How much to give to a wedding couple?

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

I think a lot of the people complaining about the price of the present aren't taking into consideration the price it costs to actually organise the wedding.
Price of the meal: €50 pp
Price of glass of wine / champagne: €5 pp

Not to mention:
Organising the band.
Organising the DJ after the band.

After the total cost of the wedding, if you aren't giving ~€70 per person, the married couple are footing the entire cost of your meal, any wine they've provided you and any entertainment they've provided.

So the wedding present isn't just a present to the married couple, you're paying for your food and entertainment for the night too.

Edit: Any if you still think it's too much money - don't go to the wedding, save the bride and groom the cost of your food and entertainment and save yourself some cash - you cheap bastard.

But why would you throw a party, invite guests if you can't afford to throw a party?

Do you generally organise parties for yourself and expect other people to pay for them?

Casey Acidic Dreamer wrote: »

I really hope this nonsense doesn't catch on, what a ridiculous thing to give as a present. Donate money to a charity if your choice and then claim its a present? You'd be as well just to donate to charity if you want and give them nothing at the wedding as I'd imagine opening a card with nothing and opening it to see money going to some random charity would give a similar level of excitement.

That's you though, and that's the difference here, is that any wedding I've been invited to, I've known the couple many years. They are usually in a position in their lives where they budget for their wedding according to their means, and not a projected income from relatives and friends.

My friends think it's a nice gesture (I also do the same for christenings, communions and confirmations), and they find it more thoughtful than a wad of cash in an envelope.

It's one of the reasons for my own wedding I asked that people make a donation to charity instead of giving money gifts to us.

How people aren't embarrassed to go to a wedding without giving a proper gift (i.e. Cash nowadays) I just don't get.

Cash is a "proper gift"? Hardly a lot of thought goes into that now, does it?

amdublin wrote: »

Do you generally organise parties for yourself and expect other people to pay for them?

If you don't feel comfortable paying towards the wedding, don't go. The bride and groom won't have to pay for your food / entertainment and it won't cost you any money.

However it costs a huge amount of money to organise a wedding and there is an expectation that guests will help towards the cost by gifting money.

amdublin wrote: »

But why would you throw a party, invite guests if you can't afford to throw a party?

Do you generally organise parties for yourself and expect other people to pay for them?

Most people who rsvp yes to weddings actually like the couple getting married and want to pay their way, because they know theres a huge cost involved in each invite.

It's one thing not being able to afford it, and I didn't begrudge anyone who gave gifts that can be bought for little at our own wedding. However, If prospective guests think so little of the couple that they think they're just inviting them for a 'profit' RSVP no! If the b&g knew what you thought of them they wouldn't want you there anyway!

For our wedding we were given many generous gifts that more than covered the cost of their meal from some people, but we still didn't break even on the whole cost. And that's ok....it was worth it and id do it all over again tomorrow!

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Most people who rsvp yes to weddings actually like the couple getting married and want to pay their way, because they know theres a huge cost involved in each invite.

It's one thing not being able to afford it, and tbh I didn't begrudge anyone who gave gifts that can be bought for little at our own wedding. However, If prospective guests think so little of the couple that they think they're just inviting them for a 'profit' RSVP no! If the b&g knew what you thought of them they wouldn't want you there anyway!

For our wedding we were given many generous gifts that more than covered the cost of their meal from some people, but we still didn't break even on the whole cost.

Equally I want my guests there for their presence, not their presents!!!

Break even!!!!!! I did not know the intention of parties were to break even on costs or make money.

amdublin wrote: »

Speak for yourself! I would never have an expectation that a guest to any of my parties pay for said party.

Parties or weddings?

It's great that you don't have any expectations, but logistically no couple can afford to throw a wedding without financial support from the people who are attending the wedding.

If your friend invited you to a meal, would you eat the food and then leave without offering to help them pay?

Herpes Cineplex wrote: »

wylie wrote: »

Do people invite guests to get presents?

That's the only reason they're inviting you. So the appropriate respone would be to give them nothing.

Rewarding cynicism with cynicism. I like it.

ITT: Lots of cheap, salty single people.

amdublin wrote: »

Equally I want my guests there for their presence, not their presents!!!

Break even!!!!!! I did not know the intention of parties were to break even on costs or make money.

Oh come on. I never said we wanted to 'break even' ! As you are aware It's a term for costs being the same.

You know well you just ignored my whole post and focused on a term I used and taken it out of context in order to insinuate something that goes completely against the point I was making! Is it not possible to 'discuss' instead of arguing and making things up?

So what would all these 'refuse to give money in case it eases b&gs bill' people do if you were invited to a wedding, attended only to find it was a function room disco type affair with not a morsel of food in sight? Are you the same lot who'd be complaining?

Get him more shells for the shotgun, he might have trouble aiming after a few drinks.

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

So what would all these 'refuse to give money in case it eases b&gs bill' people do if you were invited to a wedding, attended only to find it was a function room disco type affair with not a morsel of food in sight? Are you the same lot who'd be complaining?

Cocktail sausages and cans of Dutch Gold.

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

(I've said this in another comment but I think it applies here.)

If your friend invited you to a meal, would you just eat the food and leave without offering to pay for your own dinner? No one makes a profit on weddings (except the hotels, photographers etc...).

But if you're not happy with your friends organising a wedding and trying to celebrate their marriage - don't go.

Strawman argument is strawman.

Going out for a meal with a friend is an entirely different scenario to being invited to a party. If I was invited to a dinner party in someone's house, I'd be pretty peeved if they passed around a bill at the end of the dinner "Right so, that's 50 quid lads. Do you've any idea how expensive this lamb shank was?"

I'll reiterate, I've no issue with people giving cash as a gift. It's a perfectly lovely way to help out the couple.

My issue is the EXPECTATION that you will give cash, and the snootery if this "gift" is of insufficient value, and the outrage if you dare to give an actual physical item. In fact, the post quoted below pretty much sums up why this whole topic annoys the hole off me every time it comes up.

It puts pressure on extended family who are invited to weddings and then think "Ah FFS, I suppose I have to put €200 in this card... I know I've met the bride maybe once or twice, and have never met the groom, but shur the father is my cousin and didn't we spend all our summers together as kids?"

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

If you came to one of my weddings and didn't pay towards your meal I would be calling you cheap