Do your kids call you by your first name

eviltwin · 30-10-2015 12:48AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I'm just not his friend is all, I prefer to keep that boundary in place between myself as an adult, and my child, and then my child's friends. I still call my parents in law Mr. and Mrs., because I'm not their friend either, I'm their son in law, and obviously then I still call my mother Mam or Ma :pac:

You can still have boundaries. Using Mr doesn't change that. It doesn't mean they respect you anymore either. And you should be friends if possible with your family, to a point, I don't need to hear about their sex lives or anything but I love hanging out with my daughter and in laws, they are some of my favourite people in the world.

Robsweezie · 30-10-2015 12:49AM

never, I knew people who did go by first names though, I find it weird and impersonal. your parents aren't just anyone like jimmy or jane, they're ma/da mum/dad mammy/daddy

one eyed jack - that's quite old fashioned no? Id never demand that of anyone. very American ''family values'' type of thing.

murpho999 · 30-10-2015 12:50AM

foggy_lad wrote: »

Jaysus talking about a barrel that is exactly where our bodies would've been found if we ever dared to address an older relative neighbour or parents friend by their first name(even if they told us to it was expected we would ignore their instruction and fall back on what our parents had thought us about being respectful to our elders).

We were always told that when we were adults we could make our own decisions on what we called our parents friends and neighbours!

We were children and were expected and thought to behave as children and not as little mini adults!

It's all well and good being respectful to your neighbours but I think nowadays when you get to know people then first names are fine. Ireland is pretty informal compared to other countries.

Also, calling the inlaws "Mr & Mrs " is extreme in my opinion.

sligojoek · 30-10-2015 12:53AM

I always called my parents by their first names. My four have always called me Joe. About a year ago my eldest daughter (20) started calling me Dad and two of the others have now started as well. Whenever there's an arguement or disagreement they revert back to Joe.

Savage Tyrant · 30-10-2015 12:54AM

My step kids call me by my first name... But would refer to me as their Dad if talking about me to someone else.
My biological kids still call me Daddy though and I'd not be happy if they used my name.

I always call my Mum and Dad exactly that, unless I'm messing about.

SEPT 23 1989 · 30-10-2015 12:57AM

My children call me dad and looking back you would never address your friends parents by their first name

One eyed Jack · 30-10-2015 12:57AM

eviltwin wrote: »

You can still have boundaries. Using Mr doesn't change that. It doesn't mean they respect you anymore either. And you should be friends if possible with your family, to a point, I don't need to hear about their sex lives or anything but I love hanging out with my daughter and in laws, they are some of my favourite people in the world.

I was just never comfortable with the idea of calling them by their first names eviltwin tbh. I know where you're coming from and all but I'd feel it was disrespectful. It's just a personal thing that I prefer is all, and my wife's parents are used to it by now 17 years later, and my son and his friends don't mind.

I know it's old fashioned and all the rest of it but it's what I'm comfortable with, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable with anything else, and I get on with them all just the same as I would anyone else. I don't feel any particular need to be a barrel of laughs or anything else.

It's hard to explain

Turtle_ · 30-10-2015 12:58AM

I used to call my dad by his name because that's what the dog knew him as, and he really was my dad's dog. So I got used to saying things like "Where's <name>? Let's go find <name>" to the dog and began just referring to my dad by his name as a result. Poor mutt's two years dead now, very rarely call my dad by his name now.

My parents refer to each other as mom and dad when talking to me or my brother.

eviltwin · 30-10-2015 01:03AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I was just never comfortable with the idea of calling them by their first names eviltwin tbh. I know where you're coming from and all but I'd feel it was disrespectful. It's just a personal thing that I prefer is all, and my wife's parents are used to it by now 17 years later, and my son and his friends don't mind.

I know it's old fashioned and all the rest of it but it's what I'm comfortable with, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable with anything else, and I get on with them all just the same as I would anyone else. I don't feel any particular need to be a barrel of laughs or anything else.

It's hard to explain

Hey, if that's what works then you don't have to justify it. I know a lot of people who feel the same and they are far from being fuddy duddy, it's just their thing, we all have one.

Do you not find it weird at family occasions having that level of formality though? Does it not make it hard to relax?

fleet_admiral · 30-10-2015 01:26AM

He calls me daddy but he winds me up sometimes by calling me Gar and just staring at me with a smirk on his face

One eyed Jack · 30-10-2015 01:35AM

eviltwin wrote: »

Hey, if that's what works then you don't have to justify it. I know a lot of people who feel the same and they are far from being fuddy duddy, it's just their thing, we all have one.

Do you not find it weird at family occasions having that level of formality though? Does it not make it hard to relax?

Nah, not at all, honestly, I mean, when I met them first 17 years ago my wife's parents wondered a bit at the fact that I'd never refer to them by their first names (my wife only told me this after) but they're used to me now and they've never made an issue of it.

They're very easy going though, whereas it wasn't a spoken rule for me growing up, it was just expected that I understood those kinds of formalities. My sons friends all call me "Mr. ..." now and they don't see anything odd about it... least they haven't mentioned it anyway, and the young lad just calls me Dad. I couldn't ever see him using my first name as he'd probably feel as weird about it as I do, but he calls the in-laws and my mam "Nana" and "Grandad". He wouldn't use their first names either.

I've honestly never heard the first names for parents thing all that much really.

miss tickle · 30-10-2015 01:44AM

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

My step kids call me by my first name... But would refer to me as their Dad if talking about me to someone else.
My biological kids still call me Daddy though and I'd not be happy if they used my name.

I always call my Mum and Dad exactly that, unless I'm messing about.

funny that. My adopted brother is the only one who addressed my parents as 'mam' and 'dad', the rest of us used their christian names. I think it was because they used to own a shop before he was born and we were used to hearing them being referred to by their christian names. When I was around 4 my dad decided he wanted to be called 'dad', it lasted for about 2 days because he even found it weird. My own child calls me by a nickname, which is a miss-pronunciation of my name, which stuck. He calls his dad 'daddy', because that's how I referred to his father when he was v. young. I quite like that he calls me something other than 'mammy'. It also means I can identify his shout in a crowd more quickly.

humberklog · 30-10-2015 01:44AM

My daughter calls me Dad. Her younger sister calls me Neil. My daughter calls her sister's dad Dad and my daughter's sister calls her dad Dad too.

I call my parents Ma and Da and also by their first names. Calling them by their first names began when I was late teens/early 20's when the family would be playing cards with in-laws, friends and other relatives, so it was easier if we all used first names. All my siblings would use both.

R.D. aka MR.D · 30-10-2015 01:53AM

I call my mammy by her first name because we worked together when I was teenager and it would have been disrespectful in that context to call her mammy.

Satts · 30-10-2015 01:54AM

My son calls me by my name. He had a speech delay, so long waiting for him to speak, so he can call me anything he likes, just glad to hear him talking.

miss tickle · 30-10-2015 02:14AM

Satts wrote: »

My son calls me by my name. He had a speech delay, so long waiting for him to speak, so he can call me anything he likes, just glad to hear him talking.

Don't worry, in a couple of years your name will be the subject of much rhyming slang in his vocabulary, some in my experience, quite funny, enjoy:)

Mackman · 30-10-2015 02:16AM

My daughter calls me Dad, sometimes she calls me Matt if she hears others saying my name.

Anytime I skype home to see my nephew, I get called "Uncle Travelling Matt"

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lvqPqtqbSVU/hqdefault.jpg

terryduff12 · 30-10-2015 02:23AM

I remember hearing guy on Sean Moncrieff that does the parenting as he said about it every body can call you Joe, Paddy, Lisa or whoever buts its your kids who get to call you Mum and Dad no one else

miss tickle · 30-10-2015 02:32AM

terryduff12 wrote: »

I remember hearing guy on Sean Moncrieff that does the parenting as he said about it every body can call you Joe, Paddy, Lisa or whoever buts its your kids who get to call you Mum and Dad no one else

A bit self serving and conditioned don't you think. Parent's have a special connection with their children, it is not necessary for them to have a formal way of addressing each other. Surely the first name which establishes this connection is the most apt.

One eyed Jack · 30-10-2015 02:44AM

miss tickle wrote: »

A bit self serving and conditioned don't you think. Parent's have a special connection with their children, it is not necessary for them to have a formal way of addressing each other. Surely the first name which establishes this connection is the most apt.

I'm genuinely curious as to why you would suggest that children addressing their parents by their first names is any more apt that addressing them as Mam and Dad, let alone that you would suggest being on a first name basis with their parents is the most apt?

I have to be honest, the first time I heard a four year old refer to his parents by calling his mother by her first name, I did a double take as I wasn't sure what just happened! :pac:

It's just as conditioned to have your children call you by your first name, and if that's not the very definition of self-serving, encouraging children to see adults as their equals, I'm not sure how you could say encouraging them to refer to their parents as Mam and Dad could be any more self-serving?

ceadaoin. · 30-10-2015 02:53AM

terryduff12 wrote: »

I remember hearing guy on Sean Moncrieff that does the parenting as he said about it every body can call you Joe, Paddy, Lisa or whoever buts its your kids who get to call you Mum and Dad no one else

Good luck explaining that to a toddler! Kids have minds of their own, they can call you mum and dad if they feel like and also by your name if they feel like it too. My 3 year old went through a phase of calling us by our names, it was a bit strange at first but I didn't correct her and now she calls us mum and dad. Actually I find that slightly sad because she used to say mummy and daddy and now she sounds so grown up!

Little Acorn · 30-10-2015 03:24AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I was just never comfortable with the idea of calling them by their first names eviltwin tbh. I know where you're coming from and all but I'd feel it was disrespectful. It's just a personal thing that I prefer is all, and my wife's parents are used to it by now 17 years later, and my son and his friends don't mind.

I know it's old fashioned and all the rest of it but it's what I'm comfortable with, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable with anything else, and I get on with them all just the same as I would anyone else. I don't feel any particular need to be a barrel of laughs or anything else.

It's hard to explain

I don't think there is anything wrong with this really and as has already been said you don't have to try justify yourself or anything because it's not a crime haha:p, but I must admit I do find it a bit unusual and just wonder how it plays out in certain situations.

For example, at say a family dinner in the home would you constantly be saying things like "Mr. Smith can you pass the gravy please?", "this meat is lovely Mrs. Smith", "Yes I'll have a cup of tea, thanks Mr.Smith", "I agree Mr. Smith the weather is terrible" "Mrs Smith what do you think about the upcoming budget ?", "Mr. Smith would you be interested in seeing that new film ?"

The formality of it just sounds strange in my head when I imagine it in an informal family setting.

Also if your wife's parents (or anybody you were going to be having regular contact with) had when they first met you asked you in a friendly way to just use their first name, would you have obliged? What is you opinion on some people being uncomfortable with being called Mr. or Mrs. or Ms., who don't really care for it and ask you to do otherwise, would you go along with their wishes or would you stick to your guns because using first names is something you are not comfortable with yourself?

I think if I was your wife's mum, that on first meeting you I would probably just have said in a very friendly way, "great to meet you, just call me *first name*" because I would think you were just being polite and I would want to reassure you that you didn't need to be formal around me. However if I later learned that you were actually personally more comfortable with that little formality then I don't think I would have a problem with it, would just probably think it was nice little quirk and get used to it.

Sorry for all the questions over such a simple thing.

miss tickle · 30-10-2015 03:38AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I'm genuinely curious as to why you would suggest that children addressing their parents by their first names is any more apt that addressing them as Mam and Dad, let alone that you would suggest being on a first name basis with their parents is the most apt?

I have to be honest, the first time I heard a four year old refer to his parents by calling his mother by her first name, I did a double take as I wasn't sure what just happened! :pac:

It's just as conditioned to have your children call you by your first name, and if that's not the very definition of self-serving, encouraging children to see adults as their equals, I'm not sure how you could say encouraging them to refer to their parents as Mam and Dad could be any more self-serving?

As I said the first name which establishes a connection with your child is probably most apt, be it 'mom', 'dad', 'pete'. They make that connection. It is what they have heard you being called, they have formulated in their mind how to replicate it, in order to connect with you directly, and you are going to turn around and correct them after all their effort, and say no, call me 'dad'. I love that my son stuck with his first name for me and doesn't call me mom, or mummy. or whatever other versions.

MrPudding · 30-10-2015 08:37AM

I normally get called daddy, but on occasion the younger two will use my first name, usually with a conspiritorial giggle.

My eldest had taken, since I showed her 'In the Name of the Father' to calling me Da with a really dodgy put on Belfast accent.

MrP

To Elland Back · 30-10-2015 08:40AM

There are only 2 people on Earth that can call me Dad or Da. I like it that way and so do they

Massimo Cassagrande · 30-10-2015 08:49AM

"Da...Da..Da!......Oi, Brian........gis a fag..." as Kevin Bridges put it...

Mine call me Da, but if they're taking the mick, I get the first name treatment.

JustShon · 30-10-2015 09:28AM

Not a parent but my dad directly requested that I call him by his first name.

He said he sees it as a sign of respect; treating him as a human being rather than just a provider.

I kinda vary between calling him dad and calling him by his first name.

I only call mam by her first when she's not paying attention, if she's away with the fairies then mam just doesn't get her attention but her first name will shake her out of whatever daydream she's in.

The One Doctor · 30-10-2015 09:30AM

Usually when a kid calls a parent by their first name there's a reason, i.e, they're a stepchild. Unless of course the parent asks them to. I'd never get used to being called by my first my by my daughter, especially since 'Dadda' is her only word right now.

Ranjo · 30-10-2015 09:36AM

My five year old boy (youngest of three) calls me by first name + last name. Not always, it started for getting my attention as in "Daddy... Dad... Joe.... Joe Donnelly." Does the same for mum too.

Its mostly just a laugh though and is pretty funny. Calls me dad generally.

*I'm not joe donnelly

Whitewinged · 30-10-2015 09:54AM

My 3 year old calls me Patrick.

im a woman but she plays charachters and sometimes she is Spongebob and im his best pal Patrick.

She also sometimes calls herself "Bumble Bee" and her dad, "Optimus Prime".

Lately she has assigned us names from some show with these puppets. Her name is "Broby", Im "Uno", her dad is "Nex" and her little sister is "Baby Foofa"

She goes in an out of roles randomly and casually. We've also each been assigned a planet name and a shape name. We could be in the shop and shed be legging it down the shopping isle to the kinder eggs shouting "c'mon Patrick" which can be met with a few stares

She often calls us "mam" and "dad" too but when shes upset, she still reverts back to "mama".

Do your kids call you by your first name

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