, are right in the middle of it all and days aren't as strict and rigid and it has a natural flow because entertainment doesn't matter that much but being with the people does.

Not saying it's better, it's just different.

Feisar

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

great song but never saw the video. I never got the lyrics either, something like "Wake up like a douche now in the middle of the night". Wtf.

deuce, google tells me it's a reference to a coupe two seater car. Or a low card in poker. Cut loose like a deuce, could mean getting fired or dumped.

Stevieluvsye

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

great song but never saw the video. I never got the lyrics either, something like "Wake up like a douche now in the middle of the night". Wtf.

Douchebag and its variants, or simply douche, are pejorative terms referring to an arrogant, obnoxious, or despicable person.
Douche - Wikipedia

Salvation Tambourine

LirW wrote: »

I hope you didn't take any offense in what I said, trying to see it from your point of view just makes me understand how much I struggle to understand the general concept of Irish wedding customs.
See, back home weddings are very small compared to here and people are invited because they're close, often not even extended family makes the cut and there are generally no hard feelings about not being invited because the custom is so different. People get married in small settings, go have food, drink and mingle and the couple, while being the most important part, are right in the middle of it all and days aren't as strict and rigid and it has a natural flow because entertainment doesn't matter that much but being with the people does.

Not saying it's better, it's just different.

No offence taken at all. Yeah, I'd love to go to a very small, intimate wedding at some point. I'm sure it would be fantastic. I also love the big, lavish affair. Generally a wedding of a friend means that a couple of days and nights celebrating with my group of friends. Everyone lets their hair down, doesn't worry about work or getting the last bus/train.

Our wedding allowed my wife to invited friends from home (she's not from Ireland) that she hasn't seen in years and they had an amazing night of catching up and celebrating. On the face of it inviting people you'd not seen for years sounds odd but it was fantastic for her for them to be there.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

The who? I'm old.

Oh, watch the video for the Streets song. Highly entertaining.

SusieBlue

I was in Vegas a few months ago and got chatting to a pair of newlyweds around my own age at the pool. Rather than do the big white wedding, they flew their parents, siblings, partners & nieces/nephews to Vegas where they eloped.
Their wedding was intimate and special and they had an absolute blast with their families for the week they were there. They did a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon, visited Hoover Dam, and had relaxing days by the pool, as well as the obvious partying by night.
At the end of the week, their families were going home and the newlyweds were heading to Cancun in Mexico for their honeymoon.

They were so relaxed, chilled out and happy and no one at home was any the wiser to what they had done. If I ever get married, I'd love to do it that way.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

I organised my wedding in a month. Now, it was different for me because the usual marriage licence waiting period was waived for me due to special circumstances. It was a full-on month but we did it. I didn’t have the energy for a large wedding. It was us, parents and siblings. Ten people in total. A civil ceremony, a nice mid-range restaurant meal afterwards, then across the road to a pub for some casual speechifying.

And for all the talk of women being more wedding-obsessed, the only person who took the hump was my husband’s best friend. He very stubbornly refused to take our point that it’s ten people or else the next level up which would be fifty guests or more. I’d just come off a year of gruelling cancer treatment and all I had energy and money for was a small wedding. Hubs and I could not believe how unreasonable he was being. Hubs eventually snapped and told him to get over it when reasoning wouldn’t work. We finally got through to him.

Hector Savage

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

That's the way to do it instead of interfering in other people's lives and bank balances! Fair play.

It's a load of nonsense, I hate receiving wedding invites - they are like bloody summons to court!!!

I have a friend that needed to spend 1,000s on the wedding (he asked for gifts of money only so he could make as much back) otherwise she wouldn't have married him!

crazy, says a lot about a person that would expect that.

He'd probably splash about 1k on her on her birthday/Christmas and 200/300 on the great big scam Valentines day.

PhilOssophy

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

People do destination weddings because they are cheaper for the couple. But in reality it just transfers the costs onto the guest. Foreign weddings are always more expensive, no matter what anyone says.

Its complete BS. We were at one and it was about a 5-hr drive from the airport, the venue looked nice but the food was rotten (we would have rang a pizza only we were too far from civilisation), the hotels were awful and expensive, and it felt like we were shepherded around like sheep for 3 days to indulge a pair of narcissists. We (and others) couldn't wait to get out of there.

I also think in Irish weddings the day after thing is a load of me asre - "we will be all relaxed and people will love spending time with us". For our wedding, the next day - after we said our goodbyes to our guests, we spent with our parents and bridal party for a while. Then everybody headed off.
Then we spent the rest of the day on our own reflecting about the day and it was a million times more relaxing than sitting around with people who feel obliged to stay for the next day party! Bottle of champers that night at home, it was bliss.

Steve F

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Work colleague spent €40,000 on the wedding. €40k ffs! The boom is getting boomier

Please STOP!!
I have twin Girls and after reading some of this thread I ain't sleeping tonight :eek:

freshpopcorn

A few things that always make laugh about weeding is.
If the bride and groom do anything a little different or even something fairly standard and a guest compliments it. They'll go on for ages about how they made the right decision and how people were complementing it.
In reality guests always tell the couple everything was great and the best ever. It's just a thing people say.
Black tie weddings are a pain and generally look like a debs or a GAA awards ceremony and aren't that classy looking.
Having one abroad is fine but don't tell people it's there Summer holiday and it will save them money or annoyed when relatives who've never being abroad may not want to attend.
Also if a two or three day wedding takes place. You are not obliged to attend everyday.
I've seen people say they had to stay the night,etc at weddings when in reality most guests just headed home.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

PhilOssophy wrote: »

Its complete BS. We were at one and it was about a 5-hr drive from the airport, the venue looked nice but the food was rotten (we would have rang a pizza only we were too far from civilisation), the hotels were awful and expensive, and it felt like we were shepherded around like sheep for 3 days to indulge a pair of narcissists. We (and others) couldn't wait to get out of there.

I also think in Irish weddings the day after thing is a load of me asre - "we will be all relaxed and people will love spending time with us". For our wedding, the next day - after we said our goodbyes to our guests, we spent with our parents and bridal party for a while. Then everybody headed off.
Then we spent the rest of the day on our own reflecting about the day and it was a million times more relaxing than sitting around with people who feel obliged to stay for the next day party! Bottle of champers that night at home, it was bliss.

Well, I was invited to a wedding in Portugal last year and I was really looking forward to it. I got sick and couldn’t make it though and I was sad about that. I really did want to go.

The only thing that annoyed me was that the groom, in convincing people to go, did the whole “Sure an Irish wedding is as expensive to attend!” thing where they compare the most expensive Irish prices to the cheapest foreign ones. If you’re going to have a foreign wedding, just accept that it’s going to be expensive for your guests.

Totally agree about the second day nonsense. I’ve only ever attended one and that was because we were in the UK for the whole weekend. I hate drinking two days in a row and even if I’m not drinking, a wedding is a long day and I’m wrecked the day after. A few Christmases ago, my hubs and MIL dragged themselves off to a second day event for a family wedding whilst FIL and I stayed behind. We just said we weren’t going and there was no big deal about it. MIL and hubs were so envious heading out into the crappy weather hungover whilst FIL and I settled into the sofa to watch Home Alone.

Tammy!

PhilOssophy wrote: »

I also think in Irish weddings the day after thing is a load of me asre - "we will be all relaxed and people will love spending time with us". For our wedding, the next day - after we said our goodbyes to our guests, we spent with our parents and bridal party for a while. Then everybody headed off.
Then we spent the rest of the day on our own reflecting about the day and it was a million times more relaxing than sitting around with people who feel obliged to stay for the next day party! Bottle of champers that night at home, it was bliss.

Yea I personally didn't want another party the next day.

We just booked our hotel room again for the next night and spent the day eating and consummating tmi

Mezzotint

I wonder though does it end up being a huge anticlimax?

Having a huge party and enjoying your wedding is one thing but building it up to be some kind of perfect day that's going to define your every thread of being is a different issue entirely.

If often wondered if you start out with this picture perfect day, then spend the next decade paying it off, is that not a bit of a high bar as the normality of day to day life kicks in?

I'm all for having a big celebration but it's that kinda creation of a wedding solely so you have picture perfect photos that I don't get. It's like someone's creating a fantasy day, with money no object type spending.

I've seen a few weddings where it was more about the creation of images for public consumption than about the couple. A stage show rather than any kind of celebration.

Snow Garden

eviltwin wrote: »

I hate weddings. I would have not been able to cope with a traditional affair, we got married very quietly with just a few people there who thought they were going to a house warming. Simple with no fuss. Why do people go mad? Who knows but it's one of the reasons the wedding forum on boards is so entertaining.

I think 80% of people hate weddings. I would prefer a summons to a wedding invite.They are very boring and a waste of time and money. I don't think the bride and groom to-be realise that most people are pretending to enjoy the day and are watching the clock.

Snow Garden

The best wedding I was ever at involved the bride/groom going to a registry office, then about 40 friends/relatives met up in a great restaurant at around 3pm. We all went home/hotel around 5pm and met up again in a great pub (reserved seating) at 7pm. Simple but very enjoyable.

pwurple

SusieBlue wrote: »

I was in Vegas a few months ago and got chatting to a pair of newlyweds around my own age at the pool. Rather than do the big white wedding, they flew their parents, siblings, partners & nieces/nephews to Vegas where they eloped.
Their wedding was intimate and special and they had an absolute blast with their families for the week they were there. They did a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon, visited Hoover Dam, and had relaxing days by the pool, as well as the obvious partying by night.
At the end of the week, their families were going home and the newlyweds were heading to Cancun in Mexico for their honeymoon.

They were so relaxed, chilled out and happy and no one at home was any the wiser to what they had done. If I ever get married, I'd love to do it that way.

That wasn't small money though either I'd say!
4 parents, the couple,2 siblings each plus partners = 8
Maybe 8 nieces and nephews...

Flying 22 people to las vegas = 22,000 euro. Plus hotels, helicopter rides, a week of accommodation for all and a honeymoon in mexico? Looks like close up on the 40k again there.

Also, if their parents were there, by definition it wasn't eloping, but I'm being picky there.

LirW

SusieBlue wrote: »

I was in Vegas a few months ago and got chatting to a pair of newlyweds around my own age at the pool. Rather than do the big white wedding, they flew their parents, siblings, partners & nieces/nephews to Vegas where they eloped.
Their wedding was intimate and special and they had an absolute blast with their families for the week they were there. They did a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon, visited Hoover Dam, and had relaxing days by the pool, as well as the obvious partying by night.
At the end of the week, their families were going home and the newlyweds were heading to Cancun in Mexico for their honeymoon.

They were so relaxed, chilled out and happy and no one at home was any the wiser to what they had done. If I ever get married, I'd love to do it that way.

I can totally give you a heads up for Las Vegas. I got married there earlier this year and I loved that just about everything goes.
We had the greatest time, we got a pretty swanky hotel room, we got ready together, we booked a nice photographer and had a ceremony when it was dark in the chapel garden. We bought a lifestream for family and friends at home, some watched live, some the day after, some not at all. Our families at home weren't up for travelling, everyone has commitments but they all chipped in to buy a surprise Elvis performer. It was crazy, whacky, glittery and so much fun.
Afterwards a limo took us to our a really upscale steakhouse where they gave us Frank Sinatra's favourite booth (incidentally I picked a Sinatra song for the ceremony).
The day after we went to the spa, we got room service, we gambled in the casino and after that we went on a road trip.
It was just perfect and so straight forward.
If you want really sophisticated, you can have it. If you want to marry in a helicopter you sure as hell get one.
Wanna get married in your hotel bed? No problem, Vegas got you sorted.

Tastes differ and that's cool.

Also we got great response because everyone in our family was delighted to not have deal with the logistics of going to a wedding of a couple from different places with different customs.

Neyite

A wedding day is special to pretty much the bride and groom and maybe their parents. For the rest of the guests it's just a party. And all guests really remember is how late the bar served or if the food was woeful. They aren't going to remember your theme or your colour scheme or what kind of shoes you wore.



We are planning a small wedding and the amount of people flapping is...bemusing. One of our (already extremely thin) guests announced 10 months before the wedding that they are already on a diet for it. Um...ok then? We are looking more forward to the honeymoon than the wedding.

chrissb8

They are utterly pointless to make big ridiculous events. Why would you?

I worked with a woman who over the course of a year leading upto the wedding was spending every weekend doing something for the wedding. She was so stressed with it all and ultimately the day was just good. I mean great for her, but looking at the pictures I just thought what an absolute load of faff.

It came to almost 20k for her and honestly I thought wtf. You could have put a deposit down on a house. You could have travelled the world or gone anywhere you wished with your partner and just had a low key wedding without all the pointless s**e.

At the end of it all what are you getting? The perfect day? Is not having loved ones around and saying yes to spending your life with THE one you love not enough?

Why do you need to stress yourself out and then on the day be stressed because you have 100 things going on you can't keep a run of yourself.

Best weddings I went to were lowkey, humanist ceremonies and did the simple things great. No quirky nonsesnse to make their wedding "unique" (we know you got the idea off pintrest probably).

Big weddings are just peacock shows and Hollywood, popular culture has distorted the sentiment of what the thing is actually about. Become more about the aesthetic.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

pwurple wrote: »

That wasn't small money though either I'd say!
4 parents, the couple,2 siblings each plus partners = 8
Maybe 8 nieces and nephews...

Flying 22 people to las vegas = 22,000 euro. Plus hotels, helicopter rides, a week of accommodation for all and a honeymoon in mexico? Looks like close up on the 40k again there.

Also, if their parents were there, by definition it wasn't eloping, but I'm being picky there.

It does sound like a more fun way to spend that wedding budget though and it’s great if they covered the costs of the guests!

pwurple

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

It does sound like a more fun way to spend that wedding budget though and it’s great if they covered the costs of the guests!

Well, the money got spent either way, right?

That's the thing with a lot of foreign weddings, you're just dumping spreading cost onto your guests.

Anyway, I have to say, we had a wedding, not a massive one, and however many years later, I still like looking at the photos of the people who were there. It is a milestone in most people's lives... like a graduation, or birth of children. It is a day I remember for a heck of a long time,

freshpopcorn

They are certain people and they get into a hump and complain if they are invited and also of they don't get invited.

We had a simple meal and a cake for my fathers Birthday and invited his siblings. Some relatives really got the hump.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

pwurple wrote: »

Well, the money got spent either way, right?

That's the thing with a lot of foreign weddings, you're just dumping spreading cost onto your guests.

Anyway, I have to say, we had a wedding, not a massive one, and however many years later, I still like looking at the photos of the people who were there. It is a milestone in most people's lives... like a graduation, or birth of children. It is a day I remember for a heck of a long time,

I know that’s generally true but I got the impression in that case that the couple paid for the few guests to go out to Las Vegas.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

One olden day tradition that I’m glad no longer exists is the newlyweds leaving their own reception to go on honeymoon. My MIL and FIL did that. It’s so weird to me. Leaving a party that’s in full swing and contains all your loved ones?

Richard Hillman

Engagement Party
Stag Party
Wedding, in the ****hole of nowhere
Second day event

Each wedding seems to cost over 1k.



What's wrong with:
No fuss engagement
A few drinks in the local the night before
Local wedding
Small dinner party in a nice restaurant
Bride and Groom go off to a hotel in a convertible, then go on honeymoon the day after.