Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

Starscream25 · 15-07-2015 03:57PM

I'm single, going to a wedding soon enough, I'm broke with about 300 yo to to my name, full time student, earn about 500 a month, can't find any other work, Worried about how much I should give as a gift, was thinking100 initially but after reading here i was thinking more in the line of €50. Is that too tight or should I be tightening my belt even more? Will be driving home after and not staying night in hotel, not a hope.

ben.schlomo · 15-07-2015 03:57PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

In YOUR opinion.

I disagree.
I think cash is a very practical gift nowadays where coupes are already co-habitating and already have a toaster and a kettle

Cash is king, its all that the majority of people want nowadays and is par for the course.

NewCorkLad · 15-07-2015 04:00PM

Starscream25 wrote: »

I'm single, going to a wedding soon enough, I'm broke with about 300 yo to to my name, full time student, earn about 500 a month, can't find any other work, Worried about how much I should give as a gift, was thinking100 initially but after reading here i was thinking more in the line of €50. Is that too tight or should I be tightening my belt even more? Will be driving home after and not staying night in hotel, not a hope.

In your situation a card is enough or €50 max.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 04:00PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

And more power to you.
When it happens, I hope you have a great time.
We tried to keep numbers down to under 150, in the end it peaked out at 230 odd for dinner with around 100 in for afters.
Country weddings are a different kettle of fish

I'm actually with my partner for a good few years. We've discussed this and our guest list would be around 40 people and we"re both from rural areas in Cork.
If we wanted to we could have a massive wedding but that wouldn't be us.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 04:03PM

Starscream25 wrote: »

I'm single, going to a wedding soon enough, I'm broke with about 300 yo to to my name, full time student, earn about 500 a month, can't find any other work, Worried about how much I should give as a gift, was thinking100 initially but after reading here i was thinking more in the line of €50. Is that too tight or should I be tightening my belt even more? Will be driving home after and not staying night in hotel, not a hope.

€50 is loads. Your situation is fairly obvious to the bride and groom.

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 04:06PM

mayway wrote: »

I always make sure that I go as it would be too disappointing for them if I my card didn't show up.

Fixed that for you:pac:

gimmick · 15-07-2015 04:06PM

I absolutely boards.ie when the subject wedding is mentioned. Peoples opinions of how they should work, how they should be arranged, saved for and attended is astounding.

It is also very moral high groundy. Well MY wedding was so perfect we asked everyone to not give a gift.

But MY wedding was so perfect no body minded giving a gift.

But but, MY wedding no one read far too much into it and just went with it.

Well I am so happy being terminally single and therefore have no real understanding of how relationships and wedding planning works that I feel compelled to spew MY opinion all over everyone. Afterall I am not shackled by a relationship to cloud MY judgement.

ben.schlomo · 15-07-2015 04:21PM

gimmick wrote: »

I absolutely boards.ie when the subject wedding is mentioned. Peoples opinions of how they should work, how they should be arranged, saved for and attended is astounding.

It is also very moral high groundy. Well MY wedding was so perfect we asked everyone to not give a gift.

But MY wedding was so perfect no body minded giving a gift.

But but, MY wedding no one read far too much into it and just went with it.

Well I am so happy being terminally single and therefore have no real understanding of how relationships and wedding planning works that I feel compelled to spew MY opinion all over everyone. Afterall I am not shackled by a relationship to cloud MY judgement.

I absolutely it too!!

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 04:43PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

In YOUR opinion.

I disagree.
I think cash is a very practical gift nowadays where coupes are already co-habitating and already have a toaster and a kettle

From an etiquette point of view I would agree cash I tacky.

NewCorkLad · 15-07-2015 04:46PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

From an etiquette point of view I would agree cash I tacky.

Argos toasters are a tasteful choice presents.

deathtocaptcha · 15-07-2015 05:35PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

And more power to you.
When it happens, I hope you have a great time.
We tried to keep numbers down to under 150, in the end it peaked out at 230 odd for dinner with around 100 in for afters.
Country weddings are a different kettle of fish

You just didn't have the balls to cut people out.

Assuming there's 5 in each family, all siblings have partners, 3 x bridesmaids and 3 x best men (again assuming all have partners), that equals a total of 26. Add in grandparents and perhaps aunts / uncles and the average Irish couple may end up with about 40 on average.

That's all you need at a wedding.

Inspector Coptoor · 15-07-2015 05:43PM

deathtocaptcha wrote: »

You just didn't have the balls to cut people out.

Assuming there's 5 in each family, all siblings have partners, 3 x bridesmaids and 3 x best men (again assuming all have partners), that equals a total of 26. Add in grandparents and perhaps aunts / uncles and the average Irish couple may end up with about 40 on average.

That's all you need at a wedding.

You're basing that on what exactly?
Your bare minimum criteria?

Get out to feck outta that.

dark crystal · 15-07-2015 06:03PM

Tony Beetroot wrote: »

You would want to be giving €200 as a couple going to a wedding at a minimum, people who dont give any gift are tight arses.

As a couple we wouldn't have a hope of gifting someone €200, certainly not if we needed to eat or pay rent that week! We both have low enough paying jobs and five mouths to feed and anyone who invited us to their wedding would understand that and hopefully not expect us to shell out half a weeks wages to supplement their big day. Of course we'd give something, but €200 is taking the piss, especially with all the other expenses guests most likely incur on the day.

What a rotten, money obsessed society we've become since the Celtic Tiger started roaring.

Cienciano · 15-07-2015 06:06PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

You can say the same about attending a wedding. If you can't afford a reasonable gift. Stay at home.

That's a bizarre attitude. If I invited someone to my wedding and they didn't go because they didn't have the money for a gift, I'd be seriously disappointed.

Cold War Kid · 15-07-2015 06:09PM

Exactly. It's bad form to give absolutely nothing (even if you can't give it on the day, it's only manners and a reasonable goodwill gesture to give something you can afford at some point) but the opposite extreme of there being a required limit, otherwise don't go, is unnecessary also.

Son Of A Vidic · 15-07-2015 06:11PM

I had my fill of going to weddings, giving an overly generous gift and then seeing couples separate several years later. So I've stopped going to weddings and partaking in an institution, which appears to have become nothing more than a glorified day out.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 06:14PM

Cienciano wrote: »

That's a bizarre attitude. If I invited someone to my wedding and they didn't go because they didn't have the money for a gift, I'd be seriously disappointed.

That's the thing though. Lots of people do it and they just say they've work or busy. Not many people would openly admit I can't go to your wedding because I can't afford a present. People do it for loads of events from wedding to Birthdays to Anniversarys.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 06:24PM

dark crystal wrote: »

As a couple we wouldn't have a hope of gifting someone €200, certainly not if we needed to eat or pay rent that week! We both have low enough paying jobs and five mouths to feed and anyone who invited us to their wedding would understand that and hopefully not expect us to shell out half a weeks wages to supplement their big day. Of course we'd give something, but €200 is taking the piss, especially with all the other expenses guests most likely incur on the day.

What a rotten, money obsessed society we've become since the Celtic Tiger started roaring.

Yea I think this is a Celtic tiger cub thing DK. I'd rather decent people like you and your partner at my wedding than some vulgar money obsessed over privileged people.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 06:31PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

Yea I think this is a Celtic tiger cub Thi g DK. I'd rather decent people like you and your partner at my wedding than some vulgar money obsessed over privileged people.

That's actually something I often wondered about weddings. I asked people about this before what were wedding gifts like 30+ years ago and they said people gave gifts but they were expensive gifts. That's you'd need starting off in life in your new family home. Now most people are living together so people feel they've everything they need so we'll just give cash. Expensive gifts at weddings were given at wedding long before the boom.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 06:41PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

That's actually something I often wondered about weddings. I asked people about this before what were wedding gifts like 30+ years ago and they said people gave gifts but they were expensive gifts. That's you'd need starting off in life in your new family home. Now most people are living together so people feel they've everything they need so we'll just give cash. Expensive gifts at weddings were given at wedding long before the boom.

Of course they were but before the boom people weren't as well off. There was a greater understanding that people might not have been in a position to bring gifts.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 06:53PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

Of course they were but before the boom people weren't as well off. There was a greater understanding that people might not have been in a position to bring gifts.

That's the thing tough if somebody showed up to a wedding in 30+ years ago without a gift they'd would have been the talk of the parish.
Now you'd have a better chance of it being ignored forgotten about.
You'd also can get away with gifts now with sales on glassware/vases/etc. Which you can get for a reasonable price. I saw nice sets of glass last week for 15 euro. You wouldn't have got offers like that back in my parents day. If you had a budget they'd been perfect.

mikeym · 15-07-2015 06:59PM

I think its very rude for someone not to turn up without a gift.

Unless he/she had money trouble I wouldnt have time for that person.

Weddings cost a shed load of money and a wedding guest should give a gift e.g. €20 gift voucher wouldnt break the bank.

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 07:01PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

That's actually something I often wondered about weddings. I asked people about this before what were wedding gifts like 30+ years ago and they said people gave gifts but they were expensive gifts. That's you'd need starting off in life in your new family home. Now most people are living together so people feel they've everything they need so we'll just give cash. Expensive gifts at weddings were given at wedding long before the boom.

Since I am old enough to answer this question, people gave gifts, but the gifts ranged from inexpensive to expensive, depending on what the giver could afford, and what the recipient wanted/needed. It wasn't unusual for several friends to club together to get a "large" gift rather than individual cheaper gifts, as there is a limit to how many small appliances anyone needs. Sets of sheets and towels were also popular, you can never have too many of them. It was definitely in the intention of helping the couple get set up in their home, no "paying for your dinner" type of thing.

Gifts were sent to the home of the mother of the bride before the wedding, where they would usually be put on display in the front room! There was none of this bringing the gift to the wedding crap, I don't know when that started but it makes no sense at all to me.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 07:02PM

I was the groomsman at the last wedding I was at and everyone gave the gifts to me.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 07:03PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Since I am old enough to answer this question, people gave gifts, but the gifts ranged from inexpensive to expensive, depending on what the giver could afford, and what the recipient wanted/needed. It wasn't unusual for several friends to club together to get a "large" gift rather than individual cheaper gifts, as there is a limit to how many small appliances anyone needs. Sets of sheets and towels were also popular, you can never have too many of them. It was definitely in the intention of helping the couple get set up in their home, no "paying for your dinner" type of thing.

Gifts were sent to the home of the mother of the bride before the wedding, where they would usually be put on display in the front room! There was none of this bringing the gift to the wedding crap, I don't know when that started but it makes no sense at all to me.

People still bought gifts tough expensive or in-expensive.
People rarely showed up empty handed.

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 07:05PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

People still bought gifts tough expensive or in-expensive.
People rarely showed up empty handed.

They always showed up empty handed as you did not bring gifts to the wedding. You gave the gifts before or after the wedding. Can you imagine having to haul home all the gifts otherwise?

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 07:07PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

They always showed up empty handed as you did not bring gifts to the wedding. You gave the gifts before or after the wedding. Can you imagine having to haul home all the gifts otherwise?

People still gave a gift tough at some stage. Back then people often followed the rule one year and a day.
I'd never give a gift be it cash/item on the day. It would always before or after.

lulu1 · 15-07-2015 07:27PM

Wouldn't go to a wedding without giving a gift.

A few weeks ago we were invited to a 40th birthday party and everyone had to pay for their own meal. Ffs I mean pay for your own meal.

Here I didn't give a present and didn't feel one bit guilty.

When meal was over someone came around and said we will split the cost between everyone

There were people having 3 or 4 drinks with their meal while we were having none.

I said no way am I splitting the cost and I went to reception and paid for myself and my three teenagers

lulu1 · 15-07-2015 07:44PM

Starscream25 wrote: »

I'm single, going to a wedding soon enough, I'm broke with about 300 yo to to my name, full time student, earn about 500 a month, can't find any other work, Worried about how much I should give as a gift, was thinking100 initially but after reading here i was thinking more in the line of €50. Is that too tight or should I be tightening my belt even more? Will be driving home after and not staying night in hotel, not a hope.

50e is fine if you are going on your own

15-07-2015 07:45PM

It's really sad to see posts from people who basically set up an entrance fee for the wedding and demand it beforehand.
Etiquette is either 6 months or a year (can't remember) after the wedding for the gift.
And if I had a party, I would never, ever expect people to stay home just because they didn't get me things

It's about a celebration, not about milking people for money.

jesus

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

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