How much to give to a wedding couple?

I am amazed that people think the idea of wedding gifts is to cover the couple's costs.

That is not the idea at all.

The idea is to give a gift to congratulate the couple on their wedding and give a gift to help them on their new married life together.

In the old days this involved couples setting up home for the first time so Duvets, toasters etc were the norm.

Then people got organised and started wedding lists that people could choose from in order to ensure that couples got what was required and prevent multiple toasters and kettle's etc.
Also the wedding list offered options across all price ranges to suit everyone.

Now, in the modern world were most couples co-habitate before hand and already have a home set up they do not need any gifts so cash has become the new normal gift.

This gift is supposed to be discretionary and is not used to pay for the dinner. You are invited as a guest of the couple not a customer as many here seem to think,


It really sounds like nowadays you could ask for a refund if you don't like the wine as you are paying for the mean according to many.

wnolan1992 wrote: »

I'll reiterate, I've no issue with people giving cash as a gift. It's a perfectly lovely way to help out the couple.

My issue is the EXPECTATION that you will give cash, and the snootery if this "gift" is of insufficient value, and the outrage if you dare to give an actual physical item.

Ah right, I see what's going on - I think we may be arguing about 2 different things altogether...

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

I think you'll find most people have been married more than once these days - we're not living in the 50's any more grand dad.

What? Most people married more that once?

It's probably the opposite, as in most people are not married at all.

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

Parties or weddings?

It's great that you don't have any expectations, but logistically no couple can afford to throw a wedding without financial support from the people who are attending the wedding.

If your friend invited you to a meal, would you eat the food and then leave without offering to help them pay?

Party/wedding what's the difference? An event in a big room with food = party.

Would you throw a dinner party and expect your guests to "pay for their plate"? I wouldn't.

Why would you plan something amd proceed with something if you need other people to pay for it for you.

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

... but logistically no couple can afford to throw a wedding without financial support from the people who are attending the wedding.

I managed it, and kept costs down whilst effectively spending loads on each individual guest that we had invited. We went to an expensive, and out of the way, hotel and only invited a very minimal number of people that we actually wanted to spend time with, not that we wanted to get drunk with. Grand total of 8 "guests" + the couple. One of the guests was a child and another was a pet dog. Put everyone up for a couple of nights in a fancy hotel, refused any cash gifts from them so got some nice actual things from them instead but that were appropriate to what they could afford, and apologised for having made them drive so far and take days off work. After petrol to get there and a few beers, hopefully the biggest expense for anyone else was buying a new swimming costume to fit so that they could make use of the pool and spa in the hotel.

All made for a very cheep (total costs), but very expensive (per person), wedding and much more enjoyable for all participants without any of the "traditional" nonsense associated with weddings and the drunken piss-up afterwards.

My sister got married in Las Vegas. Just her and her husband. Got two witnesses from the wedding chapel. That was their choice. I know it's not for everyone tho.

Her wedding was viewable live on line with a code and all their friends colleagues and us watched it as it happened. We laughed and enjoyed it with them.

A little (lol) party in my parent's house when they came back. Magic almighty.

NO CHARGE to anyone wanting to be part of their day.

Casey Acidic Dreamer wrote: »

A lot of people enjoy weddings though, I do anyway. Usually have a great time at them and then a good p*ss up the following day for the cure as well to wind down after the wedding day itself.

I know, but it is each to their own. Glad you have a great time, it is an individual thing really.

As a person who enjoys a celebration, I have to say I find weddings are so formulaic. You could set your watch by them.

And anyway, ENJOY what you enjoy.

My posts were not in any way intended to stop that. Just me, and I like a holiday instead of attending the wedding of those I just don't know too well, as I expressed earlier.

Whatever anyone says, IMV attending a wedding that is not immediate family is VERY expensive for what you get for a day or overnight.

So therefore I don't. And obviously they don't miss me much either on the day

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

Parties or weddings?

It's great that you don't have any expectations, but logistically no couple can afford to throw a wedding without financial support from the people who are attending the wedding.

If your friend invited you to a meal, would you eat the food and then leave without offering to help them pay?

If you need your guests to pay for your wedding, you can't afford to throw a wedding party.

Right Turn Clyde wrote: »

Why don't read through the rest of the thread before you jump the gun?

The next time I'll put a smiley face beside my comments so you'll know when I'm joking.

That was humour? Oh my bad.