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Present for wedding afters?

  • 08-03-2016 11:07pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 603 ✭✭✭


    I've been invited to the afters of a wedding boardsies. I've been wondering about the whole wedding present idea. I know some people would eschew investing in a wedding present because you were not invited to the wedding itself, while others have no issues. I'm undecided. I'm interested in knowing what others think?


«134

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,240 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    I wouldn't bother. Maybe €20 in a card at a push.

    Glazers Out!



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭me_irl


    Card and a couple of scratchers be grand.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,275 ✭✭✭Your Face


    Card and a get a drink for the bride and groom.


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    My parents recently got a wedding invitation with 'Your presence on our special day is the only gift we want' written on it.

    A world away from the increasingly common trend of basically charging admission.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 736 ✭✭✭chillin117


    They will be half cut when you arrive so just arrive, Presents for an afters invite is OTT. Was a present mentioned on the invite ?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,823 ✭✭✭✭PARlance


    Candie wrote: »
    My parents recently got a wedding invitation with 'Your presence on our special day is the only gift we want' written on it.

    A world away from the increasingly common trend of basically charging admission.

    Probably a typo.
    Your presents on our.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 603 ✭✭✭shamrock2004


    chillin117 wrote: »
    They will be half cut when you arrive so just arrive, Presents for an afters invite is OTT. Was a present mentioned on the invite ?

    Dont think so


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,049 ✭✭✭✭L'prof


    Haven't gotten too many afters invites. I generally throw half of what I usually do into a card. Same if I'm invited to full wedding but can't attend.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 643 ✭✭✭scdublin


    Card and a few bob. You're going to be there for the band/dj, probably have some cake and maybe sandwiches or other food that they'll serve later on so no harm in contributing/wishing them well at the same time.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    50 quid voucher is my go to for any afters.


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  • Posts: 24,713 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    50 euro or 100 as a couple I'd say would be about right for an afters invite. No way would I go empty handed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,298 ✭✭✭DareGod


    There's

    (A) the marriage ceremony,
    (B) the wedding reception, where the meal takes place.
    (C) the "afters"

    So you were only invited to (C) the afters?

    No, no gift needed. But maybe something small if you want.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,160 ✭✭✭✭hynesie08


    A white Argos value toaster.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,158 ✭✭✭thattequilagirl


    DareGod wrote: »
    There's

    (A) the marriage ceremony,
    (B) the wedding reception, where the meal takes place.
    (C) the "afters"

    So you were only invited to (C) the afters?

    No, no gift needed. But maybe something small if you want.

    I think it's rude to turn up with nothing.

    If I cared enough to go (probably wouldn't bother if I wasn't invited to the wedding) I'd get a small, thoughtful gift.

    It shouldn't be purely about what they spent vs what you spent.


  • Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    A sunbed


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,298 ✭✭✭DareGod


    I think it's rude to turn up with nothing.

    If I cared enough to go (probably wouldn't bother if I wasn't invited to the wedding) I'd get a small, thoughtful gift.

    It shouldn't be purely about what they spent vs what you spent.

    True, but if you can't afford to buy a small gift then don't worry about it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    A sunbed

    Shure we get enough sun here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    DareGod wrote: »
    There's

    (A) the marriage ceremony,
    (B) the wedding reception, where the meal takes place.
    (C) the "afters"

    So you were only invited to (C) the afters?

    No, no gift needed. But maybe something small if you want.

    Maybe...If the person isn't going to listen to the (presumably) expensive band and dj and eat the evening food and cake.

    No harm to throw a few quid into a card.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭boobar


    Personally I wouldn't bother with a present as I very much doubt the couple getting married would expect one.

    Just go have a few pints and eat your own bodyweight in cocktail sausages.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Unless it's immediate family,cash is king.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,419 ✭✭✭cowboyBuilder


    I'd turn up billigerantly drunk and looking for explanations on why I wasn't invited to the main event.

    No gift needed, and maybe I'd start rugby tacking randomers later on when everyone is really nice and sozzled - but that's just me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,214 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Personally I would give a small gift

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Personally I would give a small gift

    A card and cash, people notice these things. Turn up empty handed and it won't go unnoticed,you'll be forever branded a miserable c*nt amongst your peers.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,110 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    Maybe...If the person isn't going to listen to the (presumably) expensive band and dj and eat the evening food and cake.

    No harm to throw a few quid into a card.

    And bump up the bar's intake, so a couple who say they are inviting such a number to the afters will get a discount based on the extra bar profit. The evening food and cake usually come free as a result.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    For a full Wedding, I'd give €100 minimum (€200 minimum when going as a couple) but €0 for the Afters ......... in fact, I wouldn't even bother going to an Afters at all to be honest.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    A card and cash, people notice these things. Turn up empty handed and it won't go unnoticed,you'll be forever branded a miserable c*nt amongst your peers.

    I'd hope it is noticed ......... because I'd notice that the miserable c*nts didn't invite me to their full Wedding! :mad:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6 Harriet123


    A card and maybe I will give a voucher if I liked the couple.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    Generally I'll give the afters a miss. If I'm not good enough for the full thing, I'm not good enough for the afters.

    If I HAVE to go, €50 in a card max!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,279 ✭✭✭PaulKK


    Harriet123 wrote: »
    A card and maybe I will give a voucher if I liked the couple.

    Tbh you are better off just giving cash.

    Even those one 4 all vouchers are a PITA.

    50 quid in a card for an afters for a couple is how I'd usually do it.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    And bump up the bar's intake, so a couple who say they are inviting such a number to the afters will get a discount based on the extra bar profit. The evening food and cake usually come free as a result.

    Cake comes for free? What hotel did you get married in?

    Evening food is anything from 5-15 euro per head also.

    I've also never known a venue to give a discount based on evening numbers because of a bar spend. Those invited to the afters are not definite attends so why would a hotel offer a large discount?

    There's very little free in life, especially in weddings.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,214 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    And bump up the bar's intake, so a couple who say they are inviting such a number to the afters will get a discount based on the extra bar profit. The evening food and cake usually come free as a result.

    What?

    The cake and all the guests meals free?

    Yeah right

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,708 ✭✭✭✭murpho999


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    For a full Wedding, I'd give €100 minimum (€200 minimum when going as a couple) but €0 for the Afters ......... in fact, I wouldn't even bother going to an Afters at all to be honest.

    Firstly, I hate this idea that you have to give a minimum amount.
    People should give what they want, can afford and are comfortable with.
    You have been invited to a wedding with the idea of the couple finding you an important part of their lives and they want you to share their special day.
    How that day goes is up to them and they should have a day within their budget.

    Therefore it should not be up to guests to cover the cost of the wedding. There should be no expectations.
    As for afters invites, I don’t see why people are offended by it. Some couples have small ceremonies and dinners whilst others have families that are too large to invite all cousins as an example. What message are you sending to them by not going?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,708 ✭✭✭✭murpho999


    What?

    The cake and all the guests meals free?

    Yeah right

    I think they mean the crappy sandwiches and sausages you get at an afters.

    As for the cake, who would want a crappy free hotel wedding cake.

    All couples want a specific type of cake that they designed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Maybe...If the person isn't going to listen to the (presumably) expensive band and dj and eat the evening food and cake.

    No harm to throw a few quid into a card.


    So what, it's like a 10 euro entry fee, and then how much for a few sandwiches and sausages? Say 7.50


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Can I get a reciept with that too please, I'd want to claim the vat back


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 24,609 ✭✭✭✭arybvtcw0eolkf


    If I'm not invited to the full thing I never bother with the afters, and tbh I usually find an excuse to get out of the full invite too.

    If I went to the afters, and I've never done so, I wouldn't give a present. You're basically only there to make up the numbers so the party isn't a miserable affair.

    I hate weddings.


  • Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 1,518 ✭✭✭Ciaran_B


    They don't want you at the main event, they don't get a present.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    So what, it's like a 10 euro entry fee, and then how much for a few sandwiches and sausages? Say 7.50

    Most bands are around 2k. If you have 100 people that's 20 euro and between 5/10 say for evening food depending on what's on offer. Then cake.

    So you're talking about 35 euro.

    I think 50 is reasonable for a card. Ive always given that for the afters to weddings I have been to and it has been very much appreciated.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    Can I get a reciept with that too please, I'd want to claim the vat back


    If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,708 ✭✭✭✭murpho999


    If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

    Yes, do that loads of times and return favour by asking them to our house.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    50 euro to a **** party where you don't get to choose the band, and eat manky sandwiches, to a person that didn't like you enough to go to the full thing? Not a hope. I never go to afters, but if I did I certainly wouldn't be putting money in a card. If they can't afford the band then get a cheaper one but don't be asking people you didn't want at the full wedding to help you pay for it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    murpho999 wrote: »
    Yes, do that loads of times and return favour by asking them to our house.

    Different Strokes...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?


    If a friend invited me after 9pm to listen to a crap band playing the Galway girl, and to eat sandwiches and cocktail sausages I'd say soz babes, busy.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    Most bands are around 2k. If you have 100 people that's 20 euro and between 5/10 say for evening food depending on what's on offer. Then cake.

    So you're talking about 35 euro.

    I think 50 is reasonable for a card. Ive always given that for the afters to weddings I have been to and it has been very much appreciated.

    So you believe every guest should pay towards the wedding.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    50 euro to a **** party where you don't get to choose the band, and eat manky sandwiches, to a person that didn't like you enough to go to the full thing? Not a hope. I never go to afters, but if I did I certainly wouldn't be putting money in a card. If they can't afford the band then get a cheaper one but don't be asking people you didn't want at the full wedding to help you pay for it.

    I think generally now people who have an 'afters' simply can't afford to have everyone they want at their full day. It's not usually a case of 'you weren't important enough to be there'.

    All wanted, can't afford them all and don't want to leave anyone out.

    I think if you think it's that ****ty it's best not to go anyway :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

    The difference there is you're going to be drinking wine and eating their food. At the afters you buy your own drink, and the finger food is included in the price per head for the sit down meal so the couple doesn't have to pay extra.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    Sam Kade wrote: »
    So you believe every guest should pay towards the wedding.

    Where did I say that exactly?

    As I said if a friend cooks dinner and I agree to go I wouldn't turn up to their home empty handed.

    Same goes for a wedding.

    Both not free, if you're not happy to make an offering don't go. Simples :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    I think generally now people who have an 'afters' simply can't afford to have everyone they want at their full day. It's not usually a case of 'you weren't important enough to be there'.

    All wanted, can't afford them all and don't want to leave anyone out.

    I think if you think it's that ****ty it's best not to go anyway :)


    We aren't having an afters at our wedding. You're either invited to the wedding, or you're not. Like I said, I don't go to afters.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,708 ✭✭✭✭murpho999


    Different Strokes...

    Well it all depends on the friendship.

    Some who we visit regularly, then we don’t need or expect to exchange presents.

    Others that you see less often then you probably would.

    The point is that they have invited you and it should not be an expectation.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    Where did I say that exactly?

    As I said if a friend cooks dinner and I agree to go I wouldn't turn up to their home empty handed.

    Same goes for a wedding.

    Both not free, if you're not happy to make an offering don't go. Simples :)
    If you don't want to contribute don't go more or less what you said in both posts.


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