How much to give to a wedding couple?

Cold War Kid · 24-07-2015 11:03PM

Mental note: avoid futile wedding discussions on Boards (after this post).

The "You have to give at least €100 as an individual or else you're stingy - even if you're unemployed; it's the 'going rate'" stuff is as ridiculous as the "Don't bother giving anything - your presence should be enough" misery, so at least they have that in common.

Flippyfloppy · 24-07-2015 11:08PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Mental note: avoid futile wedding discussions on Boards (after this post).

The "You have to give at least €100 as an individual or else you're stingy - even if you're unemployed; it's the 'going rate'" stuff is as ridiculous as the "Don't bother giving anything - your presence should be enough" misery, so at least they have that in common.

I agree. Just be fricking normal, people!!

amdublin · 24-07-2015 11:12PM

I just hate the mentality of people throwing parties and expecting their guests to pay for them.

What makes a wedding so special that makes you think it's okay to do this???
I just think if you can't afford it don't do it.

I said no presents please at my wedding
At the end of the day I had saved the .money to pay for the wedding, and I did not NEED anything else.

Sam Kade · 24-07-2015 11:13PM

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Why? I thought they went out here in the 90s.

Yeah, just wait until they grow up and have a few brothers and sisters for them before getting married. Does that mean they are a family of ba, oh never mind

amdublin · 24-07-2015 11:14PM

Ps. I always give a gift at weddings though.imo my my friends don't expect it (I. E. To pay for their wedding) but they appreciate the thought.

Sam Kade · 24-07-2015 11:16PM

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

I think you'll find most people have been married more than once these days - we're not living in the 50's any more grand dad.

Granddad is still one word

Flippyfloppy · 24-07-2015 11:17PM

I hate the mentality that everyone thinks everyone getting married wants the wedding paid for by guests !

amdublin · 24-07-2015 11:21PM

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

I hate the mentality that everyone thinks everyone getting married wants the wedding paid for by guests !

I know. A lot of people don't.

But a lot of people do. And say it (here on boards and in real life). When I hear someone say it it really galls me - go save some money and pay for your party yourself dude! Or have a smaller wedding which you can actually afford!

Cold War Kid · 24-07-2015 11:21PM

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

I hate the mentality that everyone thinks everyone getting married wants the wedding paid for by guests !

Or that everyone getting married invites people they don't give a **** about and never see, so that they'll get a wedding present. I have only known of wedding guests to be people they want there - or in some cases, people whom they feel obliged to invite because of the whole "Well my daughter invited them to her wedding" (it's not ideal but for an easy life).

It shouldn't be expected that people pay their entire way for their wedding invite, but it's not unreasonable to give even just a small token of goodwill. And it's a thanks for the invitation too. If people don't appreciate same, they don't have to go.

Sam Kade · 24-07-2015 11:22PM

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

I hate the mentality that everyone thinks everyone getting married wants the wedding paid for by guests !

Of course they don't as they can only accept what they get.

Flippyfloppy · 24-07-2015 11:26PM

amdublin wrote: »

I know. A lot of people don't.

But a lot of people do. And say it (here on boards and in real life). When I hear someone say it it really galls me - go save some money and pay for your party yourself dude! Or have a smaller wedding which you can actually afford!

I've seen the odd thread on boards about greedy couples, we all have. They certainly do exist but I hope in the minority.

Is there a chance that because so many people (myself included) feel It's only manners to 'cover your plate' & some more , that people on boards assume we expect it In return? Is that where this big idea of scheming greedy couples hoping to laugh the way to the bank comes from ?

Inspector Coptoor · 24-07-2015 11:31PM

OneOfThem wrote: »

How on earth does anyone become close enough friends with someone where that is a legitimate outcome?

+"I'm getting married, will you come?"

-"Yeah ok, will cost me a bomb, but I'll do it anyway, even though it'll be gauranteed to be a fairly monotonous thing to have to sit through... but we're friends, ye know."

+"Ok, bring money to give to me."

-"That doesn't seem like an expectation one would have of a friend after obligating them to attend your sh1t, 'Hey everyone look, it's all about me' party... But... ok I guess, if that's the theme..."

+"Oh what? You only gave me x amount of money, for dragging yourself to my really really sh1t it's all about me, nothing here for you at all party? You cheap bastard!"

-"...why am I friends with you again..?"

TLDR

The bang of cheapskate off you

Sam Kade · 24-07-2015 11:34PM

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

I've seen the odd thread on boards about greedy couples, we all have. They certainly do exist but I hope in the minority.

Is there a chance that because so many people (myself included) feel It's only manners to 'cover your plate' & some more , that people on boards assume we expect it In return? Is that where this big idea of scheming greedy couples hoping to laugh the way to the bank comes from ?

So tell us how do you come up with a figure to cover your plate? Do you ask the happy couple beforehand how much the dinner will cost and if they will provide a drink with it?

Inspector Coptoor · 24-07-2015 11:36PM

amdublin wrote: »

I just hate the mentality of people throwing parties and expecting their guests to pay for them.

What makes a wedding so special that makes you think it's okay to do this???
I just think if you can't afford it don't do it.

I said no presents please at my wedding
At the end of the day I had saved the .money to pay for the wedding, and I did not NEED anything else.

It's a real rearranging the deck chairs in the titanic thing anyway.

In the space of 3 years, we I'll have been at 27 weddings and put an average of €200 in each card.
We had our own wedding a short time ago with 230 people in attendance and the average per couple was - €200.

Over the course of a lifetime, the wedding present giving/receiving usually balances itself out.

We saved for the wedding and paid it all up front.
The line the scabby hooers on here throw out of "don't have a wedding if you can't afford it" is quite insulting to people who actually saved up for it over a long time.

amdublin · 24-07-2015 11:40PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

It's a real rearranging the deck chairs in the titanic thing anyway.

In the space of 3 years, we I'll have been at 27 weddings and put an average of €200 in each card.
We had our own wedding a short time ago with 230 people in attendance and the average per couple was - €200.

Over the course of a lifetime, the wedding present giving/receiving usually balances itself out.

We saved for the wedding and paid it all up front.
The line the scabby hooers on here throw out of "don't have a wedding if you can't afford it" is quite insulting to people who actually saved up for it over a long time.

I can't see the insult at all?? It's true - don't throw parties you can't afford. Have a small wedding or save up for a big one.

I saved for my wedding also. I told everyone no presents just their presence.
I give gifts to every wedding I go to also. I'm not really bothered about the balancing out.

Inspector Coptoor · 24-07-2015 11:44PM

It bugs me in the sense that a lot of posters on here throw it out as a rationale.
Don't have a big party you can't afford etc

We had a very big party.
We afforded it quite easily.

amdublin · 24-07-2015 11:45PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

It bugs me in the sense that a lot of posters on here throw it out as a rationale.
Don't have a big party you can't afford etc

We had a very big party.
We afforded it quite easily.

Yeah so that statement doesn't apply to you then????????

Inspector Coptoor · 24-07-2015 11:49PM

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah so that statement doesn't apply to you then????????

Yes
Obviously

That's my entire point.

Tight fisted posters saying all people who are having big weddings can't afford them.
I find it a bit insulting.

If you can't get what I'm saying after a third post on the issue, forget it

wylie · 24-07-2015 11:50PM

were is the love

amdublin · 24-07-2015 11:53PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

Yes
Obviously

That's my entire point.

Tight fisted posters saying all people who are having big weddings can't afford them.
I find it a bit insulting.

If you can't get what I'm saying after a third post on the issue, forget it

I don't think people were making the point that all who were having big weddings can't afford them.

They were saying all who are having big weddings and can't afford them shouldn't do that.

I.e. if you are throwing a party and can't afford to pay for it then why are you throwing the party.

24-07-2015 11:57PM

Life lesson: The most memorable gift you could give is something small and mean when they know you can afford to at least cover your dinner cost. Meanness is remembered. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking people forget it because they seem to have forgotten it.

If things are tight, don't go but send something appropriate on when you can afford it. There's more dignity in that, and in mé féiner terms it's just good politics in our small society.

Cold War Kid · 25-07-2015 12:04AM

Deleted User wrote: »

If things are tight, don't go

Unless it's a close friend/relative.

but send something appropriate on when you can afford it.

Yeah, nothing wrong with giving a present after - it doesn't *have* to be on the day.

25-07-2015 12:52AM

Im getting married next year. Our wedding will only cost what WE (with some help from my dad) have saved up by then. There won't be any loans and the stress that comes with that. We have a maximum number the venue can hold so we know how much we need.

This is our party and we want to throw it for our guests. I'd hate to think that some of them feel obliged to give us money to cover the cost of inviting them. Buy me a beer and join me on the dance floor and I'll be more than happy.

suicide_circus · 25-07-2015 10:55AM

The idea of an unspoken mandatory "gift" (read "entrance fee") of €200 or whatever in order to cover whatever ostentatious trappings people feel the "need" at their wedding in order to keep up with the Jones' is not one I'm prepared to sign up to. And if that makes me a social pariah I won't shed a tear. If and when I take a wife, the wedding party will be one I can easily afford with little financial stretching involved. I'm not a character in a fairy tale and my self esteem is not so poor that I need a super sweet sixteen wedding with boring food, cringey band and the theatrical release of some f*cking doves.

BabysCoffee · 25-07-2015 01:13PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

The line the scabby hooers on here throw out of "don't have a wedding if you can't afford it" is quite insulting to people who actually saved up for it over a long time.

Personally I think it is scabby to throw a wedding and expect guests to cover the cost.

Flippyfloppy · 25-07-2015 01:26PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Personally I think it is scabby to throw a wedding and expect guests to cover the cost.

It would be, but just because some guests like giving a cash sum to help them out doesn't mean the couple getting married expect it

Right Turn Clyde · 25-07-2015 03:21PM

lertsnim wrote: »

That was humour? Oh my bad.

:P:):D

There ya go kid. Smiley happy people.

Spanish Eyes · 25-07-2015 03:47PM

Weddings can be tricky for lots of people.

The B+G - big splash or tiny ceremony?
Guests - to go or not to go, can I afford to go? Do I want to go to another Formula? Really...qui bono.

At the end of the day the marriage is between two people, no more, no less.

I can be smart here and say that even if you do NOT give nor are expected to give a gift, the day is very expensive for a free meal. Because that is what it is really.

Think about it, and weep for your holliers foregone etc. all for the sake of beef or salmon and a few glasses of vino + a toast.

Shocking amount of moolah spent for this, no matter how much you might like the couple. That's the reality.

Family is different, and I don't mind that, we get on well together and enjoy family celbrations. It is different when it's close family wedding.

But the rest? I don't know how anyone can justify the expense of being a guest even if NO gift is expected at all.

25-07-2015 05:28PM

kingtut wrote: »

€200 if you are going alone, €300 if attending as a couple.

lol

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Guests are mugs. Unless it is immediate family I decline politely due to a pre arranged holiday, and send on €200 for both of us.

You send 200 euro for every refusal??
And that makes you not mugs??

Spanish Eyes · 25-07-2015 07:19PM

bluewolf wrote: »

lol

You send 200 euro for every refusal??
And that makes you not mugs??

That's the easy bit. €100 each is a bargain when I know them well. €50 each if not.

Remember we don't have to spend a fortune on the day, night, new clothes, drinks, hotel and so on, plus the BBQ next day, and maybe dinner the night before and time off work. It's money well spent.

And I'm happy to pay that fee NOT to attend a formula ridden event with people I don't know too well. I usually like the B+G a lot, but not the wedding bit!

How much to give to a wedding couple?

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