Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

kunst nugget · 23-09-2015 03:23PM

Kev W wrote: »

Pressing the "close door" button does.

Eh, a lot of the time it doesn't…

According to a 2008 article in the New Yorker, close buttons don’t close the elevator doors in many elevators built in the United States since the 1990s. In some elevators the button is there for workers and emergency personnel to use, and it only works with a key. The key-only settings isn’t always active though, as the blog Design with Intent asserts. Each elevator is different. In some, the emergency function requires a long-press of several seconds longer than the average user attempts. The website, The Straight Dope, investigated the issue in 1986 by asking elevator companies and elevator repairmen directly. According to their investigation, “The grim truth is that a significant percentage of the close-door buttons in this world…don’t do anything at all.” The reasons cited were that the button was never wired up, or that it was set to a delay, or was deactivated by the owner, or it broke long ago and no one ever complained because the doors eventually close whether or not you press the buttons.

The exciting world of placebo buttons

asherbassad · 23-09-2015 03:28PM

Kev W wrote: »

Pressing the "close door" button does.

Yes I'm aware of that but many lifts only have an "open door" button and in the lifts that have both I have witnessed the aforementioned **** continue to pummel the floor number button or hammer the "close door" button, again thinking this will have an effect.

I'd love to see one of these **** do such a thing on a bus. Hammer the stop button until the bus stops. Would be delightful to the witness the driver get out and proceed to pound the wanker's head into the luggage rack. That would certainly speed up the onset of unconsciousness

asherbassad · 23-09-2015 03:35PM

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

No you fucking couldn't.

How the fuck could you be sued if someone choked on food you gave them?
If that was the case then the entire food industry would cease to exist as any restaurant/cafe/supermarket/waitress/server could be sued for giving food to someone who then choked on it.

YOU really haven't thought that one through.

Kev W · 23-09-2015 03:37PM

asherbassad wrote: »

Yes I'm aware of that but many lifts only have an "open door" button and in the lifts that have both I have witnessed the aforementioned **** continue to pummel the floor number button or hammer the "close door" button, again thinking this will have an effect.

I'd love to see one of these **** do such a thing on a bus. Hammer the stop button until the bus stops. Would be delightful to the witness the driver get out and proceed to pound the wanker's head into the luggage rack. That would certainly speed up the onset of unconsciousness

The button on the bus only rings once.

Kev W · 23-09-2015 03:38PM

asherbassad wrote: »

No you fucking couldn't.

How the fuck could you be sued if someone choked on food you gave them?
If that was the case then the entire food industry would cease to exist as any restaurant/cafe/supermarket/waitress/server could be sued for giving food to someone who then choked on it.

YOU really haven't thought that one through.

This is a very important issue and your rage is most certainly justified and in no way hilarious.

asherbassad · 23-09-2015 03:41PM

Kev W wrote: »

The button on the bus only rings once.

So it does......I was fantasising

Junkyard Tom · 23-09-2015 03:47PM

grundie wrote: »

People who abuse CD (diplomatic) plates ... the CD plates made them untouchable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOBXH-5QrGU

Ol' Donie · 24-09-2015 12:51AM

Properly famous people who turn in up crap ads for crap things.

Just saw Mariah Carey in an ad for that war game app yokey.

Arnold Swarzenegger, Stallone, Snoop Doggy Dogg. Even Harvey Kietel. Jeaysus.

Are yis not loaded enough?

storker · 24-09-2015 01:24PM

On the 9:04 train between Wicklow and Dublin today, I sat at a table with just one woman sitting opposite. It appeared that she wanted to stake out the entire space as her personal office. The laptop was almost in the middle of the table at a 45-degree angle, her bags were on the seat beside her. Because I sat at the window, she wasn't actually in my way, funnily enough. Just as well, because she didn't move the laptop closer to her and out of the way as I got into the seat, as you would expect. I said nothing, but watched with interest to see what would happen with others.

At another station a lady stopped and pointed at her bags and asked "Is there anyone sitting here?" The laptop lady said "No..." and looked at her bags next to her but didn't actually do anything. The lady standing then must have got tired waiting for the hint to be take so she just took a seat further down the carriage. She looked cross about it, though. I thought she should have said something, but laptop's lady's obvious unwillingness to show any manners worked. I'm sorry to say.

I supposed I shouldn't be surprised these days by such selfishness and ignorance, but for some reason it still has the power to shock when you see it done so obviously, and in such a "fcuk you" manner.

(Yellow t-shirt, longish brown hair (dyed, I'd say), tried back in a ponytail. Glasses. MacBook. Just in case someone recognises her.)

asherbassad · 24-09-2015 02:47PM

storker wrote: »

On the 9:04 train between Wicklow and Dublin today, I sat at a table with just one woman sitting opposite. It appeared that she wanted to stake out the entire space as her personal office. The laptop was almost in the middle of the table at a 45-degree angle, her bags were on the seat beside her. Because I sat at the window, she wasn't actually in my way, funnily enough. Just as well, because she didn't move the laptop closer to her and out of the way as I got into the seat, as you would expect. I said nothing, but watched with interest to see what would happen with others.

At another station a lady stopped and pointed at her bags and asked "Is there anyone sitting here?" The laptop lady said "No..." and looked at her bags next to her but didn't actually do anything. The lady standing then must have got tired waiting for the hint to be take so she just took a seat further down the carriage. She looked cross about it, though. I thought she should have said something, but laptop's lady's obvious unwillingness to show any manners worked. I'm sorry to say.

I supposed I shouldn't be surprised these days by such selfishness and ignorance, but for some reason it still has the power to shock when you see it done so obviously, and in such a "fcuk you" manner.

(Yellow t-shirt, longish brown hair (dyed, I'd say), tried back in a ponytail. Glasses. MacBook. Just in case someone recognises her.)

I HATE **** like her. Is it your regular train? Did she look like a commuter or just some cow who fucks around the place thinking all public spaces are her own personal property?

Samaris · 24-09-2015 04:00PM

I'm gonna talk about the Train Issue from a slightly different angle.

I'm afraid there's going to be "justifying!", but tbh, it's the truth. I do try to be considerate of those around me.

I often work on a bus or train, and I do tend to have my school bag with me. If there's not many people there, I will keep it on the seat beside me, because it's easier than cramming it down between my legs.

Now, sometimes I don't entirely NOTICE that the bus is filling up around me, until someone asks, at which point I will move my bag and squidge up, quite often with a polite apology for the couple of seconds it takes to do.

But sometimes, I'll be working or reading on the laptop and someone storms down to the double-seat I'm in (generally inter-city buses) and stare down their noses at me until I blink in confusion at them, because...what, who, where? At that point, I assume that the bus filled up and I quickly move my things and squiz in. (I can be derpy and distractable, so I generally assume it was my mistake in not paying attention rather than someone being rude themselves).

Person sits down, back straight, and with a sorta..combination of smugness that they showed the ignorant little so-and-so what's what and disappointment that I politely moved my things ASAP before they could give me a proper scolding.

Then I look down the bus and realise that it's half-empty and there's plenty of double-seats still available. At that point I well-figure that the true ignorant so-and-so is the smug one sitting beside me who put themself and me in a more awkward position purely because they saw a bag and a laptop and decided that I needed a lesson.

storker · 24-09-2015 06:01PM

Samaris wrote: »

I'm gonna talk about the Train Issue from a slightly different angle.

I'm afraid there's going to be "justifying!", but tbh, it's the truth. I do try to be considerate of those around me.

You don't sound like this lady. She didn't just have bags on the seat, she was taking up a ridiculous amount of space on the table too. Perhaps she was taken by surprise by the growing number of passengers in the carriage, she certainly seemed engrossed enough in what she was doing to be oblivious to everything else. Nevertheless, unlike on a bus, there was a perfectly good, empty, luggage rack just above her head. Also she didn't quickly move her stuff out of the way; instead she displayed extreme reluctance to move anything out of anyone's way.

However, to look at your own approach from another angle, if experience has shown you that the bus is likely to fill up while you're distracted then why not avoid it becoming a problem for someone by not leaving bags on the seat in the first place? Seat are for backsides, not bags. And yes, people will get annoyed by it, because your setup is saying, whether intentionally or not, "this is my strategy for preventing people from sitting next to me". You can't feel hard done by if they assume you're being ignorant. People can't be expect to intuit the kind of person you really are. People will assume that you are what you reveal yourself to be through your actions. (I'm using the word "you" here generall in the sense of "one", it's not that I mean to be personal.)

I carry a bag on the train, and it goes in in the luggage rack once I've removed from it those items which I'll need during the journey. If on the Dart, where there are no luggage racks (why?) the bag goes on my lap or on the floor.

storker · 24-09-2015 06:03PM

asherbassad wrote: »

I HATE **** like her. Is it your regular train? Did she look like a commuter or just some cow who fucks around the place thinking all public spaces are her own personal property?

No idea. I usually get the earlier train. And I normally try to sit in the seats with airline-style fold-down tables. I've never noticed the lady before, but that doesn't mean anything.

Samaris · 24-09-2015 07:52PM

storker wrote: »

However, to look at your own approach from another angle, if experience has shown you that the bus is likely to fill up while you're distracted then why not avoid it becoming a problem for someone by not leaving bags on the seat in the first place? Seat are for backsides, not bags. And yes, people will get annoyed by it, because your setup is saying, whether intentionally or not, "this is my strategy for preventing people from sitting next to me". You can't feel hard done by if they assume you're being ignorant. People can't be expect to intuit the kind of person you really are. People will assume that you are what you reveal yourself to be through your actions. (I'm using the word "you" here generall in the sense of "one", it's not that I mean to be personal.)

Generally I'm on the bus and there's no overhead places to put a bag. USUALLY the bus doesn't fill up. Sometimes it does. I -can- cram the bag between my legs and hunch around it, but for two hours and forty mins odd with long legs, that is very uncomfortable unless I need to.

grundie · 30-09-2015 10:40AM

People who perpetuate medical myths such as vaccines cause autism and WiFi allergies. Specifically those who slip such comments in to conversations as if they are commonly accepted facts and when challenged state that you just need to "read up on the facts".

I recently had an argument with someone who claimed to be allergic to WiFi. I found this out when I mentioned I had tennis elbow and she said "You see, that's what WiFi does to you!". The fact that my spending 14 hours a day coding was the probable cause didn't sway her.

When I pointed out that she was absorbing more RF energy from her mobile phone than from any WiFi router I was accused of perpetuating myths.

kunst nugget · 30-09-2015 10:44AM

grundie wrote: »

People who perpetuate medical myths such as vaccines cause autism and WiFi allergies. Specifically those who slip such comments in to conversations as if they are commonly accepted facts and when challenged state that you just need to "read up on the facts".

I recently had an argument with someone who claimed to be allergic to WiFi. I found this out when I mentioned I had tennis elbow and she said "You see, that's what WiFi does to you!". The fact that my spending 14 hours a day coding was the probable cause didn't sway her.

When I pointed out that she was absorbing more RF energy from her mobile phone than from any WiFi router I was accused of perpetuating myths.

I think I'm going to make a fortune making 'GM Free' Wifi boxes to dipsticks like that.

Puibo · 01-10-2015 08:33AM

I could type everything a guy at work has ever said to me or ye could just agree with me that he's a wanker!!

Kev W · 01-10-2015 08:38AM

Puibo wrote: »

I could type everything a guy at work has ever said to me or ye could just agree with me that he's a wanker!!

No, you have to type everything.

Puibo · 01-10-2015 09:53AM

I could type everything a guy at work has ever said to me or ye could just agree with me that he's a wanker!!

Kev W · 01-10-2015 10:01AM

Puibo wrote: »

I could type everything a guy at work has ever said to me or ye could just agree with me that he's a wanker!!

No, you definitely have to type everything.

osarusan · 01-10-2015 10:09AM

You could type everything a guy at work has ever said to you or we could just agree with you that he's a wanker!!

Kev W · 01-10-2015 10:12AM

osarusan wrote: »

You could type everything a guy at work has ever said to you or we could just agree with you that he's a wanker!!

Nope. Type it up!

Puibo · 01-10-2015 12:32PM

Kev W wrote:

No, you definitely have to type everything.

Ok ye insisted. This is how the very first conversation went.

Me~ Hello, guy at work.

Guy at work~ Hello.

Me~ How are you.

Guy at work~ I am a wanker.......

gimmick · 01-10-2015 12:39PM

How to spot a wanker at quickly. If someone is described by another as "Johnny is sound, no sh*t about him, if he doesn't like you he will tell you".

In my book that makes Johnny a wanker who thinks he is this "truth speaker and honest".

The person who appreciates this trait also gets upgraded to wanker straight off.

gimmick · 01-10-2015 12:48PM

People who wear dickie bows etc since Conor McGregor became tabloid famous.

Craft beer ****. Ok, we get it, you dont like "mass produced piss" while telling us how we are missing out on your cherry infused with dettol ale.

People, I would say this is make specific, who wear Beats around their neck all day long. They are not good headphones to start with, but a worse fashion accessory.

podgemonster · 01-10-2015 02:00PM

A few years back I got really into some medium distance running. Nothing spectacular, few 10k's, 5 milers, half marathons etc... I'm an average enough runner. However I often noticed how some athletes who completed the race before me decide to go on their "warm down" running up against the flow of other runners still to finish.

Perhaps I'm the wánker here but this always irked me. You finished the race, well done. There are multiple ways to warm down but instead you decide to canter back against the flow of all the runners, usually running two abreast, looking fresh and chatting with other early finishers.

I've gotten a vibe of arrogance from the few that do this, they are indirectly demotivating and reminding the other runners that plenty of other athletes have finished long ago while they are sweating and heaving and pushing themselves to complete the course, some could even be doing their first ever race of this distance.

Anyway, those Guys = Wánkers!

Seanachai · 01-10-2015 03:22PM

Its probably been said deep back in the thread but people who talk in the f**kin cinema, seriously f**k them all to hell.

Ol' Donie · 01-10-2015 03:36PM

gimmick wrote: »

How to spot a wanker at quickly. If someone is described by another as "Johnny is sound, no sh*t about him, if he doesn't like you he will tell you".

In my book that makes Johnny a wanker who thinks he is this "truth speaker and honest".

The person who appreciates this trait also gets upgraded to wanker straight off.

Oh, God, I hate that nonsense. Absolutely everyone could do this, but we don't because then all social interaction would turn into a fight in 30 seconds.

It's as bad as "I don't bitch about people. I'm not like that/them. If I have a problem with you, I'll say it to your face." Woah, thanks for that. Don't worry about making everyone else uncomfortable. Or, indeed, the fact that by even saying this to me you are actually bitching.

lanos · 01-10-2015 05:24PM

JonJones wrote: »

not only **** but breaking law

People who feel the need to point out minor motoring transgressions as "breaking the law"
****!

Mesrine65 · 01-10-2015 05:28PM

People who masturbate constantly...**** IMHO

Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

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