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12 year relationship - 8 month marriage ending - devastated
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Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing well and you are enjoying the good weather.
Things have been reasonably good for me of late. I'm continuing to ramp up in a new and very demanding job, traveling quite a bit so getting to see and stay in nice places on the company dime is always nice. I'm exercising regularly and back playing some sports that I dropped over the years and reading quite a lot. I've remained very connected with my friends and family but starting to put up a few walls again to regain some semblance of privacy in my life! On that, I've been seeing someone really great now for a few months who, without going into much detail, found herself in pretty much the same situation as me in her last relationship. It's been a really positive development and I'm enjoying everything that comes with a new relationship.
In spite of myself, I still think about my previous life pretty much daily and there are times when it all washes over me like a a flood but thankfully those occasions are becoming rarer and far less intense. However, something has happened recently that really rattled me to the core and took me right back to ground zero for a few days. My ex and I obviously have a lot of mutual friends after spending 10+ years together. Over time, some of these have melted into "one camp" or the other along predictable lines. I've made an effort to keep in touch with a few people on "her side" and that has really been great as we are now friends in our own right and don't really discuss what happened in any great detail, I don't want to put them in an awkward position, I just want to maintain the friendship. One of the people that I trust most was one of those mutual friends that I shared details with early on in this whole situation as I needed to get it all out of my head. He has been supportive and our friendship continued as it was previously.
Recently, he introduced me to his new gf, we had a few drinks, I followed her on a social channel, all was well. A few weeks back, I saw a post showing my mates new gf and my ex out socialising. They would have had zero previous relationship so the connection was my mate. It actually sent me into a complete tailspin t be honest. I texted my mate to ask if I was missing something or was the situation as it appeared and he confirmed they met up. To me, it seemed to be condoning her actions and I'm really struggling to move past it. It may sound dramatic but it seems a betrayal of my trust in him and things have definitely cooled in our friendship. I've explained to him why it rattled me so much but he doesn't seem to comprehend it to be honest.
Am I being over sensitive here or is this just one of the realities of the situation?
I still have a very strong sense of injustice about this whole situation. I'm happy that I have kept my cool throughout and haven't lashed out or demeaned myself but there's a nagging sense that she had gotten away scott free that I simply cannot shake. I think this recent incident has compounded this feeling of wanting to balance the books somehow. I know deep down that anyone who works with her, knows her etc. can see through any lie she spins but I can't shake it. Other than that, things are generally pretty good!
As ever, I hope that everyone reading and posting is doing great and thank you all again for the incredible support over the last while, it really is so welcome and helpful. 0 -
joeduffy382 wrote: »Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing well and you are enjoying the good weather.
Things have been reasonably good for me of late. I'm continuing to ramp up in a new and very demanding job, traveling quite a bit so getting to see and stay in nice places on the company dime is always nice. I'm exercising regularly and back playing some sports that I dropped over the years and reading quite a lot. I've remained very connected with my friends and family but starting to put up a few walls again to regain some semblance of privacy in my life! On that, I've been seeing someone really great now for a few months who, without going into much detail, found herself in pretty much the same situation as me in her last relationship. It's been a really positive development and I'm enjoying everything that comes with a new relationship.
In spite of myself, I still think about my previous life pretty much daily and there are times when it all washes over me like a a flood but thankfully those occasions are becoming rarer and far less intense. However, something has happened recently that really rattled me to the core and took me right back to ground zero for a few days. My ex and I obviously have a lot of mutual friends after spending 10+ years together. Over time, some of these have melted into "one camp" or the other along predictable lines. I've made an effort to keep in touch with a few people on "her side" and that has really been great as we are now friends in our own right and don't really discuss what happened in any great detail, I don't want to put them in an awkward position, I just want to maintain the friendship. One of the people that I trust most was one of those mutual friends that I shared details with early on in this whole situation as I needed to get it all out of my head. He has been supportive and our friendship continued as it was previously.
Recently, he introduced me to his new gf, we had a few drinks, I followed her on a social channel, all was well. A few weeks back, I saw a post showing my mates new gf and my ex out socialising. They would have had zero previous relationship so the connection was my mate. It actually sent me into a complete tailspin t be honest. I texted my mate to ask if I was missing something or was the situation as it appeared and he confirmed they met up. To me, it seemed to be condoning her actions and I'm really struggling to move past it. It may sound dramatic but it seems a betrayal of my trust in him and things have definitely cooled in our friendship. I've explained to him why it rattled me so much but he doesn't seem to comprehend it to be honest.
Am I being over sensitive here or is this just one of the realities of the situation?
I still have a very strong sense of injustice about this whole situation. I'm happy that I have kept my cool throughout and haven't lashed out or demeaned myself but there's a nagging sense that she had gotten away scott free that I simply cannot shake. I think this recent incident has compounded this feeling of wanting to balance the books somehow. I know deep down that anyone who works with her, knows her etc. can see through any lie she spins but I can't shake it. Other than that, things are generally pretty good!
As ever, I hope that everyone reading and posting is doing great and thank you all again for the incredible support over the last while, it really is so welcome and helpful.
Great to hear on most.
To be honest move on you have a new interested party and don't be worrying or looking into these things too much as you say yourself they're friends from a long way back.
I wouldn't be spilling the beans or discussing as much with the mutual friends either to be honest as you know for sure some if not all will end up back with the ex.
Leave her off and live your new happier life without her.1 -
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joeduffy382 wrote: »Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing well and you are enjoying the good weather.
Things have been reasonably good for me of late. I'm continuing to ramp up in a new and very demanding job, traveling quite a bit so getting to see and stay in nice places on the company dime is always nice. I'm exercising regularly and back playing some sports that I dropped over the years and reading quite a lot. I've remained very connected with my friends and family but starting to put up a few walls again to regain some semblance of privacy in my life! On that, I've been seeing someone really great now for a few months who, without going into much detail, found herself in pretty much the same situation as me in her last relationship. It's been a really positive development and I'm enjoying everything that comes with a new relationship.
In spite of myself, I still think about my previous life pretty much daily and there are times when it all washes over me like a a flood but thankfully those occasions are becoming rarer and far less intense. However, something has happened recently that really rattled me to the core and took me right back to ground zero for a few days. My ex and I obviously have a lot of mutual friends after spending 10+ years together. Over time, some of these have melted into "one camp" or the other along predictable lines. I've made an effort to keep in touch with a few people on "her side" and that has really been great as we are now friends in our own right and don't really discuss what happened in any great detail, I don't want to put them in an awkward position, I just want to maintain the friendship. One of the people that I trust most was one of those mutual friends that I shared details with early on in this whole situation as I needed to get it all out of my head. He has been supportive and our friendship continued as it was previously.
Recently, he introduced me to his new gf, we had a few drinks, I followed her on a social channel, all was well. A few weeks back, I saw a post showing my mates new gf and my ex out socialising. They would have had zero previous relationship so the connection was my mate. It actually sent me into a complete tailspin t be honest. I texted my mate to ask if I was missing something or was the situation as it appeared and he confirmed they met up. To me, it seemed to be condoning her actions and I'm really struggling to move past it. It may sound dramatic but it seems a betrayal of my trust in him and things have definitely cooled in our friendship. I've explained to him why it rattled me so much but he doesn't seem to comprehend it to be honest.
Am I being over sensitive here or is this just one of the realities of the situation?
I still have a very strong sense of injustice about this whole situation. I'm happy that I have kept my cool throughout and haven't lashed out or demeaned myself but there's a nagging sense that she had gotten away scott free that I simply cannot shake. I think this recent incident has compounded this feeling of wanting to balance the books somehow. I know deep down that anyone who works with her, knows her etc. can see through any lie she spins but I can't shake it. Other than that, things are generally pretty good!
As ever, I hope that everyone reading and posting is doing great and thank you all again for the incredible support over the last while, it really is so welcome and helpful.
I don't think you're being too sensitive at all, cheaters are scum and should be entirely cut out and anyone who'd be 'on their side's by continuing to be pally with them with knowledge of their actions are condoning their scummy behaviour.
Even if it was a sibling who did what this woman did to you I'd really keep them at a distance going forward after letting them know what they now are in my mind, in your case if I knew she was so brazen and disrespectful I'd actually completely cut her out of my life. No time to be associating with people with the mental capacity to consider this acceptable behaviour, life is too short and we should surround ourselves only with good people with strong morals for our own sake0 -
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Hi all. I hope everyone is keeping well, not only with the current COVID situation but also those that have shared this experience with me.
I'm in one of those low phases where I feel the need to come and post here not only to document the experience to help me figure it out but also to hear the advice from those that so kindly offer it.
I mentioned previously that I had been in a 6 month relationship with someone last year. That ended but it was rekindled in January with the best of intentions. We're a great match on paper, common interests, she's kind, caring, funny and with a great sense of fun and adventure. I missed her and her company so got in touch and we decided to give it another go after talking through some of the reasons that it ended. I then travelled a lot at the start of this year with work and personally (seems like a lifetime ago now
) and we didn't get to see much of each other.
I spent two weeks in isolation due to a COVID scare (all clear) and during that time, all of this last two year's experience started to come back at me. I found myself waking up during the night for the first time in a long time, being upset about how everything turned out and for the first time in a very long time, being afraid that time was running out for me to have a family and be truly happy again. I also used the time alone to clear out a lot of clothes and stuff from my house and found my wedding ring and various other bits and pieces that I didn't realise were still in the house. I also got pop-ups from photo apps showing the dog we had adopted around the house and I was left feeling very low to be honest.
This knocked on into the relationship I mention above and it finished up. I really like this girl, a lot, but it never developed into deeper feelings of "I can't live without her" and this realisation crystallised during the two weeks of being on my own.
Not really sure what happens next but I'm feeling pretty alone at the moment as everything is unfolding around the world. I'm hugely grateful for my health and I know I've come through worse before, just can't help wondering when things are going to work out.
I hope you are all healthy and happy and ,as ever, thanks for reading.0 -
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I think a lot of people can relate in some way to aspects of your story, life is not a bed of roses and most if not all experience loneliness in some shape or form and at different stages in their life. We just soldier on and try to make the most of it and grab happiness wherever possible. The most important bit of advice I can give 'be kind to yourself'.joeduffy382 wrote: »Hi all. I hope everyone is keeping well, not only with the current COVID situation but also those that have shared this experience with me.
I'm in one of those low phases where I feel the need to come and post here not only to document the experience to help me figure it out but also to hear the advice from those that so kindly offer it.
I mentioned previously that I had been in a 6 month relationship with someone last year. That ended but it was rekindled in January with the best of intentions. We're a great match on paper, common interests, she's kind, caring, funny and with a great sense of fun and adventure. I missed her and her company so got in touch and we decided to give it another go after talking through some of the reasons that it ended. I then travelled a lot at the start of this year with work and personally (seems like a lifetime ago now) and we didn't get to see much of each other.
I spent two weeks in isolation due to a COVID scare (all clear) and during that time, all of this last two year's experience started to come back at me. I found myself waking up during the night for the first time in a long time, being upset about how everything turned out and for the first time in a very long time, being afraid that time was running out for me to have a family and be truly happy again. I also used the time alone to clear out a lot of clothes and stuff from my house and found my wedding ring and various other bits and pieces that I didn't realise were still in the house. I also got pop-ups from photo apps showing the dog we had adopted around the house and I was left feeling very low to be honest.
This knocked on into the relationship I mention above and it finished up. I really like this girl, a lot, but it never developed into deeper feelings of "I can't live without her" and this realisation crystallised during the two weeks of being on my own.
Not really sure what happens next but I'm feeling pretty alone at the moment as everything is unfolding around the world. I'm hugely grateful for my health and I know I've come through worse before, just can't help wondering when things are going to work out.
I hope you are all healthy and happy and ,as ever, thanks for reading.0 -
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