Present for wedding afters?

Annasopra · 10-03-2016 09:34AM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

And bump up the bar's intake, so a couple who say they are inviting such a number to the afters will get a discount based on the extra bar profit. The evening food and cake usually come free as a result.

What?

The cake and all the guests meals free?

Yeah right

murpho999 · 10-03-2016 10:02AM

MadDog76 wrote: »

For a full Wedding, I'd give €100 minimum (€200 minimum when going as a couple) but €0 for the Afters ......... in fact, I wouldn't even bother going to an Afters at all to be honest.

Firstly, I hate this idea that you have to give a minimum amount.
People should give what they want, can afford and are comfortable with.
You have been invited to a wedding with the idea of the couple finding you an important part of their lives and they want you to share their special day.
How that day goes is up to them and they should have a day within their budget.

Therefore it should not be up to guests to cover the cost of the wedding. There should be no expectations.
As for afters invites, I don’t see why people are offended by it. Some couples have small ceremonies and dinners whilst others have families that are too large to invite all cousins as an example. What message are you sending to them by not going?

murpho999 · 10-03-2016 10:08AM

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

What?

The cake and all the guests meals free?

Yeah right

I think they mean the crappy sandwiches and sausages you get at an afters.

As for the cake, who would want a crappy free hotel wedding cake.

All couples want a specific type of cake that they designed.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-03-2016 10:10AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Maybe...If the person isn't going to listen to the (presumably) expensive band and dj and eat the evening food and cake.

No harm to throw a few quid into a card.

So what, it's like a 10 euro entry fee, and then how much for a few sandwiches and sausages? Say 7.50

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-03-2016 10:12AM

Can I get a reciept with that too please, I'd want to claim the vat back

arybvtcw0eolkf · 10-03-2016 10:22AM

If I'm not invited to the full thing I never bother with the afters, and tbh I usually find an excuse to get out of the full invite too.

If I went to the afters, and I've never done so, I wouldn't give a present. You're basically only there to make up the numbers so the party isn't a miserable affair.

I hate weddings.

Ciaran_B · 10-03-2016 10:29AM

They don't want you at the main event, they don't get a present.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 10:32AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

So what, it's like a 10 euro entry fee, and then how much for a few sandwiches and sausages? Say 7.50

Most bands are around 2k. If you have 100 people that's 20 euro and between 5/10 say for evening food depending on what's on offer. Then cake.

So you're talking about 35 euro.

I think 50 is reasonable for a card. Ive always given that for the afters to weddings I have been to and it has been very much appreciated.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 10:35AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Can I get a reciept with that too please, I'd want to claim the vat back

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

murpho999 · 10-03-2016 10:36AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

Yes, do that loads of times and return favour by asking them to our house.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-03-2016 10:38AM

50 euro to a **** party where you don't get to choose the band, and eat manky sandwiches, to a person that didn't like you enough to go to the full thing? Not a hope. I never go to afters, but if I did I certainly wouldn't be putting money in a card. If they can't afford the band then get a cheaper one but don't be asking people you didn't want at the full wedding to help you pay for it.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 10:38AM

murpho999 wrote: »

Yes, do that loads of times and return favour by asking them to our house.

Different Strokes...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-03-2016 10:39AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

If a friend invited me after 9pm to listen to a crap band playing the Galway girl, and to eat sandwiches and cocktail sausages I'd say soz babes, busy.

Sam Kade · 10-03-2016 10:40AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Most bands are around 2k. If you have 100 people that's 20 euro and between 5/10 say for evening food depending on what's on offer. Then cake.

So you're talking about 35 euro.

I think 50 is reasonable for a card. Ive always given that for the afters to weddings I have been to and it has been very much appreciated.

So you believe every guest should pay towards the wedding.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 10:41AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

50 euro to a **** party where you don't get to choose the band, and eat manky sandwiches, to a person that didn't like you enough to go to the full thing? Not a hope. I never go to afters, but if I did I certainly wouldn't be putting money in a card. If they can't afford the band then get a cheaper one but don't be asking people you didn't want at the full wedding to help you pay for it.

I think generally now people who have an 'afters' simply can't afford to have everyone they want at their full day. It's not usually a case of 'you weren't important enough to be there'.

All wanted, can't afford them all and don't want to leave anyone out.

I think if you think it's that ****ty it's best not to go anyway

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-03-2016 10:41AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

The difference there is you're going to be drinking wine and eating their food. At the afters you buy your own drink, and the finger food is included in the price per head for the sit down meal so the couple doesn't have to pay extra.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 10:42AM

Sam Kade wrote: »

So you believe every guest should pay towards the wedding.

Where did I say that exactly?

As I said if a friend cooks dinner and I agree to go I wouldn't turn up to their home empty handed.

Same goes for a wedding.

Both not free, if you're not happy to make an offering don't go. Simples

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-03-2016 10:43AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

I think generally now people who have an 'afters' simply can't afford to have everyone they want at their full day. It's not usually a case of 'you weren't important enough to be there'.

All wanted, can't afford them all and don't want to leave anyone out.

I think if you think it's that ****ty it's best not to go anyway

We aren't having an afters at our wedding. You're either invited to the wedding, or you're not. Like I said, I don't go to afters.

murpho999 · 10-03-2016 10:46AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Different Strokes...

Well it all depends on the friendship.

Some who we visit regularly, then we don’t need or expect to exchange presents.

Others that you see less often then you probably would.

The point is that they have invited you and it should not be an expectation.

Sam Kade · 10-03-2016 10:47AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Where did I say that exactly?

As I said if a friend cooks dinner and I agree to go I wouldn't turn up to their home empty handed.

Same goes for a wedding.

Both not free, if you're not happy to make an offering don't go. Simples

If you don't want to contribute don't go more or less what you said in both posts.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 10:47AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

We aren't having an afters at our wedding. You're either invited to the wedding, or you're not. Like I said, I don't go to afters.

Im not having an afters for mine either and I'm also asking my guests to not give gifts/money.

For me I'm happy to go to an afters if I'm asked and throw a few quid into a card. Either way it's the thought that counts.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 10:49AM

Sam Kade wrote: »

If you don't want to contribute don't go more or less what you said in both posts.

You have a choice. If you begrudge giving a gift (of any description, doesn't need to be money!) you don't have to go, nobody is forcing you.

As I said I'm asking for no gifts at mine. But I wouldn't turn up without one if I received an invite.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-03-2016 10:56AM

But that's the thing, you shouldn't be obligated to give anything and if you do it's very generous because you're recieving nothing for free. There's this notion that you cover your meal as a guest at a wedding. There's nothing to cover at the evening part. The food is there anyway, included with the numbers given for the sit down meal. The finger food is right there with the chair covers and the sashes on the chair, and the tea/coffee/fruit punch and canapés on arrival. If you're organising a wedding, you know this already.

Are you going to bill people for coming in and sitting on the chairs that have covers on that need to be paid for too? Do they need to pay less if there's no sash on their chair? They're paying their own drinks, they are just there to make up the numbers really. 50 euro is extremely generous but should not be expected at all. Whether 2 evening guests or 200 evening guests show up, the cost is the same to the bride and groom.

Lau2976 · 10-03-2016 10:56AM

This whole contributing to the wedding thing seems to a big thing now. I got invited to a wedding last year where they told everyone what to buy them.

harry Bailey esq · 10-03-2016 11:04AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Can I get a reciept with that too please, I'd want to claim the vat back

Jaysus that date with Aongus really had an impact on ya didn't it eh?

SarahMollie · 10-03-2016 11:34AM

Afters are a funny thing.

I got invited to one recently by a girl in work. She's keeping the ceremony and dinner for friends and family only (venue only holds 100 for dinner) and then asking a gang of us from work down for the afters. We'll probably do a collection between us give cash in a card. I think afters is totally appropriate here and not offended in the slightest

That said, last summer my OH was invited to a full wedding and I only got an afters +next day BBQ invite, and I was mightily put out and it caused a bit of an argument if I'm honest. It was over 2 hours away so I would have had to go down with him and just sit around like a lemon during the day waiting to be summonsed once the real wedding was over.

When the first round of declines came back, I was then upgraded to a full invite. However it turned out that my BF had told me it was on the Bank Holiday weekend but he had the wrong dates, so I ended up being away with my friends in France at the time anyway, even though I probably would have caved in and gone along with the whole thing, even though I thought it was extremely rude.

Wasnt too sorry to miss that wedding at all

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 11:35AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

But that's the thing, you shouldn't be obligated to give anything and if you do it's very generous because you're recieving nothing for free. There's this notion that you cover your meal as a guest at a wedding. There's nothing to cover at the evening part. The food is there anyway, included with the numbers given for the sit down meal. The finger food is right there with the chair covers and the sashes on the chair, and the tea/coffee/fruit punch and canapés on arrival. If you're organising a wedding, you know this already.

Are you going to bill people for coming in and sitting on the chairs that have covers on that need to be paid for too? Do they need to pay less if there's no sash on their chair? They're paying their own drinks, they are just there to make up the numbers really. 50 euro is extremely generous but should not be expected at all. Whether 2 evening guests or 200 evening guests show up, the cost is the same to the bride and groom.

I agree to an extent. But evening food isn't always included and in many hotels you have to pay this seperately.

I don't believe gifts should be expected but I think it's a nice thing to do. It's a celebration and I would liken it to turning up to a birthday without an offering. It doesn't even need to be money, just something thoughtful.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 11:36AM

SarahMollie wrote: »

That said, last summer my OH was invited to a full wedding and I only got an afters +next day BBQ invite, and I was mightily put out and it caused a bit of an argument if I'm honest. It was over 2 hours away so I would have had to go down with him and just sit around like a lemon during the day waiting to be summonsed once the real wedding was over.

When the first round of declines came back, I was then upgraded to a full invite. However it turned out that my BF had told me it was on the Bank Holiday weekend but he had the wrong dates, so I ended up being away with my friends in France at the time anyway, even though I probably would have caved in and gone along with the whole thing, even though I thought it was extremely rude.

Wasnt too sorry to miss that wedding at all

Wow. That is really rude. No invite at all would have been better!

SarahMollie · 10-03-2016 11:53AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Wow. That is really rude. No invite at all would have been better!

My thoughts exactly!

I really didnt want to go, so was secretly delighted when the mix up with the dates was discovered

thattequilagirl · 10-03-2016 01:34PM

It's not about covering the costs, a concept I don't agree with. It's just manners. I wouldn't turn up to a birthday party without a gift.

Present for wedding afters?

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