Single life as a guy...

PucaMama · 21-12-2014 11:24PM

PatL23 wrote: »

Out socialising tonight with my friends in the pub . Making my way to the smoking area when some woman looks directly at me out of all my friends and makes a dry heaving motion and laughs with her friends. Normally I have thick skin but I started to get very self conscious.

I told my friends I felt sick and went to the car to get something to settle the stomach. I'm now I'm sitting here debating to myself whether I should go back in.

I can't help how I look for **** sake. I dress well, I make an effort. I don't know what to do. I'm taking this as a sign that I'll never find someone. And if I do they'll probably have no other choice but to settle for me.

That's so so cruel

I've had similar in pubs from men often in groups. Very mean.

John Cherry · 22-12-2014 12:21AM

PucaMama wrote: »

That's so so cruel I've had similar in pubs from men often in groups. Very mean.

Boo hoo :rolleyes:

PucaMama · 22-12-2014 12:25AM

John Cherry wrote: »

Boo hoo :rolleyes:

Now now john!

John Cherry · 22-12-2014 12:37AM

PucaMama wrote: »

Now now john!

Always the wagon on TGC.

PucaMama · 22-12-2014 12:42AM

John Cherry wrote: »

Always the wagon on TGC.

Aren't you lovely

Littlekittylou · 22-12-2014 12:44AM

PatL23 wrote: »

Out socialising tonight with my friends in the pub . Making my way to the smoking area when some woman looks directly at me out of all my friends and makes a dry heaving motion and laughs with her friends. Normally I have thick skin but I started to get very self conscious.

I told my friends I felt sick and went to the car to get something to settle the stomach. I'm now I'm sitting here debating to myself whether I should go back in.

I can't help how I look for **** sake. I dress well, I make an effort. I don't know what to do. I'm taking this as a sign that I'll never find someone. And if I do they'll probably have no other choice but to settle for me.

She is certainly no lady. Pay her no heed.

Littlekittylou · 22-12-2014 12:47AM

John Cherry wrote: »

Always the wagon on TGC.

This is the gentleman's club that behavior is not befitting of a gentleman.

Don't sink to the level of the dry heaving woman. You're better than that.

Pat Mustard · 22-12-2014 01:51AM

Littlekittylou wrote: »

This is the gentleman's club that behavior is not befitting of a gentleman.

Mod:

Please please don't engage in backseat moderation.

If you have a problem with a post, we would ask you to report it.

Littlekittylou · 22-12-2014 02:09AM

Sorry mods.

carzony · 22-12-2014 02:21AM

I'm 22 now and have always been single. I briefly had a girlfriend for a few weeks but they quickly ended..

The problem is that when your young and never seen with a girl people start to quickly think your gay. I was even asked by an aunt recently was I gay ffs...

SeantheMan · 22-12-2014 02:49AM

I didn't have any relationship that was more than 3 months long till recently.
I'm 29 btw.
It's not that I had trouble with women, or had so many relationships they all fell apart quickly....it's that honestly I was a little lazy, and completely comfortable with the single life and having the odd encounter here and there.
Noone ever thought I was gay or strange...as with the above poster....but more likely I'd get asked why I hadn't found a girlfriend.
My 2 best friends, of the same age...are both married, with 3 children each. My other group of friends, 3 of the 4 are married.

I did feel a bit of pressure at times to conform and have a girlfriend and do the normal thing....even now..with the new girlfriend....I'm still a bit wary. This is because I loved the freedom, being able to travel, I am still young, have no debts and want to see the world while I can....so settling down kind of curbs this...which is one of the reasons I've always been happy to be single.

Things are going good at the moment though with the new gf, but there are still times I just want to be alone.

PatL23 · 22-12-2014 11:12AM

Thanks for the support. Just seen Amy Cuddys Ted talk. Ill try to adopt her approach of "fake it until you make it". Hopefully it'll have a positive effect on my life.

I decided to go home after that. Was too tired to deal with any more drunken crap.
Iv gotten the gay question thrown at me before but it never caused me concern.

Starting a new course in the new year which will land my ideal job and out of my dead end minimum wage job.
Back in the gym in January from my December hibernation. I feel it's going to be a good year

OnTheCouch · 22-12-2014 11:50AM

carzony wrote: »

I'm 22 now and have always been single. I briefly had a girlfriend for a few weeks but they quickly ended..

The problem is that when your young and never seen with a girl people start to quickly think your gay. I was even asked by an aunt recently was I gay ffs...

Yeah I didn't have an actual gf until I was 23 and one that lasted for over a year until I was in my late twenties. Until the latter, even my best friends started to assume I was gay. Which did get quite annoying. Just because they were all in relationships. I think society in general takes the opinion that men of all ages hit on/should be hitting on anything female that moves. Sometimes the women even more so than the men. And if you don't fall into this bracket people start asking questions.

PatL23 wrote: »

Thanks for the support. Just seen Amy Cuddys Ted talk. Ill try to adopt her approach of "fake it until you make it". Hopefully it'll have a positive effect on my life.

I decided to go home after that. Was too tired to deal with any more drunken crap.
Iv gotten the gay question thrown at me before but it never caused me concern.

Starting a new course in the new year which will land my ideal job and out of my dead end minimum wage job.
Back in the gym in January from my December hibernation. I feel it's going to be a good year

Sorry to hear she ruined your night. That's a shame, but hopefully it won't become a regular event. Glad to hear you are starting a new course and hitting the gym again next month. These by themselves should keep you busy, increase your motivation and confidence and make you seem like a more interesting person.

LordNorbury · 26-01-2015 11:03AM

Just saw this news article and said I would share it on thread, as I made the point in this discussion that I was of the view that a lot of folks these days are not doing the "having kids" thing due to financial/economic circumstances, and I included myself in this cohort of folks who have come to the view that the times we are living in are not really suitable for starting a family...

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/women-in-30s-put-off-having-children-due-to-money-woes-30936630.html

A THIRD of women in their 30s say they have put off having children because of financial pressures.

A poll for the Irish Independent and Today FM has uncovered the extent to which the economic squeeze has impacted on people's most fundamental life choices.
It found that a quarter of women between 20 and 49 had postponed having children for financial reasons, but this soared to 32pc of women in their 30s, when many are often thinking of starting a family.
It also found that working women in their 30s were only half as likely as men to have had a recent pay rise - suggesting the pressures of motherhood makes it harder for them to boost their earnings.
The poll carried out by Behaviour & Attitudes among a representative sample of 978 younger adults also found that Dublin families paid the most for childcare. Families in the capital are paying €594.31 per month - an average that includes both part-time and full-time childcare. Outside Dublin, the monthly average is €379.22.
The cost equates to almost €7,200 a year in Dublin and close to €4,500 elsewhere. It comes just weeks after the Irish Independent revealed you need to earn up to €30,000 a year to cover full-time creche costs for two children.
But many working families cannot afford this level of full-time professional childcare.
Instead they are forced to work part-time or rely on grandparents and other ad hoc arrangements to make ends meet.
The survey also revealed that child benefit plays a crucial role in making ends meet, with half using it for day-to-day expenses such as groceries and 29pc using it for household bills.
Some 56pc use this payment of €135 a month per child to buy clothes or shoes for their children, while just one in five manage to save some of it.
The National Women's Council of Ireland (NWCI) said that Irish parents were spending more of their income on childcare than anyone else in Europe, and the poll findings showed the impact of this on their families.
"We are seeing this with the mothers who contact us, they simply cannot afford these costs, and it has a huge impact on their choices," said NWCI director Orla O'Connor.
It said the fairest solution was for the State to share some of the burden which is the norm throughout Europe. Irish families still bear 100pc of the costs, whereas in Denmark, for example, parents pay just a third of the childcare bill.
Ms O'Connor also called for a proper network of affordable afterschool and out-of-school care as this was lacking, making it difficult for parents to work even as the children got bigger.
Relief
Laura Haugh of online forum MummyPages.ie agreed that the biggest factor influencing family size in Ireland today was high childcare costs.
"The feedback from our online mum community is that while they may wish to add to their brood, they simply can't afford to - with each childcare place cited as the equivalent to another mortgage in terms of the monthly outlay."
Many families were also still living with negative equity or in unsuitable homes for a growing family, while a third or fourth child often meant a bigger car, said Ms Haugh.
MummyPages presented a proposal to the Government in advance of the Budget to introduce tax relief on childcare costs, and is pleased that these proposals are being discussed.
Irish women still have more babies than nearly anyone else in Europe, but this has fallen to 1.99 on average. French women now have the most children aided by strong government incentives to help women combine work and family life.
Irish Independent

Food for thought...

Dickie10 · 31-10-2015 12:52AM

im 32 and have never been in a serious relationship, i dated a girl for about 6 weeks -2 months when i was 19 thats it really, i met up with a girl i really liked back in 2006 a few times, went to cinema once and that seemed to scare her off! anyone think this is odd? i suppose im just wondering about it more because my friend was the same as me until 2 years ago he met a girl and he really got stuck into the whole relationship thing very quickly to the point that hes barely 2 years with her and hes putting in planning for a house! but i think hes happy anyway so best of luck!

just wondering is it common for lads of 32 to never have been in arelationship? even though i have had my fair share of one night stands and shifts but havent met a girl i would say yeah i really like this girl or else they dont feel the same way

ChunkyLover54 · 06-11-2015 01:54AM

Dickie10 wrote: »

im 32 and have never been in a serious relationship, i dated a girl for about 6 weeks -2 months when i was 19 thats it really, i met up with a girl i really liked back in 2006 a few times, went to cinema once and that seemed to scare her off! anyone think this is odd? i suppose im just wondering about it more because my friend was the same as me until 2 years ago he met a girl and he really got stuck into the whole relationship thing very quickly to the point that hes barely 2 years with her and hes putting in planning for a house! but i think hes happy anyway so best of luck!

just wondering is it common for lads of 32 to never have been in arelationship? even though i have had my fair share of one night stands and shifts but havent met a girl i would say yeah i really like this girl or else they dont feel the same way

I'm the same - 32 and never had a girlfriend. It's not something that fills me with joy especially considering that most of my friends are in long-term relationships or married. It is what it is. You're not alone.

Dickie10 · 06-11-2015 09:45PM

im just wondering in the last year or so that i may actually becoming institutionilised in some way to being single always, in like i really cant even begin to imagine myself having a girlfriend or wondering would i even enjoy being in a relationship. i know when i was in my early 20s if it happened then i would have went with the flow completely and did the whole relationship thing. but now it just seems as though i feel like im a priest or supposed to be celibate and single! like its becoming very natural. all the years i seen older lads in their 30s settling down sometimes against the odds and becoming family men so i now figure they were actually looking for this all along when i just thoought they were happy out being single, but im not sure if i am like them, i know have had plenty of chances even within the last 3 years to hold onto girls who wanted to have relationships and i turned my back on them, cant tell u why, just let them drift on. i know now if these lads had girls like these that were interested in them they prob would have married them.

07-11-2015 09:03PM

Well it is certainly something we can explore if you want. Where _do_ you want your life to go? You have told us where you do not want it to go - that you are not really that interested in the relationships thing - so what do you see your path as actually being? This is a good angle to explore.

Another good angle to explore is if you have no interest in that kind of thing - what has you posting on a thread on the subject? Do you have doubts it is not for you? Or do you just feel doubts that it seems to be for everyone else - and it not being for you makes you feel weird in some way? And you are now worried something might be wrong with you?

Two good angles for further discussion on this - either with your self - with us here as a community on TGC - or I can go one on one if you like.

mzungu · 08-11-2015 01:25AM

Dickie10 wrote: »

im just wondering in the last year or so that i may actually becoming institutionilised in some way to being single always, in like i really cant even begin to imagine myself having a girlfriend or wondering would i even enjoy being in a relationship. i know when i was in my early 20s if it happened then i would have went with the flow completely and did the whole relationship thing. but now it just seems as though i feel like im a priest or supposed to be celibate and single! like its becoming very natural. all the years i seen older lads in their 30s settling down sometimes against the odds and becoming family men so i now figure they were actually looking for this all along when i just thoought they were happy out being single, but im not sure if i am like them, i know have had plenty of chances even within the last 3 years to hold onto girls who wanted to have relationships and i turned my back on them, cant tell u why, just let them drift on. i know now if these lads had girls like these that were interested in them they prob would have married them.

It sounds like you have come to a level of acceptance about your situation and maybe this is what is causing you to be confused. When you were younger you desired a relationship but now not so much. As you get older you change and so do your priorities. You mentioned you let go of three girls over the last while, this shows that you are not willing to settle for anything unless that is what you really want. Relationships, marriages etc. are not for everyone. It might be that you no longer truly desire a companion and this is new for you.

BrianD3 · 08-11-2015 04:52PM

Anyone who is wondering about the pros and cons of single life as a guy should read the Money section of today's Sunday Times where the journalist Sybil Mulcahy talks about her finances.

She's 41, has 3 children and her husband is an engineer. They live in Killiney.

Some quotes:

I spend every penny I have, I can't afford to save. I tell my husband he's my pension, I'll leave the saving to him

My father still gives me money...I'm spoilt....He's always asking if I have enough for the shopping. I shouldn't take the money at my age but I do

Childcare - we spend the equivalent of a big mortgage every month on it

I bought a 2 door Audi convertible

Years ago I bought a fake tan machine

I wonder how happy her husband is about being referred to as "my pension" :rolleyes:

Maybe if she/they lowered their expectations and lived somewhere other than Killiney (in an area where childcare costs might also be lower) she might be able to save towards her own pension and not have her father giving her money for the shopping.

If a man avoids relationships and having children, he avoids much of the bullsh*t above.

Without getting into woman bashing, it is generally accepted that women drive the majority of consumer spending and are the main targets for advertising. So when a couple ends up middle aged having wasted money on all manner of unnecessary crap and with a Range Rover in the drive of their fancy house but with no savings - it is reasonable to assume that many of these spending decisions are driven by the female.

I have seen similar patterns on many occasions. A good one is when a man works long hours and is the main breadwinner, his wife insists on a certain lifestyle and spends money on crap - then complains about the hours that her husband works :rolleyes:

0ph0rce0 · 08-11-2015 05:30PM

Then bangs some guy behind the husbands back, divorces him, takes half his money, his home, uses the kids to get extortionate amounts of maintenance to continue her lifestyle. And the husband ends up in his folks house broke.

Wibbs · 08-11-2015 05:38PM

Let's dial back the simplistic generalisations and imported fresh from the US attitudes. Thanks.

silverharp · 08-11-2015 08:10PM

BrianD3 wrote: »

Anyone who is wondering about the pros and cons of single life as a guy should read the Money section of today's Sunday Times where the journalist Sybil Mulcahy talks about her finances.

She's 41, has 3 children and her husband is an engineer. They live in Killiney.

Some quotes:

I wonder how happy her husband is about being referred to as "my pension" :rolleyes:

Maybe if she/they lowered their expectations and lived somewhere other than Killiney (in an area where childcare costs might also be lower) she might be able to save towards her own pension and not have her father giving her money for the shopping.

If a man avoids relationships and having children, he avoids much of the bullsh*t above.

Without getting into woman bashing, it is generally accepted that women drive the majority of consumer spending and are the main targets for advertising. So when a couple ends up middle aged having wasted money on all manner of unnecessary crap and with a Range Rover in the drive of their fancy house but with no savings - it is reasonable to assume that many of these spending decisions are driven by the female.

I have seen similar patterns on many occasions. A good one is when a man works long hours and is the main breadwinner, his wife insists on a certain lifestyle and spends money on crap - then complains about the hours that her husband works :rolleyes:

not all women are like that thankfully , Im a natural saver and so is my wife but it would drive me daft if I was married to someone like that. I will certainly be advising my son in the future to give any woman a wide birth if they cant manage their finances :pac:

Dickie10 · 08-11-2015 11:43PM

having children drains your money pretty quick

LegacyUser · 13-11-2015 10:35AM

ChunkyLover54 wrote: »

I'm the same - 32 and never had a girlfriend. It's not something that fills me with joy especially considering that most of my friends are in long-term relationships or married. It is what it is. You're not alone.

33 single, never had sex never kissed, held hands basically never spent any amount of time with a girl ever. To look at me I am not terrible looking, nor great, and have a decent job. Honestly have no idea how to change things.

There is always someone doing worse

as im sure there is someone just like me without a job and/or family etc..Still bloody torture thou.

Dickie10 · 04-12-2015 08:59PM

you seem to want these things though yes? confidence building could do wonders for you. yeah my own predicement is strange. sometimes i can be broody with nieces and nephews then other times more often i say thank god i dont have kids, i suppose i still really enjoy being single and cant shake that buzz i get going out on a saturday night, if women read this they would probarbly say im just a player! i dont know but definitly happy as i am for now. had to smile to myself about a year ago, a lad was out for a few that is 40 year old bachelor and someone that hadnt seen him for a while said "did u get married yet?" he replied as if he was 26 and said " ah no time enough yet!" . my neighbour is 51 going out with a 26 year old now, hes also a bachelor.

when do u officaly become a bachelor?

stateofflux · 04-12-2015 11:22PM

notsayingmyname wrote: »

33 single, never had sex never kissed, held hands basically never spent any amount of time with a girl ever. To look at me I am not terrible looking, nor great, and have a decent job. Honestly have no idea how to change things.

There is always someone doing worse as im sure there is someone just like me without a job and/or family etc..Still bloody torture thou.

33? still young man. plenty of time for love and happiness.

Best advice i got a long time a go was 'stop caring about what other people think'.

change your routine. . try everything, any activity you might have an interest in. dancing, bingo, climbing whatever, not to find someone...just to have a bit of fun.

at the end of the day life is a big joke and everyone is messed up to one degree or another. Regretting not trying is way worse than trying and failing.

wetlandsboy · 05-12-2015 10:10AM

Dickie10 wrote: »

you seem to want these things though yes? confidence building could do wonders for you. yeah my own predicement is strange. sometimes i can be broody with nieces and nephews then other times more often i say thank god i dont have kids, i suppose i still really enjoy being single and cant shake that buzz i get going out on a saturday night, if women read this they would probarbly say im just a player! i dont know but definitly happy as i am for now. had to smile to myself about a year ago, a lad was out for a few that is 40 year old bachelor and someone that hadnt seen him for a while said "did u get married yet?" he replied as if he was 26 and said " ah no time enough yet!" . my neighbour is 51 going out with a 26 year old now, hes also a bachelor.

when do u officaly become a bachelor?

I cringe when I hear that term. It's right up there with 'spinster'. I have noticed that it tends to be used as a euphemism for being gay.

kieranfitz · 06-12-2015 05:16PM

wetlandsboy wrote: »

I cringe when I hear that term. It's right up there with 'spinster'. I have noticed that it tends to be used as a euphemism for being gay.

That's just when your talking about Louis Walsh though.

silverharp · 07-12-2015 12:17PM

I must say growing up , I never noticed that there was a wink wink when the term bachelor was used especially given how homophobic Ireland was.

Single life as a guy...

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