Single life as a guy...

Pawwed Rig · 07-12-2015 02:58PM

Me neither. I always just associated it with an old unmarried farmer. Never heard of sexuality being applied to the term.

dinorebel · 07-12-2015 03:36PM

Bachelor is OK if you hear Confirmed Bachelor though that's gayer than Graham Norton in a dress.

Seanachai · 07-12-2015 04:06PM

Dickie10 wrote: »

im just wondering in the last year or so that i may actually becoming institutionilised in some way to being single always, in like i really cant even begin to imagine myself having a girlfriend or wondering would i even enjoy being in a relationship. i know when i was in my early 20s if it happened then i would have went with the flow completely and did the whole relationship thing. but now it just seems as though i feel like im a priest or supposed to be celibate and single! like its becoming very natural. all the years i seen older lads in their 30s settling down sometimes against the odds and becoming family men so i now figure they were actually looking for this all along when i just thoought they were happy out being single, but im not sure if i am like them, i know have had plenty of chances even within the last 3 years to hold onto girls who wanted to have relationships and i turned my back on them, cant tell u why, just let them drift on. i know now if these lads had girls like these that were interested in them they prob would have married them.

I'm more or less the same tbh, it hasn't been through lack of interest from women, I'm just very independent and while I have good friends I prefer my own company, as tragic as that sounds in writing. I have a brother who is in a relationship at the moment where he is being played like a fiddle by a very clever girl, it's an abusive relationship afaik, so the grass isn't always greener.

He's a good lad but he's young and naive, I also have seen friends in similar situations and it's made me very picky and wary, some that know me would even say to an extreme. I have a good radar when it comes to people and I won't invite that kind of stuff into my life, getting caught up in a mess with having a child with somebody like that would not be good. I think you can be very lucky and meet a gem of a person and they allow you your freedom too, it's hard for people who are more solitary to give themselves over though, even if the other person gives you space.

I see enough couples in my family and among friends that seem jaded and almost as if they are together for social reasons like pleasing parents etc. I know from going to weddings that there are people that would not regard you as a full adult if you don't have a partner and I get the odd barb from a**hole relatives asking 'still no girlfriend?'.

If you really want to have a relationship you can make it happen, it might mean doing some work on yourself first, looking for somebody as a fix for loneliness probably won't work though.

Galwayguy35 · 07-12-2015 06:49PM

Coming to to 5 years single now at the start of the new year, it's the longest I've ever been on my own and I'm so used to it now I'm not even actively looking for someone.

I've had a few dates but they haven't gone anywhere and I don't even think about sex that much because it's been so long since I've been with someone.

Dickie10 · 07-12-2015 09:12PM

yes i did often feel that people dont regard you as a full adult without a girlfriend, they nearly put u at a kids table, does anyone ever feel that some people with children and married are very resentful of single guys sometimes such as if your heading off for a weekend or like me headed to galway or aintree for the races and absolutly zero to worry about beyond of course having your business or whtevr tightened up for the few days.

often found that i sometimes nearly put on a poor mouth just to fit in! as in saying stuff like " ah busy with work at the minute so not out tonight" blah blah or complaining of the price of such and such

Pawwed Rig · 07-12-2015 11:41PM

Dickie10 wrote: »

does anyone ever feel that some people with children and married are very resentful of single guys sometimes such as if your heading off for a weekend or like me headed to galway or aintree for the races and absolutly zero to worry about beyond of course having your business or whtevr tightened up for the few days.

Different folks different strokes. Some people with kids would like more freedom, some are quite content. Some single people would like to be in a relationship, some are quite content

Seanachai · 08-12-2015 09:56AM

Dickie10 wrote: »

yes i did often feel that people dont regard you as a full adult without a girlfriend, they nearly put u at a kids table, does anyone ever feel that some people with children and married are very resentful of single guys sometimes such as if your heading off for a weekend or like me headed to galway or aintree for the races and absolutly zero to worry about beyond of course having your business or whtevr tightened up for the few days.

often found that i sometimes nearly put on a poor mouth just to fit in! as in saying stuff like " ah busy with work at the minute so not out tonight" blah blah or complaining of the price of such and such

It's an act you have to use in Ireland unfortunately, more so if you're around the older generation. You can get shot down very easily if you come across as being too content. You're right about resentment from some married or attached people, the reality is though that a lot of those people would probably crack up in their own company, this can make them very curious and suspicious about you too.

stateofflux · 09-12-2015 12:21AM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Coming to to 5 years single now at the start of the new year, it's the longest I've ever been on my own and I'm so used to it now I'm not even actively looking for someone.

I've had a few dates but they haven't gone anywhere and I don't even think about sex that much because it's been so long since I've been with someone.

might be worth reading 'way of the peaceful warrior' by dan millman and 'the black flag' by shark

Confucius say · 14-12-2015 08:24PM

Interesting thread this. I've been single a good 8 months now after a bit of a roller coaster relationship. I'm not too many years off 40 now so it does concern me at times that I may not meet anyone again and may never have kids.
I'm lucky enough now to have a good few friends that I can go out with often etc, some who remained single and some on the tail end of failed marriages.
The pros for me are that I can invest my time in whatever I like right now and hopefully improve myself as a person overall now that I've got all this free time.
Cons? Loneliness I guess... but my last relationship was so intense and crazy that the idea of being around a girl all the time frightens me right now. And sex. I can live without it I guess, but I can't for the life of me see where the next sexual partner will come from!
I went on tonnes of dates and actually was sleeping with someone for a while recently although I wasn't really into her. Going on a different date every weekend for it to lead to nothing was actually just hurting my self esteem so I had to give up the old internet dating, it's not for me.
I'm in the process of buying a house for myself, so that's good, somewhere to drink myself to death by the time I'm, I'd say... 47? Maybe mid 50s if I'm lucky.
If anyone's interested in starting a lonely old man's club with an alcoholic deathwish, PM me!

lazybones32 · 14-12-2015 11:03PM

Dickie10 wrote: »

yes i did often feel that people dont regard you as a full adult without a girlfriend, they nearly put u at a kids table,

My brother was in Texas and he got talking to a woman in a bar. She was 25 and unmarried and whenever there is a family dinner, she is put at the kids table.

Dickie10 wrote: »

does anyone ever feel that some people with children and married are very resentful of single guys sometimes such as if your heading off for a weekend or like me headed to galway or aintree for the races and absolutly zero to worry about beyond of course having your business or whtevr tightened up for the few days.

I haven't experienced resentment (yet) but is this more jealousy than resenting you because you don't do as they do?

Wibbs · 15-12-2015 11:52AM

Confucius say wrote: »

I'm not too many years off 40 now so it does concern me at times that I may not meet anyone again and may never have kids.

If you want children that's a biggie. Now so long as you stay and look fit then you've likely another decade left in the tank for thinking about kids, but that's it(unless you are or become a multi squillionaire in which case play on until your pine box beckons.:D). I was never paternal, so that bit held no fear for me and I have a few relatives inc my own father who didn't start families until 50+ so I suppose subconsciously I never felt the ticking clock.

I'm lucky enough now to have a good few friends that I can go out with often etc,

This is muy importante, even if one is married/in a long termer. Too many men isolate themselves in both scenarios and it's not good.

Cons? Loneliness I guess...

As I say there are quite a few lonely guys in marriages so…

but my last relationship was so intense and crazy that the idea of being around a girl all the time frightens me right now.

I hear that. TBH after too many years and over quite the number of relationships of dealing with non crisis after non crisis, mini meltdown after mini meltdown and a general vibe of never being happy or content for very long - with a nice crispy topping of deceit with a couple - my tolerance for emotionals has become lower than a snakes man parts. Looking back it also looks damned like I have very bad taste/crazy filters in picking women, so that's not good either. Joke is I could live with most of my women mates no bother. Probably easier than the same deal with many of my men mates. However when love/genitals/relationships are involved it most certainly changes. My best most easy going relationships with women have been as friends(and I couldn't ask for better TBH) or as the bit on the side man. IMH the "lover" or the friend get the best out of each other as a general thing, the long term boyfriend/husband not so much.

And sex. I can live without it I guess, but I can't for the life of me see where the next sexual partner will come from!

Oh you'd be surprised. Plenty of women out there who don't want anything too serious. Just make sure if you get into that friends with benefits thing to always wear a condom and make sure you're not leading someone on. That's shabby.

I'm in the process of buying a house for myself, so that's good, somewhere to drink myself to death by the time I'm, I'd say... 47? Maybe mid 50s if I'm lucky.
If anyone's interested in starting a lonely old man's club with an alcoholic deathwish, PM me!

look, you're buying a gaff which is great, you've got mates you see on the regular, I presume you have your health and your a guy in his late 30's with his shít together. A) don't sweat the women being attracted to you.

If you do want to start a family you're nigh on a unicorn out there. C) Enjoy your life. Don't buy into the BS that "you need a woman in your life". You don't. You may well need the right woman in your life and when that works it works, but don't dive in just because she's got two X chromosomes.

lazybones32 wrote: »

My brother was in Texas and he got talking to a woman in a bar. She was 25 and unmarried and whenever there is a family dinner, she is put at the kids table.

America, particularly away from the coasts can be like that. They get married mad young as a general thing. A mate of mine who lived in the US for years was seeing this old time religion southern belle woman from Georgia who was 23 or 4(he was 30) and she had the pressure on for the wedding within a year. My mate had just come through a bad breakup so ejected soon after. I remember meeting her and her being gobsmacked that I had never been married(I was 34 at the time).

Confucius say · 15-12-2015 07:46PM

Cheers wibbs I appreciate it. I was enduring Monday blues when I wrote that after partying at the weekend so it may have been grimmer than the reality! I think I'm actually delighted to be single now and to have dodged various bullets that I could have ended up having kids with or marrying. My only worry is for the real love of my life, my mother! I know she'd love grandkids and I'm her only hope so I feel like I'd nearly have kids just for her sake. She's sacrificed so much for me and I know nothing would make her happier.
Anyone else in similar boat? I actually have a mate who got a bird pregnant a couple of years ago, they we're never a couple and now share custody and days etc and its all amicable. I kind of envy the setup, and they're doing it really well from what I can see!
But yeah single life is great for the most part

silverharp · 15-12-2015 08:23PM

Confucius say wrote: »

Cheers wibbs I appreciate it. I was enduring Monday blues when I wrote that after partying at the weekend so it may have been grimmer than the reality! I think I'm actually delighted to be single now and to have dodged various bullets that I could have ended up having kids with or marrying. My only worry is for the real love of my life, my mother! I know she'd love grandkids and I'm her only hope so I feel like I'd nearly have kids just for her sake. She's sacrificed so much for me and I know nothing would make her happier.
Anyone else in similar boat? I actually have a mate who got a bird pregnant a couple of years ago, they we're never a couple and now share custody and days etc and its all amicable. I kind of envy the setup, and they're doing it really well from what I can see!
But yeah single life is great for the most part

speaking as a dad i'd say that firstly I'd want my son to be happy and if that means being happy and single compared to miserable with kids,grab the first with both hands.

mzungu · 15-12-2015 09:24PM

Confucius say wrote: »

Cheers wibbs I appreciate it. I was enduring Monday blues when I wrote that after partying at the weekend so it may have been grimmer than the reality! I think I'm actually delighted to be single now and to have dodged various bullets that I could have ended up having kids with or marrying. My only worry is for the real love of my life, my mother! I know she'd love grandkids and I'm her only hope so I feel like I'd nearly have kids just for her sake. She's sacrificed so much for me and I know nothing would make her happier.
Anyone else in similar boat? I actually have a mate who got a bird pregnant a couple of years ago, they we're never a couple and now share custody and days etc and its all amicable. I kind of envy the setup, and they're doing it really well from what I can see!
But yeah single life is great for the most part

Amen to that. Enjoy it is my advice, if a relationship is to happen, it will happen organically, no point in forcing the issue. Thankfully these days single as an option looks to getting more commonplace and hence accepted within society (as opposed to 50 years ago).

popa smurf · 15-12-2015 11:54PM

Interesting tread this its life's great delima Do you stay single and enjoy single life for as long as you can or settle down I was single well into my 30s had my own house and business and was under serious pressure from family to settle down at the time it was getting harder to pull the women as the hair was disappearing and the bear belly was expanding I think the night comes to everyone when they say to themselves I have to get the fucck off this seen.Picking a lifelong. Partner is like a lottery you could be lucky or unlucky you sighn up for. A lot of **** when you decide to settle down with kids the bills are serious that comes with them you are working for them and you might not always get the rewards that you expect I am rearing 4 spoiled brats and that's not including the wife. if you want an easy simple life stay single.

Dickie10 · 16-12-2015 01:10AM

i went back to college late in my late 20s and just have my career almost fairly right. i didnt go travlling so intend doing a bit of travelling for a few years and may settle down around 40, i still have loads to do, the recession stopped me inmy tracks for a few years

Fukuyama · 16-12-2015 12:08PM

popa smurf wrote: »

Interesting tread this its life's great delima Do you stay single and enjoy single life for as long as you can or settle down I was single well into my 30s had my own house and business and was under serious pressure from family to settle down at the time it was getting harder to pull the women as the hair was disappearing and the bear belly was expanding I think the night comes to everyone when they say to themselves I have to get the fucck off this seen.Picking a lifelong. Partner is like a lottery you could be lucky or unlucky you sighn up for. A lot of **** when you decide to settle down with kids the bills are serious that comes with them you are working for them and you might not always get the rewards that you expect I am rearing 4 spoiled brats and that's not including the wife. if you want an easy simple life stay single.

Would you say the pressure from family/friends, general societal expectations that a bloke doing well from himself should be married had a lot to do with you just settling down or, judging from your post, "settling"?

MadFit · 16-12-2015 12:16PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

Would you say the pressure from family/friends, general societal expectations that a bloke doing well from himself should be married had a lot to do with you just settling down or, judging from your post, "settling"?

where did your name come from?

popa smurf · 16-12-2015 12:58PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

Would you say the pressure from family/friends, general societal expectations that a bloke doing well from himself should be married had a lot to do with you just settling down or, judging from your post, "settling"?

Ya the mother tought all Lads should be married and if they weren't there was something wrong with them she was always hoping the ball when I would come home for weekends like 1 time she rang me up to tell me negbour from home was found dead in england when I asked what happened him she said o he never got married

Confucius say · 16-12-2015 01:05PM

popa smurf wrote: »

Ya the mother tought all Lads should be married and if they weren't there was something wrong with them she was always hoping the ball when I would come home for weekends like 1 time she rang me up to tell me negbour from home was found dead in england when I asked what happened him she said o he never got married

Ha! It's true that men die younger if single but I didn't know it could be that dramatic! Luckily I was married many moons ago so hopefully I'm immune to sudden singleton death syndrome!

Another pro single thing. Just the other day decided to meet my buddy in Copenhagen for a few days, we'll be there for New Years. So a chance to party and hopefully pick up a couple of native ice cool blondes!

Confucius say · 16-12-2015 01:07PM

MadFit wrote: »

where did your name come from?

Without looking it up I think he may be a failed Japanese nuclear reactor?

MadFit · 16-12-2015 01:14PM

Confucius say wrote: »

Without looking it up I think he may be a failed Japanese nuclear reactor?

Thats Fukushima. Fukuyama is a city much farther south and also a second name. Was wondering where he drew the inspiration.

viewer · 16-12-2015 01:19PM

Dickie10 wrote: »

im 32 and have never been in a serious relationship, i dated a girl for about 6 weeks -2 months when i was 19 thats it really, i met up with a girl i really liked back in 2006 a few times, went to cinema once and that seemed to scare her off! anyone think this is odd? i suppose im just wondering about it more because my friend was the same as me until 2 years ago he met a girl and he really got stuck into the whole relationship thing very quickly to the point that hes barely 2 years with her and hes putting in planning for a house! but i think hes happy anyway so best of luck!

just wondering is it common for lads of 32 to never have been in arelationship? even though i have had my fair share of one night stands and shifts but havent met a girl i would say yeah i really like this girl or else they dont feel the same way

I am 45 and never have been in a relationship with anyone. I think you get used to your own company and doing things for yourself. At this stage I dont think I would be able to have a relationship but i am fine with that.

Fukuyama · 16-12-2015 02:14PM

MadFit wrote: »

Thats Fukushima. Fukuyama is a city much farther south and also a second name. Was wondering where he drew the inspiration.

Used to have a different one.

This one is the surname of a Japanese-American political theorist. I read his book and it's great.

I've also been told by people that they first read it as "fuk-yo-mama" which was an unexpected but welcome bonus.

Fukuyama · 16-12-2015 02:17PM

popa smurf wrote: »

Ya the mother tought all Lads should be married and if they weren't there was something wrong with them she was always hoping the ball when I would come home for weekends like 1 time she rang me up to tell me negbour from home was found dead in england when I asked what happened him she said o he never got married

Are you from a rural area?

Sounds very old fashioned. Although I will admit that people do tend to get a little weirded out when they hear you're single for quite a long time and there's no obvious reason for it.

Small price to pay in my opinion. Without putting too fine a point on it, the situation you described would be my idea of hell. I'd rather be single.

Wibbs · 16-12-2015 02:40PM

popa smurf wrote: »

Ya the mother tought all Lads should be married and if they weren't there was something wrong with them she was always hoping the ball when I would come home for weekends like 1 time she rang me up to tell me negbour from home was found dead in england when I asked what happened him she said o he never got married

Oh I've met a few Irish Mammies(™) like that alright. Actually it's a [insert country here] Mammie thing. They're also at the single women about the impending life on the shelf and cat husbandry. I've had it once or twice from the type and since they're being rude I just completely ignore them and if they persist I just tell them very clearly to sod off with their nonsense and/or point out they're hardly the best adverts for the practice, nor are their husbands with the faces that look like the before pic in a Prozac ad. One housewarming went a little south when I suggested to one such relentless harpy that the Gardai could dust her dearest hubbies bald spot for her thumbprints.

To be fair though, I've found women get this crap a lot more than men. A single 30 year old woman at a family gathering is usually a moving target for this shíte. And then if she brings a date it's talk of engagements, if she's engaged it's talk of when the wedding is and if wed when are we going to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet. My response to the latter has been "I'll let you know when I rent out me gaff to midgets".

Confucius say wrote: »

Ha! It's true that men die younger if single

Actually that may not be true. I have read that this idea came from one study and a not very good one. AFAIR men who remained unmarried but sexually and romantically active lived longer than married men and the highest mortality by far was among men who'd gone through a divorce(men going through divorce have a threefold increased risk of suicide. Women's figures don't change). IIRC clergy, monks and such have good longevity stats. As do nuns. I'll try and dig up a link. I strongly suspect that this meme is about as accurate as women have a larger vocabulary than men(which originated in one self help book in the 80's and because of the incestuous nature of that game was repeated by everyone else). It's also in the marriage pressure handbook as a good reason for the practice. Along with loneliness(which is usually aimed more at men. Women tend to get more of the no children pressure). The loneliness response/worry was and is a pretty common one when guys and gals come out as gay to their families. "Oh now he/she will be lonely and with no family" stuff. Ehh….

Fukuyama · 16-12-2015 02:47PM

Wibbs wrote: »

To be fair though, I've found women get this crap a lot more than men. A single 30 year old woman at a family gathering is usually a moving target for this shíte. And then if she brings a date it's talk of engagements, if she's engaged it's talk of when the wedding is and if wed when are we going to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet. My response to the latter has been "I'll let you know when I rent out me gaff to midgets".

Very true.

But any single, moderately attractive man with a small business / bit of land / own house will be like a bulls-eye for these types at family events, weddings etc...

The old dying along threat is one which is used against both sexes. From what I can tell a lot of married men are put in early graves by wives and arguably die alone anyways.

mzungu · 16-12-2015 03:09PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

Are you from a rural area?

Sounds very old fashioned. Although I will admit that people do tend to get a little weirded out when they hear you're single for quite a long time and there's no obvious reason for it.

Small price to pay in my opinion. Without putting too fine a point on it, the situation you described would be my idea of hell. I'd rather be single.

Speaking of old fashioned, a few years back a chap I used to know was telling me that his mother was convinced he was gay. He was 2 or 3 years single at the time (aged 27) and his mum had told all her friends that he was gay, because there is no way in hell (in her mind) that any man could be single that long without good reason. Hence the embarrassment of him having to correct people when they congratulated him for coming out. Anyways...fast forward 9 years, just saw on Facebook he has just had his first child with his partner (female).

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh I've met a few Irish Mammies(™) like that alright. Actually it's a [insert country here] Mammie thing. They're also at the single women about the impending life on the shelf and cat husbandry. I've had it once or twice from the type and since they're being rude I just completely ignore them and if they persist I just tell them very clearly to sod off with their nonsense and/or point out they're hardly the best adverts for the practice, nor are their husbands with the faces that look like the before pic in a Prozac ad. One housewarming went a little south when I suggested to one such relentless harpy that the Gardai could dust her dearest hubbies bald spot for her thumbprints.

To be fair though, I've found women get this crap a lot more than men. A single 30 year old woman at a family gathering is usually a moving target for this shíte. And then if she brings a date it's talk of engagements, if she's engaged it's talk of when the wedding is and if wed when are we going to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet. My response to the latter has been "I'll let you know when I rent out me gaff to midgets".

Quality.....I'm using both of those next time I get questions like that thrown at me!

popa smurf · 16-12-2015 08:45PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

Are you from a rural area?

Sounds very old fashioned. Although I will admit that people do tend to get a little weirded out when they hear you're single for quite a long time and there's no obvious reason for it.

Small price to pay in my opinion. Without putting too fine a point on it, the situation you described would be my idea of hell. I'd rather be single.

Ya your right I was from the country and It was very old fashioned but my mother would be nearly ninthy now if she was still about in her day a man needed a women to cook and clean for him and a woman needed a man to provide a home for them in the year 2015 a man is more than well able to hold his own in the kitchen and a women can buy her own house it just don't need to happen now days.seen a doc on TV about lads in China having virtual girlfriends made to there own liking and the chines girls complaining that the Chinese lads have no interest in the real thing emagine a girlfriend that you could just close the lap top on and open it up again when it suits and women walking in to sperm donor banks and designing there own baby's it sounds mad or is it

ancapailldorcha · 17-12-2015 09:43AM

Wibbs wrote: »

America, particularly away from the coasts can be like that. They get married mad young as a general thing. A mate of mine who lived in the US for years was seeing this old time religion southern belle woman from Georgia who was 23 or 4(he was 30) and she had the pressure on for the wedding within a year. My mate had just come through a bad breakup so ejected soon after. I remember meeting her and her being gobsmacked that I had never been married(I was 34 at the time).

I've seen it here as well. I used to work with a fair few nurses. Most of them were in their mid to late twenties and seemed to think they needed to get hitched ASAP along with the other "life badges", ie mortgage and a kiddie on the way.

I get it from my folks as well. I'm from the countryside where I think it's a bit more common. My cousin had a baby outside of marriage and that didn't go down well with my folks one bit.

Single life as a guy...

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