Is it bad luck to buy baby things, before the baby arrives?

ProudDUB · 06-04-2016 12:00AM #1

We have had 2 new arrivals in our family recently. In both cases, the grannies would not allow anything for the baby, to be brought into the expectant parents homes, before the baby was born. They thought it was bad luck.

They nagged the expecting parents about it, to such a degree that they gave in...anything for a quiet life. Then when the babies came, it was a mad scramble to get in cots, changing tables, buggies, cars seats, baby clothes etc etc and get them in and set up in just a few days. Total pain in the arse, if you ask me. If any one bought anything for the baby ahead of time & happened to mention it to either of the grannies, you were warned to store it somewhere else, until the baby arrived.

Is this a thing in the whole country, or are my family just weird? I think it's all a bit silly. One granny is a Dub, Cabra born and bred, 65ish. The other is from Monaghan, mid 50's. It's not like either of them are Peig Sayers. :rolleyes:

Smidge · 06-04-2016 12:05AM

ProudDUB wrote: »

We have had 2 new arrivals in our family recently. In both cases, the grannies would not allow anything for the baby, to be brought into the expectant parents homes, before the baby was born. They thought it was bad luck.

They nagged the expecting parents about it, to such a degree that they gave in...anything for a quiet life. Then when the babies came, it was a mad scramble to get in cots, changing tables, buggies, cars seats, baby clothes etc etc and get them in and set up in just a few days. Total pain in the arse, if you ask me. If any one bought anything for the baby ahead of time & happened to mention it to either of the grannies, you were warned to store it somewhere else, until the baby arrived.

Is this a thing in the whole country, or are my family just weird? I think it's all a bit silly. One granny is a Dub, Cabra born and bred, 65ish. The other is from Monaghan, mid 50's. It's not like either of them are Peig Sayers. :rolleyes:

Clothes and such are ok(only neutral colours even if you know the sex of the baby and ONLY the bare essentials)
But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES can a pram be bought or brought into the house before the baby comes.
This is the "Law according to Nana's"

teemxxts · 06-04-2016 12:06AM

Yes they're idiots but they're not alone. Don't worry about it. Why waste all that psychic energy analysing other people's psychosis'

KERSPLAT! · 06-04-2016 12:08AM

I had almost everything before my lad arrived. I probably wouldn't before 10-12 weeks but after that if be OK with it

endacl · 06-04-2016 12:09AM

There's no such thing as luck. Good bad, or indifferent.

Lady is a tramp · 06-04-2016 12:10AM

I bought most of my stuff when pregnant, including travel system etc. Wouldn't be arsed racing around the shops with a newborn baby. Waiting until the baby is born doesn't make sense, especially since most parents now get detailed anatomy scans which pick up many potential fatal foetal anomalies etc.

ProudDUB · 06-04-2016 12:20AM

Smidge wrote: »

Clothes and such are ok(only neutral colours even if you know the sex of the baby and ONLY the bare essentials)
But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES can a pram be bought or brought into the house before the baby comes.
This is the "Law according to Nana's"

I just don't get that at all. Where exactly are you supposed to put the baby, while you figure out what pram to buy?

The current expectant mother deffo plans on finding out the sex of the baby. The grannies have no problem with that at all, in fact they welcome it. So they are ok with the new fangled invention of finding out the sex of the baby in a scan, but they are not ok with buying a three pack of baby gros in Pennys?

Neither of the women are superstitious in other walks of life, it's just when the subject of babies come up.

Smidge · 06-04-2016 12:30AM

ProudDUB wrote: »

I just don't get that at all. Where exactly are you supposed to put the baby, while you figure out what pram to buy?

The current expectant mother deffo plans on finding out the sex of the baby. The grannies have no problem with that at all, in fact they welcome it. So they are ok with the new fangled invention of finding out the sex of the baby in a scan, but they are not ok with buying a three pack of baby gros in Pennys?

Neither of the women are superstitious in other walks of life, it's just when the subject of babies come up.

I guess its just the old way

Women were/are superstitious about losing babies hence the little idiosyncrasies. Most of the above really applies to first babies tbf.
A bassinet is where the baby would go and usually is bought and held in either of the grandparents houses and then brought over after the baby is born(usua;;y while she is still in hospital and both her and the baby are doing well).
I think it probably stems from if the mother did lose the child in labour that upon returning back to the house, there wouldn't be a lot of baby stuff lying about, hence causing her distress.
I just went along with both of the grandmothers little superstitions. Didn't cause any real upset and kept the matriarchs happy(good rule of thumb when looking for future babysitters

;))

Niemoj · 06-04-2016 12:44AM

Yeah, I've heard of the Irish Mammy tale of not buying anything until the baby arrives.

"You've to sleep in a drawer the first night"

ProudDUB · 06-04-2016 12:50AM

Smidge wrote: »

I guess its just the old way
Women were/are superstitious about losing babies hence the little idiosyncrasies. Most of the above really applies to first babies tbf.
A bassinet is where the baby would go and usually is bought and held in either of the grandparents houses and then brought over after the baby is born(usua;;y while she is still in hospital and both her and the baby are doing well).
I think it probably stems from if the mother did lose the child in labour that upon returning back to the house, there wouldn't be a lot of baby stuff lying about, hence causing her distress.
I just went along with both of the grandmothers little superstitions. Didn't cause any real upset and kept the matriarchs happy(good rule of thumb when looking for future babysitters ;))

Yeah, I get all that. No disrespect, but with modern day medicine and diagnostic tests, I really don't see the reason to impose out dated hang ups and superstitions on modern day mothers. If the mum to be, has no problem with getting everything ready in advance, then leave her to it. It's her baby and no one elses.

In my own family, one mum to be was rather mellow and just went with the flow. The other mum was really looking forward to decorating the babies room, selecting furniture, buying in tiny clothes and doing all those things expectant mothers enjoy doing and have time to do, before the baby comes. But her mother in law's pushiness & fussiness really spoiled a lot of that for her.

I do understand previous generations superstitions and precautions, especially if they grew up in the days of higher infant mortality. But it's not right to impose all those hangups on a new generation of mums.

Smidge · 06-04-2016 01:01AM

ProudDUB wrote: »

Yeah, I get all that. No disrespect, but with modern day medicine and diagnostic tests, I really don't see the reason to impose out dated hang ups and superstitions on modern day mothers. If the mum to be, has no problem with getting everything ready in advance, then leave her to it. It's her baby and no one elses.

In my own family, one mum to be was rather mellow and just went with the flow. The other mum was really looking forward to decorating the babies room, selecting furniture, buying in tiny clothes and doing all those things expectant mothers enjoy doing and have time to do, before the baby comes. But her mother in law's pushiness & fussiness really spoiled a lot of that for her.

I do understand previous generations superstitions and precautions, especially if they grew up in the days of higher infant mortality. But it's not right to impose all those hangups on a new generation of mums.

Tbf, that's a different set of issues entirely. You asked about superstitions etc and I answered but you seem to be a bit annoyed about the whole thing.
I never was and went with the flow. If it bugs you and the expectant mother then speak up..say so.
To me, they were harmless superstitions and caused me no great upset, so was happy to keep an even keel in the families. Its not for everyone but again, I thought you were more interested in the actual superstitions themselves and the reasons behind them.

06-04-2016 01:11AM

Us humans have a bad habit of connecting unrelated events into patterns.

Dave_The_Sheep · 06-04-2016 01:16AM

No.

You buying an item for the baby before/after birth has no effect on the health of the (preborn, current or otherwise) baby, regardless. They are two completely unrelated events.

If you think you buying something for a to-be-born baby and it surviving are related, then go right ahead if it makes you feel better. All you are helping are the shareholders of Next (most likely).

MadsL · 06-04-2016 01:16AM

endacl wrote: »

There's no such thing as luck. Good bad, or indifferent.

That's lucky!

ProudDUB · 06-04-2016 01:18AM

Smidge wrote: »

Tbf, that's a different set of issues entirely. You asked about superstitions etc and I answered but you seem to be a bit annoyed about the whole thing.
I never was and went with the flow. If it bugs you and the expectant mother then speak up..say so.
To me, they were harmless superstitions and caused me no great upset, so was happy to keep an even keel in the families. Its not for everyone but again, I thought you were more interested in the actual superstitions themselves and the reasons behind them.

It's a bit of both, I suppose....the superstitions themselves, as well as the lengths that people are willing to go to, to make sure everyone is singing from the hymn sheet, regarding their implementation.

I suppose, back in the days of yore, all the women in the family were from the same village/townland, no one had much education, no one really traveled and no one worked outside the home, or had careers of their own. Add all that to high infant mortality rates & poor pre-natal health care, I can see why these superstitions first took hold.

But the women of 2016, are a far cry from the women of 1816 or 1916, or even 1966... as are modern day health care & medicine. So maybe it's time to let go?

mansize · 06-04-2016 01:21AM

There is also the point that if the baby is lost later in pregnancy, these things can be harder to face when the parents return home. I'm sure things can be picked out or put on order?

06-04-2016 01:22AM

Why didn't they just buy stuff & not tell the superstitious grannys?

ProudDUB · 06-04-2016 01:42AM

mansize wrote: »

There is also the point that if the baby is lost later in pregnancy, these things can be harder to face when the parents return home. I'm sure things can be picked out or put on order?

True, but not everyone goes through life with a pessimistic "what if I get hit by bus in the morning?" outlook. When a woman is getting married, she doesn't leave finding the dress, picking the bridesmaids and arranging the flowers, until the week before the wedding, on the off chance that her fiancee may dump her, or he gets hit by a bus and the whole thing has to be called off.

Maybe that's a silly example, but the basic premise still stands. We all put some advance prep into the very big events in our lives, with the presumption that it will all work out ok, not that it all may wind up going pear shaped. If I found out I was preggers in the morning, I'd have no problem starting to get things ready and buying the important stuff, at around the half way point. Leaving it all to the last minute, would be my definition of a nightmare.

Each to their own I suppose, as long it is the expectant mothers choice, and not someone elses.

Smidge · 06-04-2016 01:42AM

ProudDUB wrote: »

It's a bit of both, I suppose....the superstitions themselves, as well as the lengths that people are willing to go to, to make sure everyone is singing from the hymn sheet, regarding their implementation.

I suppose, back in the days of yore, all the women in the family were from the same village/townland, no one had much education, no one really traveled and no one worked outside the home, or had careers of their own. Add all that to high infant mortality rates & poor pre-natal health care, I can see why these superstitions first took hold.

But the women of 2016, are a far cry from the women of 1816 or 1916, or even 1966... as are modern day health care & medicine. So maybe it's time to let go?

Thats the thing with superstitions, if you don't believe, what's the harm in keeping the people who do believe, happy?
Wont do you any harm

As I said before, if it bugs you, let the people involved know and don't go along with it. No one forces you to go along with it. Do your own thing and decline the superstitions.

With regard to "singing from the same hymn sheet" this is something that every couple having a baby will have to go through irregardless.
From how to feed the baby, how to wash the baby, how to get the baby to sleep. Families and ESPECIALLY Grandmothers, will always be in the mix. Sometimes the advice is good and useful, other times not so much. Its like a pick and mix, you take from it what you want and disregard the rest. Grandmothers in general are great and by god, when a baby comes into the house, you will be kissing their feet for the times when they take the baby so you can actually get a nights sleep. Worth its weight in gold imo for going along with their superstitions and in general, their need to be useful again in a motherly role.

Btw, both Nana's in my my case are not from townlands but Dublin born and bred

And tbh, I will probably continue the tradition with my own grandchildren when they come(hopefully MANY MANY years away

)
I'll buy the pram, I'll buy the bits and keep them safe for when the baby is here.

I'll also be stuck doing the babysitting as well I guess :pac:

mansize · 06-04-2016 01:44AM

ProudDUB wrote: »

True, but not everyone goes through life with a pessimistic "what if I get hit by bus in the morning?" outlook. When a woman is getting married, she doesn't leave finding the dress, picking the bridesmaids and arranging the flowers, until the week before the wedding, on the off chance that her fiancee may dump her, or he gets hit by a bus and the whole thing has to be called off.

Maybe that's a silly example, but the basic premise still stands. We all put some advance prep into the very big events in our lives, with the presumption that it will all work out ok, not that it all may wind up going pear shaped. If I found out I was preggers in the morning, I'd have no problem starting to get things ready and buying the important stuff at around the half way point. Leaving it all to the last minute, would be my definition of a nightmare. But each to their own I suppose, as long it is the expectant mothers choice, and not someone elses.

Having things ordered isn't leaving it to the last minute to be fair.

ProudDUB · 06-04-2016 01:53AM

mansize wrote: »

Having things ordered isn't leaving it to the last minute to be fair.

Have you ever tried to supervise the transport, delivery & assembly of a flatpack cot, shelving unit, changing tables, wardrobe etc etc, while holding a screaming new born, as you try to stop the stitches from your Caesarean from bursting? Try it sometime. :P

Being a new mum is so hard and challenging. Having everything you need, right there in the house, all ready to go, all unpacked and assembled and in its right place, the minute you walk in the door from the hospital, is my idea of heaven.

The Randy Riverbeast · 06-04-2016 02:09AM

I've heard that one before. Can understand why a person would want to avoid it in the past but these days i would start looking into stuff after 4 months and picking it up after 6/7. If there is going to be a problem it will happen regardless the location of random objects.

Dave_The_Sheep · 06-04-2016 02:14AM

Smidge wrote: »

Thats the thing with superstitions, if you don't believe, what's the harm in keeping the people who do believe, happy?
Wont do you any harm

Until it does.

Stupid beliefs, like loose lips, sink ships. Vaccines being a prime example.

(Except that vaccines don't literally sink ships, yes I know. It's not meant to be taken literally... unless ... I realise that those that believe this kind of **** may need this explained to them.)

biko · 06-04-2016 02:20AM

It's not bad luck.
It's foresight.

ProudDUB · 06-04-2016 02:26AM

Smidge wrote: »

Thats the thing with superstitions, if you don't believe, what's the harm in keeping the people who do believe, happy?
Wont do you any harm
As I said before, if it bugs you, let the people involved know and don't go along with it. No one forces you to go along with it. Do your own thing and decline the superstitions.

Harm? No. But it is selfish to impose your superstitions on someone who does not share them, when they are trying to plan for a very momentous event in their life. It should be up to them, how they prepare for that. If they want to go shopping for cute little dresses, or prams, before their ankles swell up to the size of bricks, or they need to pee every 5 seconds, they should be able to do that, without any pressure to do otherwise.

One of the mammys I referenced in my original post, has a hubby who travels a lot for his job. Getting everything delivered/set up in the immediate aftermath of the babies arrival, was a logistical nightmare, thanks to all her mother in laws hangups & interfering. So I just don't buy the 'what's the harm' line. If it introduces stress into the life of a new mom, that she really doesn't need, then it does do harm imo.

As to being forced? I take it you aren't familiar with the Irish Mammy Guide to Guilt Free Guilt Trips? An Irish Mammy doesn't need to point a gun at someone to bend them to her will & she never will. :rolleyes:

Olishi4 · 06-04-2016 08:17AM

OP whatever a nesting pregnant woman wants always trumps grannies superstitions

De Oro · 06-04-2016 08:35AM

Is it bad luck to buy baby things, before the baby arrives?

No, it's called preparation.

06-04-2016 08:41AM

ProudDUB wrote: »

In both cases, the grannies would not allow anything for the baby, to be brought into the expectant parents homes, before the baby was born. They thought it was bad luck.

Interfering old busy bodies will be interfering old busy bodies. What can one do. I guess some people just are - or feel - so ineffectual that they have to invent a disease and a cure so that they can appear to be doing _something_ beneficial. Invent "bad luck" and a cause for it - and then be a defender of the realm protecting the family from it. How useful they must feel.

I am afraid anyone - of any age - attempting to control what comes into my house - or when - would not be pandered to in such a fashion and would be politely but firmly be told where they can go with their superstitious woo and clap trap.

ProudDUB wrote: »

Is this a thing in the whole country, or are my family just weird?

I can not speak for the country - but I can tell you that of all the nut job superstitious nonsense I have heard - from the number 13 to configurations of passing crows - it is quite literally the first time I have heard _this_ one.

But the general concept of not doing things before a given date is something I have heard before. In Germany and some other countries for example it is considered some mix of bad luck or bad manners to wish anyone a happy birthday (or any other such celebration) before the actual day.

So where in Ireland if I was leaving work on Friday and someone had a birthday on the Saturday - I would wish them a happy birthday in advance. In places like Germany however this would be an extreme no-no. You are expected to wait until the Monday.

There are some countries however - again I think Germany is one of them - where you would not be allowed leave the hospital with the new born unless you could show you have a good quality and safe car seat to bring them home with. Which might throw a spanner in the works of the kind of person your grannies represent.

Smidge wrote: »

With regard to "singing from the same hymn sheet" this is something that every couple having a baby will have to go through irregardless. From how to feed the baby, how to wash the baby, how to get the baby to sleep. Families and ESPECIALLY Grandmothers, will always be in the mix. Sometimes the advice is good and useful, other times not so much.

It sounds to me however like the OPs issue is that there is a fine line between "advice" and being an imposing busy body making life hell for everyone. I do not think the OP has any issue with "advice". What the OP describes however is a set of old busy bodies going around making demands of all and sundry - imposing their will and demands - and generally making everyone's life hell until they give in and just pander to the crap.

Advice where you can - as you say - "take from it what you want and disregard the rest." is great stuff. I would not be without it. But that does not appear to be what the OP described.

I think I would feel dirty all over if I found myself ingratiating myself to the nonsense woo of such people - especially when they are that demanding and imposing - just to maintain their affections at a level to use them as baby sitters later.

Lucyfur · 06-04-2016 08:42AM

For me it wouldnt be about luck at all. I'd just be afraid something would go wrong. I think I'd put a deposit on things but get someone to sort delivery/final payment while I was in labour.

Jen44 · 06-04-2016 08:42AM

My mam bought me a little outfit and told me it was for "my bottom drawer"

Jen44 · 06-04-2016 08:43AM

Lucyfur wrote: »

For me it wouldnt be about luck at all. I'd just be afraid something would go wrong. I think I'd put a deposit on things but get someone to sort delivery/final payment while I was in labour.

I guarantee you organising someone to run around pay and collect your stuff will be the last thing on your mind!!

Is it bad luck to buy baby things, before the baby arrives?

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