Same sex marriage - surname

Terri26 · 28-05-2015 10:57AM

The two couples I know who have had a civil partnership both changed their name to the partners. One because the surname was 'posher' and the second I think was one was an only child and wanted their name continued.

Alf Veedersane · 28-05-2015 11:02AM

MrWalsh wrote: »

Well it is optional but I have never heard of a husband changing their name

I know one. He changed to his wife's (foreign) surname.

Not sure why but possibly because it made him sound as if he might be debonair...

skallywag · 28-05-2015 11:04AM

MrWalsh wrote: »

Well it is optional but I have never heard of a husband changing their name

You would occasionally come across this alright, usually when the man is not happy with his surname.

PLL · 28-05-2015 11:09AM

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling. Myself & my other half gave our daughter a double-barrel of our surnames and if we get married I would double-barrel my surname. I see this becoming more popular amongst my friends and think it would be an ideal solution for same sex couples.

skallywag · 28-05-2015 11:09AM

eviltwin wrote: »

...but thanks for the smart dig though.

I think Kev W is actually on your side here

skallywag · 28-05-2015 11:20AM

PLL wrote: »

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling.

I can see the logic behind double-barrelling, but, just for the sake of argument, imagine a situatoin where your daughter wishes to marry someone who was also double-barrelled, and they themselves then wish to double-barrell in order to carry on the tradition so to speak. At what stage does it begin to get ridiculous? (-:

Malari · 28-05-2015 11:25AM

skallywag wrote: »

I can see the logic behind double-barrelling, but, just for the sake of argument, imagine a situatoin where your daughter wishes to marry someone who was also double-barrelled, and they themselves then wish to double-barrell in order to carry on the tradition so to speak. At what stage does it begin to get ridiculous? (-:

People always say this when the conversation turns to double-barrelling, but how many people do you know who have quadruple-barrel names? It obviously isn't a real problem!

MrWalsh · 28-05-2015 11:25AM

Malari wrote: »

People always say this when the conversation turns to double-barrelling, but how many people do you know who have quadruple-barrel names? It obviously isn't a real problem!

Only because its really not that common though.

lazygal · 28-05-2015 11:28AM

PLL wrote: »

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling. Myself & my other half gave our daughter a double-barrel of our surnames and if we get married I would double-barrel my surname. I see this becoming more popular amongst my friends and think it would be an ideal solution for same sex couples.

Our children have both our surnames. I don't see why they wouldn't, TBH. I always get the 'Oh noes, what if they have children and they want to give both surnames and *head explodes from the thoughts of it all*' I think they'll cope with naming their own children, the same way we did.

Malari · 28-05-2015 11:31AM

MrWalsh wrote: »

Only because its really not that common though.

Yes because people use a bit of common sense when thinking about whether to change or use names. Even if you have a quadruple-barrel name, you'll practically only use one surname for everyday use. Like Spanish people.

skallywag · 28-05-2015 11:42AM

Malari wrote: »

...but how many people do you know who have quadruple-barrel names? It obviously isn't a real problem!

You need to consider that the vast majority of those who have been double-barrelled are not at marrying age yet, in fact many are still children, as this phenomenon has only really started to take off relatively recently. Hence it will be some years yet before we see the rise of the double-double. Hopefully this craze ends though before the next generation after, I simply cannot bare the thought of an octosurname, though I guess I shall anyway be at rest before then

Malari · 28-05-2015 11:46AM

skallywag wrote: »

You need to consider that the vast majority of those who have been double-barrelled are not at marrying age yet, in fact many are still children, as this phenomenon has only really started to take off relatively recently. Hence it will be some years yet before we see the rise of the double-double. Hopefully this craze ends though before the next generation after, I simply cannot bare the thought of an octosurname, though I guess I shall anyway be at rest before then

Really? I honestly don't give two hoots!

blatantrereg · 28-05-2015 11:46AM

Personally I think the expectation to change your name after marriage is weird. It's too core a part of your identity. Don't think it's weird that people choose to - just think it's weird that there's an expectation that they do.

Gatica · 28-05-2015 11:52AM

Riskymove wrote: »

as the women are free to choose I don't see what it has to do with gender equality

If one doesn't care about the issue, then one's more likely to not see anything wrong with it and therefore see it as being a gender-equality non-issue (a bit of a convoluted sentence there). However, that women would've taken their husbands' name in the first place and men never (or extremely rarely and quite more recently, unless it was an aristocratic move on behalf of the groom's family back in the day) taken their wives' speaks volumes, especially since the reasons really were about woman leaving own family and joining the husband's. She became part of the husband's family, and not really the other way around (in Japan I believe it's the other way around, but I could be wrong). The main issue of course then centres on children, who were there to carry on the line of their father, not their mother. If mothers were equally as important, it wouldn't be like that de facto.

MrWalsh · 28-05-2015 11:53AM

blatantrereg wrote: »

Personally I think the expectation to change your name after marriage is weird. It's too core a part of your identity. Don't think it's weird that people choose to - just think it's weird that there's an expectation that they do.

Ive heard this a lot and I just dont get it myself. I dont really care if you call me Mr Walsh, Mr Walsh-Barrel, Mr Barrel etc... My identity just isnt tied up in my surname, so long as I know I am being referred to I dont care - a rose is a rose by any other name and all that.

But I appreciate that some people strongly identify with their name even if I dont.

Milly33 · 28-05-2015 12:04PM

Oh I do like my second name then and proud of it as such, would always hold it close..

In saying that I do plan to take on his name as I think it is quite a nice thing to do, it is like a honour thing to me.. If he turned around and said he would prefer to take my name I would have no problem and again be honoured that he would do that. I would be quite smitten

I do plan to maybe do a little double barrel more for the fun it anything as it will be BB and then we can have a kid and call it Bob BB! I chortle..

keeponhurling · 28-05-2015 12:14PM

PLL wrote: »

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling.

is this a metaphor ?

Riskymove · 28-05-2015 12:16PM

jill_valentine wrote: »

Different pressures I suppose. I remember a friend being completely distraught that she'd "have to" change her name.

while it is unfortunate that she feels under pressure to do it, it is still not a gender equality issue. There is no obligation to do it.

anyone can be put under pressure to do something they don't want to - it isn't about equality

Sligo1 · 28-05-2015 02:10PM

tayto lover wrote: »

Hate double-barrelled names. Too toffey-nosed.

Hate this attitude. Just makes me think the people saying/thinking this have a slight chip (no pun intended tayto) on their shoulder...

keybordWarrior · 28-05-2015 02:52PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

You need to hang out with a broader range of people.

Women refusing to surrender their identify at marriage has been commonplace for a long time. Just looking around my office now, there are four married women. I'm 100% certain that two of them are using their original surname, in the workplace at least.

I forsee more double-barrelling. Am having some interesting discussions with himself about wheether we will be

Mr and Mrs OBumble-Handyman or
Mr and Mrs Handyman-OBumble

So by your logic, the other two have surrendered their identities?

endacl · 28-05-2015 02:53PM

Kev W wrote: »

It will be optional, same as with opposite sex marriage.

Are you implying that marriage is the opposite of sex?!?

:pac:

lazygal · 28-05-2015 02:55PM

Sligo1 wrote: »

Hate this attitude. Just makes me think the people saying/thinking this have a slight chip (no pun intended tayto) on their shoulder...

Yes, I hear this (only online though), that people who use two surnames are trying to be posh or snobby. I don't get it myself. Our children have both our surnames because we wanted them to have both our surnames. No other reason.

Milly33 · 28-05-2015 03:06PM

Yer kinda making it sounds all sinister..

In my head now im seeing after the wedding himself is going to drag me into a dark damp place in chains and ill be like all submissive... AND I WILL BE FORCED TO TAKE HIS NAME or impending doom!!

Mr and Mrs OBumble-Handyman or
Mr and Mrs Handyman-OBumble

Mr and Mrs Handyman- OBumble most defo it reads better...

I used to think double barrelling was a little pretentious but now I only see that with Architects offices and solicitors... Think it really is a case of just liking both and it makes it so much handier to track family history..

Milly33 · 28-05-2015 03:08PM

lazygal wrote: »

Yes, I hear this (only online though), that people who use two surnames are trying to be posh or snobby. I don't get it myself. Our children have both our surnames because we wanted them to have both our surnames. No other reason.

On that actually did you have your name then his with the double barrel. Not joking with the family history bit, it does actually make it easier but like that if it was your name then his, as you would say well she married him...

endacl · 28-05-2015 03:10PM

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I know a fair few same-sex couples who have double-barrelled their names. Matter of personal choice really, I suppose...

Personally, I just use my married name here. I still have my maiden name at home, and family in the WI will double-barrel my name as a matter of course as that's the custom there. Hell - some people in Barbados will address me by my mother's maiden name!! I answer to all

And another username finally makes sense!

lazygal · 28-05-2015 03:11PM

Milly33 wrote: »

On that actually did you have your name then his with the double barrel. Not joking with the family history bit, it does actually make it easier but like that if it was your name then his, as you would say well she married him...

I have my own name. He has his name. The children are myname-hisname. It just sounded better that way, TBH. Nothing to do with us being married. If we had them before we got married or if we decided never to get married we'd still have named them that way.

Scarinae · 28-05-2015 03:17PM

jill_valentine wrote: »

I'd consider taking a name or double barrelling if I was marrying into the McDragonslayer family or something, because that would be rad

I hope there is more than one McDragonslayer sibling available because that would be amazing!

I don't know if I would change my surname or not, I suppose I probably won't know until I'm actually faced with the decision. However, people have a wide variety of reasons behind whether they change their surname, or double barrel/blend them, and their choices should be respected.

I know a guy who married his boyfriend recently, they opted to double barrel their names and this was also the name they gave to their children.

Mrs OBumble · 28-05-2015 03:58PM

keybordWarrior wrote: »

So by your logic, the other two have surrendered their identities?

I cannot comment on the state of their personal relationships / interests etc.

But if any of their friends from school / college google them after the name-change, then yes, they did.

It's less an issue now with all the electronic communications we have.

But going back 20 or so years, it was a real issue for women who had moved away and came back home after a relationship breakdown etc. They had no systematic way of finding their female friends from years ago: the phone book now listed them under their married name, everyone knew them by their married name. In small towns, local "historians" usually remember the "nee So-and-So", but in larger places that didn't happen.

tipparetops · 28-05-2015 04:35PM

so we are all in agreement, our mothers were too submissive in giving up their names.
who do we blame, our moms or our dads.
should we talk to our parents about it.

MrWalsh · 28-05-2015 04:43PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

But going back 20 or so years, it was a real issue for women who had moved away and came back home after a relationship breakdown etc. They had no systematic way of finding their female friends from years ago: the phone book now listed them under their married name, everyone knew them by their married name. In small towns, local "historians" usually remember the "nee So-and-So", but in larger places that didn't happen.

Could they not have contacted the parents or other family members of their friends with the now changed names?

I think issues exist even today and even without name changing trying to find friends from years ago.

Would people really move away for years and then come back and try to contact long lost friends with a view to renewing the friendship? It just doesnt sound very realistic. If someone I knew from school contacted me now (as does happen on Facebook from time to time), Im happy for a quick hello and catch up but I wouldnt be suddenly best buddies again, for one thing my life is so busy I barely have time for the friends I currently have let alone long lost ones looking to renew a friendship.

Same sex marriage - surname

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