Ever being cheated on or done the cheating?

Menas · 30-05-2015 09:51AM

Cueva wrote: »

I think when you become confident in yourself and emotionally mature you can be happy to let your partner enjoy sex with other people, denying people their natural sexual urges is cruel in my opinion.

I think Humans, in the whole, are conditioned to be monogamous.
So called 'open' relationships always are doomed to failure with damage on both sides.
Deciding that someone is 'for life' and sticking with that, enjoying that, is maturity IMO.

blade1 · 30-05-2015 10:52AM

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Interesting TED talk the other day. The speaker was saying that affairs are not so much about sex, but the intrigue, risk, intimacy, communication ...

Its about 20 mins long.

I'll never last that long!:P

harry Bailey esq · 30-05-2015 01:32PM

If you cheat and tell people about it you're doing it wrong.

MathDebater · 30-05-2015 02:35PM

I've never cheated but I've been cheated on. When I found out she told me that I could spend a night elsewhere with a girl.

I think we're done here, S.

30-05-2015 02:37PM

I've been cheated on. Would never do it to anyone, knowing what it feels like.

Laoislion8383 · 30-05-2015 02:37PM

MathDebater wrote: »

I've never cheated but I've been cheated on. When I found out she told me that I could spend a night elsewhere with a girl.

I think we're done here, S.

Am I wrong in seeing an opportunity for a threesome here and then do your legger, yes I think I am

MathDebater · 30-05-2015 02:41PM

Laoislion8383 wrote: »

Am I wrong in seeing an opportunity for a threesome here and then do your legger, yes I think I am

Go for it.

if you're into that sort of thing whatever rocks your boat.

Saipanne · 30-05-2015 02:43PM

Whisky Mac wrote: »

Twaddle. Humans, in the whole, are designed to be monogamous.

Funny, you call something twaddle, and then immediately follow it up with a retarded comment.

Kudos, sir. Kudos.

MathDebater · 30-05-2015 02:45PM

I know this girl that cheats regularly. She likes being dominated. Girl, you shouldn't treat x like this. "He knows". I guess it take all sorts.

endacl · 30-05-2015 02:45PM

Jon Stark wrote: »

Never cheated but have been cheated on. There's nothing worse than that feeling when you know something happened, but instead of being truthful, the person becomes cold and distant. Almost as if they want you to be the one that "ended" it to avoid their own guilt.

Cowardly sh1t.

Is that what your auld fella was like when he returned from King's Landing? I always wondered how he managed to patch things up with Catelyn. Ah, you were probably too young to see what was happening...

Menas · 30-05-2015 02:46PM

Saipanne wrote: »

Funny, you call something twaddle, and then immediately follow it up with a retarded comment.

Kudos, sir. Kudos.

What is retarded about people being in couples and not cheating?

Saipanne · 30-05-2015 02:48PM

Whisky Mac wrote: »

What is retarded about people being in couples and not cheating?

Eh, way to move the goalposts.

endacl · 30-05-2015 02:48PM

Whisky Mac wrote: »

What is retarded about people being in couples and not cheating?

We're not designed to be monogamous. We're not 'designed' at all.

Oh, and the monogamy is social conditioning.

Saipanne · 30-05-2015 02:51PM

endacl wrote: »

We're not designed to be monogamous. We're not 'designed' at all.

Oh, and the monogamy is social conditioning.

Exactly.

Cold War Kid · 30-05-2015 02:51PM

Jon Stark wrote: »

There's nothing worse than that feeling when you know something happened, but instead of being truthful, the person becomes cold and distant. Almost as if they want you to be the one that "ended" it to avoid their own guilt.

Cowardly sh1t.

Oh my god, this.
It's worse than the cheating IMO. I have a bit of a "liberal" attitude I guess to cheating. I do not advocate it of course - obviously the ideal would be no cheating, and obviously it's devastating for people, could make it hard for them to trust again, and it's wrong to do it. I have never cheated either.

But my outlook on cheating is that sh-t can sometimes happen - people can do it out of sheer loss of self control or due to their relationship being in a bad place, even when they try to work on it, etc, and the intention isn't to hurt. Just breaking up with them is the ideal but not always so straightforward, especially if they're married and/or have children.
It's not an excuse but I simply mean a person who cheats isn't always a horrible person. I also don't get the thing of putting all the blame on the person who is in the relationship and not on the person they cheated with if they're single because the single person wasn't cheating on any one. The latter still got involved with a person who is in a relationship and the cheating with them wouldn't have happened if it weren't for them!

But if a person does cheat, just admit it and take responsibility instead of twisted psychological torment and "gas-lighting" like that described in the above post.

30-05-2015 02:52PM

Would never cheat having been cheated on. once a cheater always a cheater

Cold War Kid · 30-05-2015 02:54PM

222233 wrote: »

once a cheater always a cheater

I don't know if it's necessarily the case that a person who cheats will definitely cheat again. I can totally understand a lack of trust of them for sure, but I also think it's possible for them to learn their lesson and make damn sure it never happens again.

30-05-2015 02:56PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I don't know if it's necessarily the case that a person who cheats will definitely cheat again. I can totally understand a lack of trust of them for sure, but I also think it's possible for them to learn their lesson and make damn sure it never happens again.

Could also say once they get a taste of that thrill can't help themselves but do it again.

Menas · 30-05-2015 02:59PM

Saipanne wrote: »

Exactly.

True, Bad choice of words from me.

MathDebater · 30-05-2015 03:04PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I don't know if it's necessarily the case that a person who cheats will definitely cheat again. I can totally understand a lack of trust of them for sure, but I also think it's possible for them to learn their lesson and make damn sure it never happens again.

Huge red flag though. I wouldn't date someone that previously cheated. I just couldn't trust them. Nothing worse than being in love with someone you expect to hurt you. Imho.

NotMyUsualName · 30-05-2015 03:27PM

I cheated over a period of about 3 years - met up with the other person every month/6 weeks. We're both married but we met up by chance online and it developed from there. We both had alternative needs that would never have been fulfilled in our own marriages. It was great while it lasted, it just ran it's course and we've lost contact. Truthfully I wish we were still in touch and have no regrets yet I've no desire to cheat with anyone else

30-05-2015 03:30PM

NotMyUsualName wrote: »

I cheated over a period of about 3 years - met up with the other person every month/6 weeks. We're both married but we met up by chance online and it developed from there. We both had alternative needs that would never have been fulfilled in our own marriages. It was great while it lasted, it just ran it's course and we've lost contact. Truthfully I wish we were still in touch and have no regrets yet I've no desire to cheat with anyone else

I have always wondered if people consider online romances cheating, phone sex etc? I know yours is actually cheating but having said that

NotMyUsualName · 30-05-2015 03:33PM

222233 wrote: »

I have always wondered if people consider online romances cheating, phone sex etc? I know yours is actually cheating but having said that

I do - the early stages of my cheating relationship consisted of a lot of phone and online sex and I did consider we were both cheating

raze_them_all_ · 30-05-2015 03:33PM

222233 wrote: »

Would never cheat having been cheated on. once a cheater always a cheater

this is ****e. And this attitude contributes to cheating. The amount of ex's that accused me of cheating when i wasn't is amusing so I went and cheated anyway, if you're going to get penalized for a foul you might aswell go commit the foul

30-05-2015 03:35PM

raze_them_all_ wrote: »

this is ****e. And this attitude contributes to cheating. The amount of ex's that accused me of cheating when i wasn't is amusing so I went and cheated anyway, if you're going to get penalized for a foul you might aswell go commit the foul

just my experience sorry if you find that offensive, but being accused of cheating doesn't really make it right to go out and cheat. thats your own morals not a standard right

Colser · 30-05-2015 04:06PM

NotMyUsualName wrote: »

I cheated over a period of about 3 years - met up with the other person every month/6 weeks. We're both married but we met up by chance online and it developed from there. We both had alternative needs that would never have been fulfilled in our own marriages. It was great while it lasted, it just ran it's course and we've lost contact. Truthfully I wish we were still in touch and have no regrets yet I've no desire to cheat with anyone else

Why did ye marry so? Surely this was obvious beforehand

arayess · 30-05-2015 04:14PM

cheated quite a bit and have been cheated on too.

I was just greedy in the past. there was no other reason.
Havent had a relationship in years though so it's not an issue anymore.

NotMyUsualName · 30-05-2015 04:22PM

Colser wrote: »

Why did ye marry so? Surely this was obvious beforehand

We were both married for many years before we cheated. Met each other in an online chatroom, got talking, things developed from there. I think neither of us expected it to develop to a point where we cheated and it took a long time before we agreed to meet

Colser · 30-05-2015 04:25PM

NotMyUsualName wrote: »

We were both married for many years before we cheated. Met each other in an online chatroom, got talking, things developed from there. I think neither of us expected it to develop to a point where we cheated and it took a long time before we agreed to meet

Ever feel guilty about it(not judging just asking)?

wp_rathead · 30-05-2015 04:26PM

Been cheated on, Tis ****e
You just feel like such an idiot for trusting someone for while afterwards
Over it now though thankfully and in a great relationship

Ever being cheated on or done the cheating?

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