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Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

JupiterKid

So as the thread title asks - why are weddings such a huge fuss for people?

I’ve heard it said that women make much more of a huge deal of their wedding than men do, and that the stress, anxiety and expectations can become completely overwhelming for some. You hear of the “bridezilla” stories, of super lavish affairs with hundreds of guests, people getting into serious debt over their “perfect” day etc. And that’s not taking the increasingly lavish and expensive hen and stag parties into account.

It really seems crazy and ridiculous to me. My OH and I have been talking about marriage for a while now and if and when we do get hitched, it will be a relatively simple, low key affair, with family and closest friends invited. As it would be a same-sex wedding, there would be no church service (which suits me) and the reception would be low key but relaxed and classy.

Most of my good mates had their weddings 10 to 15 years ago now, some were very big and lavish, others were smaller and more intimate and TBH the smaller ones were nicer and more fun.

Do you think, due to social conditioning and materialism, that people have lost the run of themselves when it comes to weddings? Isn’t the marriage the really important thing, not the actual wedding day itself?

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Stevieluvsye

whisky_galore wrote: »

Lads want it too me bollox. All the lads have to do is show up, in a clean suit, mostly under duress.

Every wedding fair going is bride centric. A wedding is a woman's way of telling the world she's somehow made it.

Well said, my brother is getting married next year and only agreed to it at all was because of the pressure he was put under cause all her "mates were getting married"

He couldn't give two fcuks

Stevieluvsye

Personally i am married and the reason i proposed and got married was because i knew my mrs always dreamt about getting married and all the sideshow that goes with it.

I left her to it will all the arrangements and she was delighted with it that i did

Canyon86

two of my close friends spent an absolute fortune on weddings this year,
crazy amount, one was near 40K
he said himself he ll be years paying back a loan for it

another friend got married recently smallish crowd good (80)relaxed setting and it was the best wedding i was at,

There is definitely a culture of couples trying to "outdo" other weddings in ireland

I even heard of a bride having two hen parties, a pre hen and an actual hen,

the BOOM is most certainly back :pac:

Purple Mountain

Canyon86 wrote: »

two of my close friends spent an absolute fortune on weddings this year,
crazy amount, one was near 40K
he said himself he ll be years paying back a loan for it

another friend got married recently smallish crowd good (80)relaxed setting and it was the best wedding i was at,

There is definitely a culture of couples trying to "outdo" other weddings in ireland

I even heard of a bride having two hen parties, a pre hen and an actual hen,

the BOOM is most certainly back :pac:

Yip. I know a bride who did a foreign 4 night hen in Europe and then an Irish 1 night one for those who couldn't make the foreign one.
Same couple did a 'minimoon' after wedding for 4 nights in a sun location in Europe (which would constitute as my summer holiday) and months later their proper 'honeymoon' for 2 weeks in Asia.
The groom did a European stag too.

Geuze

JupiterKid wrote: »

So as the thread title asks - why are weddings such a huge fuss for people?

Do you think, due to social conditioning and materialism, that people have lost the run of themselves when it comes to weddings? Isn’t the marriage the really important thing, not the actual wedding day itself?

Correct.

The wedding reception is merely a party, after the ceremony.

The marriage is a long-term, serious commitment.

[Deleted User]

farmchoice wrote:

it isn't sexism, its stupidity. he didn't have more people there because he is a man he had more people there because you agreed to it even though you were unhappy with it.

Lol
"women are to blame for wanting things"
"actually this time it was the husband who wanted things"
"no no still women because eh *shuffles deck* because you agreed to it"

Women, amirite

Men should ban them altogether and get married to each other.

CrankyHaus

Nothing quite guarantees the longevity of a marriage like starting off with a financially crippling lavish wedding. Bonus points if you take on debt.

Wildly Boaring

Best wedding i was at

They rented a old house for the night

They paid for a hog roast and some sea food
They then got all the guests to bring something.
Salads, snacks, deserts, etc....

NO GIFTS ALLOWED

BYOB.

Celebrant came to the house, few plastic chairs

A real sense of community and helping each other out.

the beer revolu

If you strip out all the fluff and crap, leaving food, drink and entertainment, you can have a great party for not too much money.
We got married for cheap in the boom - 2007!

Regristy office - very inexpensive.
Fancy beer reception in venue.
Lunch for over 100 in local hotel,across the road. A set starter and a two choice buffet. I provided wine for a small corkage.
Back across the road to a bar/club (I got this venue for free) where coffee was served. We hot a local cake maker to bring in lovely tartlets for dessert.
A cheese supplier friend did cheese and salami.
We had a band playing early on (in hindsight, I'd have skipped this bit) and a dj into the early hours.

No flowers.
No cars.
No photographer.
No wedding cake.
No pre dinner.
No after dinner.
Only our own clothes.
No favours!

While I never actually costed the wedding, it really was only a few grand. We had a fantastic day with great food, drink and music. Everyone had a ball. People were very generous with cash, too, so it was all paid off over the coming days.

We hung around for the week following and had great nights in the pub with friends and having people around to our house. It was a lovely week with friends and family.

There's a lot of unnecessary nonsense around weddings and they really add up.

nthclare

This day and age do people still have weddings begging for envelopes with money ?

I think if one's having a wedding they should pick a charity and leave a secure box in the foyer and then people can donate what they like.

This money racket for weddings is just so 00's like..

Inviting people to a celebration of matrimony and a party then asking them to pay for such party is absolutely selfish and nonsensical...

[Deleted User]

bluewolf wrote: »

Lol
"women are to blame for wanting things"
"actually this time it was the husband who wanted things"
"no no still women because eh *shuffles deck* because you agreed to it"

Women, amirite

Men should ban them altogether and get married to each other.

#notallwomen

Stevieluvsye

nthclare wrote: »

This day and age do people still have weddings begging for envelopes with money ?

I think if one's having a wedding they should pick a charity and leave a secure box in the foyer and then people can donate what they like.

This money racket for weddings is just so 00's like..

Inviting people to a celebration of matrimony and a party then asking them to pay for such party is absolutely selfish and nonsensical...

Apparently the "done thing" is you give the couple cash to the value of what the meal & drinks cost per person.

PS
This came from some expert on Today FM a while ago

DaeryssaOne

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Same couple did a 'minimoon' after wedding for 4 nights in a sun location in Europe (which would constitute as my summer holiday) and months later their proper 'honeymoon' for 2 weeks in Asia.

I don't understand what the issue is with that? Sure it's none of your business where the bride and groom go on their honeymoon and if they hold off on going so far abroad immediately after the wedding it's lovely for them to have a few days to unwind somewhere in Europe. It's not their problem if you would consider that as being your summer holiday?

Tammy!

I had a biggish wedding of around 120 people.
We wanted to bring our friends and family out and give them a nice day.

My mam did most of the planning because she likes that kind of thing and I wasn't too fussy about anything tbh. My oh proposed when I was 23 and it was a complete surprise to me at the time because we hadn't talked about marriage but it was nice. Got married at 27.

It's hard to enjoy your own wedding because you have to keep talking to people and moving around but I saw it as just as much a day for everyone we invited rather than just for ourselves. I remember saying I would have liked to be a guest at my own wedding

Let people do what they want. I don't care what other people do. I always enjoy a good wedding and if I can't go, I just say I can't go.

nthclare

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Apparently the "done thing" is you give the couple cash to the value of what the meal & drinks cost per person.

PS
This came from some expert on Today FM a while ago

ok so you're invited to a party, but then you're charged for it..

it makes no sense whatsoever

I suppose they've a list of who's paid and who hasn't, then you're on the social disclusion list and the talk of the town

whisky_galore

[Deleted User] wrote: »

#notallwomen

Only short ones?

Spanish Eyes

Weddings are something many people groan at when they see the invite. Well I do anyway and sorry if that offends anyone. It is all so formulaic isn't it? Hen, Stag, church/reg office, hotel, meal, speeches, dancing and drinking galore.

But I tolerate them for close family and always enjoy myself as our family is mad as a box of frogs and very tolerant all round. But I decline all others, and as I am older now I do not care anymore, because to me it is an invite not a summons!

There is one thing I cannot stand about some weddings, you know those where the venue is where the marriage takes place, but the accommodation is limited, so you have to treck to a BnB or nearby hotel. Ugh, puts me right off. Means there is no escape, ha ha, you cannot just head up to your room for a nap during the noisiest part of the band and dancing, (yeah I'm older and I don't care)!

But having said that, being the bah humbug that I am, the vast majority of weddings are very happy and enjoyable occasions.

Stevieluvsye

nthclare wrote: »

ok so you're invited to a party, but then you're charged for it..

it makes no sense whatsoever

I suppose they've a list of who's paid and who hasn't, then you're on the social disclusion list and the talk of the town

No quite as rigid as a list but trust me, the bride will know who hasn't paid up. I know this from personal experience..................

Tammy!

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

No quite as rigid as a list but trust me, the bride will know who hasn't paid up. I know this from personal experience..................

Not everyone thinks like that Stevie.

I tend to give 100 or 200 depending on how well I know the person but I've never been to a wedding where anyone asked me for a specific amount or present.

Stevieluvsye

Tammy! wrote: »

Not everyone thinks like that Stevie.

I tend to give 100 or 200 depending on how well I know the person but I've never been to a wedding where anyone asked me for a specific amount or present.

I never said that Tammy

My point would be either the bride or groom would be aware if a specific person/couple gave no gift at all

LirW

These threads always run the same course: first wedding bashing, then bride bashing, then stag/hen bashing, then people come out that they did it tooootally different (and fair play to anyone who does, making a statement against this wedding culture here if it doesn't suit you is pretty cool) and then people go on about marriage in general until the heavy boozers show up and are offended that people really don't dig the status quo.

the beer revolu

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

No quite as rigid as a list but trust me, the bride will know who hasn't paid up. I know this from personal experience..................

We mostly had no idea who gave what. Lots of people travelled so would have hoped they didn't hand over cash.
Just ended up with loads of cash that paid for the wedding, loads of vouchers and a small amount of actual presents.
Never figured out who gave us the River Cottage Meat Book!

Tammy!

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I never said that Tammy

My point would be either the bride or groom would be aware if a specific person/couple gave no gift at all

Yea but it doesn't mean they would be annoyed about it or have expected a gift to begin with.

I was grateful for the presents or money people gave me but I wasn't expecting it or counting it or even counting on it before I got it.

Stevieluvsye

the beer revolu wrote: »

We mostly had no idea who gave what. Lots of people travelled so would have hoped they didn't hand over cash.
Just ended up with loads of cash that paid for the wedding, loads of vouchers and a small amount of actual presents.
Never figured out who gave us the River Cottage Meat Book!

Was your wedding pre Hallmark?

Stevieluvsye

Tammy! wrote: »

Yea but it doesn't mean they would be annoyed about it or have expected a gift to begin with.

I was grateful for the presents or money people gave me but I wasn't expecting it or counting it or even counting on it before I got it.

Agreed but one caveat

Would you have expected a gift if it was from immediate family, or grooms men or bridesmaids?

c.p.w.g.w

whisky_galore wrote: »

Wedding invite = unwelcome bill coming through letterbox.

I usually feign illness or death when I get one.

More like
Wedding Invite =Court Summons

Tammy!

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Agreed but one caveat

Would you have expected a gift if it was from immediate family, or grooms men or bridesmaids?

One of my in laws didn't give a gift and I didn't expect him too. It would have been a nice surprise if he had but that's just the way he is and I certainly wasn't cursing him over it.

One of my bridesmaids was only 18 and I didn't expect a gift from her either but she got me something small.

Mezzotint

Hype, marketing and a culture that is building an expectation of a day where you can be a Disney princess basically.
There's an entire industry there to maximize your spending.

My view of it is that it turns a celebration into a massive commercially oriented, expensive, stressful, keep up with the Joneses ordeal that often leaves the couple (and / or parents of couple) with financial stress.

Also the best weddings I've been to have been the least conventional. I hardly even remember the ones that were big show off events.

Most people aren't that bad but I've encountered a few utter nightmare brides (and one groom) to be.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Yip. I know a bride who did a foreign 4 night hen in Europe and then an Irish 1 night one for those who couldn't make the foreign one.
Same couple did a 'minimoon' after wedding for 4 nights in a sun location in Europe (which would constitute as my summer holiday) and months later their proper 'honeymoon' for 2 weeks in Asia.
The groom did a European stag too.

I have no problem with this really. Some couples can’t afford the big ‘moon straight after the wedding and a four night break is hardly extravagant. And they’re not dragging anyone else on it. It can be nice to relax after the wedding.

LirW

Mezzotint wrote: »

Hype, marketing and a culture that is building an expectation of a day where you can be a Disney princess basically.
There's an entire industry there to maximize your spending.

My view of it is that it turns a celebration into a massive commercially oriented, expensive, stressful, keep up with the Joneses ordeal that often leaves the couple (and / or parents of couple) with financial stress.

Also the best weddings I've been to have been the least conventional. I hardly even remember the ones that were big show off events.

Most people aren't that bad but I've encountered a few utter nightmare brides (and one groom) to be.

It's often also the immediate family that has ridiculous expectations and while some are fine with it other go along with it to not start an inter-family war. Families can be super opinionated and make your life miserable if they're full of themselves.

That and the constant bombarding that as a good bride you need X and Y and this is a new trend and hey it does look super nice, so why not have it?