Ever being cheated on or done the cheating?

Laoislion8383

Bit of a random thought here but how many of you would openly admit to cheating on a gf/bf, partner, wife, husband whatever. I don't mean simple stuff like I was with this girl a week and I snogged her mate at the teenage disco, I mean cheated on a long term partner? And who has being cheated on?

I have cheated on a long term girlfriend I still don't know why I did it but I did and it ended the relationship, and I too have being cheated on by a girl I was mad about and it hurt like ****, currently in a long term relationship have children and planning a wedding next yr and never cheated on her, won't say I haven't even looked at another woman because I have course I have but never wanted anybody else for anything. Never 100% sure that she didn't cheat on me but I doubt it trust her with my life.....

Anyhow that's my story what's yours??

darkpagandeath

What would cheating on your mistress with your wife be called ?

Laoislion8383

darkpagandeath wrote: »

What would cheating on your mistress with your wife be called ?

Greedy

Icaras

darkpagandeath wrote: »

What would cheating on your mistress with your wife be called ?

Romantic?

Penny Tration

Was cheated on by three people. One slept with some girl he took home from a club, one cheated with a bloke and has been single ever since (eight years ago) and one slept with my 'friend.' I've never cheated. If I want to shag someone else, I'll break up with my boyfriend first.

Specialun

Does switching hands count?

DivingDuck

Specialun wrote: »

Does switching hands count?

Only if you're one of those people who don't let the left hand know what the right hand is doing.

Laoislion8383

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Was cheated on by three people. One slept with some girl he took home from a club, one cheated with a bloke and has been single ever since (eight years ago) and one slept with my 'friend.' I've never cheated. If I want to shag someone else, I'll break up with my boyfriend first.

But you never said if u have done that? Ever broke up with a boyfriend to shag someone else??

Laoislion8383

Specialun wrote: »

Does switching hands count?

Why would you, you always miss a stroke

Penny Tration

Laoislion8383 wrote: »

But you never said if u have done that? Ever broke up with a boyfriend to shag someone else??

Nope. Haven't felt the need to.

I find other people attractive, sure. But I don't really understand the logic in dumping someone and thus giving up regular, fantastic sex, for one sloppy night with some random man just because he's hot

Buona Fortuna

Interesting TED talk the other day. The speaker was saying that affairs are not so much about sex, but the intrigue, risk, intimacy, communication ...

Its about 20 mins long.

Jon Stark

Never cheated but have been cheated on. There's nothing worse than that feeling when you know something happened, but instead of being truthful, the person becomes cold and distant. Almost as if they want you to be the one that "ended" it to avoid their own guilt.

Cowardly sh1t.

Laoislion8383

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Nope. Haven't felt the need to.

I find other people attractive, sure. But I don't really understand the logic in dumping someone and thus giving up regular, fantastic sex, for one sloppy night with some random man just because he's hot

That is the truth, but yet people do it everyday, I too find other people attractive but never would I risk everything with my partner just for one nights messy first time sex when Ye exctaly I have great sex at home, I know sometimes it can get boring after a while but there are ways to spice it up in the bedroom

PandaPoo

Was in abusive relationship and cheated on him, a lot. I had no self respect and just wanted to feel attractive I guess. Still doesn't make it right. Anyway, he found out and I had to call the guards because he got so out of control angry, hitting me and punching holes in the wall, pinning me up against the wall when I was holding our 1 year old. Haven't seen him in about 2.5 years, thankfully.

He kissed someone about a year before that, I didn't really care though. I kind of hoped he'd leave me for her. I had trust issues then, if I could cheat on someone then they could cheat on me.

Married now and can't imagine ever cheating on my husband, we have a really great relationship and I trust him completely.

Buona Fortuna

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

I find other people attractive, sure. But I don't really understand the logic in dumping someone and thus giving up regular, fantastic sex, for one sloppy night with some random man just because he's hot

Yep and that's the sensible logical head. Unfortunately we don't all use it, all the time

MadDog76

I cheat on my wife all the time and she hasn't a clue!!

She has no idea that when we watch a recorded episode of Family Fortunes that I've already secretly watched it earlier that day ......... she thinks I'm a f****** genius!!!

Penny Tration

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Yep and that's the sensible logical head. Unfortunately we don't all use it, all the time

I'm rarely sensible, but I am when it comes to not shagging other people, thankfully.

Colser

Being cheated on is the worst thing that has ever happened to me..I would advise any man that is doing it/thinking of it to just break up with your wife/partner..you have no idea what it does to them when they eventually find out..
BTW do men cheat way more than women?Only asking so no need to attack:pac:

Laoislion8383

PandaPoo wrote: »

Was in abusive relationship and cheated on him, a lot. I had no self respect and just wanted to feel attractive I guess. Still doesn't make it right. Anyway, he found out and I had to call the guards because he got so out of control angry, hitting me and punching holes in the wall, pinning me up against the wall when I was holding our 1 year old. Haven't seen him in about 2.5 years, thankfully.

He kissed someone about a year before that, I didn't really care though. I kind of hoped he'd leave me for her. I had trust issues then, if I could cheat on someone then they could cheat on me.

Married now and can't imagine ever cheating on my husband, we have a really great relationship and I trust him completely.

You got the happy ending after all the **** you went through, would you ex see his child I just presume the one year old you were holding was his child

MikeSD

Colser wrote: »

Being cheated on is the worst thing that has ever happened to me..I would advise any man that is doing it/thinking of it to just break up with your wife/partner..you have no idea what it does to them when they eventually find out..
BTW do men cheat way more than women?Only asking so no need to attack:pac:

You can advise women not to cheat aswell there.

darkpagandeath

MikeSD wrote: »

You can advise women not to cheat aswell there.

Yeah seems men only cheat with other men :P

PandaPoo

Laoislion8383 wrote: »

You got the happy ending after all the **** you went through, would you ex see his child I just presume the one year old you were holding was his child

It was yeah. He's 5 now and was 2 the last time he saw his biological dad. For months after he kept saying daddy kill me, daddy hurt mommy. It was Heartbreaking.

He calls my husband dad now and they are really close. I never told him to, always used his name but he just started doing it one day and now it's normal.

We still see his biological dad's parents, have a great relationship with them too thankfully. They don't speak to him either, haven't in years. Ah well.

Laoislion8383

Colser wrote: »

Being cheated on is the worst thing that has ever happened to me..I would advise any man that is doing it/thinking of it to just break up with your wife/partner..you have no idea what it does to them when they eventually find out..
BTW do men cheat way more than women?Only asking so no need to attack:pac:

Not sure about that tbh, I do remember watching a programme about it and they said that a woman had a 70% more chance of cheating when she is obviating, but men I think are hard wired to shag anything that moves, but most of us don't. Look yes touch no

raze_them_all_

Cheated a lot got cheated on a lot, no complaints though, live by the sword die by the sword

Laoislion8383

PandaPoo wrote: »

It was yeah. He's 5 now and was 2 the last time he saw his biological dad. For months after he kept saying daddy kill me, daddy hurt mommy. It was Heartbreaking.

He calls my husband dad now and they are really close. I never told him to, always used his name but he just started doing it one day and now it's normal.

We still see his biological dad's parents, have a great relationship with them too thankfully. They don't speak to him either, haven't in years. Ah well.

That's life, tbh your son is prob far better off without him in his life, even his own parents don't play ball with him that tells me he is a nasty piece of work, you and your son are happy now it's that all that matters. It amazes me when we look back and some of the people we were with and just ask "why" you can't even remember what attracted you to some of these people

Laoislion8383

raze_them_all_ wrote: »

Cheated a lot got cheated on a lot, no complaints though, live by the sword die by the sword

It's how the cookie crumbles

PandaPoo

Cueva wrote: »

I think when you become confident in yourself and emotionally mature you can be happy to let your partner enjoy sex with other people, denying people their natural sexual urges is cruel in my opinion.

I don't think my husband would even want to, neither would I. I like the fact that we're committed to each other, I think if we weren't monogamous then some of the intimacy would be lost.

I.always said to him, cheating on.me would obviously upset me but knowing he was cuddling or affectionate with another woman would really hurt.

Laoislion8383

Cueva wrote: »

I think when you become confident in yourself and emotionally mature you can be happy to let your partner enjoy sex with other people, denying people their natural sexual urges is cruel in my opinion.

That's another opinion on the subject too, quite valid one too I think the whole swingers scene is becoming quite big in Ireland, wouldn't be my cup of tea but hey each to there own

DivingDuck

Cueva wrote: »

I think when you become confident in yourself and emotionally mature you can be happy to let your partner enjoy sex with other people, denying people their natural sexual urges is cruel in my opinion.

I think when you become confident in yourself and emotionally mature, you can be happy to let people who want to be monogamous enjoy their monogamy without suggesting that the (wholly viable when all parties are informed and enthusiastic) alternatives are in some way morally superior.

But each to their own.

Colser

Cueva wrote: »

I think when you become confident in yourself and emotionally mature you can be happy to let your partner enjoy sex with other people, denying people their natural sexual urges is cruel in my opinion.

If thats the case then I dont think I know any confident and emotionally mature people except for one regular poster on here...Then again who knows what goes on in other peopes lives.It would certainly help if thats the way we all felt.

mailforkev

darkpagandeath wrote: »

What would cheating on your mistress with your wife be called ?

"Being French"

Menas

Cueva wrote: »

I think when you become confident in yourself and emotionally mature you can be happy to let your partner enjoy sex with other people, denying people their natural sexual urges is cruel in my opinion.

I think Humans, in the whole, are conditioned to be monogamous.
So called 'open' relationships always are doomed to failure with damage on both sides.
Deciding that someone is 'for life' and sticking with that, enjoying that, is maturity IMO.

blade1

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Interesting TED talk the other day. The speaker was saying that affairs are not so much about sex, but the intrigue, risk, intimacy, communication ...

Its about 20 mins long.

I'll never last that long!:P

harry Bailey esq

If you cheat and tell people about it you're doing it wrong.

MathDebater

I've never cheated but I've been cheated on. When I found out she told me that I could spend a night elsewhere with a girl.

I think we're done here, S.

I've been cheated on. Would never do it to anyone, knowing what it feels like.

Laoislion8383

MathDebater wrote: »

I've never cheated but I've been cheated on. When I found out she told me that I could spend a night elsewhere with a girl.

I think we're done here, S.

Am I wrong in seeing an opportunity for a threesome here and then do your legger, yes I think I am

MathDebater

Laoislion8383 wrote: »

Am I wrong in seeing an opportunity for a threesome here and then do your legger, yes I think I am

Go for it.

if you're into that sort of thing whatever rocks your boat.

Saipanne

Whisky Mac wrote: »

Twaddle. Humans, in the whole, are designed to be monogamous.

Funny, you call something twaddle, and then immediately follow it up with a retarded comment.

Kudos, sir. Kudos.

MathDebater

I know this girl that cheats regularly. She likes being dominated. Girl, you shouldn't treat x like this. "He knows". I guess it take all sorts.

endacl

Jon Stark wrote: »

Never cheated but have been cheated on. There's nothing worse than that feeling when you know something happened, but instead of being truthful, the person becomes cold and distant. Almost as if they want you to be the one that "ended" it to avoid their own guilt.

Cowardly sh1t.

Is that what your auld fella was like when he returned from King's Landing? I always wondered how he managed to patch things up with Catelyn. Ah, you were probably too young to see what was happening...

Menas

Saipanne wrote: »

Funny, you call something twaddle, and then immediately follow it up with a retarded comment.

Kudos, sir. Kudos.

What is retarded about people being in couples and not cheating?

Saipanne

Whisky Mac wrote: »

What is retarded about people being in couples and not cheating?

Eh, way to move the goalposts.

endacl

Whisky Mac wrote: »

What is retarded about people being in couples and not cheating?

We're not designed to be monogamous. We're not 'designed' at all.

Oh, and the monogamy is social conditioning.

Saipanne

endacl wrote: »

We're not designed to be monogamous. We're not 'designed' at all.

Oh, and the monogamy is social conditioning.

Exactly.

Cold War Kid

Jon Stark wrote: »

There's nothing worse than that feeling when you know something happened, but instead of being truthful, the person becomes cold and distant. Almost as if they want you to be the one that "ended" it to avoid their own guilt.

Cowardly sh1t.

Oh my god, this.
It's worse than the cheating IMO. I have a bit of a "liberal" attitude I guess to cheating. I do not advocate it of course - obviously the ideal would be no cheating, and obviously it's devastating for people, could make it hard for them to trust again, and it's wrong to do it. I have never cheated either.

But my outlook on cheating is that sh-t can sometimes happen - people can do it out of sheer loss of self control or due to their relationship being in a bad place, even when they try to work on it, etc, and the intention isn't to hurt. Just breaking up with them is the ideal but not always so straightforward, especially if they're married and/or have children.
It's not an excuse but I simply mean a person who cheats isn't always a horrible person. I also don't get the thing of putting all the blame on the person who is in the relationship and not on the person they cheated with if they're single because the single person wasn't cheating on any one. The latter still got involved with a person who is in a relationship and the cheating with them wouldn't have happened if it weren't for them!

But if a person does cheat, just admit it and take responsibility instead of twisted psychological torment and "gas-lighting" like that described in the above post.

222233

Would never cheat having been cheated on. once a cheater always a cheater

Cold War Kid

222233 wrote: »

once a cheater always a cheater

I don't know if it's necessarily the case that a person who cheats will definitely cheat again. I can totally understand a lack of trust of them for sure, but I also think it's possible for them to learn their lesson and make damn sure it never happens again.

222233

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I don't know if it's necessarily the case that a person who cheats will definitely cheat again. I can totally understand a lack of trust of them for sure, but I also think it's possible for them to learn their lesson and make damn sure it never happens again.

Could also say once they get a taste of that thrill can't help themselves but do it again.

Menas

Saipanne wrote: »

Exactly.

True, Bad choice of words from me.

MathDebater

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I don't know if it's necessarily the case that a person who cheats will definitely cheat again. I can totally understand a lack of trust of them for sure, but I also think it's possible for them to learn their lesson and make damn sure it never happens again.

Huge red flag though. I wouldn't date someone that previously cheated. I just couldn't trust them. Nothing worse than being in love with someone you expect to hurt you. Imho.