The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Ryanair," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Ryanair?" said the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Jaysus, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again in came for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only were we on time on one of Ryanair's brand-new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a €15 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky," said the woman. "As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors one-on-one, and, if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What did he say?"

He said, "Who fcuked up your hair?"

gozunda wrote: »

An elephant walks into a bar and suddenly feels concious that he is the elephant in the room.

It's very dangerous to go into the jungle at lunchtime because that's when the elephants go skydiving

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now," Elizabeth insisted.

She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."

After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"


"Still under the cart, I guess."

Hospital the best place for him. A firm madras and a nice fluffy pillau.

I've started a new business, building yachts in my attic
Since I built my first one, sails are going through the roof

Not the best but the latest I heard this morning made me chuckle:

What's Elton John and Adam Johnson got in common?

They both love a bit of extra virgin.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.

A man is standing at the urinal in a pub toilet when another man runs in in a panic and stands at the urinal beside him.
He whips out a huge penis and takes a piss. He says to the other guy 'I just made it'.
The other guy takes a look, and says 'Can you make one for me'

From Benchwarmers:

******************************************
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers.
He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"


The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first"


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frag420 wrote: »

So has he drank 30 pints now?

He has drank about a million pints since the joke was first told!!!:pac:

Brindor wrote: »

Two Irishmen are in a bar, when another one walks in.

One asks the other, "Do you think he's in the IRA ?"

The other responds, "Ní Ceapaim."

To save you the bother, it translates to 'I think not'.

It's lost on me too!!!!!