Single life as a guy...

Dial Hard · 05-01-2016 09:31PM

Azalea wrote:

By the way, I can't understand why 5 ft 7/5ft 8 are deemed short for men - surely they're average height? For a woman they're tall. I'm 5 ft 5 and never wear high heels and I'd be considered slightly taller than average in medium heels!

This comes up quite a lot in various threads on here and I think a lot of it depends on your immediate kin/what you grew up around. At 5' 7" in my bare feet, I'm the smallest person in my family apart from my mum. Both of my sisters are taller than me and all the men in my family are over 6'. So, to me, 6 foot, or more, *is* average height for a man because that's what I grew up around and what seemed the norm to me.

Likewise, three of my close female friends are, respectively, 5' 10", 5' 11" and 6' in their bare feet. Obviously, academically, I'm aware that this is far, far taller than the average but when you spend enough time around people that tall you kind of start to feel like that's the norm.

I certainly don't consider myself tall, even when I'm in heels (which is pretty much all the time) that could put me at 5' 11" or even six feet. Because even then I'm still shorter than pretty much all the people I spend a significant amount of time with. It's all perception, really.

Confucius say · 05-01-2016 09:41PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

This comes up quite a lot in various threads on here and I think a lot of it depends on your immediate kin/what you grew up around. At 5' 7" in my bare feet, I'm the smallest person in my family apart from my mum. Both of my sisters are taller than me and all the men in my family are over 6'. So, to me, 6 foot, or more, *is* average height for a man because that's what I grew up around and what seemed the norm to me.

Likewise, three of my close female friends are, respectively, 5' 10", 5' 11" and 6' in their bare feet. Obviously, academically, I'm aware that this is far, far taller than the average but when you spend enough time around people that tall you kind of start to feel like that's the norm.

I certainly don't consider myself tall, even when I'm in heels (which is pretty much all the time) that could put me at 5' 11" or even six feet. Because even then I'm still shorter than pretty much all the people I spend a significant amount of time with. It's all perception, really.

And what's your minimum height then, Stretch?

GFT · 05-01-2016 09:47PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

This comes up quite a lot in various threads on here and I think a lot of it depends on your immediate kin/what you grew up around. At 5' 7" in my bare feet, I'm the smallest person in my family apart from my mum. Both of my sisters are taller than me and all the men in my family are over 6'. So, to me, 6 foot, or more, *is* average height for a man because that's what I grew up around and what seemed the norm to me.

Likewise, three of my close female friends are, respectively, 5' 10", 5' 11" and 6' in their bare feet. Obviously, academically, I'm aware that this is far, far taller than the average but when you spend enough time around people that tall you kind of start to feel like that's the norm.

I certainly don't consider myself tall, even when I'm in heels (which is pretty much all the time) that could put me at 5' 11" or even six feet. Because even then I'm still shorter than pretty much all the people I spend a significant amount of time with. It's all perception, really.

It's all about preferences really though for women. Whilst for men it's misogynist to not be attracted to fat women (not considered the norm to use your own words). That's why there's some frustration at the double standards here.

fits · 05-01-2016 09:51PM

GFT wrote: »

It's all about preferences really though for women. Whilst for men it's misogynist to not be attracted to fat women (not considered the norm to use your own words). That's why there's some frustration at the double standards here.

Noone has said that it is misogynistic not to be attracted to fat people. It is however, misogynistic and unnecessary to use terms like landwhale.

Confucius say · 05-01-2016 09:54PM

GFT wrote: »

It's all about preferences really though for women. Whilst for men it's misogynist to not be attracted to fat women (not considered the norm to use your own words). That's why there's some frustration at the double standards here.

I'm not attracted to fat women and I've never felt bad about it. The stuff you see in magazines about real women etc would be to make women feel better about themselves it's not some anti men agenda.
I wouldn't go out with a really short girl or a fat girl or an Asian girl, the way they look doesn't do it for me. Does that make me mysogynist?

Dial Hard · 05-01-2016 09:57PM

GFT wrote:

It's all about preferences really though for women. Whilst for men it's misogynist to not be attracted to fat women (not considered the norm to use your own words). That's why there's some frustration at the double standards here.

Actually, outside of militant US feminism and body-acceptance movements, I think it would be almost universally accepted that a vast proportion of men aren't attracted to overweight women. It was certainly a truism in the Online Dating forum here when I frequented it.

GFT · 05-01-2016 10:01PM

fits wrote: »

Noone has said that it is misogynistic not to be attracted to fat people. It is however, misogynistic and unnecessary to use terms like landwhale.

One person used that term and of course it's now used as a wet blanket to any rebuttal. Fact is there is a double standard when it comes to choice of appearance. You're too ingrained in what's between your legs to see it in this thread alone.

fits · 05-01-2016 10:16PM

GFT wrote: »

. You're too ingrained in what's between your legs to see it in this thread alone.

Cos I'm female and illogical I suppose. Haha.

GFT · 05-01-2016 10:27PM

fits wrote: »

Cos I'm female and illogical I suppose. Haha.

What I meant was you are too entrenched in defending your gender without seeing both sides. Honestly **** this place and it's overzealous modding.

silverharp · 05-01-2016 10:40PM

fits wrote: »

Noone has said that it is misogynistic not to be attracted to fat people. It is however, misogynistic and unnecessary to use terms like landwhale.

in fairness I wouldnt use that term against an individual, it tends to come up in anti feminist rhetoric which seems to be in the business of rubbishing conventional standards of attractiveness and appearance. Its comparable to the derogatory use of "neck beards" or "men who live in their mothers basement". There is any amount of abusive terms used to shame men with certain political opinions or lifestyles.

mzungu · 05-01-2016 11:31PM

Azalea wrote: »

Same here. Never hear women going on about it among my friends.

Aye, first I heard of it was on this thread!!

SarahMollie · 06-01-2016 03:28PM

Mourinho wrote: »

Wouldn't bother me tbh and it's only online really I've noticed the height thing.

What I find more amusing with the Irish women that make 6 foot plus height a must have, is the average Irish male height is like 5,9 look at all the potential partners that are being left out, I'm 6 foot but you really wouldn't notice it too much if you put someone 5,10/5,11 beside me.

I think this is a bit of a red herring, but i can see how filling in an online dating form can make it appear worse than it really is.

I think a lot of women say 6ft as this arbitrary number, but like you said, in reality Irish men are not that tall, so i think this is "rule" that often doesnt really apply in real life.

I know plenty of women who have said this over the years, and many of them are happy with perfectly average sized gents as things have panned out. This is just aspirational sillyness.

smash · 06-01-2016 04:17PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

I think a lot of women say 6ft as this arbitrary number, but like you said, in reality Irish men are not that tall, so i think this is "rule" that often doesnt really apply in real life.

I know plenty of women who have said this over the years, and many of them are happy with perfectly average sized gents as things have panned out. This is just aspirational sillyness.

But if you're doing a bit of online dating and specify this in a search then you're really limiting yourself for the sake of something that you suggest doesn't matter.

SarahMollie · 06-01-2016 05:20PM

smash wrote: »

But if you're doing a bit of online dating and specify this in a search then you're really limiting yourself for the sake of something that you suggest doesn't matter.

Thats exactly what I'm saying. Its a bigger problem online because people can specify what they want by filling in a form.

In reality most woman dont hold to this rule 100%, its just a "nice to have" rather than a real deal breaker.

In my experience if a woman finds a man otherwise attractive, and hes nice, self sufficient and all that other good stuff, then absolutes about height tend to go out the window.

Most woman just want a man who is taller than them, and since men are on average taller than woman, it generally works out.

lazybones32 · 06-01-2016 11:17PM

One advantage of being a single guy: not having to listen to in-depth description of dreams.

Fukuyama · 07-01-2016 05:56PM

Another benefit: money.

Recently just decided to curtail all spending and most social outings involving money for the next few months while I finish a course. Don't have to worry about formulating cheap dates or Valentines day (:rolleyes:) looming in February. All my spare money is going to stay in my bank account.

This would probably be the same if you're female, so more of a "benefit of being single" really.

It's nice not having to so much as consult another person regarding your finances.

ancapailldorcha · 07-01-2016 06:02PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

Another benefit: money.

Recently just decided to curtail all spending and most social outings involving money for the next few months while I finish a course. Don't have to worry about formulating cheap dates or Valentines day (:rolleyes:) looming in February. All my spare money is going to stay in my bank account.

This would probably be the same if you're female, so more of a "benefit of being single" really.

It's nice not having to so much as consult another person regarding your finances.

I don't know. If you were sharing a one bedroom flat with your partner then they'd pay half the rent, council tax and such. Bills will be dearer, sure but running a TV for 2 is no more expensive than running it for one.

Fukuyama · 07-01-2016 06:08PM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I don't know. If you were sharing a one bedroom flat with your partner then they'd pay half the rent, council tax and such. Bills will be dearer, sure but running a TV for 2 is no more expensive than running it for one.

I guess it would depend on the stage of the relationship.

"Dating" or "seeing eachother" would be impossible on a zero budget like the one I'm imposing.

I guess in a long term relationship you'd discuss it and plan it out. And dual incomes would make it easier even by reducing rent, share of bills etc... I guess what I meant was that I was able to decide that I have X amount to last me until May and I don't have to feel guilty about being a scrooge for the next few months.

Confucius say · 07-01-2016 07:08PM

I'm trying to give up the sauce for a bit which means meeting women won't be possible for a while ffs. Plus I'd being doing quite well in the bars etc lately. Oh well I'll come back on the scene wealthier and in a better headspace!

I find it much easier to save etc when single too as there's no pressure to do things and If you want to go off the radar for a while it's not a problem.

Pawwed Rig · 07-01-2016 07:12PM

Confucius say wrote: »

I'm trying to give up the sauce for a bit which means meeting women won't be possible for a while ffs. Plus I'd being doing quite well in the bars etc lately.

Why?? Could you not talk to a girl sober?

Fukuyama · 07-01-2016 07:20PM

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Why?? Could you not talk to a girl sober?

Casual sex is generally confined to alcohol being involved.It's just part of our culture. At least in the UK and Ireland. Beyond that it's dating and/or medium term stuff.

ancapailldorcha · 07-01-2016 07:22PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

I guess it would depend on the stage of the relationship.

"Dating" or "seeing eachother" would be impossible on a zero budget like the one I'm imposing.

I guess in a long term relationship you'd discuss it and plan it out. And dual incomes would make it easier even by reducing rent, share of bills etc... I guess what I meant was that I was able to decide that I have X amount to last me until May and I don't have to feel guilty about being a scrooge for the next few months.

Fair point but there are things people can do for free or on the cheap such as museums, coffee shops and the like. I'm fairly frugal as well as I might want to do a PhD and with south-east England costing what it does, I want to keep as many of my pennies as possible.

Fukuyama wrote: »

Casual sex is generally confined to alcohol being involved.It's just part of our culture. At least in the UK and Ireland. Beyond that it's dating and/or medium term stuff.

+1

Pawwed Rig · 07-01-2016 07:37PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

Casual sex is generally confined to alcohol being involved.It's just part of our culture. At least in the UK and Ireland. Beyond that it's dating and/or medium term stuff.

It is not unheard of to go on a date or chat to a girl with no alcohol involved

How about those that don't drink?

Confucius say · 07-01-2016 07:40PM

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

It is not unheard of to go on a date or chat to a girl with no alcohol involved
How about those that don't drink?

I'm not going on dates dude I always found the best way to meet chicks was out in bars etc when you're socially lubricated and having a good time.

Confucius say · 07-01-2016 07:42PM

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

It is not unheard of to go on a date or chat to a girl with no alcohol involved
How about those that don't drink?

I don't really care about those that don't drink??????

the evasion_kid · 07-01-2016 08:11PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

Casual sex is generally confined to alcohol being involved.It's just part of our culture. At least in the UK and Ireland. Beyond that it's dating and/or medium term stuff.

id have to agree,when i gave it up my sex life went into a coffin..

Fukuyama · 07-01-2016 08:33PM

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

It is not unheard of to go on a date or chat to a girl with no alcohol involved
How about those that don't drink?

Not trying to get into an argument here but you seem to be deliberately laboring this point and misunderstanding what I mean by "casual sex". To most people, this would mean a ONS or, at most, a few "encounters".

I doubt a 2pm date in a café is going to end up back at her place.

I've no interest in casual sex or a ONS anymore so this doesn't bother me. But anyone living in Ireland would be well aware of the part alcohol plays in our sex lives as a nation.

Mister Vain · 07-01-2016 08:58PM

Alcohol has never played a part in my sex life or relationships in the past. I've met women in work and online but I never had any luck in the bars and clubs. A first date in a cafe is unlikely to end with sex but who knows where the 2nd or 3rd will go.

Wibbs · 07-01-2016 09:48PM

the evasion_kid wrote: »

id have to agree,when i gave it up my sex life went into a coffin..

Not that I want to disagree with Pawwed Rig(he beats me. On the regular. Get help. I beg of you), but yes for most men(and women too) a few bevvies oils the axle of luuurve more often than not. As was noted earlier a lot of guys just don't have the personal confidence to just approach out of the blue while sober, so… A bit of a troubling thing, but in reality, true for the most part.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 07-01-2016 10:07PM

Azalea wrote: »

Same here. Never hear women going on about it among my friends. Some friends have fallen head over heels for men shorter than them.

Do women really say "Must be 6 ft or over" on dating sites?!

In college I had one friend who used to go on about it a fair bit. There was a guy I fancied who was probably about 5'6" and she gave me some amount of slagging on it, as well as slagging him to his face.

She was a tall woman herself, and to be honest had a pretty shítty attitude generally to men back then, though she's grand now.

I'm 5'8" and honestly I've a bit of a grá for short men (though my OH is about 6'3" so it's not one of those 'deal breaker' thingies). I've a very strong preference for less macho, dominant men and I suppose subconsciously I associate that with height; I'd imagine for women who like tall men it's the same thing in reverse

Single life as a guy...

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