Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

Feisar · 14-11-2019 10:22am

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Could never understand this wankology. Bad enough filling people full of food and drink on the day, but the day before and the day after? Ah here.

We had a few pints down the local the night after. The night before I brought the groomsmen out for dinner, hardly ostentatious.

Feisar · 14-11-2019 10:22am

Hoboo wrote: »

Sure thing Franc

???

Bob Harris · 14-11-2019 10:23am

whisky_galore wrote: »

Wedding invite = unwelcome bill coming through letterbox.

I usually feign illness or death when I get one.

To the tune of Back to Black....Amy Winehouse

"the wedding invite in the door,
I died a hundred times

maximoose · 14-11-2019 10:23am

Deleted User wrote: »

itemisation is not an argument nor a justification!

The items also don't need to go anywhere near €40k, daft amount to be spending. All of those could be done for a fraction of that.

Feisar · 14-11-2019 10:24am

Deleted User wrote: »

itemisation is not an argument nor a justification!

I'm not trying to justify anything, we had a fairly plain wedding and it ran to 25K

Ubbquittious · 14-11-2019 10:25am

I was chatting to this fella who has his own private island (only a tiny thing less than 100m across and only a wooden shack built on it) and he was prepping the place for a wedding. I said to him "ahhh that's great that will save a pile of money on a hotel" he replies it was only for the second day and the first day of it was in a hotel. Crazy carry on. We'll be hearing on the news about how all this carry on was 'unsustainable' in a few years after they quadruple our property tax when the crash comes

u140acro3xs7dm · 14-11-2019 10:25am

whisky_galore wrote: »

Wedding invite = unwelcome bill coming through letterbox.

I usually feign illness or death when I get one.

suicide_circus wrote: »

nothing worse than a wedding invitation

Prefer to receive a summons through the door - be cheaper too.

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 10:26am

Feisar wrote: »

Night Before Meal
BBQ After

FFS :rolleyes:

Such bulsh!t

whisky_galore · 14-11-2019 10:28am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

"sexism"?

"the lads want it too"!

"what if you took everyone you knew to dinner in a castle, what THEN huh"?

will u shtopppp

Lads want it too me bollox. All the lads have to do is show up, in a clean suit, mostly under duress.

Every wedding fair going is bride centric. A wedding is a woman's way of telling the world she's somehow made it.

nthclare · 14-11-2019 10:34am

An aul fashioned pagan style summer wedding under a tree in The Burren, with an organic feel and close friends and family there.

Head off for something to eat after and some music and dance into the evening.

It's not about the cost, more about being in touch with reality...

One has to start as they want to go on, different strokes for different folks

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 10:35am

whisky_galore wrote: »

Lads want it too me bollox. All the lads have to do is show up, in a clean suit, mostly under duress.

Every wedding fair going is bride centric. A wedding is a woman's way of telling the world she's somehow made it.

Well said, my brother is getting married next year and only agreed to it at all was because of the pressure he was put under cause all her "mates were getting married"

He couldn't give two fcuks

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 10:37am

Personally i am married and the reason i proposed and got married was because i knew my mrs always dreamt about getting married and all the sideshow that goes with it.

I left her to it will all the arrangements and she was delighted with it that i did

Canyon86 · 14-11-2019 10:38am

two of my close friends spent an absolute fortune on weddings this year,
crazy amount, one was near 40K
he said himself he ll be years paying back a loan for it

another friend got married recently smallish crowd good (80)relaxed setting and it was the best wedding i was at,

There is definitely a culture of couples trying to "outdo" other weddings in ireland

I even heard of a bride having two hen parties, a pre hen and an actual hen,

the BOOM is most certainly back :pac:

Purple Mountain · 14-11-2019 10:44am

Canyon86 wrote: »

two of my close friends spent an absolute fortune on weddings this year,
crazy amount, one was near 40K
he said himself he ll be years paying back a loan for it

another friend got married recently smallish crowd good (80)relaxed setting and it was the best wedding i was at,

There is definitely a culture of couples trying to "outdo" other weddings in ireland

I even heard of a bride having two hen parties, a pre hen and an actual hen,

the BOOM is most certainly back :pac:

Yip. I know a bride who did a foreign 4 night hen in Europe and then an Irish 1 night one for those who couldn't make the foreign one.
Same couple did a 'minimoon' after wedding for 4 nights in a sun location in Europe (which would constitute as my summer holiday) and months later their proper 'honeymoon' for 2 weeks in Asia.
The groom did a European stag too.

Geuze · 14-11-2019 10:55am

JupiterKid wrote: »

So as the thread title asks - why are weddings such a huge fuss for people?

Do you think, due to social conditioning and materialism, that people have lost the run of themselves when it comes to weddings? Isn’t the marriage the really important thing, not the actual wedding day itself?

Correct.

The wedding reception is merely a party, after the ceremony.

The marriage is a long-term, serious commitment.

14-11-2019 11:03am

farmchoice wrote:

it isn't sexism, its stupidity. he didn't have more people there because he is a man he had more people there because you agreed to it even though you were unhappy with it.

Lol
"women are to blame for wanting things"
"actually this time it was the husband who wanted things"
"no no still women because eh *shuffles deck* because you agreed to it"

Women, amirite

Men should ban them altogether and get married to each other.

CrankyHaus · 14-11-2019 11:09am

Nothing quite guarantees the longevity of a marriage like starting off with a financially crippling lavish wedding. Bonus points if you take on debt.

Wildly Boaring · 14-11-2019 11:23am

Best wedding i was at

They rented a old house for the night

They paid for a hog roast and some sea food
They then got all the guests to bring something.
Salads, snacks, deserts, etc....

NO GIFTS ALLOWED

BYOB.

Celebrant came to the house, few plastic chairs

A real sense of community and helping each other out.

the beer revolu · 14-11-2019 11:24am

If you strip out all the fluff and crap, leaving food, drink and entertainment, you can have a great party for not too much money.
We got married for cheap in the boom - 2007!

Regristy office - very inexpensive.
Fancy beer reception in venue.
Lunch for over 100 in local hotel,across the road. A set starter and a two choice buffet. I provided wine for a small corkage.
Back across the road to a bar/club (I got this venue for free) where coffee was served. We hot a local cake maker to bring in lovely tartlets for dessert.
A cheese supplier friend did cheese and salami.
We had a band playing early on (in hindsight, I'd have skipped this bit) and a dj into the early hours.

No flowers.
No cars.
No photographer.
No wedding cake.
No pre dinner.
No after dinner.
Only our own clothes.
No favours!

While I never actually costed the wedding, it really was only a few grand. We had a fantastic day with great food, drink and music. Everyone had a ball. People were very generous with cash, too, so it was all paid off over the coming days.

We hung around for the week following and had great nights in the pub with friends and having people around to our house. It was a lovely week with friends and family.

There's a lot of unnecessary nonsense around weddings and they really add up.

nthclare · 14-11-2019 11:34am

This day and age do people still have weddings begging for envelopes with money ?

I think if one's having a wedding they should pick a charity and leave a secure box in the foyer and then people can donate what they like.

This money racket for weddings is just so 00's like..

Inviting people to a celebration of matrimony and a party then asking them to pay for such party is absolutely selfish and nonsensical...

14-11-2019 11:34am

bluewolf wrote: »

Lol
"women are to blame for wanting things"
"actually this time it was the husband who wanted things"
"no no still women because eh *shuffles deck* because you agreed to it"

Women, amirite

Men should ban them altogether and get married to each other.

#notallwomen

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 11:36am

nthclare wrote: »

This day and age do people still have weddings begging for envelopes with money ?

I think if one's having a wedding they should pick a charity and leave a secure box in the foyer and then people can donate what they like.

This money racket for weddings is just so 00's like..

Inviting people to a celebration of matrimony and a party then asking them to pay for such party is absolutely selfish and nonsensical...

Apparently the "done thing" is you give the couple cash to the value of what the meal & drinks cost per person.

PS
This came from some expert on Today FM a while ago

DaeryssaOne · 14-11-2019 11:45am

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Same couple did a 'minimoon' after wedding for 4 nights in a sun location in Europe (which would constitute as my summer holiday) and months later their proper 'honeymoon' for 2 weeks in Asia.

I don't understand what the issue is with that? Sure it's none of your business where the bride and groom go on their honeymoon and if they hold off on going so far abroad immediately after the wedding it's lovely for them to have a few days to unwind somewhere in Europe. It's not their problem if you would consider that as being your summer holiday?

Tammy! · 14-11-2019 11:45am

I had a biggish wedding of around 120 people.
We wanted to bring our friends and family out and give them a nice day.

My mam did most of the planning because she likes that kind of thing and I wasn't too fussy about anything tbh. My oh proposed when I was 23 and it was a complete surprise to me at the time because we hadn't talked about marriage but it was nice. Got married at 27.

It's hard to enjoy your own wedding because you have to keep talking to people and moving around but I saw it as just as much a day for everyone we invited rather than just for ourselves. I remember saying I would have liked to be a guest at my own wedding

Let people do what they want. I don't care what other people do. I always enjoy a good wedding and if I can't go, I just say I can't go.

nthclare · 14-11-2019 11:46am

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Apparently the "done thing" is you give the couple cash to the value of what the meal & drinks cost per person.

PS
This came from some expert on Today FM a while ago

ok so you're invited to a party, but then you're charged for it..

it makes no sense whatsoever

I suppose they've a list of who's paid and who hasn't, then you're on the social disclusion list and the talk of the town

whisky_galore · 14-11-2019 11:50am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

#notallwomen

Only short ones?

Spanish Eyes · 14-11-2019 11:50am

Weddings are something many people groan at when they see the invite. Well I do anyway and sorry if that offends anyone. It is all so formulaic isn't it? Hen, Stag, church/reg office, hotel, meal, speeches, dancing and drinking galore.

But I tolerate them for close family and always enjoy myself as our family is mad as a box of frogs and very tolerant all round. But I decline all others, and as I am older now I do not care anymore, because to me it is an invite not a summons!

There is one thing I cannot stand about some weddings, you know those where the venue is where the marriage takes place, but the accommodation is limited, so you have to treck to a BnB or nearby hotel. Ugh, puts me right off. Means there is no escape, ha ha, you cannot just head up to your room for a nap during the noisiest part of the band and dancing, (yeah I'm older and I don't care)!

But having said that, being the bah humbug that I am, the vast majority of weddings are very happy and enjoyable occasions.

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 11:51am

nthclare wrote: »

ok so you're invited to a party, but then you're charged for it..

it makes no sense whatsoever

I suppose they've a list of who's paid and who hasn't, then you're on the social disclusion list and the talk of the town

No quite as rigid as a list but trust me, the bride will know who hasn't paid up. I know this from personal experience..................

Tammy! · 14-11-2019 11:56am

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

No quite as rigid as a list but trust me, the bride will know who hasn't paid up. I know this from personal experience..................

Not everyone thinks like that Stevie.

I tend to give 100 or 200 depending on how well I know the person but I've never been to a wedding where anyone asked me for a specific amount or present.

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 12:00pm

Tammy! wrote: »

Not everyone thinks like that Stevie.

I tend to give 100 or 200 depending on how well I know the person but I've never been to a wedding where anyone asked me for a specific amount or present.

I never said that Tammy

My point would be either the bride or groom would be aware if a specific person/couple gave no gift at all

LirW · 14-11-2019 12:00pm

These threads always run the same course: first wedding bashing, then bride bashing, then stag/hen bashing, then people come out that they did it tooootally different (and fair play to anyone who does, making a statement against this wedding culture here if it doesn't suit you is pretty cool) and then people go on about marriage in general until the heavy boozers show up and are offended that people really don't dig the status quo.

the beer revolu · 14-11-2019 12:02pm

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

No quite as rigid as a list but trust me, the bride will know who hasn't paid up. I know this from personal experience..................

We mostly had no idea who gave what. Lots of people travelled so would have hoped they didn't hand over cash.
Just ended up with loads of cash that paid for the wedding, loads of vouchers and a small amount of actual presents.
Never figured out who gave us the River Cottage Meat Book!

Tammy! · 14-11-2019 12:04pm

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I never said that Tammy

My point would be either the bride or groom would be aware if a specific person/couple gave no gift at all

Yea but it doesn't mean they would be annoyed about it or have expected a gift to begin with.

I was grateful for the presents or money people gave me but I wasn't expecting it or counting it or even counting on it before I got it.

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 12:04pm

the beer revolu wrote: »

We mostly had no idea who gave what. Lots of people travelled so would have hoped they didn't hand over cash.
Just ended up with loads of cash that paid for the wedding, loads of vouchers and a small amount of actual presents.
Never figured out who gave us the River Cottage Meat Book!

Was your wedding pre Hallmark?

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 12:06pm

Tammy! wrote: »

Yea but it doesn't mean they would be annoyed about it or have expected a gift to begin with.

I was grateful for the presents or money people gave me but I wasn't expecting it or counting it or even counting on it before I got it.

Agreed but one caveat

Would you have expected a gift if it was from immediate family, or grooms men or bridesmaids?

c.p.w.g.w · 14-11-2019 12:08pm

whisky_galore wrote: »

Wedding invite = unwelcome bill coming through letterbox.

I usually feign illness or death when I get one.

More like
Wedding Invite =Court Summons

Tammy! · 14-11-2019 12:11pm

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Agreed but one caveat

Would you have expected a gift if it was from immediate family, or grooms men or bridesmaids?

One of my in laws didn't give a gift and I didn't expect him too. It would have been a nice surprise if he had but that's just the way he is and I certainly wasn't cursing him over it.

One of my bridesmaids was only 18 and I didn't expect a gift from her either but she got me something small.

Mezzotint · 14-11-2019 12:13pm

Hype, marketing and a culture that is building an expectation of a day where you can be a Disney princess basically.
There's an entire industry there to maximize your spending.

My view of it is that it turns a celebration into a massive commercially oriented, expensive, stressful, keep up with the Joneses ordeal that often leaves the couple (and / or parents of couple) with financial stress.

Also the best weddings I've been to have been the least conventional. I hardly even remember the ones that were big show off events.

Most people aren't that bad but I've encountered a few utter nightmare brides (and one groom) to be.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 12:22pm

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Yip. I know a bride who did a foreign 4 night hen in Europe and then an Irish 1 night one for those who couldn't make the foreign one.
Same couple did a 'minimoon' after wedding for 4 nights in a sun location in Europe (which would constitute as my summer holiday) and months later their proper 'honeymoon' for 2 weeks in Asia.
The groom did a European stag too.

I have no problem with this really. Some couples can’t afford the big ‘moon straight after the wedding and a four night break is hardly extravagant. And they’re not dragging anyone else on it. It can be nice to relax after the wedding.

LirW · 14-11-2019 12:25pm

Mezzotint wrote: »

Hype, marketing and a culture that is building an expectation of a day where you can be a Disney princess basically.
There's an entire industry there to maximize your spending.

My view of it is that it turns a celebration into a massive commercially oriented, expensive, stressful, keep up with the Joneses ordeal that often leaves the couple (and / or parents of couple) with financial stress.

Also the best weddings I've been to have been the least conventional. I hardly even remember the ones that were big show off events.

Most people aren't that bad but I've encountered a few utter nightmare brides (and one groom) to be.

It's often also the immediate family that has ridiculous expectations and while some are fine with it other go along with it to not start an inter-family war. Families can be super opinionated and make your life miserable if they're full of themselves.

That and the constant bombarding that as a good bride you need X and Y and this is a new trend and hey it does look super nice, so why not have it?

14-11-2019 12:26pm

LirW wrote: »

It's often also the immediate family that has ridiculous expectations and while some are fine with it other go along with it to not start an inter-family war. Families can be super opinionated and make your life miserable if they're full of themselves.

That and the constant bombarding that as a good bride you need X and Y and this is a new trend and hey it does look super nice, so why not have it?

what an excuse for a 30k party.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 12:27pm

Trekker09 wrote: »

Why soft in the head? I didn't have any option! We're lucky enough to be able to afford it but I know some of the couples that went had to take out loans!

Yes you did. Staying over more than a night at a wedding anywhere on this small island is always a choice. And staying at an expensive venue is a choice too in most areas of the country. I’ve not attended the second day event at any wedding bar one, including my own sister’s. The one I did attend was because the wedding was in the UK in a city we wanted a few days in so we were there for the weekend anyway. If more people said no to the second day nonsense, they wouldn’t have taken off like they have.

Thelonious Monk · 14-11-2019 12:28pm

I've two at Xmas, ffs, and I haven't been to one in about 6 years. I believe people give 100e or so to the couple. Why do people think anyone gives a f*ck they're getting married? Just go to a registry office and have a meal with family and stfu.

LirW · 14-11-2019 12:35pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

what an excuse for a 30k party.

If that's what people want and can afford, up to them really.
And if the family comprises of very interrupting busybodies and you're conditioned to obey, believe me, you'd gladly spend double that to shut everyone up. Family dynamics are difficult and individual.

That said, you'll always have eejits losing the run of themselves making unwise financial decisions because it'll look nice on the photos. But there's a good chance they'd make some pretty questionable decisions in general.

Salvation Tambourine · 14-11-2019 12:35pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Why do people think anyone gives a f*ck they're getting married?

I tend to care if my friends or family are getting married. It's a big life event.

Are people in this thread trying to out-miserable each other?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 12:36pm

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I never said that Tammy

My point would be either the bride or groom would be aware if a specific person/couple gave no gift at all

I only noted what everyone gave so that I could personalise the Thank You cards. Every gift, big and small, was much appreciated.

bigdaddymac · 14-11-2019 12:37pm

I have worked in a line a business directed at the wedding industry for sometime now. Most weddings are the same some bigger than others usually from rural Ireland have more guests as in 250 plus etc. most people just want a good time and what is the problem with that ? None really.

My issue with weddings is the whole “documentary” thing we have seen in recent years don’t tell the bride and a week to my wedding etc.

I knew a couple on one of those shows who broadcasted to the world how amazing they were had all these themes and flashmobs at their wedding real in your face tactless crap. Always stated to myself they just in it for the wedding nothing after. Fast forward a few years the groom openly cheated on the bride bottom line some just want the show others have the day to celebrate with family and friends two people making a commitment to each other (as it should be)

LirW · 14-11-2019 12:41pm

Nokotan wrote: »

I tend to care if my friends or family are getting married. It's a big life event.

Are people in this thread trying to out-miserable each other?

I think the bother is more that people often get the feeling they're invited because this is what you do and not because you're very close.
And then if people go there for the couple they get absolutely no interaction with them and are seated on a table, sometimes with strangers that they don't click with (happened to me once, it wasn't fun). You're expected to drink and look at the couple on the top table, they're often shielded away like some extraterrestrial entity.
To all weddings I went in Ireland I never got more than 3 minutes interaction with the couple because they're occupied with their bridal party, immediate family and the whole run of the day.
Many would prefer if they can actually celebrate this big life event with the couple, chattering away, drinking eating and laughing together.

If you invite guests you sort them out with all comforts but one: the actual genuine celebration of something so big by genuinely interacting with the people you really want to have there.
Maybe I see it that way because back home wedding parties are between 30 and 40 people in size and it is close, intimate and genuine in the sense that they aren't just a number.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 12:43pm

salmocab wrote: »

One of my mates got married abroad years ago, as it happened he was one of the first weddings so very few had children at that stage so loads of us made it our summer holiday and it worked out great, for the stag he wanted a big trip abroad and the best man just shot it down straight away and said your not inviting people to a wedding away and also getting the lads to pay for another trip. People get caught up and probably need a reality check sometimes.

That’s what should have happened in the case of my husband’s friend. But the groomsmen encouraged it! A real “What’s the problem?” attitude, putting people in the awkward position of having to disclose that they can’t afford both if they only attend one or the other.

My friend wanted a five day hen holiday. It was my first wedding and I was fresh out of college. I was pretty blunt and said “That’s great but I’m afraid I won’t be there”. She changed to a more modest one. I was very green though and the maid-of-honour told me that the three bridesmaids (I was one) had to cover the bride’s whole hen trip which I now know not to be true. Two nights at a fairly swanky Galway hotel. I believe being a bridesmaid at that wedding set me back €1,000. Straight out of college. In a recession.

Hector Savage · 14-11-2019 12:48pm

These over the top weddings are for narcissistic arseholes.
In my single days I'd have steered well clear of women that wanted this princess day bull****.

My wife and myself had a small wedding at a city hall, followed by meal with close family only!
Was great, everything cost us less then €600.

Our savings went toward a really nice apartment we live in now.

Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

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