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Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

JupiterKid

So as the thread title asks - why are weddings such a huge fuss for people?

I’ve heard it said that women make much more of a huge deal of their wedding than men do, and that the stress, anxiety and expectations can become completely overwhelming for some. You hear of the “bridezilla” stories, of super lavish affairs with hundreds of guests, people getting into serious debt over their “perfect” day etc. And that’s not taking the increasingly lavish and expensive hen and stag parties into account.

It really seems crazy and ridiculous to me. My OH and I have been talking about marriage for a while now and if and when we do get hitched, it will be a relatively simple, low key affair, with family and closest friends invited. As it would be a same-sex wedding, there would be no church service (which suits me) and the reception would be low key but relaxed and classy.

Most of my good mates had their weddings 10 to 15 years ago now, some were very big and lavish, others were smaller and more intimate and TBH the smaller ones were nicer and more fun.

Do you think, due to social conditioning and materialism, that people have lost the run of themselves when it comes to weddings? Isn’t the marriage the really important thing, not the actual wedding day itself?

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pwurple

We are also not the worst for the multiple day events... anyone here been to a wedding in India?

Salvation Tambourine

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Engagement Party
What's wrong with:
No fuss engagement
A few drinks in the local the night before
Local wedding
Small dinner party in a nice restaurant
Bride and Groom go off to a hotel in a convertible, then go on honeymoon the day after.

Nobody is saying there's anything wrong with doing that, some people just prefer the large, over the top party which should be perfectly fine.

Scarinae

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Got a woman to do their hair on the morning for normal price (no extravagant up-styles because we're not travellers).

I've heard it all now - only travellers get their hair done for weddings? Or did you mean that only travellers get updos?

LirW

pwurple wrote: »

We are also not the worst for the multiple day events... anyone here been to a wedding in India?

My sister was invited as a +1 to an Indian wedding in Thailand. Her friend would have taken her, said friend worked with the groom.
Both couples had morbildy and I mean unimaginably rich parents.

Some details because my sister didn't go but her friend gave her a live stream:
3500 guests. They rented a luxury resort for a whole week in Phuket and all expenses were paid for the guests (just flights they needed to cover). The wedding was a 5 day affair. Crazy amount of drinks and drugs. Groom was shagging around a fair bit. Bride and groom didn't hang out that much in that time. 3 different ceremonies. Food was amazing.

Sister regrets deeply not going.

El_Duderino 09

Scarinae wrote: »

I've heard it all now - only travellers get their hair done for weddings? Or did you mean that only travellers get updos?

The second one. Maybe not only travellers get them but it's what I think when I see them.

SusieBlue

pwurple wrote: »

That wasn't small money though either I'd say!
4 parents, the couple,2 siblings each plus partners = 8
Maybe 8 nieces and nephews...

Flying 22 people to las vegas = 22,000 euro. Plus hotels, helicopter rides, a week of accommodation for all and a honeymoon in mexico? Looks like close up on the 40k again there.

Also, if their parents were there, by definition it wasn't eloping, but I'm being picky there.

To be fair, I didn't say it was more cost effective or that it was a cheaper alternative to an Irish wedding :pac: I just think its a nice way to do it!

Flights to Vegas are nowhere near a grand for a start, ours were only about €550 iirc. Accommodation is cheaper than you would imagine for such a touristy spot, particularly if sharing rooms. Our hotel was about mid-level price wise.

I highly doubt it cost €40k, probably more like 20/25k, which sounds extortionate but they would have spent the same (if not more) if they'd had the average Irish cookie cutter wedding.

TheBoyConor

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Well said, my brother is getting married next year and only agreed to it at all was because of the pressure he was put under cause all her "mates were getting married"

He couldn't give two fcuks

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Personally i am married and the reason i proposed and got married was because i knew my mrs always dreamt about getting married and all the sideshow that goes with it.

I left her to it will all the arrangements and she was delighted with it that i did

Are these lads for real. I cannot get my head around how this notion that you'll go ahead and marry someone just to humour a girlfriend and stop her moaning about a wedding.
I wonder would a lot of these types of fellas end up regretting it when they end up 40 and miserably married to someone they were only lukewarm about.

[Deleted User]

There are some mean-spirited comments here. Some people want a big celebration and if that's not your thing then don't go. How or how much they pay for it is there business.

I'm not really a wedding person, mine is going to be just the two of us and the few close friends and immediate family who matter the very most. No DJ's, no wedding planner, no relatives we haven't seen for years and +1's we've never met.

Neyite

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

One olden day tradition that I’m glad no longer exists is the newlyweds leaving their own reception to go on honeymoon. My MIL and FIL did that. It’s so weird to me. Leaving a party that’s in full swing and contains all your loved ones?

Me too!

But I can kind of see why back when it was a thing - your parents paid for the shindig so chances are you both got fcuk all of a say in who attended, what food was served and what music got played. On the other hand, you were likely a horny virgin who has been simmering with hormonal lust for months so I suppose finally getting it on versus doing the seige of ennis with your mother's mates, I know which option I'd be taking :pac:

sportsfan90

It amazes me how some people complain about getting invited to a wedding of someone they aren't very close to, but still choose to go.

My parents recently told me that they're invited to one on New Years Eve for a son of one of the neighbors. They'd know his parents reasonably well but barely know the groom and have never met the bride. Yet they still RSVP'd yes, and will spend the next 6 weeks complaining about having to go.

What makes it more puzzling is that it being on New years eve, it would have been very easy to come up with an excuse saying they already have plans. I really don't get it.

Electric Sheep

I see sheep wrote: »

Just don't go! Why would you go if you didn't want to??

Each to their own, you could make the case for 99% things being a waste of money - cars/clothes/eating out/drinking/travelling/hobbies.

If the couple want to spend a lot I've no problem.

If you can't afford to go don't go.

I'd a fairly small wedding around Xmas, It was great but if anybody couldn't make it then grand, wouldn't bother me a bit.

Why would you invite someone if you didn't care if they came?

Electric Sheep

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

One olden day tradition that I’m glad no longer exists is the newlyweds leaving their own reception to go on honeymoon. My MIL and FIL did that. It’s so weird to me. Leaving a party that’s in full swing and contains all your loved ones?

I loved that - it was the signal that you can leave now, instead of being expected to stay up all night in the residents bar.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I loved that - it was the signal that you can leave now, instead of being expected to stay up all night in the residents bar.

But they left quite early! It wasn’t vamoosing at 1am.

Spanish Eyes

We definitely need those who know to compare Irish weddings with those in other EU/non EU countries. Would love to know, so spill if you have the information for me!

I think most are as mad as our own, but what do I know! That's why I'm asking, lol.

Greyfox

Candie wrote: »

There are some mean-spirited comments here. Some people want a big celebration and if that's not your thing then don't go. How or how much they pay for it is there business.

It's not that simple. If a close friend of yours or sibling is getting married not going would be very rude

nthclare

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Are these lads for real. I cannot get my head around how this notion that you'll go ahead and marry someone just to humour a girlfriend and stop her moaning about a wedding.
I wonder would a lot of these types of fellas end up regretting it when they end up 40 and miserably married to someone they were only lukewarm about.

There's a lot of people who got married in the Celtic tiger era who got married for convenience and supposedly it was the thing to do.
Spend like it'll never run out

Now a lot of them are an addition to the never ending que on Plenty of fish, Tinder and Bumble

Looking for a serious relationship where they can only meet every second weekend and expect single guy's and single women who were never married and are able to be spontaneous and adventurous to fit ok into their window period...of a Saturday night a fortnight.

One has to be careful what they look for that's for sure.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned but if I got married I'm in it for the there after not some ostentatious wedding and reception and the bells and whistles..

Spanish Eyes

Weddings are boring unless you are under 40 or so really, so I confess to being a fekkin grinch in that regard.

But I love to see the craic and enjoyment, but wanna go to bed and Netflix kinda early after a loooooong day, I am slightly older you see and have the freedom to feck off if I want to, no one will miss me anyway! And the party goes on....

ITman88

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Are these lads for real. I cannot get my head around how this notion that you'll go ahead and marry someone just to humour a girlfriend and stop her moaning about a wedding.
I wonder would a lot of these types of fellas end up regretting it when they end up 40 and miserably married to someone they were only lukewarm about.

This is the case with many of my friends who have recently got married, “to stop her moaning”, these guys are early 30s, doesn’t bode well for the future

NIMAN

Hate weddings.

Having to laugh at the jokes in the speeches you've heard many times.

In fact, heard one speech and you've heard them all.

But I think I'm just getting old. They were definitely better craic when I was younger and more up for the lash.

road_high

I’m amazed at the amount of people that hate weddings too- I thought I was the total fcukin oddball!! I wish people would just go off and quietly do it with a few very close family and friends. Like in England this tends to be the case, nice relaxed little affairs that don’t cost a deposit on a house

Bigbagofcans

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

We definitely need those who know to compare Irish weddings with those in other EU/non EU countries. Would love to know, so spill if you have the information for me!

I think most are as mad as our own, but what do I know! That's why I'm asking, lol.

Spanish wedding I was at went on until 6/7 in the morning. Plenty of eating throughout the evening and we had another lot of food at midnight. The groom's mother walked him down the aisle before the bride's entrance with her father. Makes it more personal and Spanish are very family orientated.

Open bar too. I think it would be seen as strange if you had a wedding in Spain and didn't have an open bar.

lisasimpson

There is a lot of social pressure and bitchiness surrounding Irish weddings. Realisitic all you need is 2 witnesses after that its up to the couple. If someone wants to spend 40k plus thats up to them but please dont be moaning you cant get a mortgage or complain about paying the loans back. That was your choice tough.
I was at a wedding 2 years ago cost at least 40k and the groam was nearly worse than the bride. Insisted all the lads from the GAA and soccer teams along with their plus ones to be invited. People still getting invited 2 weeks before the wedding. All the gimkics too the ice cream cart outside the chruch a gin reception at hotel. Choice of beers if you didnt drink the gins, candy cart, wedding favours (a lot of them left behind i dont thi k she was impressed with that), photoboot, a finger print thingy etc
Next year im going the oposite and having a simple wedding. Neither of us could justify spending that amount on 1 day. Its not we are tight with money but we both like the simple things in life. Himself having a stag but im not having a hen. Ive being on so many im over them at this stage plus im not a big drinker. Well the looks ive gotten of people when I said that I wasnt having one. One person went to start organising one behind my back and wouldnt drop it until I said the organiser wouldnt be invited to the actual wedding. Another people goes is that all when I said it would be about 180 going to it. This person had 400 at theirs and invited half of work. Same person cant understand why im only inviting the lunch gang and not my whole team. For us no candy cart no photoboots no wedding favours we will make a donation to charity instead etc. Im only having 1 bridemaid.. i didnt travel the country looking for the dresses like what some do.
I was at a wedding this year and the couple did it their way. Was a church wedding but at a later time that usual. They did their photos before the cermony so they could spend time with their guest once the church part was done (thought it was a great idea having a later start time takes the rush from the morning) no bridesmaid or bestman (i didnt even miss them from the day), family members provide the transport and cake

Snow Garden

NIMAN wrote: »

Hate weddings.

Having to laugh at the jokes in the speeches you've heard many times.

In fact, heard one speech and you've heard them all.

But I think I'm just getting old. They were definitely better craic when I was younger and more up for the lash.

Agreed. Weddings are very very fake. In almost every way.

People going on about how scrumptious the cold carvery dinner for 300 people was...it's all a big sham.

My worse nightmare is being invited to watch the wedding videos. I'd rather cut myself.

road_high

Snow Garden wrote: »

Agreed. Weddings are very very fake. In almost every way.

People going on about how scrumptious the cold carvery dinner for 300 people was...it's all a big sham.

My worse nightmare is being invited to watch the wedding videos. I'd rather cut myself.

People will always say it’s wonderful on the day - I find when you get them on a one to one afterwards you’ll get the real truth come out of what they really thought of the “special day”!

high_king

If you don't like someones wedding or any wedding don't go to it . .go home . . instead of pissing and moaning like a cowardly scumbag about the couple behind their back. If you do go to a wedding . . may as well enjoy yourself, it's all in the head. So what if it's not your taste . . it's not your wedding.

road_high

high_king wrote: »

If you don't like someones wedding or any wedding don't go to it . . instead of pissing and moaning about the couple behind their back.
If you do go to a wedding . . may as well enjoy yourself, it's all in the head.

If only it was that simple I’d gladly never ever go to one- but being the big load of overhyped ****e that they are it’s almost akin to murder to decline one.
Such is some people’s overinflated sense of self importance

high_king

road_high wrote: »

If only it was that simple I’d gladly never ever go to one- but being the big load of overhyped ****e that they are it’s almost akin to murder to decline one.
Such is some people’s overinflated sense of self importance

It's hardly the couples fault if you behave like a passive aggressive pussy that is nice to peoples faces, but a hateful coward about them behind their back, and they've made the honest mistake of giving you the benefit of the doubt and inviting you.

Don't like the couple or weddings ? Man up and don't go.

road_high

high_king wrote: »

It's hardly the couples fault if you're a passive aggressive pussy that is nice to peoples face but a hateful coward about them behind their back,, and they make the honest mistake of inviting you. Don't like the couple or weddings ? Man up and don't go.

Most people just want an easy life and aren’t going to tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there. It’s usually easier just grin and bare the ****e that is weddings

high_king

road_high wrote: »

Most people just want an easy life and aren’t going to tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there. It’s usually easier just grin and bare the ****e that is weddings

Nobody asked you to "tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there" , or "grin and bear it". Man up and don't go, instead of being some behind the back whiner.

road_high

high_king wrote: »

Nobody asked you to "tell them they hated their “special day” and didn’t want to be there" , or "grin and bear it". Man up and don't go, instead of being some behind the back whiner.

Have in the past “not gone” and the grief for years afterwards....I just don’t like weddings generally - no need to get your knickers in a twist over it, Jesus