Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Glad this thread is back

Had a rough-ish weekend with a friend and today my mood has been up and down.

Have occupational therapy this week which I am really looking forward to

@Gremlinertia - it's that feeling where your face is all heavy and you can't pick it up. Like nothing that happens can bring a smile to the face. Then after a few days of that you start feeling even more dead to the world. And exhausted. And a new thing is now happening where I can only handle 20-30 minutes of my actual real and genuine friends who I love deeply. I gotta take a break from them for five or ten minutes, from being around humans. So much tension. And today I got real disturbed in the canteen with all the noise. Thought it got rapidly louder but my friend didn't notice anything. Had to get out into the quiet and fresh air. Bizarre.

With nerves, as well as repetitive thoughts and rumination, I've been finding it oddly helpful to just talk out loud to myself, to list off the things I'm feeling, get them out of my head into the world so my ears can hear them. e.g. "I'm feeling really tense, jaw won't unclench, sweating. Why am I feeling this? I have no idea. I've not felt like this before so I won't feel like this forever. So it will pass eventually. What can I do in the meantime? Have a shower, real cold or real hot. Have a bath. Drink something cold and fizzy. Eat something spicy as hell. Wash face with really cold water a few times. Run. Cycle."

So by speaking it out loud and then doing something physical, I can sometimes get myself out of the nerves. Not always! But sometimes. The physical change of temperature or environment often helps. And exercise helps me get rid of that nervous energy that normally just reinforces the tension.

/whateverworks

get a room wrote: »

I resurrected my account now the new forum is back up and running.
Male 50, recovering from broken back, broken legs (surgery 3 times), Prostatitis, Prostatectomy, wife and child hit by car outside the house, 3 stents a couple of weeks ago, two revenue audits, 4 immediate relatives dying within 4 weeks, father mother and sibling in Lukes with cancer, child with auto immune disease, loss of 50% vision in right eye (accident). And other stuff, (all in the last 18/20 months.) - culminating with breakdown before Christmas.

Doing therapy, on meds, ssnri for A and D, blood pressure, cholestrol, blood thinners, ciallis, xanax, oxycontin, zolpodine.

Constant fatigue.

God its a relief posting this in A&D instead of after hours

You are very brave and keep it up.

I hope you are okay Carazony and I hope you get the help you need soon

In a serious down-mood today.

Sick of having things turned back on me when I'm not in the wrong, being snapped at, barked at, etc.

I haven't even done anything.

I need to win the lotto so I can move out and live alone pronto. The peace and quiet would be unreal. It would be like a permanent holiday.

Hi all.
Recent lurker to this forum as I wanted to seek out solidarity from those who understand what I’m going through which is a fairly constant feeling of anxiety. I was even anxious about posting here under my username as I was afraid that those who may be familiar with me elsewhere on Boards or anyone who’d google me on Boards would see this and then associate me with a mental health condition and what a stigma that would be….eh?? I also had a concern that coming here (and I’ve visited this thread a lot in the last couple of weeks) would somehow encourage me to wallow in my condition and somehow use the forum as an excuse to go on “poor me” rants and have some of you validate such rants and which could start making the thread addictive for me for the wrong reasons (ie seeking the company of misery/pity/sympathy validations). I’m confident for me that the positives of this thread will far outweigh any perceived negatives I had or may have.

I can however see a lot of very brave individuals coming here and posting about how they are truly hurting right now or in the recent past and how they even just have the wherewithal to post about that. Those posts alone mean you are not suffering in silence. Your honesty and courage is what is inspiring me and doesn’t make me feel alienated and alone (of which I’ve so often felt in the past).

I left a great, very well paid, top of career job 3 years ago due to extreme work related anxiety and tricked everyone into thinking I was taking a career break to go travelling for a year which of course was a far more socially acceptable “why are you leaving?” response rather than say “I can’t face this job or any new job”. Anyway, with some therapy and fabulous group support work with CrossCare during that year off, I mustered up the strength and courage to fight my anxiety and go back and find a job in my industry ( a different company, similar job) hoping I could use the coping mechanisms and tools I acquired through therapy to endure this new job. You’ve all heard the Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway malarkey…. I lasted two years that included 2 one month absences due to work related anxiety before I had to quit again before Christmas to save myself from descending further down a black hole of anxiety. I'm so mad and angry that 20 years of education, qualifications and working hard to ascend to the top has all being wasted but my sanity had to come first. My therapist congratulated me when I guiltily admitted I handed in my notice and said that I should feel empowered for owning that decision to leave an environment that was stressing me out. I’m still not sure if it’s me or my anxiety that “owned” it.

Anyway, 3 months later and I’m back job hunting again and trying to focus on completely different industries but my CV is only geared towards the industry I’ve always worked in. I’m now applying for completely unrelated jobs hoping that working in a different field will not cause me such anxiety and stress. I’m not sure how successful that will be but I guess the fact I’m doing it all is a good thing, right? I’m hating having to job hunt as I equate work with anxiety for as long as I remembered and this job hunting feeds into the anxiety. However, I get more stressed out by doing nothing and feeling guilty about doing nothing so I popped off a couple of CVs today. Not sure I’d even want the jobs I’m applying for but there is a slight feel good feeling already for doing something productive as applying for jobs I guess.

Anyway, apologies for the long post – hadn’t planned, just kept on typing. I just wanted to introduce myself and say well done to all of you for expressing yourselves so honestly. Even if you feel your posts do not help yourself, it may help someone else who’s reading and that has to be a good thing.

So went to my counsellor yday. She announced that she felt I could continue on my own.... still not sure how I'm feeling but surely she wouldn't say it unless she saw I was ready.... right???

Other then that I am wrecked. Oh started his course last wk. 5 days a wk... which means no more lie ins and me dealing with all household things including school stuff, bills and my sons assessment for asd.

I'm coping so far and feeling positive about it... so far. Although today will be a slow day. Feel sooo tired.

Still not sleeping at night though. Everyone said "if your busy during the day you'll sleep at night".... well since last Tue I haven't even sat down for lunch til oh comes home at half 4... the night's don't get Better though. Maybe I need to keep getting more tired??

Wow what a wk.

Can't stop crying.