Anyone else enjoy being single?

Autosport · 15-04-2019 7:39pm

But are you enjoying being single

ancapailldorcha · 15-04-2019 7:39pm

Tell me how wrote: »

I recently saw the plays, the Beauty Queen of Leenane and Sive, if people from that generation saw how picky we are now, they'd find it hard to understand.

There is no question but that many of us are guilty of losing the good in the hope of the great (myself included I fear).

Yeah. I don't know if I'd want to meet anyone I'd messaged online to be honest. I prefer to meet people IRL as I can try and get a better measure of them.

Schwiiing · 15-04-2019 7:46pm

As an aspie living with psoriasis I've never had much of a choice.

ancapailldorcha · 15-04-2019 7:49pm

Autosport wrote: »

But are you enjoying being single

Very much so. I'm open to finding someone but I don't put that much effort in as I enjoy my own time quite a bit.

rob316 · 15-04-2019 8:44pm

I never get that your not allowed do what you want. As long as it's in reason why would the partner that supposedly loves you deny your enjoyment.
Id never tell my wife she can't do something nor would I expect her to tell me I can't do something

Autosport · 15-04-2019 9:01pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Very much so. I'm open to finding someone but I don't put that much effort in as I enjoy my own time quite a bit.

Ya see that's me, I love my own company and for me to let some one in they have to be just as good as me

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 15-04-2019 9:57pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

What's depressing is that such people who expect the wit of a comedian, the body of an athlete and the intellect of an Oxbridge scholar all in one package have a tendency to bring absolutely nothing to the table themselves.

And that is the case here too. I think it's entirely irrational behavior. Surely it make no sense for a relatively average women, in terms of education, career, looks, and personality, to expect to pair off with someone who would be in the top 5 percent on every metric.

BBFAN · 15-04-2019 10:18pm

rob316 wrote: »

I never get that your not allowed do what you want. As long as it's in reason why would the partner that supposedly loves you deny your enjoyment.
Id never tell my wife she can't do something nor would I expect her to tell me I can't do something

Tbf this is all fine and dandy when you don't have kids but definitely changes after you have kids.

For example if you had 3 kids would you happy if your partner decided they needed 3 months off to travel the world?

This is it · 15-04-2019 10:38pm

BBFAN wrote: »

Tbf this is all fine and dandy when you don't have kids but definitely changes after you have kids.

For example if you had 3 kids would you happy if your partner decided they needed 3 months off to travel the world?

There's a difference in doing what you want and living up to your responsibilities.

When I was younger I'd be saying to the lads "nah not this weekend, the OH wouldn't let me out two weekends in a row". I missed doing a lot of things with friends because I thought I had a set number of nights out, only so many free passes, etc. I thought we as a couple had to do everything together and the other half of those relationships thought the same.

It wasn't until recent years I was in a relationship where we did what we wanted, there was no fear of "fûck, how am I going to swing this night out/weekend away". It was never an issue. We spent loads of time together but knew we had our own friends from through the years and other parts of our lives from before we met that we didn't have to give up. This was normal for my OH at the time, it was completely new to me, and I can't overstate how much better life and the relationship was for it.

ancapailldorcha · 15-04-2019 10:45pm

Autosport wrote: »

Ya see that's me, I love my own company and for me to let some one in they have to be just as good as me

Same here. Like today I was on annual leave so I spent the day in Essex checking out Roman Ruins, churches and a castle just out of sheer randomness.

rob316 · 15-04-2019 11:11pm

BBFAN wrote: »

Tbf this is all fine and dandy when you don't have kids but definitely changes after you have kids.

For example if you had 3 kids would you happy if your partner decided they needed 3 months off to travel the world?

I have 2 and your example is not within reason obviously.

I'm talking about going away for a trip with the lads when I want, her the same with the girls. Doing things separately, it's important to a relationship.

I have friends in relationships and their partners doesn't let them do a tap without them.

lainey_d_123 · 15-04-2019 11:18pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Same here. Like today I was on annual leave so I spent the day in Essex checking out Roman Ruins, churches and a castle just out of sheer randomness.

There are plenty of women who'd love to do that with you. Or to leave you to it and go off and do something that interests them. I'd never any interest in being joined at the hip with anyone, must be stifling.

Sorry about that · 15-04-2019 11:26pm

My OH heads off whenever he likes, which isn’t very often, and I think it’s great. Being apart occasionally is definitely good for everyone, and we also have children. Our setup is a bit old-fashioned, in that I (gladly) gave up work, to be at home with our kids, so when I hightail it, it’s a bit harder on him because he’s not used to it in the same way as I am.

I really wonder about this business of one partner having to “ask” to go somewhere/do something independently, sounds like misery and definitely doesn’t exist even in my pretty traditional setup.

corks finest · 15-04-2019 11:29pm

ATM I've a smallie 5 days a week since he was 2 and a half,now 16 so I'm happy to have just us both,miss the sex sometimes, companionship at times but overall settled -dont miss the nagging extra money worries etc

Jester232 · 16-04-2019 9:08am

rob316 wrote: »

I never get that your not allowed do what you want. As long as it's in reason why would the partner that supposedly loves you deny your enjoyment.
Id never tell my wife she can't do something nor would I expect her to tell me I can't do something

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

StereoSound · 16-04-2019 9:12am

I enjoyed being single, had a nice 2 seater car, went to Dubai every year on my holidays, somtimes twice ! Then I met a girl and got married, have been terrified ever since...

Mister Vain · 16-04-2019 9:30am

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Or going to a wedding when you absolutely hate weddings. Or meeting her parents. Or trying to think of a present to get her for Christmas/birthday/anniversary etc.

Tell me how · 16-04-2019 9:34am

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

By the same rational, there is no companionship, support, synergy when you are single.
For most people, the benefits of these outweigh the negatives of having to compromise in some ways.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 16-04-2019 9:51am

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

Yeesh, that's taking things to the same level as the people who can't be single for five minutes because they're afraid of being alone tbh

ancapailldorcha · 16-04-2019 9:57am

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

There are plenty of women who'd love to do that with you. Or to leave you to it and go off and do something that interests them. I'd never any interest in being joined at the hip with anyone, must be stifling.

I don't disagree but the trick there is finding said women.

16-04-2019 10:22am

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

but the joys of having a partner drop you off to the airport , or pick you back up , don't underestimate that - it works both ways

I've 3 airport trips this month and its hassle parking car, buses up to terminal, delays waiting for bus on the return trip when you're tired etc etc. I'd love to have someone drop me off at 5am and pick me up at midnight!

Widdershins · 16-04-2019 10:38am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I don't disagree but the trick there is finding said women.

And there are women out there thinking the same about men. I'm very happy to poke around old ruins by myself but I'd say it would be nice with someone I liked.

lainey_d_123 · 16-04-2019 11:05am

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

Well, you just sound really selfish, tbh.

There's a difference between not being joined at the hip and not picking someone you love up from the airport so you can watch TV or asking someone if they want a bag of chips being some great burden for you.

Probably better all around that you're happy being single.

jimgoose · 16-04-2019 11:14am

Jester232 wrote: »

...If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom...

The Dude abides.

Jester232 · 16-04-2019 11:23am

Tell me how wrote: »

By the same rational, there is no companionship, support, synergy when you are single.
For most people, the benefits of these outweigh the negatives of having to compromise in some ways.

You can have companionship.

Support? True, I have none. But that's fine because I rely on nobody for anything.

Jester232 · 16-04-2019 11:30am

Deleted User wrote: »

but the joys of having a partner drop you off to the airport , or pick you back up , don't underestimate that - it works both ways

I've 3 airport trips this month and its hassle parking car, buses up to terminal, delays waiting for bus on the return trip when you're tired etc etc. I'd love to have someone drop me off at 5am and pick me up at midnight!

That works for you which is great.

I suppose the saying "you don't miss what you never had" is apt. I've been independent all my adult life, never relying on anyone for anything so things like taking a short bus to the airport doesn't bother me or I never wish I had someone to drop me there.

Jester232 · 16-04-2019 11:44am

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Well, you just sound really selfish, tbh.

There's a difference between not being joined at the hip and not picking someone you love up from the airport so you can watch TV or asking someone if they want a bag of chips being some great burden for you.

Probably better all around that you're happy being single.

Maybe I am selfish.

All the things I do for family and friends would probably disagree though. Maybe that's why I don't want a woman to take up the rest of my time.

I'm happy with the casual sex at weekends.

ginandtonicsky · 16-04-2019 1:23pm

Being single is great when life is on the up, you're relatively young with a good social network, strong family support, things going well at work, you're fit and with plenty of dating or quick-fling options etc. I know lots of people in their 30s who fit this description.

I don't really think I'd want to find myself single in 20/30 years though, when key family members have passed, friends are now preoccupied with their own families, my career has settled and not every second man who crosses my path wants something to do with me.

You can get used to doing things for yourself, table for one, sitting around in your underpants just because you can etc and in fact I think people who are long-term single can get TOO settled into their routines to the point where the notion of a relationship is a negative thing in their heads, an assault on their freedom or independence or whatever (no healthy relationship will ever make you feel that way btw)

But as humans we're designed for interaction and social and emotional intimacy, that's what differentiates us, and in my world, life is simply more pleasurable, rewarding and worthwhile when you share it with other people. A partner, a family, a wider social and familial network around that.

rob316 · 16-04-2019 2:06pm

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

Ya its a lonely life though. Having someone outweighs all that.

Gimme A Pound · 16-04-2019 2:24pm

rob316 wrote: »

Ya its a lonely life though. Having someone outweighs all that.

It's not if you have plenty of friends and family around though. It's actually pretty great.

But yeah it would be lonely later in life.

Basically I'm echoing Ginandtonicsky's post just above. People who say they never ever want to be in a relationship don't appear to be considering the bigger picture. Although maybe they wouldn't mind being alone for all of their old years.

joe40 · 16-04-2019 2:32pm

For me the three options in rank order are

1 In a good relationship

2 Been single

3 In a bad/poor relationship

lainey_d_123 · 16-04-2019 5:23pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Being single is great when life is on the up, you're relatively young with a good social network, strong family support, things going well at work, you're fit and with plenty of dating or quick-fling options etc. I know lots of people in their 30s who fit this description.

I don't really think I'd want to find myself single in 20/30 years though, when key family members have passed, friends are now preoccupied with their own families, my career has settled and not every second man who crosses my path wants something to do with me.

You can get used to doing things for yourself, table for one, sitting around in your underpants just because you can etc and in fact I think people who are long-term single can get TOO settled into their routines to the point where the notion of a relationship is a negative thing in their heads, an assault on their freedom or independence or whatever (no healthy relationship will ever make you feel that way btw)

But as humans we're designed for interaction and social and emotional intimacy, that's what differentiates us, and in my world, life is simply more pleasurable, rewarding and worthwhile when you share it with other people. A partner, a family, a wider social and familial network around that.

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

B0jangles · 16-04-2019 5:27pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

Eh... if that's who he is, that's who he is.

I don't think it would be great for anyone if he got into a long-term relationship just to avoid being alone. That kind of thing rarely ends well for either person. Who wants to be the spouse someone finally settled for because they couldn't cut it in the clubs anymore?

pgj2015 · 16-04-2019 5:32pm

i met a married woman last weekend who was asking me was i married, was i seeing anyone, did i have kids etc I answered no to all questions. she seemed frustrated with my answers for some reason. just because you want to be settled with a spouse and kids doesn't mean everyone else does. to me the whole settled down with a family idea looks pretty boring to be honest.

EmmetSpiceland · 16-04-2019 5:34pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

i met a married woman last weekend who was asking me was i married, was i seeing anyone, did i have kids etc I answered no to all questions. she seemed frustrated with my answers for some reason. just because you want to be settled with a spouse and kids doesn't mean everyone else does. to me the whole settled down with a family idea looks pretty boring to be honest.

Unhappily married women, especially those with kids, always seem to want to get others to do the same as they’ve done. It’s like a cult.

If you’re in a long term relationship and not ready to make things legal keep your partner away from people like that.

lainey_d_123 · 16-04-2019 5:37pm

B0jangles wrote: »

Eh... if that's who he is, that's who he is.

I don't think it would be great for anyone if he got into a long-term relationship just to avoid being alone. That kind of thing rarely ends well for either person. Who wants to be the spouse someone finally settled for because they couldn't cut it in the clubs anymore?

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

16-04-2019 5:40pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

Are you maybe a bit hurt that things didn't work out between you both?

B0jangles · 16-04-2019 5:45pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

Yeah, but he's 37; he's probably about as grown up as he's going to get. I get that you're probably a bit disappointed that he's like this but surely it's better to know that now than to be left hanging on for years hoping a person will change and always being let down?

Jester232 · 16-04-2019 5:56pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

Sounds like a bitter ex tbh.

There's no shortage of women of any age looking for casual sex. What makes you think he'll still want to be banging mid 20's women in his 50's?

You also called me probably selfish and it's better that I'm happy being single than be in a relationship with someone because I gave my opinion...

lainey_d_123 · 16-04-2019 6:23pm

Jester232 wrote: »

Sounds like a bitter ex tbh.

There's no shortage of women of any age looking for casual sex. What makes you think he'll still want to be banging mid 20's women in his 50's?

You also called me probably selfish and it's better that I'm happy being single than be in a relationship with someone because I gave my opinion...

Not bitter at all. He's quite a toxic individual and I'm glad to be shut of him.

Did you miss the part where I said he likes to chase 20-somethings?

You do sound selfish, yes. That's my opinion. Saying it's nice to be single because you don't want to pick your partner up from the airport instead of watching TV sounds selfish. Didn't say being selfish was bad, I said it's good you're not trying to be in a relationship if that's your attitude.

lainey_d_123 · 16-04-2019 6:28pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Are you maybe a bit hurt that things didn't work out between you both?

No. He's quite a toxic person and I'm much happier now he's no longer in my life. Last I heard he got someone pregnant during a one night stand and was threatening her when she was saying she didn't want an abortion. He has no respect for other people's needs whatsoever.

Sorry about that · 16-04-2019 6:28pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Unhappily married women, especially those with kids, always seem to want to get others to do the same as they’ve done. It’s like a cult.

If you’re in a long term relationship and not ready to make things legal keep your partner away from people like that.

No they don’t.

lainey_d_123 · 16-04-2019 6:28pm

B0jangles wrote: »

Yeah, but he's 37; he's probably about as grown up as he's going to get. I get that you're probably a bit disappointed that he's like this but surely it's better to know that now than to be left hanging on for years hoping a person will change and always being let down?

Oh, this was ages ago. I still hear about him through mutual friends. I just think he's sad.

wyf437gn6btzue · 16-04-2019 7:20pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

make hay while the sun shines

Gael23 · 16-04-2019 7:33pm

I do kind of. But then I would like to have a child one day.
And then there ps finding motivation to clean the house when your alone

buried · 16-04-2019 8:00pm

A lot of ye up in here claiming to enjoy being single, it don't look to me like ye enjoy it at all at all.

Same for the rest of ye what are coupled up too..

What ye all want to be doing is pumping the electronic music what sounds like a computer $hitting itself up to 11.

Then errybody will enjoy errything

Widdershins · 16-04-2019 8:00pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Being single is great when life is on the up, you're relatively young with a good social network, strong family support, things going well at work, you're fit and with plenty of dating or quick-fling options etc. I know lots of people in their 30s who fit this description.

I don't really think I'd want to find myself single in 20/30 years though, when key family members have passed, friends are now preoccupied with their own families, my career has settled and not every second man who crosses my path wants something to do with me.

You can get used to doing things for yourself, table for one, sitting around in your underpants just because you can etc and in fact I think people who are long-term single can get TOO settled into their routines to the point where the notion of a relationship is a negative thing in their heads, an assault on their freedom or independence or whatever (no healthy relationship will ever make you feel that way btw)

But as humans we're designed for interaction and social and emotional intimacy, that's what differentiates us, and in my world, life is simply more pleasurable, rewarding and worthwhile when you share it with other people. A partner, a family, a wider social and familial network around that.

There are female versions. He might be afraid of loss.

Woke Hogan · 16-04-2019 9:42pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

He sounds very happy with himself to me to be honest

EmmetSpiceland · 16-04-2019 9:45pm

Woke Hogan wrote: »

He sounds very happy with himself to me to be honest

If he’s smart he’ll pick up a girl around 26-28 that he can eventually settle down with without being subjected to any pressure from the girl or his female peers.

Dalomanakora · 16-04-2019 9:53pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

What's actually wrong with him wanting casual sex but not a relationship? Plenty of men and women are in that boat, and more power to them. I don't really understand why you think he won't have those options in the future. There's plenty of middle aged women out there who are jaded by relationships but happy to have some fun once in a while.

Anyone else enjoy being single?

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