Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 07:47PM

bluewolf wrote: »

It's really sad to see posts from people who basically set up an entrance fee for the wedding and demand it beforehand.
Etiquette is either 6 months or a year (can't remember) after the wedding for the gift.
And if I had a party, I would never, ever expect people to stay home just because they didn't get me things It's about a celebration, not about milking people for money.

jesus

It's a year and a day I think.

15-07-2015 07:48PM

Cool thanks

Not a fee on the day anyway!!

Kwiecien · 15-07-2015 07:53PM

No. I wouldn't go to a wedding without giving a gift.

I don't like weddings though. It's like getting 5 bills at once!

I wouldn't give €200 though! I'd buy a gift, spend maybe €60-70. I don't believe there are set rules on what should be spent/given.

I got an invitation to a wedding in England a few years ago (husbands extended family) the invite came with a stupid poem about having enough pots and pans, and wanting money as gifts. We nearly collapsed laughing!

We didn't go

15-07-2015 07:58PM

Giving cash as a gift is a bit vulgar imo, but I suppose if you feel it's appreciated and needed, then it's okay.

Asking for money gifts is so tacky, it should have it's own sex tape and reality show. It's so tacky it's nasty. I can't imagine charging admission to a wedding.

zeffabelli · 15-07-2015 08:08PM

Candie wrote: »

Giving cash as a gift is a bit vulgar imo, but I suppose if you feel it's appreciated and needed, then it's okay.

Asking for money gifts is so tacky, it should have it's own sex tape and reality show. It's so tacky it's nasty. I can't imagine charging admission to a wedding.

I'm of two minds about this.

I think either give money or give nothing.

Most people have already set up home which half defeats the purpose of a wedding which is to help the newly weds out with home stuff.

There's no point in giving them stuff they don't want or need so cash or a voucher seems most practical. Or nothing, other wise you're just adding to the junk.

lulu1 · 15-07-2015 08:27PM

I would give cash instead of buying a cheap gift which would never be used and it would just be a waste of your money as well

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 08:28PM

zeffabelli wrote: »

I'm of two minds about this.

I think either give money or give nothing.

Most people have already set up home which half defeats the purpose of a wedding which is to help the newly weds out with home stuff.

There's no point in giving them stuff they don't want or need so cash or a voucher seems most practical. Or nothing, other wise you're just adding to the junk.

I don't understand the voucher thing - why would you give a voucher instead of a cheque?

15-07-2015 08:53PM

I normally give 200 to friends (as a couple), more if I'm involved (groomsman etc) or if it was a family wedding.

Bowlardo · 15-07-2015 08:59PM

Could any older person recall when the switch went from giving toaster to actual card hard cash?
Was the mid 90's like? the beginning of the celtic tiger thing

Sam Kade · 15-07-2015 09:05PM

Kwiecien wrote: »

No. I wouldn't go to a wedding without giving a gift.

I don't like weddings though. It's like getting 5 bills at once!

I wouldn't give €200 though! I'd buy a gift, spend maybe €60-70. I don't believe there are set rules on what should be spent/given.

I got an invitation to a wedding in England a few years ago (husbands extended family) the invite came with a stupid poem about having enough pots and pans, and wanting money as gifts. We nearly collapsed laughing!

We didn't go

Something like this :mad:

We've been together for a few years now;
We have pots and pans and linen and towels;
We have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;
So instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;
If it doesn't offend and it won't send you running;
What we would really appreciate is quite simply money;
We know choosing gifts can be such a pain;
And this way there is no chance of bringing the same

They have wishing wells at the reception where you throw in your card with generous donation for the bride and groom :rolleyes:

Sam Kade · 15-07-2015 09:08PM

Bowlardo wrote: »

Could any older person recall when the switch went from giving toaster to actual card hard cash?
Was the mid 90's like? the beginning of the celtic tiger thing

I got married in 1990 back then it was mostly kitchen stuff but we also got cash gifts from £40-£75. The cash thing was starting to take off then.

Baggy Trousers · 15-07-2015 09:21PM

I saw a wedding invite once where they put down "cash not trash". Cheeky Celtic Tiger Cubs!

But no I don't think it's acceptable to go a wedding without a gift. I do know that some people prefer to give their gift after the wedding/honeymoon. Not sure why but that's fine too.

Weddings in Ireland are expensive and rather boring mostly so I would advise not accepting an invite if you're not up for it. It's easy to pick out the many people who would rather be anywhere else

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 09:23PM

Bowlardo wrote: »

Could any older person recall when the switch went from giving toaster to actual card hard cash?
Was the mid 90's like? the beginning of the celtic tiger thing

It was more around the time when people started setting up home before being married. So they'd be no need for the toaster because people knew the couple already had one.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 09:29PM

bluewolf wrote: »

It's really sad to see posts from people who basically set up an entrance fee for the wedding and demand it beforehand.
Etiquette is either 6 months or a year (can't remember) after the wedding for the gift.
And if I had a party, I would never, ever expect people to stay home just because they didn't get me things It's about a celebration, not about milking people for money.

jesus

That's it. I think the cash at the wedding thing is bad etiquette and something out of my big fat gypsy wedding.

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 09:33PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

That's it. I think the cash at the wedding thing is bad etiquette and something out of my big fat gypsy wedding.

In Irish culture, at least it was. But I have been to Jewish weddings and Chinese weddings, and money was always the norm for wedding gifts, the amount was calculated for luck - Jewish in multiples of 18, Chinese containing the number 8 or 9.

waffleman · 15-07-2015 10:32PM

Floggin a dead horse here - people in this thread just want to be told its fine to turn up to a wedding and give nothing as long as they have some excuse, sad story or a "tradition" to back them up.

What if everyone at a weddin gave nothing?

What if everyone waited a year to give a gift/cash?

What if everyone at a weddin gave 6 euro toasters?

What if everyone at a weddin gave 6 euro toasters a year later?

These are scenarios people seem to think are ok. Some people could peel oranges in their pockets with boxin gloves on. Tight as fvck.

15-07-2015 10:33PM

waffleman wrote: »

What if everyone waited a year to give a gift/cash?
.

Yeah? What if they did? Would the world end?

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 11:41PM

deathtocaptcha wrote: »

You just didn't have the balls to cut people out.

Assuming there's 5 in each family, all siblings have partners, 3 x bridesmaids and 3 x best men (again assuming all have partners), that equals a total of 26. Add in grandparents and perhaps aunts / uncles and the average Irish couple may end up with about 40 on average.

That's all you need at a wedding.

It's more than you need - best man and one bridesmaid is plenty!

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 11:42PM

waffleman wrote: »

Floggin a dead horse here - people in this thread just want to be told its fine to turn up to a wedding and give nothing as long as they have some excuse, sad story or a "tradition" to back them up.

What if everyone at a weddin gave nothing?

What if everyone waited a year to give a gift/cash?

What if everyone at a weddin gave 6 euro toasters?

What if everyone at a weddin gave 6 euro toasters a year later?

These are scenarios people seem to think are ok. Some people could peel oranges in their pockets with boxin gloves on. Tight as fvck.

People would return to having modest weddings where they invite only those they care most about.

mayway · 15-07-2015 11:46PM

I can't agree. In YOUR opinion cash may be king but in MY opinion nothing says I can't be arsed more clearly than cash.

A thoughtful gift of a toaster or kettle is far better.

Warper · 15-07-2015 11:51PM

You should always give money, what sort of braindead buys a gift? I would never think of not giving a gift if the person thinks enough of you to invite you to their special day of course i give them a gift. After all they are feeding and drinking you so if you couldnt be arsed to repay them in some way you shouldnt be there in the first place as you are an arsehole. Everyone can give something.

If you dont think the couple deserve a gift then you are not a friend in the first place and really have no place going.

mayway · 15-07-2015 11:56PM

If you're not going to give a token Argos white value toaster or kettle then certainly don't give cash.

It's obscene for bridezillas to expect the guests to stump up for the day of indulgence. Most people are bored ****less at weddings anyway so paying for the privilege is farcical. If they can't afford the wedding then they shouldn't have it in the first place.

Red21 · 16-07-2015 02:04AM

Don't go to wedding anymore, one of best decision ever made, was asked 4mths ago to sit at the top table by a family member I said, "no i'm all weddinged out for this life". and we got on fine afterwards.

ShowMeTheCash · 16-07-2015 09:21AM

Cienciano wrote: »

No, if you can't afford to have a wedding don't have one! It's not up to the guests to pay, it's the couple. Gifts are optional, or something cheap (€10-15) to mark the occasion is fine.
TBH, if the couple were the type to bitch about not getting a gift, or the gift not covering their plate, I wouldn't want to be at their wedding!

Cool, by the sounds of it no one would want you at their wedding so everyone wins!

Sam Kade · 16-07-2015 09:27AM

Warper wrote: »

You should always give money, what sort of braindead buys a gift? I would never think of not giving a gift if the person thinks enough of you to invite you to their special day of course i give them a gift. After all they are feeding and drinking you so if you couldnt be arsed to repay them in some way you shouldnt be there in the first place as you are an arsehole. Everyone can give something.

If you dont think the couple deserve a gift then you are not a friend in the first place and really have no place going.

Cannibal's and vampires :eek:

ShowMeTheCash · 16-07-2015 09:30AM

steddyeddy wrote: »

I certainly won't plan a wedding with the aim of having guests there who will cover my expenses. My friends mean a lot to me and If they're going to my wedding they're doing me a favour.

I personally haven't attended a wedding without a gift but if I couldn't afford one my friends wouldn't mind.

LOL - I actually think people are deliberately lying too themselves.
You say you have always taken a gift. OK
You get married say next year and invite all the people whose wedding you attended over the years and none of them get you a gift, that wouldn't bother you?

The groom and bride do not need to expect anything that does not detract from someone landing completely empty handed, as I said before it's just bad form!

Sam Kade · 16-07-2015 09:31AM

waffleman wrote: »

Floggin a dead horse here - people in this thread just want to be told its fine to turn up to a wedding and give nothing as long as they have some excuse, sad story or a "tradition" to back them up.

What if everyone at a weddin gave nothing?

What if everyone waited a year to give a gift/cash?

What if everyone at a weddin gave 6 euro toasters?

What if everyone at a weddin gave 6 euro toasters a year later?

These are scenarios people seem to think are ok. Some people could peel oranges in their pockets with boxin gloves on. Tight as fvck.

Who said they give nothing? I give €150 as a couple but I don't agree with telling people that they should give a certain amount as everyone's circumstances are different.

cruais · 16-07-2015 09:41AM

We got married a few years ago. Alot of people didnt give presents just joined us for the day.

It didnt bother us at all really, however, the only thing that bothered me was not giving a card. Thats all I really wanted for sentimental value.

We received an invite to a wedding recently and attached to the invite was a card with both couples bank account details and the phrase ' Please donate to our honeymoon fund'.

I thought it was very cheaky to come out and ask.

The honeymoon fund must have been pretty flush as judging by the photos on facebook, no expense was spared, and it even managed to cover leaving their son with the au pair here in Dublin while they sauntered off.

But to give you an insight into this couple. We live on the northside of Dublin. When they bought their house on the southside, I was told ''At long last I can call myself a southsider''.

Head up arse syndrome.

ShowMeTheCash · 16-07-2015 10:37AM

cruais wrote: »

We got married a few years ago. Alot of people didnt give presents just joined us for the day.

It didnt bother us at all really, however, the only thing that bothered me was not giving a card. Thats all I really wanted for sentimental value.

We received an invite to a wedding recently and attached to the invite was a card with both couples bank account details and the phrase ' Please donate to our honeymoon fund'.

I thought it was very cheaky to come out and ask.

The honeymoon fund must have been pretty flush as judging by the photos on facebook, no expense was spared, and it even managed to cover leaving their son with the au pair here in Dublin while they sauntered off.

But to give you an insight into this couple. We live on the northside of Dublin. When they bought their house on the southside, I was told ''At long last I can call myself a southsider''.

Head up arse syndrome.

I am from Donegal - You are all the same to us :P

cruais · 16-07-2015 10:54AM

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

I am from Donegal - You are all the same to us :P

The northside / southside bolloxology is a pet peeve of mine.

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

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