Present for wedding afters?

shamrock2004

I've been invited to the afters of a wedding boardsies. I've been wondering about the whole wedding present idea. I know some people would eschew investing in a wedding present because you were not invited to the wedding itself, while others have no issues. I'm undecided. I'm interested in knowing what others think?

nullzero

I wouldn't bother. Maybe €20 in a card at a push.

me_irl

Card and a couple of scratchers be grand.

Your Face

Card and a get a drink for the bride and groom.

My parents recently got a wedding invitation with 'Your presence on our special day is the only gift we want' written on it.

A world away from the increasingly common trend of basically charging admission.

chillin117

They will be half cut when you arrive so just arrive, Presents for an afters invite is OTT. Was a present mentioned on the invite ?

PARlance

Candie wrote: »

My parents recently got a wedding invitation with 'Your presence on our special day is the only gift we want' written on it.

A world away from the increasingly common trend of basically charging admission.

Probably a typo.
Your presents on our.....

shamrock2004

chillin117 wrote: »

They will be half cut when you arrive so just arrive, Presents for an afters invite is OTT. Was a present mentioned on the invite ?

Dont think so

L'prof

Haven't gotten too many afters invites. I generally throw half of what I usually do into a card. Same if I'm invited to full wedding but can't attend.

scdublin

Card and a few bob. You're going to be there for the band/dj, probably have some cake and maybe sandwiches or other food that they'll serve later on so no harm in contributing/wishing them well at the same time.

razorblunt

50 quid voucher is my go to for any afters.

50 euro or 100 as a couple I'd say would be about right for an afters invite. No way would I go empty handed.

DareGod

There's

(A) the marriage ceremony,
(B) the wedding reception, where the meal takes place.
(C) the "afters"

So you were only invited to (C) the afters?

No, no gift needed. But maybe something small if you want.

hynesie08

A white Argos value toaster.

thattequilagirl

DareGod wrote: »

There's

(A) the marriage ceremony,
(B) the wedding reception, where the meal takes place.
(C) the "afters"

So you were only invited to (C) the afters?

No, no gift needed. But maybe something small if you want.

I think it's rude to turn up with nothing.

If I cared enough to go (probably wouldn't bother if I wasn't invited to the wedding) I'd get a small, thoughtful gift.

It shouldn't be purely about what they spent vs what you spent.

Boom_Bap

A sunbed

DareGod

thattequilagirl wrote: »

I think it's rude to turn up with nothing.

If I cared enough to go (probably wouldn't bother if I wasn't invited to the wedding) I'd get a small, thoughtful gift.

It shouldn't be purely about what they spent vs what you spent.

True, but if you can't afford to buy a small gift then don't worry about it.

Buona Fortuna

Boom_Bap wrote: »

A sunbed

Shure we get enough sun here.

Keane2baMused

DareGod wrote: »

There's

(A) the marriage ceremony,
(B) the wedding reception, where the meal takes place.
(C) the "afters"

So you were only invited to (C) the afters?

No, no gift needed. But maybe something small if you want.

Maybe...If the person isn't going to listen to the (presumably) expensive band and dj and eat the evening food and cake.

No harm to throw a few quid into a card.

boobar

Personally I wouldn't bother with a present as I very much doubt the couple getting married would expect one.

Just go have a few pints and eat your own bodyweight in cocktail sausages.

harry Bailey esq

Unless it's immediate family,cash is king.

cowboyBuilder

I'd turn up billigerantly drunk and looking for explanations on why I wasn't invited to the main event.

No gift needed, and maybe I'd start rugby tacking randomers later on when everyone is really nice and sozzled - but that's just me.

Annasopra

Personally I would give a small gift

harry Bailey esq

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Personally I would give a small gift

A card and cash, people notice these things. Turn up empty handed and it won't go unnoticed,you'll be forever branded a miserable c*nt amongst your peers.

Electric Sheep

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Maybe...If the person isn't going to listen to the (presumably) expensive band and dj and eat the evening food and cake.

No harm to throw a few quid into a card.

And bump up the bar's intake, so a couple who say they are inviting such a number to the afters will get a discount based on the extra bar profit. The evening food and cake usually come free as a result.

MadDog76

For a full Wedding, I'd give €100 minimum (€200 minimum when going as a couple) but €0 for the Afters ......... in fact, I wouldn't even bother going to an Afters at all to be honest.

MadDog76

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

A card and cash, people notice these things. Turn up empty handed and it won't go unnoticed,you'll be forever branded a miserable c*nt amongst your peers.

I'd hope it is noticed ......... because I'd notice that the miserable c*nts didn't invite me to their full Wedding! :mad:

Harriet123

A card and maybe I will give a voucher if I liked the couple.

Cupcake_Crisis

Generally I'll give the afters a miss. If I'm not good enough for the full thing, I'm not good enough for the afters.

If I HAVE to go, €50 in a card max!

PaulKK

Harriet123 wrote: »

A card and maybe I will give a voucher if I liked the couple.

Tbh you are better off just giving cash.

Even those one 4 all vouchers are a PITA.

50 quid in a card for an afters for a couple is how I'd usually do it.

Keane2baMused

Electric Sheep wrote: »

And bump up the bar's intake, so a couple who say they are inviting such a number to the afters will get a discount based on the extra bar profit. The evening food and cake usually come free as a result.

Cake comes for free? What hotel did you get married in?

Evening food is anything from 5-15 euro per head also.

I've also never known a venue to give a discount based on evening numbers because of a bar spend. Those invited to the afters are not definite attends so why would a hotel offer a large discount?

There's very little free in life, especially in weddings.

Annasopra

Electric Sheep wrote: »

And bump up the bar's intake, so a couple who say they are inviting such a number to the afters will get a discount based on the extra bar profit. The evening food and cake usually come free as a result.

What?

The cake and all the guests meals free?

Yeah right

murpho999

MadDog76 wrote: »

For a full Wedding, I'd give €100 minimum (€200 minimum when going as a couple) but €0 for the Afters ......... in fact, I wouldn't even bother going to an Afters at all to be honest.

Firstly, I hate this idea that you have to give a minimum amount.
People should give what they want, can afford and are comfortable with.
You have been invited to a wedding with the idea of the couple finding you an important part of their lives and they want you to share their special day.
How that day goes is up to them and they should have a day within their budget.

Therefore it should not be up to guests to cover the cost of the wedding. There should be no expectations.
As for afters invites, I don’t see why people are offended by it. Some couples have small ceremonies and dinners whilst others have families that are too large to invite all cousins as an example. What message are you sending to them by not going?

murpho999

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

What?

The cake and all the guests meals free?

Yeah right

I think they mean the crappy sandwiches and sausages you get at an afters.

As for the cake, who would want a crappy free hotel wedding cake.

All couples want a specific type of cake that they designed.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Maybe...If the person isn't going to listen to the (presumably) expensive band and dj and eat the evening food and cake.

No harm to throw a few quid into a card.

So what, it's like a 10 euro entry fee, and then how much for a few sandwiches and sausages? Say 7.50

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Can I get a reciept with that too please, I'd want to claim the vat back

arybvtcw0eolkf

If I'm not invited to the full thing I never bother with the afters, and tbh I usually find an excuse to get out of the full invite too.

If I went to the afters, and I've never done so, I wouldn't give a present. You're basically only there to make up the numbers so the party isn't a miserable affair.

I hate weddings.

Ciaran_B

They don't want you at the main event, they don't get a present.

Keane2baMused

LexieOnRale wrote: »

So what, it's like a 10 euro entry fee, and then how much for a few sandwiches and sausages? Say 7.50

Most bands are around 2k. If you have 100 people that's 20 euro and between 5/10 say for evening food depending on what's on offer. Then cake.

So you're talking about 35 euro.

I think 50 is reasonable for a card. Ive always given that for the afters to weddings I have been to and it has been very much appreciated.

Keane2baMused

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Can I get a reciept with that too please, I'd want to claim the vat back

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

murpho999

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

Yes, do that loads of times and return favour by asking them to our house.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

50 euro to a **** party where you don't get to choose the band, and eat manky sandwiches, to a person that didn't like you enough to go to the full thing? Not a hope. I never go to afters, but if I did I certainly wouldn't be putting money in a card. If they can't afford the band then get a cheaper one but don't be asking people you didn't want at the full wedding to help you pay for it.

Keane2baMused

murpho999 wrote: »

Yes, do that loads of times and return favour by asking them to our house.

Different Strokes...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

If a friend invited me after 9pm to listen to a crap band playing the Galway girl, and to eat sandwiches and cocktail sausages I'd say soz babes, busy.

Sam Kade

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Most bands are around 2k. If you have 100 people that's 20 euro and between 5/10 say for evening food depending on what's on offer. Then cake.

So you're talking about 35 euro.

I think 50 is reasonable for a card. Ive always given that for the afters to weddings I have been to and it has been very much appreciated.

So you believe every guest should pay towards the wedding.

Keane2baMused

LexieOnRale wrote: »

50 euro to a **** party where you don't get to choose the band, and eat manky sandwiches, to a person that didn't like you enough to go to the full thing? Not a hope. I never go to afters, but if I did I certainly wouldn't be putting money in a card. If they can't afford the band then get a cheaper one but don't be asking people you didn't want at the full wedding to help you pay for it.

I think generally now people who have an 'afters' simply can't afford to have everyone they want at their full day. It's not usually a case of 'you weren't important enough to be there'.

All wanted, can't afford them all and don't want to leave anyone out.

I think if you think it's that ****ty it's best not to go anyway

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If a friend invited you over for a meal would you turn up with nothing to offer? wine? flowers?

The difference there is you're going to be drinking wine and eating their food. At the afters you buy your own drink, and the finger food is included in the price per head for the sit down meal so the couple doesn't have to pay extra.

Keane2baMused

Sam Kade wrote: »

So you believe every guest should pay towards the wedding.

Where did I say that exactly?

As I said if a friend cooks dinner and I agree to go I wouldn't turn up to their home empty handed.

Same goes for a wedding.

Both not free, if you're not happy to make an offering don't go. Simples

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Keane2baMused wrote: »

I think generally now people who have an 'afters' simply can't afford to have everyone they want at their full day. It's not usually a case of 'you weren't important enough to be there'.

All wanted, can't afford them all and don't want to leave anyone out.

I think if you think it's that ****ty it's best not to go anyway

We aren't having an afters at our wedding. You're either invited to the wedding, or you're not. Like I said, I don't go to afters.

murpho999

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Different Strokes...

Well it all depends on the friendship.

Some who we visit regularly, then we don’t need or expect to exchange presents.

Others that you see less often then you probably would.

The point is that they have invited you and it should not be an expectation.

Sam Kade

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Where did I say that exactly?

As I said if a friend cooks dinner and I agree to go I wouldn't turn up to their home empty handed.

Same goes for a wedding.

Both not free, if you're not happy to make an offering don't go. Simples

If you don't want to contribute don't go more or less what you said in both posts.