Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Duckjob · 01-10-2015 08:13PM

Closely related to people on trains with laptops etc,

More generally, people on a crowded train who sit sprawled out with the arms and legs everywhere like a f***ng octopus and then make absolutely no movement when you look to sit down beside or opposite them. At least shift around a little to even give the pretense of trying to tidy yourself up a bit - WANKER.

Puibo · 01-10-2015 10:08PM

grundie wrote: »

People who perpetuate medical myths such as vaccines cause autism and WiFi allergies. Specifically those who slip such comments in to conversations as if they are commonly accepted facts and when challenged state that you just need to "read up on the facts".

I recently had an argument with someone who claimed to be allergic to WiFi. I found this out when I mentioned I had tennis elbow and she said "You see, that's what WiFi does to you!". The fact that my spending 14 hours a day coding was the probable cause didn't sway her.

When I pointed out that she was absorbing more RF energy from her mobile phone than from any WiFi router I was accused of perpetuating myths.

Seriously though, this actually exists. Its quite a common ailment. Most of us come across people who are affected by it everyday. The clinical term for it is being a WANKER:D

AnonoBoy · 01-10-2015 10:20PM

People who are so unable to deal with how dreary their lives are that convince themselves that chemtrails, fluoride conspiracies etc. are real and that somehow by sharing stupid f*cking youtube videos they are somehow helping to expose 'false flag' operations.

Also - anyone who calls people 'sheeple'.

And anyone I don't like.

Especially Derek from accounts.

F*ck you Derek.

lanos · 01-10-2015 10:55PM

Brian from Bray wrote: »

People who have a 1000 plus friends on facebook are usually ****.

gimmick wrote: »

Craft beer ****. Ok, we get it, you dont like "mass produced piss" while telling us how we are missing out on your cherry infused with dettol ale.

If you're reading this, Barry from Limerick, this is you.

Wanker!

PTH2009 · 01-10-2015 11:53PM

Groups of lads who block the bar at party's

jack747 · 02-10-2015 12:41AM

Im sure it's been said but the xmas jumper type. If you live in the country, the idiots that roll into the pubs in squad like fashion with there 'outrageous' Christmas jumpers on. The audacity of wearing such mad jumpers. Some craic.

02-10-2015 12:49AM

Anyone who knows me even a little bit will know that other people falling is one of my most favourite things. Falling is Fcuking hilarious.

However, if you're somewhere and someone falls on their arse and is on the floor clearly hurt and you point and laugh and tell all your friends to point and laugh without helping the person or checking if they're ok, then you're a wanker.

Twice tonight I saw it happen! Two poor young wans Snotting themselves and people pointing and laughing. ****.

Sh1tbag OToole · 02-10-2015 01:09AM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

People who are so unable to deal with how dreary their lives are that convince themselves that chemtrails, fluoride conspiracies etc. are real and that somehow by sharing stupid f*cking youtube videos they are somehow helping to expose 'false flag' operations.

Also - anyone who calls people 'sheeple'.

And anyone I don't like.

Especially Derek from accounts.

F*ck you Derek.

Arrah g'way outta that, sure you're only a sheeple

MadYaker · 02-10-2015 01:39AM

Lads with a top not and beard combo. Always.

Kev W · 02-10-2015 06:38AM

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Arrah g'way outta that, sure you're only a sheeple

I believe the singular is "sherson".

Boom_Bap · 02-10-2015 09:38AM

When 2 lanes of traffic are merging and two cars merging at the same time refuse to give up position.
The 2 stand off, the windows are rolled down, shouting, edging forward. Traffic is blocked, side mirrors are dangerously close to being knocked off.

There is always at least one major wanker in this scenario which brings out the minor wanker in the other.

Streetwalker · 02-10-2015 09:41AM

Boom_Bap wrote: »

When 2 lanes of traffic are merging and two cars merging at the same time refuse to give up position.
The 2 stand off, the windows are rolled down, shouting, edging forward. Traffic is blocked, side mirrors are dangerously close to being knocked off.

There is always at least one major wanker in this scenario which brings out the minor wanker in the other.

Fcuk you I got your reg. Do you know who I am?

sebcity · 02-10-2015 09:45AM

Boom_Bap wrote: »

When 2 lanes of traffic are merging and two cars merging at the same time refuse to give up position.
The 2 stand off, the windows are rolled down, shouting, edging forward. Traffic is blocked, side mirrors are dangerously close to being knocked off.

There is always at least one major wanker in this scenario which brings out the minor wanker in the other.

Yeah. I think people sometimes get confused with merges and, say, a right turn lane. Instead of just joining the right turn queue, they continue on the straight and try cut in near the top. Those people are ****. And people mostly try not to let them cut in.
A merge is a merge, you have to let people in but obviously there are **** who don't!

lawred2 · 02-10-2015 10:00AM

Boring username wrote: »

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

we have a lad who works with us who I'm convinced keeps a book of corporate baloney that he spouts at every opportunity..

Work in software.. and a cornerstone of a particular development process are these daily stand up meetings that should take no more than 10 minutes. These meetings have been dubbed scrums.

This lad when hired announced he was going to start having scrums every morning for his group (who are not software developers and have nothing to do with development) - you know; because he's a go getter who delivers change...

Only what he's actually done is created a daily sit down meeting for about 10 people where he talks about nothing for roughly 90 minutes a day.

I see this charade every morning as he goes around the office rounding up the unwilling making sure everyone hears as he announces loudly that there's a 'scrum in five minutes goys'...

Absolute douche.. god knows how much this clown costing in lost productivity?

He also created an 'intern program' - because you know he's a go getter who delivers change.. brought in this third year from DCU. She had no particular projects bar following this ballbag about the place; in the end, she pretty much ended up being his PA for six months. Massive dick.

Bigshot syndrome engaged in vane CV building

Ash.J.Williams · 02-10-2015 10:04AM

MadYaker wrote: »

Lads with a top not and beard combo. Always.

that's strange one....top hat and beard = wanker....but throw in a monocle and he's a legend

kunst nugget · 02-10-2015 10:07AM

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

that's strange one....top hat and beard = wanker....but throw in a monocle and he's a legend

I think he means a top knot or the little man buns some fellahs are sporting these days.

lawred2 · 02-10-2015 10:08AM

kunst nugget wrote: »

I think he means a top knot or the little man buns some fellahs are sporting these days.

pulled back hair thing?

QuinDixie · 02-10-2015 10:08AM

podgemonster wrote: »

A few years back I got really into some medium distance running. Nothing spectacular, few 10k's, 5 milers, half marathons etc... I'm an average enough runner. However I often noticed how some athletes who completed the race before me decide to go on their "warm down" running up against the flow of other runners still to finish.

Perhaps I'm the wánker here but this always irked me. You finished the race, well done. There are multiple ways to warm down but instead you decide to canter back against the flow of all the runners, usually running two abreast, looking fresh and chatting with other early finishers.

I've gotten a vibe of arrogance from the few that do this, they are indirectly demotivating and reminding the other runners that plenty of other athletes have finished long ago while they are sweating and heaving and pushing themselves to complete the course, some could even be doing their first ever race of this distance.

Anyway, those Guys = Wánkers!

My running pal and I call them wonkers. The same guys (mostly guys) every time.
You have 2 - 5 k to go in a 10k race and you meet these guys running against you, it ruins the run for many people and is nothing but ego massaging for those wonkers.

You called it correctly, they are the very definition of ****.

lawred2 · 02-10-2015 10:12AM

podgemonster wrote: »

A few years back I got really into some medium distance running. Nothing spectacular, few 10k's, 5 milers, half marathons etc... I'm an average enough runner. However I often noticed how some athletes who completed the race before me decide to go on their "warm down" running up against the flow of other runners still to finish.

Perhaps I'm the wánker here but this always irked me. You finished the race, well done. There are multiple ways to warm down but instead you decide to canter back against the flow of all the runners, usually running two abreast, looking fresh and chatting with other early finishers.

I've gotten a vibe of arrogance from the few that do this, they are indirectly demotivating and reminding the other runners that plenty of other athletes have finished long ago while they are sweating and heaving and pushing themselves to complete the course, some could even be doing their first ever race of this distance.

Anyway, those Guys = Wánkers!

Never happened to me; but I wouldn't be slow telling them to f**k off and find somewhere else to warm down.

kunst nugget · 02-10-2015 10:13AM

lawred2 wrote: »

pulled back hair thing?

Aye, the little ponytail tied in a neat bun at the top of the back of the head that signifies that you're a total cúnt.

Ash.J.Williams · 02-10-2015 10:16AM

kunst nugget wrote: »

I think he means a top knot or the little man buns some fellahs are sporting these days.

oh jaysys.....that's different, ****!

lawred2 · 02-10-2015 10:33AM

kunst nugget wrote: »

Aye, the little ponytail tied in a neat bun at the top of the back of the head that signifies that you're a total cúnt.

usually ready to regale you with tales of his travels in India.

lanos · 02-10-2015 10:39AM

Streetwalker wrote: »

Fcuk you I got your reg. Do you know who I am?

Ronnie Pickering !!

kunst nugget · 02-10-2015 10:41AM

lawred2 wrote: »

usually ready to regale you with tales of his travels in India.

What really annoys me about those gits is that you know they are growing their hair long purely to put it into a bun. At least metallers will let their mank curtains have an airing every so often.

scdublin · 02-10-2015 10:43AM

If when it's their round, they only buy a drink for themselves. They're most likely scabby in other ways too and won't see a problem with any wanker type things they do.

lawred2 · 02-10-2015 10:51AM

scdublin wrote: »

If when it's their round, they only buy a drink for themselves. They're most likely scabby in other ways too and won't see a problem with any wanker type things they do.

they are never that obvious

It's usually those that position themselves later in the round... say there's about 8 people.. not an unusual gathering.

There is always the initial rush from a number of people to get the first round in etc but there will always be one or two hanging back. When it gets to rounds 6, 7 or 8; some people will have wandered away or will still have a full drink or have had enough or whatever - wánker ends up still seeming to be buying a round but might only end up getting two or three drinks or so..

They think they're smart... But I've got their number. Cúnts.

scdublin · 02-10-2015 10:59AM

^Yeah they're sneaky little sh*ts as well. Rounds in general are just dangerous. Good way to see who's scabby though.

AnonoBoy · 02-10-2015 10:17PM

Kev W wrote: »

I believe the singular is "sherson".

It's Political Correctness gone mad which in itself is a conspiracy by the feminazi/new world order/leftie liberals etc. etc. etc.

ElChe32 · 02-10-2015 10:18PM

Anyone who wears beats...or over sized headphones in general. As soon as I see a díck wearing a pair of beats I automatically think they are looking for a swift roundhouse to the face.

AnonoBoy · 02-10-2015 10:25PM

ElChe32 wrote: »

Anyone who wears beats....

I misread that and thought you were having a go at anyone who'd lost weight in the last while but didn't want to buy new trousers.

Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

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