Is it bad luck to buy baby things, before the baby arrives?

Why are people's inlaws/parents so involved in thier lives? All big grown up people, you can spend your money on what you want.

Although the reason given is superstition and bad luck, i think like all old wives tales it comes from a more practical and reasonable beginning.
If something does in wrong, having all the trappings of a baby would make the lack of baby all the harder. As well as that there is the cost of everything. In those circumstances the money you have spent on cot and travel system could be needed for any number of other things.
In the past, the possibility of losing a baby before or during birth was much higher; a huge amount of women of this age would have personally experienced this, or been very close to somebody who has.

We had 2 superstitious grannies, at the time I was as dismissive as most on here. We got cot, buggy and a few bits before hand but kept most of it to ourselves. MIL came to buy the cot; we haggled a delivery Dave with her to 2 weeks before due date.
All went well, and when all the stuff magically appeared i was congratulated on going out and getting things so quickly.
Although I still wouldn't exactly buy into it, having been through the whole experience (highs, lows, fears and joy), i have come to appreciate the intention. If we are lucky enough to have a second, we already have the essentials, but we'll probably still pick up a few bits as it gets closer.

mickoneill31 wrote: »

I see the point about not getting too attached before the baby is born in case anything goes wrong

This is from an old mindset where babies frequently did die in or before childbirth, that it was thought best to literally not count your chickens (babies) until they were hatched (born).

Ultimately this "suck it up and get on with it" approach is far more damaging. I've spoken to a couple of older women (including my mother), who had later miscarriages or stillbirths, who remarked that being basically told to move on and not talk about it, to not get upset about it, made the whole process far, far harder. Friends and family basically not acknowledging that it had happened except for a "sorry about that" made them feel extremely lonely and isolated.

For one's own sake you're better off not buying a mountain of stuff and redecorating everything until around the 20-week scan when you get confirmation that it's 99.9% safe. It's devastating enough to get bad news without having to return to a house filled with baby's things that won't get used.

Maternity medicine is so far ahead of where it was even 30 years ago that the odds of something randomly going wrong after the 20-week point are very narrow.

Practicality should overrule worry tbh. In any case, if something were to go wrong at very late stages, it would be highly appropriate to acknowledge the loss, be reminded of the person you were preparing to welcome into the world. Not to be thinking, "Just as well we don't have a pile of baby things now we need to throw away!" - that would be almost like saying that you haven't lost anything.

When I was expecting my first baby I had everything organised before she was born. The bedroom was set up when I was 30/32 weeks and the car seat, etc all in our house. I saw no point in putting extra pressure on myself or my husband in leaving those things to after the baby was born.
Given that I went into labour early being organsied was great.

I got pregnant again and then had a miscarriage last June/July. It was a very difficult thing to deal with and coming home from the hospital I was delighted to a) have my little girl as she needed to be minded and focused on and remined me that things don't always go wrong and b) that the things I had in the house were needed for her anyway. Having to come home to a bedroom for a baby that didn't make it and then having to dismantle things would have been harder again.
My miscarriage didn't happen because those things were in the house though. It happened because there was something wrong with that baby.

Now I'm pregnant again and I'm 30/32 weeks along. I've gathered things for this baby in advance too and I'm going to pack my hospital bag this weekend.

My in laws think it strange that I'm so prepared and often say "most people don't do that" but I don't care.

I think it is just putting pressure on people when they need it least. You need basics before baby is born. Moses basket, changing mats, clothes, blankets, car seat (usually part of buggy), nappies are essential. Nobody came out with that superstitious nonsense when I was pregnant. Considering my partner still had to deal with work while I was in the hospital it would be insane to not have things bought and in the house. If people want to inconvenience their own life it's fine but it is incredibly selfish if they do it to others when they are under stress. It's ridiculous to buy stuff in early months because there is a good chance of miscarriage but not doing it later is equally ridiculous. Especially before first pregnancy when stress on the body will be probably the worst. I could barely walk for first week or so and I had straight forward labour.

Bad luck is like picking the wrong religion

jester77 wrote: »

Bad luck is like picking the wrong religion

That is, it depends mostly on the circumstances and place of your birth, on the way you perceive and deal with reality, and on who you associate with.