Ghosted after a few good dates

raclle · 03-05-2021 7:03pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Yeah is a fine balance. And then every woman is different!

You can say that again. We'll exchange snapchat or whatever and then numbers and when its time to arrange a meetup they suddenly get cold feet. I mean what's the point of giving me your number? So many times this has happened

colm_mcm · 03-05-2021 7:06pm

Beatty69 wrote: »

Guys do need to understand that women are in a lot more danger using the likes of Tinder.

Court case this week about a woman raped after meeting a Tinder date.

Definitely more dodgy at the moment because you can't meet in a restaurant or bar so it's either a walk or a drive, both of which can be dangerous when you don't know someone.

The traditional getting pissed and meeting in a nightclub is so much safer.

Church on Tuesday · 03-05-2021 7:12pm

Beatty69 wrote: »

Guys do need to understand that women are in a lot more danger using the likes of Tinder.

Court case this week about a woman raped after meeting a Tinder date.

Definitely more dodgy at the moment because you can't meet in a restaurant or bar so it's either a walk or a drive, both of which can be dangerous when you don't know someone.

An extremely rare case.

Most victims of sexual assault already know their attacker.

Men on dating apps are not sexual predators. If I meet a woman for a date I always make sure it's in a public setting for my safety and hers.

YellowLead · 03-05-2021 7:13pm

raclle wrote: »

You can say that again. We'll exchange snapchat or whatever and then numbers and when its time to arrange a meetup they suddenly get cold feet. I mean what's the point of giving me your number? So many times this has happened

I guess you have to take into consideration they are prob chatting with a bunch of other guys at the same time.

Personally - I don’t exchange numbers until after the first date or until definite plans for a date have at least been made.

I usually let guys know I’m also chatting to others and planning other dates and it’s up to them whether they want to continue, knowing that information. Unless I really like them, then I’ll keep my mouth shut unless they ask specifically

raclle · 03-05-2021 7:20pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I usually let guys know I’m also chatting to others and planning other dates and it’s up to them whether they want to continue, knowing that information. Unless I really like them, then I’ll keep my mouth shut unless they ask specifically

I had one woman like that and it kind of got a bit awkward. I asked to meet on a certain date and if she was meeting anyone else around that time. She got a bit pissed to say the least

YellowLead · 03-05-2021 7:38pm

raclle wrote: »

I had one woman like that and it kind of got a bit awkward. I asked to meet on a certain date and if she was meeting anyone else around that time. She got a bit pissed to say the least

There you go - asking is always better. Want to weed out the sneaky / pissy people

MayoAreMagic · 03-05-2021 8:14pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I guess you have to take into consideration they are prob chatting with a bunch of other guys at the same time.

Personally - I don’t exchange numbers until after the first date or until definite plans for a date have at least been made.

I usually let guys know I’m also chatting to others and planning other dates and it’s up to them whether they want to continue, knowing that information. Unless I really like them, then I’ll keep my mouth shut unless they ask specifically

I find that the problem with this kind of approach is you tend to not give people an honest chance because there are multiple others in your head at the same time, while the other person is left a bit cold, so yiu never really are open to making a proper connection. Similarly the guy you 'really like' is often the usual brass necked type, who already know you are into them and will ghost you without a second thought, because they are doing the same with 3 or 4 other women at the same time.

Years ago, I was set up on a date with a girl with this same attitude. Lovely looking girl, funny, good fun, but I found her delight in telling me that she had 4 different dates set up for this week to be quite off putting. She had also dated a semi famous gaa player and clearly still held out hope. We had a good bit in common and I understood why our friends had tried to put us together, but her approach was a total buzz kill and I kinda turned off.
10 years later, she is currently single. I would be confident in saying that her approach was and is a big factor in this end result, rather than just not meeting someone she liked etc.

YellowLead · 03-05-2021 8:18pm

Oh agree. It just happens sometimes. I mean otherwise if as soon as you matched you paused your profiles you’d be a long time waiting a not every match turns into a chat, and not every chat turns into somebody you want to meet.

MayoAreMagic · 03-05-2021 8:49pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Oh agree. It just happens sometimes. I mean otherwise if as soon as you matched you paused your profiles you’d be a long time waiting a not every match turns into a chat, and not every chat turns into somebody you want to meet.

Well matchs are one thing, but routinely setting up several dates with several people at once is another. It is cold and a turn off for any person who actually wants to meet someone, which thereby makes it counter productive. Plus Ive never heard of it actually working. The end goal should be to meet someone, rather than rack up dates, i believe.

YellowLead · 03-05-2021 8:52pm

MayoAreMagic wrote: »

Well matchs are one thing, but routinely setting up several dates with several people at once is another. It is cold and a turn off for any person who actually wants to meet someone, which thereby makes it counter productive. Plus Ive never heard of it actually working. The end goal should be to meet someone, rather than rack up dates, i believe.

I agree and once I ge chatting to somebody I really like I tend to pause and stop swiping. I’m just saying it can happen sometimes. Not saying it is ideal.
But somebody asked why girls exchange umbers etc and then don’t want to actually meet - i though that might be why, that they are chatting to a few at once.

raclle · 03-05-2021 9:01pm

YellowLead wrote: »

But somebody asked why girls exchange umbers etc and then don’t want to actually meet - i though that might be why, that they are chatting to a few at once.

and that is what makes it so hard. You're competing with others but like the above poster mentioned I'd rather not be told that information as it is awkward/off putting to say the least. I can only imagine its the same for women

YellowLead · 03-05-2021 9:09pm

raclle wrote: »

and that is what makes it so hard. You're competing with others but like the above poster mentioned I'd rather not be told that information as it is awkward/off putting to say the least. I can only imagine its the same for women

It depends. If somebody says they haven’t had a date all year or haven’t had a match or couldn’t get anyone to talk to them in ages that’s a bit off putting also.

If a guy is looking like he is getting too clingy, too into me like I’m his only hope then it’s for his own good I mention I’m chatting to a few others also.

JoChervil · 03-05-2021 9:29pm

raclle wrote: »

and that is what makes it so hard. You're competing with others but like the above poster mentioned I'd rather not be told that information as it is awkward/off putting to say the least. I can only imagine its the same for women

So why did you ask about it, if you would rather not know? You mentioned about it in one of your previous posts.

We are discussing here a situation just at the very beginning, when I assume meetings are quite innocent, just trying to know each other better.

Just take such a situation. A girl is matched with 3 guys, which all she quite likes. So what you expect her to do. Choose one (when she doesn't know them well enough to do so) and keep others on hold? If you were in the second group, would you be happy that you are the second or even the third best? Or would you prefer to have a decent chance to win her in a competitive situation. And be the best at the end.

JoChervil · 03-05-2021 9:34pm

raclle wrote: »

and that is what makes it so hard. You're competing with others but like the above poster mentioned I'd rather not be told that information as it is awkward/off putting to say the least. I can only imagine its the same for women

And it is always better to assume that people in relationships are competing with others all the time. The moment you start taking another person for granted you might loose them....

raclle · 03-05-2021 9:59pm

JoChervil wrote: »

So why did you ask about it, if you would rather not know? You mentioned about it in one of your previous posts.

It only happened the once and I was being sarcastic. I never bring it up and if its mentioned to me then I'm out of there

ulster · 03-05-2021 10:20pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Today I learned I'm a top tier man!

How much do you earn.

ulster · 03-05-2021 10:25pm

Em ugh pop pfft wrote: »

The men on here posting are sounding 'blockworthy' lol :pac:

Are you a woman or some random bloke?

03-05-2021 10:35pm

ulster wrote: »

How much do you earn.

I never tell any date that. In fact, hardly anyone knows that.

Ms. Newbie18 · 04-05-2021 4:18pm

Online dating is a total mind field. With a limited success rate.

There is definitely a lot of grasses greener syndrome online.

partyguinness · 04-05-2021 5:24pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I never tell any date that. In fact, hardly anyone knows that.

People ask that...:eek:

Even my wife does not know how much I earn. Hell, she doesn't even know I own a 2 bed apartment with a sitting tenant that I operate through my own limited company- she doesnt even know about the company either.

Lesalare · 04-05-2021 5:38pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Even my wife does not know how much I earn. Hell, she doesn't even know I own a 2 bed apartment with a sitting tenant that I operate through my own limited company- she doesnt even know about the company either.

That's odd as heck. Your wife doesn't know you are a landlord/own property/have private companies?

Bizarre. :eek:

YellowLead · 04-05-2021 6:09pm

partyguinness wrote: »

People ask that...:eek:

Even my wife does not know how much I earn. Hell, she doesn't even know I own a 2 bed apartment with a sitting tenant that I operate through my own limited company- she doesnt even know about the company either.

I don’t think anybody ever asks that.

04-05-2021 6:16pm

partyguinness wrote: »

People ask that...:eek:

Even my wife does not know how much I earn. Hell, she doesn't even know I own a 2 bed apartment with a sitting tenant that I operate through my own limited company- she doesnt even know about the company either.

maith an fear

https://img.17qq.com/images/crcswwasrqx.jpeg

Surreptitious · 04-05-2021 8:43pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I don’t think anybody ever asks that.

Yes they do. I had people analyse every single fragment of myself.

raclle · 04-05-2021 10:28pm

Sounds like being interviewed for a job nowadays

Thelonious Monk · 04-05-2021 10:29pm

what is with this sea swimming obsession with women on dating apps nowadays?

Surreptitious · 04-05-2021 10:30pm

raclle wrote: »

Sounds like being interviewed for a job nowadays

One guy asked me 25 times about my job. Then the alarm was broken in our house. It was going off for hours. He contacted me and I told him about it. He said what kind of job do you do again.
Thought I'd fcking lose it

triona1 · 04-05-2021 10:39pm

Surreptitious wrote:

One guy asked me 25 times about my job. Then the alarm was broken in our house. It was going off for hours. He contacted me and I told him about it. He said what kind of job do you do again. Thought I'd fcking lose it

And you kept answering???

Surreptitious · 04-05-2021 10:58pm

triona1 wrote: »

And you kept answering???

Where did I say that. I didn't talk to him after. Basically so it's my fault? Typical Boards craic again

04-05-2021 11:05pm

Surreptitious wrote: »

Where did I say that. I didn't talk to him after. Basically so it's my fault? Typical Boards craic again

You ignored 26 duplicate questions though. When did you stop talking to him? After question 7?

Ghosted after a few good dates

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