Not driving, would you judge a woman who can't?

iguana · 07-11-2015 01:24PM

I'm nearly 37 and can't drive. I've just never needed to as I've always lived in walking distance of everything I need so have never bothered to learn. I have mixed feelings about not being able to drive. At this point in my life I could very easily afford to buy and run a small car if I wanted one and there would be some advantages to having one, especially when it's very rainy outside. However most people I know drive everywhere. Even journeys that would be a 5 minute walk in dry weather. I can't get my head around it as it's so unhealthy and wasteful but I suspect that if I could drive and had a car, I'd probably do the same and I'm actually really glad that I just don't have that option.

I'll probably try to learn in the near future but at the moment my son wakes several times at night and as driving tired can be as bad as driving drunk, I'm going to wait until I'm assured of a decent night's sleep before attempting to learn. (I also have low blood pressure which is exacerbated by tiredness and gives me dizzy spells. Nothing to worry about most of the time but I wouldn't want to be in control of a fast moving, very heavy piece of machinery when I get one.)

ger vallely · 07-11-2015 01:35PM

Well caille, I would not worry about that for one second. Firstly I seriously doubt anyone is judging you. You can't drive, I'm sure there's things you can do that people you work with can't. That's just the way life goes. If they do judge you for this well that is a reflection of their character not yours. I grew up in Dublin, neither of my parents had a car nor could they drive. I only learned when I was in my mid thirties. My first multi story car park experience was around then as was my first drive through food. As they say in the movie 'let it go.' Move on, don't worry and enjoy not being ripped off for tax, insurance and diesel!!

hollymartins · 07-11-2015 03:17PM

I wouldn't judge anyone who can't drive, there are a numerous reasons why I person may choose not to e.g. health, financial, close to good transport links. I passed my driving test in my late 20's and I would agree with other posters that say driving is a life skill.

I live in Dublin but I'm from the country and my main motivation was knowing my mother is getting older and I didn't want her to have to pick me up from the train station every time I visit. In conjunction with that is, if god forbid, something were to happen to her or I needed to go home more frequently if she became ill I would have the independence to just hop in the car and be home in less than two hours.

meeeeh · 07-11-2015 03:46PM

For me it's simple. Last Sunday we (two adults two kids) decided we want to visit friends who live an hour and a half away. We sat into the car, drove to the shop, picked up the present and drove on. When we were there we decided we want to go for a lunch 15km away. After that we went for a walk and drove the scenic way back home.

If none of us drove, we would have to plan well in advance, pick up presents before, get to the train station, keep an eye on two small kids, organize for someone to pick us up, find some place for food somewhere within walking distance and miss a lot of breath taking views.

I love trains (and hate buses) but there is no comparison how much more freedom and independence car offers. Because majority of people can drive nowadays a lot of services are provided with car in mind. Restaurants can be in the middle of nowhere (no drive throughs), parks shopping centers are easier to access with the car and heavy shopping can be put into the booth...

It's about convenience not about judging people.

Vancity · 13-11-2015 11:01PM

intheclouds wrote: »

I always found it annoying dating someone who didnt drive when I did and the expectation always being that I would be the one to drive us to various places and never be able to have a drink. Or if we holidayed and rented a car - no ability to share the driving. To say nothing of having to constantly collect and drop them to various things - it becomes irritating when only one half of a couple is capable of driving.

This. While it never arose with anyone with whom I envisaged a long term relationship with, I have to say I would have an issue with a man who didn't drive and had no desire to learn. Yes, maybe it's discriminatory as I wouldn't judge a woman who didn't drive but I can't help it - I wouldn't have ever considered a long term relationship with a man without a car basically. (I'm a horrible person

)

Also - this is not specifically related to judging but in my experience, people who don't drive simply don't have the same consideration for drivers as other drivers do. For example, I used to do a lot of the driving to various weddings and conferences for myself and 3 female friends a few years ago and the 2 who couldn't drive never offered to meet me somewhere along my route or let me drop them off back in town etc - they expected to be picked up at their houses (other side of the city usually in heavy traffic) and dropped back there before and after a long drive each way probably adding 1-2 hours to my journey time. My other friend, who did have a car, would always offer to get a cab/bus to my place to save me picking her up etc. That's just my experience, obviously not all non drivers are like this but it definitely irritated me.

AppleBottle · 15-11-2015 11:56AM

There would be no judgement from me for not driving, whether it was a male or female. I'm almost 25 and learning at the moment.

Parchment · 15-11-2015 03:05PM

I personally find it very strange for anyone over the age of 18 not to know how to drive (obviously excluding those who are not physically/mentally capable to drive). They may not need to own a car but i consider it a life skill.

15-11-2015 03:16PM

^ It's very expensive to learn, especially if you don't have access to a car! Some people don't have the money.

Parchment · 15-11-2015 03:23PM

Lia_lia wrote: »

^ It's very expensive to learn, especially if you don't have access to a car! Some people don't have the money.

Its pretty expensive to go to the dentist too - but you should do it.

Get a friend to show you how to drive in an industrial estate. Then get the lessons you need & get your licence. I consider it essential - its like swimming, you need to know how.

Also you are really limiting your life by not being able to drive. Relying on others, public transport etc.

15-11-2015 03:27PM

Most 17/18 year olds don't have the money to fork out for a driver theory test, 12 lessons, driving test etc.. I certainly didn't anyway, had to pay for college.

I see your point, driving is great. I am going to be sitting my driving test soon and can't wait to be able to drive around unaccompanied. Hopefully will pass too

It has cost me a fortune though!

I have also managed without a car till the age of 26. Never needed one. I have only lived in towns and cities. Just bought a car this year because I finally wanted to learn and had the extra cash.

LeeLooLee · 15-11-2015 03:42PM

Parchment wrote: »

I personally find it very strange for anyone over the age of 18 not to know how to drive (obviously excluding those who are not physically/mentally capable to drive). They may not need to own a car but i consider it a life skill.

It's very, very expensive.

Parchment · 15-11-2015 03:47PM

LeeLooLee wrote: »

It's very, very expensive.

So are lots of things in life. University, health care, renting, buying a house - thats the world we live in. The OP asked would we judge someone for not being able to drive and my answer is yes. Like i said i think all capable adults should know how to drive and have a licence. No need to own a car or even drive regularly, just know how to. I have a full motorbike and car licence, i couldnt imagine my life without being able to get myself around.

LeeLooLee · 15-11-2015 04:01PM

Parchment wrote: »

So are lots of things in life. University, health care, renting, buying a house - thats the world we live in. The OP asked would we judge someone for not being able to drive and my answer is yes. Like i said i think all capable adults should know how to drive and have a licence. No need to own a car or even drive regularly, just know how to. I have a full motorbike and car licence, i couldnt imagine my life without being able to get myself around.

Health care and putting a roof over your head are essential, driving isn't.

15-11-2015 04:03PM

That's great if you or your family have the money to pay for lessons. You must get at least 12 lessons these days to do your driving test. My lessons were €35 each, that's €420. Plus 12 lessons usually isn't enough if you don't have access to a car. So that means more money for insurance/more lessons etc..

I would consider having the money to get a driving licence a privilege. Many people don't need a licence, especially those living in cities. I personally would not judge people that can't drive especially as I know myself how expensive it is.

LeeLooLee · 15-11-2015 04:14PM

Lia_lia wrote: »

That's great if you or your family have the money to pay for lessons. You must get at least 12 lessons these days to do your driving test. My lessons were €35 each, that's €420. Plus 12 lessons usually isn't enough if you don't have access to a car. So that means more money for insurance/more lessons etc..

I would consider having the money to get a driving licence a privilege. Many people don't need a licence, especially those living in cities. I personally would not judge people that can't drive especially as I know myself how expensive it is.

Yep. The only people who have ever judged me for not driving are people whose parents paid for the lessons, or people who have access to a family car and someone to take them out driving. If you're living in a city and nowhere near your family, you're going to need loads of lessons by the time you're ready to pass your test.

Parchment · 15-11-2015 04:27PM

LeeLooLee wrote: »

Yep. The only people who have ever judged me for not driving are people whose parents paid for the lessons, or people who have access to a family car and someone to take them out driving. If you're living in a city and nowhere near your family, you're going to need loads of lessons by the time you're ready to pass your test.

I paid for my own lessons - i worked. I did have access to my parents car but i also drove friends cars around an industrial estate. Its not the everest you are making it out to be!

LeeLooLee · 15-11-2015 04:33PM

Parchment wrote: »

I paid for my own lessons - i worked. I did have access to my parents car but i also drove friends cars around an industrial estate. Its not the everest you are making it out to be!

OK, so not only did you have access to your parents' car, you also had friends' cars. I don't have either option. Can you not imagine someone not being in your situation?

intheclouds · 15-11-2015 05:38PM

LeeLooLee wrote: »

OK, so not only did you have access to your parents' car, you also had friends' cars. I don't have either option. Can you not imagine someone not being in your situation?

Obviously it's different now, but back when I was learning to drive (my early 20s), I booked 10 lessons and after the 6th lesson I bought a car (a friend collected it and drove it home from the dealership), so I took my last 4 lessons in my own car. At which point I took down the L plates and off I went driving on the roads on my own, short distances at first, then longer and longer. About a year later I took my test.

It's all changed since then, probably for the best in retrospect

Parchment · 15-11-2015 07:14PM

LeeLooLee wrote: »

OK, so not only did you have access to your parents' car, you also had friends' cars. I don't have either option. Can you not imagine someone not being in your situation?

I think pretty much everyone knows someone with a car! Regardless, we differ in our views on the matter. You seem to have a hard time accepting that some people think driving is a necessary life skill. If you dont consider it important - carry on as you are.

Princess Peach · 15-11-2015 07:58PM

Parchment wrote: »

I think pretty much everyone knows someone with a car! Regardless, we differ in our views on the matter. You seem to have a hard time accepting that some people think driving is a necessary life skill. If you dont consider it important - carry on as you are.

But you also need to be insured to drive that car, very expensive for a learner who won't even be using it much!

LeeLooLee · 15-11-2015 07:59PM

Parchment wrote: »

I think pretty much everyone knows someone with a car! Regardless, we differ in our views on the matter. You seem to have a hard time accepting that some people think driving is a necessary life skill. If you dont consider it important - carry on as you are.

I don't. I live abroad in a big city and none of my friends here have a car. You seem to have a hard time accepting that for some people, it's a massive challenge to learn how to drive. I would love to learn, but I wouldn't judge someone for not being able to do something so expensive.

Parchment · 15-11-2015 08:13PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

But you also need to be insured to drive that car, very expensive for a learner who won't even be using it much!

You can drive on private property with no insurance - thats what most people do when learning. I drove around industrial estates/large car parks when empty.

Princess Peach · 15-11-2015 08:15PM

Parchment wrote: »

You can drive on private property with no insurance - thats what most people do when learning. I drove around industrial estates/large car parks when empty.

Those aren't private properties, you need insurance for that.

bscm · 16-11-2015 12:10AM

Parchment wrote: »

You can drive on private property with no insurance - thats what most people do when learning. I drove around industrial estates/large car parks when empty.

Private property is a farm, a long driveway, a massive country estate. Unless you personally know the actual owner(s) of said industrial estates and carparks, you are lucky to have escaped without getting into trouble.

My friend got penalty points, a fine, and sued by a supermarket for using their carpark to learn how to drive. Security guard caught him on CCTV (supermarket was closed at this stage, carpark was empty), called the guards and informed the owners. His friend nearly got sued by the supermarket too, as he was on private property without consent. They lost that particular case as the carpark had no entrance barriers.

It's not worth the risk to try driving without insurance (and regular access to a car), hence the reason a lot of us are only able to start learning how to drive in our twenties (or even later).

stinkle · 16-11-2015 12:36AM

I grew up close to Dublin city centre, most of my age group learned to drive that bit later in life due to living close to the city and having good public transport access to college etc. Parking is terrible (mostly on-street, very few have driveways or garages) and expensive in my area, so that's another disincentive - most families wouldnt have had space for several cars. My dad drove for a living and mostly had a work vehicle as opposed to his own car, so no way would any of us kids be able to learn in that.

My university doesn't have student parking, so most of my classmates only bothered learning after graduation. Loads of us did postgrads in the same place and delayed learning further due to cost and not being able to utilise the skill every day if we did learn. The apartment building I lived in at the time charged crazy prices for parking too.

Parchment · 16-11-2015 10:08PM

bscm wrote: »

Private property is a farm, a long driveway, a massive country estate. Unless you personally know the actual owner(s) of said industrial estates and carparks, you are lucky to have escaped without getting into trouble.

My friend got penalty points, a fine, and sued by a supermarket for using their carpark to learn how to drive. Security guard caught him on CCTV (supermarket was closed at this stage, carpark was empty), called the guards and informed the owners. His friend nearly got sued by the supermarket too, as he was on private property without consent. They lost that particular case as the carpark had no entrance barriers.

It's not worth the risk to try driving without insurance (and regular access to a car), hence the reason a lot of us are only able to start learning how to drive in our twenties (or even later).

I drove around Annacotty industrial estate many times with no problems at all. Thats where both my brother and i learned. Never had any problems, never went at busy times and stayed out of others way. You have to start somewhere.

bscm · 18-11-2015 12:09AM

Parchment wrote: »

I drove around Annacotty industrial estate many times with no problems at all. Thats where both my brother and i learned. Never had any problems, never went at busy times and stayed out of others way. You have to start somewhere.

Yes, but somewhere should be legally allowed. There are many reasons why insurance and laws regarding driving with it exist. I've been approached by a security guard for walking across an industrial estate at around 8 am, because I wasn't allowed to be on the property outside of business hours, even though the gates were open.

Fair enough if it worked for you and your brother, but what if the brakes had failed or someone ran across your path? What happens if you didn't clear every corner and hit a building or railing? What happens if their CCTV picks up your licence plate and you're not a named driver? If that footage was passed on or a security guard caught you (as in my friend's case), it's near impossible to prove you didn't drive the car over to the industrial estate, so you could end up with penalty points. It didn't happen in your case, but it has happened and will happen to other drivers.

pwurple · 18-11-2015 02:27PM

Parchment wrote: »

I drove around Annacotty industrial estate many times with no problems at all. Thats where both my brother and i learned. Never had any problems, never went at busy times and stayed out of others way. You have to start somewhere.

Hah, snap, that's where I learned too! I was working there, and took a few lessons from a local instructor. That's where we drove around.

I didn't drive a car until I was about 25, but I had a moped license from 17, and a motorbike license from 21.

I think a moped license was pretty cheap at the time, and 3rd party insurance on a moped was half nothing. No test, and off you went. Now, I think you need to do a written test on the rules of the road before you get the license. A second-hand chicken chaser was not expensive either. Couldn't have been, as I bought it from my wages working evenings after school in a cinema.

I definitely see a distinction between find people who depends on others for lifts, and those who are mobile. No problemo if you can get everywhere on public transport... I've lived in London and NYC, no need whatsoever for a car there. But if you get to most places by car, and you still don't drive, it might be time to think about some kind of license, even just starting with a moped.

Parchment · 18-11-2015 08:26PM

bscm wrote: »

Yes, but somewhere should be legally allowed. There are many reasons why insurance and laws regarding driving with it exist. I've been approached by a security guard for walking across an industrial estate at around 8 am, because I wasn't allowed to be on the property outside of business hours, even though the gates were open.

Fair enough if it worked for you and your brother, but what if the brakes had failed or someone ran across your path? What happens if you didn't clear every corner and hit a building or railing? What happens if their CCTV picks up your licence plate and you're not a named driver? If that footage was passed on or a security guard caught you (as in my friend's case), it's near impossible to prove you didn't drive the car over to the industrial estate, so you could end up with penalty points. It didn't happen in your case, but it has happened and will happen to other drivers.

Catastrophize much?

missmatty · 18-11-2015 08:32PM

I'm 38 and currently taking my test again in a few weeks. I've had terrible problems with nerves in the past and anxiety while driving which meant I pretty much abandoned it after taking my first test in 2008. Everyone where I work drives and one of my friends has made catty comments about me not driving before, so I definitely don't think the OP is imagining it. I go out of my way not to ask people for lifts as well so have never imposed like that. So yes, people do judge and don't seem to think there might be a valid reason why someone hasn't passed their test.

Not driving, would you judge a woman who can't?

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