Is it bad luck to buy baby things, before the baby arrives?

ProudDUB

We have had 2 new arrivals in our family recently. In both cases, the grannies would not allow anything for the baby, to be brought into the expectant parents homes, before the baby was born. They thought it was bad luck.

They nagged the expecting parents about it, to such a degree that they gave in...anything for a quiet life. Then when the babies came, it was a mad scramble to get in cots, changing tables, buggies, cars seats, baby clothes etc etc and get them in and set up in just a few days. Total pain in the arse, if you ask me. If any one bought anything for the baby ahead of time & happened to mention it to either of the grannies, you were warned to store it somewhere else, until the baby arrived.

Is this a thing in the whole country, or are my family just weird? I think it's all a bit silly. One granny is a Dub, Cabra born and bred, 65ish. The other is from Monaghan, mid 50's. It's not like either of them are Peig Sayers. :rolleyes:

Smidge

ProudDUB wrote: »

We have had 2 new arrivals in our family recently. In both cases, the grannies would not allow anything for the baby, to be brought into the expectant parents homes, before the baby was born. They thought it was bad luck.

They nagged the expecting parents about it, to such a degree that they gave in...anything for a quiet life. Then when the babies came, it was a mad scramble to get in cots, changing tables, buggies, cars seats, baby clothes etc etc and get them in and set up in just a few days. Total pain in the arse, if you ask me. If any one bought anything for the baby ahead of time & happened to mention it to either of the grannies, you were warned to store it somewhere else, until the baby arrived.

Is this a thing in the whole country, or are my family just weird? I think it's all a bit silly. One granny is a Dub, Cabra born and bred, 65ish. The other is from Monaghan, mid 50's. It's not like either of them are Peig Sayers. :rolleyes:

Clothes and such are ok(only neutral colours even if you know the sex of the baby and ONLY the bare essentials)
But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES can a pram be bought or brought into the house before the baby comes.
This is the "Law according to Nana's"

teemxxts

Yes they're idiots but they're not alone. Don't worry about it. Why waste all that psychic energy analysing other people's psychosis'

KERSPLAT!

I had almost everything before my lad arrived. I probably wouldn't before 10-12 weeks but after that if be OK with it

endacl

There's no such thing as luck. Good bad, or indifferent.

Lady is a tramp

I bought most of my stuff when pregnant, including travel system etc. Wouldn't be arsed racing around the shops with a newborn baby. Waiting until the baby is born doesn't make sense, especially since most parents now get detailed anatomy scans which pick up many potential fatal foetal anomalies etc.

ProudDUB

Smidge wrote: »

Clothes and such are ok(only neutral colours even if you know the sex of the baby and ONLY the bare essentials)
But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES can a pram be bought or brought into the house before the baby comes.
This is the "Law according to Nana's"

I just don't get that at all. Where exactly are you supposed to put the baby, while you figure out what pram to buy?

The current expectant mother deffo plans on finding out the sex of the baby. The grannies have no problem with that at all, in fact they welcome it. So they are ok with the new fangled invention of finding out the sex of the baby in a scan, but they are not ok with buying a three pack of baby gros in Pennys?

Neither of the women are superstitious in other walks of life, it's just when the subject of babies come up.

Smidge

ProudDUB wrote: »

I just don't get that at all. Where exactly are you supposed to put the baby, while you figure out what pram to buy?

The current expectant mother deffo plans on finding out the sex of the baby. The grannies have no problem with that at all, in fact they welcome it. So they are ok with the new fangled invention of finding out the sex of the baby in a scan, but they are not ok with buying a three pack of baby gros in Pennys?

Neither of the women are superstitious in other walks of life, it's just when the subject of babies come up.

I guess its just the old way
Women were/are superstitious about losing babies hence the little idiosyncrasies. Most of the above really applies to first babies tbf.
A bassinet is where the baby would go and usually is bought and held in either of the grandparents houses and then brought over after the baby is born(usua;;y while she is still in hospital and both her and the baby are doing well).
I think it probably stems from if the mother did lose the child in labour that upon returning back to the house, there wouldn't be a lot of baby stuff lying about, hence causing her distress.
I just went along with both of the grandmothers little superstitions. Didn't cause any real upset and kept the matriarchs happy(good rule of thumb when looking for future babysitters ;))

Niemoj

Yeah, I've heard of the Irish Mammy tale of not buying anything until the baby arrives.

"You've to sleep in a drawer the first night"

ProudDUB

Smidge wrote: »

I guess its just the old way
Women were/are superstitious about losing babies hence the little idiosyncrasies. Most of the above really applies to first babies tbf.
A bassinet is where the baby would go and usually is bought and held in either of the grandparents houses and then brought over after the baby is born(usua;;y while she is still in hospital and both her and the baby are doing well).
I think it probably stems from if the mother did lose the child in labour that upon returning back to the house, there wouldn't be a lot of baby stuff lying about, hence causing her distress.
I just went along with both of the grandmothers little superstitions. Didn't cause any real upset and kept the matriarchs happy(good rule of thumb when looking for future babysitters ;))

Yeah, I get all that. No disrespect, but with modern day medicine and diagnostic tests, I really don't see the reason to impose out dated hang ups and superstitions on modern day mothers. If the mum to be, has no problem with getting everything ready in advance, then leave her to it. It's her baby and no one elses.

In my own family, one mum to be was rather mellow and just went with the flow. The other mum was really looking forward to decorating the babies room, selecting furniture, buying in tiny clothes and doing all those things expectant mothers enjoy doing and have time to do, before the baby comes. But her mother in law's pushiness & fussiness really spoiled a lot of that for her.

I do understand previous generations superstitions and precautions, especially if they grew up in the days of higher infant mortality. But it's not right to impose all those hangups on a new generation of mums.

Smidge

ProudDUB wrote: »

Yeah, I get all that. No disrespect, but with modern day medicine and diagnostic tests, I really don't see the reason to impose out dated hang ups and superstitions on modern day mothers. If the mum to be, has no problem with getting everything ready in advance, then leave her to it. It's her baby and no one elses.

In my own family, one mum to be was rather mellow and just went with the flow. The other mum was really looking forward to decorating the babies room, selecting furniture, buying in tiny clothes and doing all those things expectant mothers enjoy doing and have time to do, before the baby comes. But her mother in law's pushiness & fussiness really spoiled a lot of that for her.

I do understand previous generations superstitions and precautions, especially if they grew up in the days of higher infant mortality. But it's not right to impose all those hangups on a new generation of mums.

Tbf, that's a different set of issues entirely. You asked about superstitions etc and I answered but you seem to be a bit annoyed about the whole thing.
I never was and went with the flow. If it bugs you and the expectant mother then speak up..say so.
To me, they were harmless superstitions and caused me no great upset, so was happy to keep an even keel in the families. Its not for everyone but again, I thought you were more interested in the actual superstitions themselves and the reasons behind them.

Us humans have a bad habit of connecting unrelated events into patterns.

Dave_The_Sheep

No.

You buying an item for the baby before/after birth has no effect on the health of the (preborn, current or otherwise) baby, regardless. They are two completely unrelated events.

If you think you buying something for a to-be-born baby and it surviving are related, then go right ahead if it makes you feel better. All you are helping are the shareholders of Next (most likely).

MadsL

endacl wrote: »

There's no such thing as luck. Good bad, or indifferent.

That's lucky!

ProudDUB

Smidge wrote: »

Tbf, that's a different set of issues entirely. You asked about superstitions etc and I answered but you seem to be a bit annoyed about the whole thing.
I never was and went with the flow. If it bugs you and the expectant mother then speak up..say so.
To me, they were harmless superstitions and caused me no great upset, so was happy to keep an even keel in the families. Its not for everyone but again, I thought you were more interested in the actual superstitions themselves and the reasons behind them.

It's a bit of both, I suppose....the superstitions themselves, as well as the lengths that people are willing to go to, to make sure everyone is singing from the hymn sheet, regarding their implementation.

I suppose, back in the days of yore, all the women in the family were from the same village/townland, no one had much education, no one really traveled and no one worked outside the home, or had careers of their own. Add all that to high infant mortality rates & poor pre-natal health care, I can see why these superstitions first took hold.

But the women of 2016, are a far cry from the women of 1816 or 1916, or even 1966... as are modern day health care & medicine. So maybe it's time to let go?

mansize

There is also the point that if the baby is lost later in pregnancy, these things can be harder to face when the parents return home. I'm sure things can be picked out or put on order?

Why didn't they just buy stuff & not tell the superstitious grannys?

ProudDUB

mansize wrote: »

There is also the point that if the baby is lost later in pregnancy, these things can be harder to face when the parents return home. I'm sure things can be picked out or put on order?

True, but not everyone goes through life with a pessimistic "what if I get hit by bus in the morning?" outlook. When a woman is getting married, she doesn't leave finding the dress, picking the bridesmaids and arranging the flowers, until the week before the wedding, on the off chance that her fiancee may dump her, or he gets hit by a bus and the whole thing has to be called off.

Maybe that's a silly example, but the basic premise still stands. We all put some advance prep into the very big events in our lives, with the presumption that it will all work out ok, not that it all may wind up going pear shaped. If I found out I was preggers in the morning, I'd have no problem starting to get things ready and buying the important stuff, at around the half way point. Leaving it all to the last minute, would be my definition of a nightmare.

Each to their own I suppose, as long it is the expectant mothers choice, and not someone elses.

Smidge

ProudDUB wrote: »

It's a bit of both, I suppose....the superstitions themselves, as well as the lengths that people are willing to go to, to make sure everyone is singing from the hymn sheet, regarding their implementation.

I suppose, back in the days of yore, all the women in the family were from the same village/townland, no one had much education, no one really traveled and no one worked outside the home, or had careers of their own. Add all that to high infant mortality rates & poor pre-natal health care, I can see why these superstitions first took hold.

But the women of 2016, are a far cry from the women of 1816 or 1916, or even 1966... as are modern day health care & medicine. So maybe it's time to let go?

Thats the thing with superstitions, if you don't believe, what's the harm in keeping the people who do believe, happy?
Wont do you any harm
As I said before, if it bugs you, let the people involved know and don't go along with it. No one forces you to go along with it. Do your own thing and decline the superstitions.

With regard to "singing from the same hymn sheet" this is something that every couple having a baby will have to go through irregardless.
From how to feed the baby, how to wash the baby, how to get the baby to sleep. Families and ESPECIALLY Grandmothers, will always be in the mix. Sometimes the advice is good and useful, other times not so much. Its like a pick and mix, you take from it what you want and disregard the rest. Grandmothers in general are great and by god, when a baby comes into the house, you will be kissing their feet for the times when they take the baby so you can actually get a nights sleep. Worth its weight in gold imo for going along with their superstitions and in general, their need to be useful again in a motherly role.

Btw, both Nana's in my my case are not from townlands but Dublin born and bred And tbh, I will probably continue the tradition with my own grandchildren when they come(hopefully MANY MANY years away )
I'll buy the pram, I'll buy the bits and keep them safe for when the baby is here.
I'll also be stuck doing the babysitting as well I guess :pac:

mansize

ProudDUB wrote: »

True, but not everyone goes through life with a pessimistic "what if I get hit by bus in the morning?" outlook. When a woman is getting married, she doesn't leave finding the dress, picking the bridesmaids and arranging the flowers, until the week before the wedding, on the off chance that her fiancee may dump her, or he gets hit by a bus and the whole thing has to be called off.

Maybe that's a silly example, but the basic premise still stands. We all put some advance prep into the very big events in our lives, with the presumption that it will all work out ok, not that it all may wind up going pear shaped. If I found out I was preggers in the morning, I'd have no problem starting to get things ready and buying the important stuff at around the half way point. Leaving it all to the last minute, would be my definition of a nightmare. But each to their own I suppose, as long it is the expectant mothers choice, and not someone elses.

Having things ordered isn't leaving it to the last minute to be fair.

ProudDUB

mansize wrote: »

Having things ordered isn't leaving it to the last minute to be fair.

Have you ever tried to supervise the transport, delivery & assembly of a flatpack cot, shelving unit, changing tables, wardrobe etc etc, while holding a screaming new born, as you try to stop the stitches from your Caesarean from bursting? Try it sometime. :P

Being a new mum is so hard and challenging. Having everything you need, right there in the house, all ready to go, all unpacked and assembled and in its right place, the minute you walk in the door from the hospital, is my idea of heaven.

The Randy Riverbeast

I've heard that one before. Can understand why a person would want to avoid it in the past but these days i would start looking into stuff after 4 months and picking it up after 6/7. If there is going to be a problem it will happen regardless the location of random objects.

Dave_The_Sheep

Smidge wrote: »

Thats the thing with superstitions, if you don't believe, what's the harm in keeping the people who do believe, happy?
Wont do you any harm

Until it does.

Stupid beliefs, like loose lips, sink ships. Vaccines being a prime example.

(Except that vaccines don't literally sink ships, yes I know. It's not meant to be taken literally... unless ... I realise that those that believe this kind of **** may need this explained to them.)

biko

It's not bad luck.
It's foresight.

ProudDUB

Smidge wrote: »

Thats the thing with superstitions, if you don't believe, what's the harm in keeping the people who do believe, happy?
Wont do you any harm
As I said before, if it bugs you, let the people involved know and don't go along with it. No one forces you to go along with it. Do your own thing and decline the superstitions.

Harm? No. But it is selfish to impose your superstitions on someone who does not share them, when they are trying to plan for a very momentous event in their life. It should be up to them, how they prepare for that. If they want to go shopping for cute little dresses, or prams, before their ankles swell up to the size of bricks, or they need to pee every 5 seconds, they should be able to do that, without any pressure to do otherwise.

One of the mammys I referenced in my original post, has a hubby who travels a lot for his job. Getting everything delivered/set up in the immediate aftermath of the babies arrival, was a logistical nightmare, thanks to all her mother in laws hangups & interfering. So I just don't buy the 'what's the harm' line. If it introduces stress into the life of a new mom, that she really doesn't need, then it does do harm imo.

As to being forced? I take it you aren't familiar with the Irish Mammy Guide to Guilt Free Guilt Trips? An Irish Mammy doesn't need to point a gun at someone to bend them to her will & she never will. :rolleyes:

Olishi4

OP whatever a nesting pregnant woman wants always trumps grannies superstitions

De Oro

Is it bad luck to buy baby things, before the baby arrives?

No, it's called preparation.

ProudDUB

ProudDUB wrote: »

In both cases, the grannies would not allow anything for the baby, to be brought into the expectant parents homes, before the baby was born. They thought it was bad luck.

Interfering old busy bodies will be interfering old busy bodies. What can one do. I guess some people just are - or feel - so ineffectual that they have to invent a disease and a cure so that they can appear to be doing _something_ beneficial. Invent "bad luck" and a cause for it - and then be a defender of the realm protecting the family from it. How useful they must feel.

I am afraid anyone - of any age - attempting to control what comes into my house - or when - would not be pandered to in such a fashion and would be politely but firmly be told where they can go with their superstitious woo and clap trap.

ProudDUB wrote: »

Is this a thing in the whole country, or are my family just weird?

I can not speak for the country - but I can tell you that of all the nut job superstitious nonsense I have heard - from the number 13 to configurations of passing crows - it is quite literally the first time I have heard _this_ one.

But the general concept of not doing things before a given date is something I have heard before. In Germany and some other countries for example it is considered some mix of bad luck or bad manners to wish anyone a happy birthday (or any other such celebration) before the actual day.

So where in Ireland if I was leaving work on Friday and someone had a birthday on the Saturday - I would wish them a happy birthday in advance. In places like Germany however this would be an extreme no-no. You are expected to wait until the Monday.

There are some countries however - again I think Germany is one of them - where you would not be allowed leave the hospital with the new born unless you could show you have a good quality and safe car seat to bring them home with. Which might throw a spanner in the works of the kind of person your grannies represent.

Smidge wrote: »

With regard to "singing from the same hymn sheet" this is something that every couple having a baby will have to go through irregardless. From how to feed the baby, how to wash the baby, how to get the baby to sleep. Families and ESPECIALLY Grandmothers, will always be in the mix. Sometimes the advice is good and useful, other times not so much.

It sounds to me however like the OPs issue is that there is a fine line between "advice" and being an imposing busy body making life hell for everyone. I do not think the OP has any issue with "advice". What the OP describes however is a set of old busy bodies going around making demands of all and sundry - imposing their will and demands - and generally making everyone's life hell until they give in and just pander to the crap.

Advice where you can - as you say - "take from it what you want and disregard the rest." is great stuff. I would not be without it. But that does not appear to be what the OP described.

I think I would feel dirty all over if I found myself ingratiating myself to the nonsense woo of such people - especially when they are that demanding and imposing - just to maintain their affections at a level to use them as baby sitters later.

Lucyfur

For me it wouldnt be about luck at all. I'd just be afraid something would go wrong. I think I'd put a deposit on things but get someone to sort delivery/final payment while I was in labour.

Jen44

My mam bought me a little outfit and told me it was for "my bottom drawer"

Jen44

Lucyfur wrote: »

For me it wouldnt be about luck at all. I'd just be afraid something would go wrong. I think I'd put a deposit on things but get someone to sort delivery/final payment while I was in labour.

I guarantee you organising someone to run around pay and collect your stuff will be the last thing on your mind!!

Lucyfur

Jen44 wrote: »

I guarantee you organising someone to run around pay and collect your stuff will be the last thing on your mind!!

No I don't think it would

darkpagandeath

Bad Luck is a thing ?

Jen44

Lucyfur wrote: »

No I don't think it would

Fair play to you! You must be a lot more organised then me

stoplooklisten

Why are people's inlaws/parents so involved in thier lives? All big grown up people, you can spend your money on what you want.

Speedwell

It's purely a socioeconomic thing. When you're poor and downtrodden, bad luck is your life and every little random thing only reinforces your pessimism. Can you even imagine someone from the upper crust not preparing a nursery, hiring servants, commissioning a hand-carved cradle and lavish baptismal gown, and so forth, for the new arrival? Because I can sure imagine someone ashamed of their inability to find the wherewithal to properly prepare for the child using an excuse like "oh it's bad luck" to cover their embarrassment.

As for superstition, I asked a friend back in Texas who is a high-functioning autistic woman with OCD who engages in repetitive behavior and believes in New Age silliness about this idea. She said, "Oh, Lord, no, that's ridiculous. Don't give me anything else to worry about."

Also, yes, in the US, "having not a blanket to wrap it in, poor chica" is seen as another bad decision in a probable cascade of bad decisions, and gets the attention of social workers if a busybody reports it.

DavyD_83

Although the reason given is superstition and bad luck, i think like all old wives tales it comes from a more practical and reasonable beginning.
If something does in wrong, having all the trappings of a baby would make the lack of baby all the harder. As well as that there is the cost of everything. In those circumstances the money you have spent on cot and travel system could be needed for any number of other things.
In the past, the possibility of losing a baby before or during birth was much higher; a huge amount of women of this age would have personally experienced this, or been very close to somebody who has.

We had 2 superstitious grannies, at the time I was as dismissive as most on here. We got cot, buggy and a few bits before hand but kept most of it to ourselves. MIL came to buy the cot; we haggled a delivery Dave with her to 2 weeks before due date.
All went well, and when all the stuff magically appeared i was congratulated on going out and getting things so quickly.
Although I still wouldn't exactly buy into it, having been through the whole experience (highs, lows, fears and joy), i have come to appreciate the intention. If we are lucky enough to have a second, we already have the essentials, but we'll probably still pick up a few bits as it gets closer.

mickoneill31

My mam has another one. It's bad luck in her mind to know the gender of the baby before it's born. We have one coming along next month. We know the gender. Nearly drove her mental when we were deciding on the name. She wouldn't even tell her friends / family the gender once we told her. We've just told everyone.

I see the point about not getting too attached before the baby is born in case anything goes wrong but myself and my missus prefer to be optimistic about stuff.
I've found generally in my life that if you're an optimistic person or a pessimistic person then your life will tend to follow along with your optimistic or pessimistic way of thinking

seamus

mickoneill31 wrote: »

I see the point about not getting too attached before the baby is born in case anything goes wrong

This is from an old mindset where babies frequently did die in or before childbirth, that it was thought best to literally not count your chickens (babies) until they were hatched (born).

Ultimately this "suck it up and get on with it" approach is far more damaging. I've spoken to a couple of older women (including my mother), who had later miscarriages or stillbirths, who remarked that being basically told to move on and not talk about it, to not get upset about it, made the whole process far, far harder. Friends and family basically not acknowledging that it had happened except for a "sorry about that" made them feel extremely lonely and isolated.

For one's own sake you're better off not buying a mountain of stuff and redecorating everything until around the 20-week scan when you get confirmation that it's 99.9% safe. It's devastating enough to get bad news without having to return to a house filled with baby's things that won't get used.

Maternity medicine is so far ahead of where it was even 30 years ago that the odds of something randomly going wrong after the 20-week point are very narrow.

Practicality should overrule worry tbh. In any case, if something were to go wrong at very late stages, it would be highly appropriate to acknowledge the loss, be reminded of the person you were preparing to welcome into the world. Not to be thinking, "Just as well we don't have a pile of baby things now we need to throw away!" - that would be almost like saying that you haven't lost anything.

NIMAN

Luck belongs in the realms of angels, mediums, ghosts, spirits, aura ....i.e. all nonsense.

Penny Dreadful

When I was expecting my first baby I had everything organised before she was born. The bedroom was set up when I was 30/32 weeks and the car seat, etc all in our house. I saw no point in putting extra pressure on myself or my husband in leaving those things to after the baby was born.
Given that I went into labour early being organsied was great.

I got pregnant again and then had a miscarriage last June/July. It was a very difficult thing to deal with and coming home from the hospital I was delighted to a) have my little girl as she needed to be minded and focused on and remined me that things don't always go wrong and b) that the things I had in the house were needed for her anyway. Having to come home to a bedroom for a baby that didn't make it and then having to dismantle things would have been harder again.
My miscarriage didn't happen because those things were in the house though. It happened because there was something wrong with that baby.

Now I'm pregnant again and I'm 30/32 weeks along. I've gathered things for this baby in advance too and I'm going to pack my hospital bag this weekend.

My in laws think it strange that I'm so prepared and often say "most people don't do that" but I don't care.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

meeeeh

I think it is just putting pressure on people when they need it least. You need basics before baby is born. Moses basket, changing mats, clothes, blankets, car seat (usually part of buggy), nappies are essential. Nobody came out with that superstitious nonsense when I was pregnant. Considering my partner still had to deal with work while I was in the hospital it would be insane to not have things bought and in the house. If people want to inconvenience their own life it's fine but it is incredibly selfish if they do it to others when they are under stress. It's ridiculous to buy stuff in early months because there is a good chance of miscarriage but not doing it later is equally ridiculous. Especially before first pregnancy when stress on the body will be probably the worst. I could barely walk for first week or so and I had straight forward labour.

topper75

endacl wrote: »

There's no such thing as luck. Good bad, or indifferent.

There very much is such thing. HOWEVER - There is no such thing as the ability to change it.

Cards were dealt at t=0.

Go buy the things that you expect you will need OP.

Yours,
The Lord God Almighty
Maker of Heaven and Earth
Sometime Pedant

jester77

Bad luck is like picking the wrong religion

Menas

I would not be buying anything in the first 20 weeks but after that it is all systems go. Hope you have a healthy credit card!

Speedwell

jester77 wrote: »

Bad luck is like picking the wrong religion

That is, it depends mostly on the circumstances and place of your birth, on the way you perceive and deal with reality, and on who you associate with.