Same sex marriage - surname

MrWalsh

We often see threads here on whether or not a woman will take her husbands name upon marriage.

Will name taking occur with same sex marriage and who would take what name or will both take a new name?

Kev W

It will be optional, same as with opposite sex marriage.

lazygal

Names in Ireland are based on common usage, so you can start calling yourself whatever you want any time you want. There is no legal requirement to change your name just because you marry, any more than there is if you have a civil partnership or live together or have children together. I never changed my name when I got married, neither did my mother or my mother in law.

MrWalsh

Kev W wrote: »

It will be optional, same as with opposite sex marriage.

Well it is optional but I have never heard of a husband changing their name, the tradition is that the wife does (if she wants to).

I suppose Im wondering if a new tradition will begin now?

Also I work in software and many forms have an option for maiden name if the gender is female so it will be interesting to see all the changes required to cater for all.

i wonder will husbands changing their name in opposite sex marriages get more popular?

lazygal

MrWalsh wrote: »

Well it is optional but I have never heard of a husband changing their name, the tradition is that the wife does (if she wants to).

I suppose Im wondering if a new tradition will begin now?

I don't know. Maybe ask in the LGBT forums whether people there plan to change their names?

Mrs OBumble

MrWalsh wrote: »

Well it is optional but I have never heard of a husband changing their name, the tradition is that the wife does (if she wants to).

You need to hang out with a broader range of people.

Women refusing to surrender their identify at marriage has been commonplace for a long time. Just looking around my office now, there are four married women. I'm 100% certain that two of them are using their original surname, in the workplace at least.

I forsee more double-barrelling. Am having some interesting discussions with himself about wheether we will be

Mr and Mrs OBumble-Handyman or
Mr and Mrs Handyman-OBumble

fannymagee

I think we'll see a lot more double barrel surnames :-)

MrWalsh

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

You need to hang out with a broader range of people.

Women refusing to surrender their identify at marriage has been commonplace for a long time. Just looking around my office now, there are four married women. I'm 100% certain that two of them are using their original surname, in the workplace at least.

I forsee more double-barrelling. Am having some interesting discussions with himself about wheether we will be

Mr and Mrs OBumble-Handyman or
Mr and Mrs Handyman-OBumble

I havent changed my own and know plenty who havent but I know more who have and I definitely know no men who have.

tayto lover

fannymagee wrote: »

I think we'll see a lot more double barrel surnames :-)

Hate double-barrelled names. Too toffey-nosed.

fannymagee

tayto lover wrote: »

Hate double-barrelled names. Too toffey-nosed.

Is Tayto Lover not double barrelled?! ;-)

tayto lover

fannymagee wrote: »

Is Tayto Lover not double barrelled?! ;-)

No, Lover is my surname

eviltwin

Any gay couple I know who is in a CP kept their own names, I don't remember any discussion about the name issues. Many it's just straight couples who make a big deal of it because of tradition. It's still expected a woman will change her name.

ABajaninCork

I know a fair few same-sex couples who have double-barrelled their names. Matter of personal choice really, I suppose...

Personally, I just use my married name here. I still have my maiden name at home, and family in the WI will double-barrel my name as a matter of course as that's the custom there. Hell - some people in Barbados will address me by my mother's maiden name!! I answer to all

fits

I know one man who changed his name when he married.

He was keen to have an irish surname.

tayto lover

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I know a fair few same-sex couples who have double-barrelled their names. Matter of personal choice really, I suppose...

Personally, I just use my married name here. I still have my maiden name at home, and family in the WI will double-barrel my name as a matter of course as that's the custom there. Hell - some people in Barbados will address me by my mother's maiden name!! I answer to all

Doesn't matter to me what name is put on a cheque.
If it's for me i'll get it cashed regardless.:D

Peregrinus

I know one couple who both changed their names on marriage, to a third surname which was new to both of them.

(In fairness, that had a bit to do with avoiding their creditors.)

Gatica

I'd imagine it would be considered "normal" for same-sex partners to either keep their names, either one change their name or both become double barrelled.

I think among couples getting married many women still very happily take their husband's name and change their title to Mrs, which I find really astonishing. One would never be able to infer marital status from a man's title, so why should one from a woman's? Anyway, that's more of an issue on gender equality....

tipparetops

as long as the children get the fathers name, see no issue.

MrWalsh

Gatica wrote: »

I think among couples getting married many women still very happily take their husband's name and change their title to Mrs, which I find really astonishing. One would never be able to infer marital status from a man's title, so why should one from a woman's? Anyway, that's more of an issue on gender equality....

Reminds me of the story of the woman who used her title of Dr on some electronic form and then was unable to check the gender of female because the validation prevented it!

Seeing as titles are mostly self assigned I often fill in Baroness on inconsequential forms.......

eviltwin

tipparetops wrote: »

as long as the children get the fathers name, see no issue.

Are you being serious?

Kev W

eviltwin wrote: »

Are you being serious?

Didn't take long for Mrs. Lovejoy to turn up.

eviltwin

Kev W wrote: »

Didn't take long for Mrs. Lovejoy to turn up.

Me? We're talking about same sex couples, there may be two dads or no dad. It didn't make sense but thanks for the smart dig though.

Riskymove

Gatica wrote: »

Anyway, that's more of an issue on gender equality....

as the women are free to choose I don't see what it has to do with gender equality

Miguel_Sanchez

I know some gay couples where one guy took the other's name when they married.

I imagine though, like in hetero marriages this is a dying trend.

I always felt it would be weird if my wife took my name.

Although given the unwieldness of our surnames double-barreling was never an option for our son so he has my surname.

Miguel_Sanchez

eviltwin wrote: »

there may be two dads or no dad

I think that was the joke.

tipparetops

eviltwin wrote: »

Are you being serious?

No.

Why should anyone judge someone else over whether they keep their name or change it.
Cest la vie.

jill_valentine

Depends. I'd consider taking a name or double barrelling if I was marrying into the McDragonslayer family or something, because that would be rad, but otherwise, I'd rather keep my own name out of handiness as much as anything.

keeponhurling

My wife didn't take my surname, no problem I thought - it's up to her.

Now somebody recently told her that it might be problem if she has a different surname to our children, for travelling and such things. More documentation might be needed to show the relationship.
Anyone heard of this before?

Peregrinus

keeponhurling wrote: »

My wife didn't take my surname, no problem I thought - it's up to her.

Now somebody recently told her that it might be problem if she has a different surname to our children, for travelling and such things. More documentation might be needed to show the relationship.
Anyone heard of this before?

Yup. My wife did not take my surname. When our daughter (who has my surname) was younger, my wife was advised by UK immigration officials that it would be prudent for her, if travelling with our daughter but without me, to bring not only our daughter's passport but also her birth cert, as documentary evidence that she was indeed the girl's mother. This is mainly motivated by concerns about child abduction, etc. The need for this abates once the child is old enough to say "yep, that's my mother".

jill_valentine

Riskymove wrote: »

as the women are free to choose I don't see what it has to do with gender equality

Different pressures I suppose. I remember a friend being completely distraught that she'd "have to" change her name.

Kev W

eviltwin wrote: »

Me? We're talking about same sex couples, there may be two dads or no dad. It didn't make sense but thanks for the smart dig though.

No, not you. I was referring to the post you were quoting.

Terri26

The two couples I know who have had a civil partnership both changed their name to the partners. One because the surname was 'posher' and the second I think was one was an only child and wanted their name continued.

Alf Veedersane

MrWalsh wrote: »

Well it is optional but I have never heard of a husband changing their name

I know one. He changed to his wife's (foreign) surname.

Not sure why but possibly because it made him sound as if he might be debonair...

skallywag

MrWalsh wrote: »

Well it is optional but I have never heard of a husband changing their name

You would occasionally come across this alright, usually when the man is not happy with his surname.

PLL

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling. Myself & my other half gave our daughter a double-barrel of our surnames and if we get married I would double-barrel my surname. I see this becoming more popular amongst my friends and think it would be an ideal solution for same sex couples.

skallywag

eviltwin wrote: »

...but thanks for the smart dig though.

I think Kev W is actually on your side here

skallywag

PLL wrote: »

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling.

I can see the logic behind double-barrelling, but, just for the sake of argument, imagine a situatoin where your daughter wishes to marry someone who was also double-barrelled, and they themselves then wish to double-barrell in order to carry on the tradition so to speak. At what stage does it begin to get ridiculous? (-:

Malari

skallywag wrote: »

I can see the logic behind double-barrelling, but, just for the sake of argument, imagine a situatoin where your daughter wishes to marry someone who was also double-barrelled, and they themselves then wish to double-barrell in order to carry on the tradition so to speak. At what stage does it begin to get ridiculous? (-:

People always say this when the conversation turns to double-barrelling, but how many people do you know who have quadruple-barrel names? It obviously isn't a real problem!

MrWalsh

Malari wrote: »

People always say this when the conversation turns to double-barrelling, but how many people do you know who have quadruple-barrel names? It obviously isn't a real problem!

Only because its really not that common though.

lazygal

PLL wrote: »

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling. Myself & my other half gave our daughter a double-barrel of our surnames and if we get married I would double-barrel my surname. I see this becoming more popular amongst my friends and think it would be an ideal solution for same sex couples.

Our children have both our surnames. I don't see why they wouldn't, TBH. I always get the 'Oh noes, what if they have children and they want to give both surnames and *head explodes from the thoughts of it all*' I think they'll cope with naming their own children, the same way we did.

Malari

MrWalsh wrote: »

Only because its really not that common though.

Yes because people use a bit of common sense when thinking about whether to change or use names. Even if you have a quadruple-barrel name, you'll practically only use one surname for everyday use. Like Spanish people.

skallywag

Malari wrote: »

...but how many people do you know who have quadruple-barrel names? It obviously isn't a real problem!

You need to consider that the vast majority of those who have been double-barrelled are not at marrying age yet, in fact many are still children, as this phenomenon has only really started to take off relatively recently. Hence it will be some years yet before we see the rise of the double-double. Hopefully this craze ends though before the next generation after, I simply cannot bare the thought of an octosurname, though I guess I shall anyway be at rest before then

Malari

skallywag wrote: »

You need to consider that the vast majority of those who have been double-barrelled are not at marrying age yet, in fact many are still children, as this phenomenon has only really started to take off relatively recently. Hence it will be some years yet before we see the rise of the double-double. Hopefully this craze ends though before the next generation after, I simply cannot bare the thought of an octosurname, though I guess I shall anyway be at rest before then

Really? I honestly don't give two hoots!

blatantrereg

Personally I think the expectation to change your name after marriage is weird. It's too core a part of your identity. Don't think it's weird that people choose to - just think it's weird that there's an expectation that they do.

Gatica

Riskymove wrote: »

as the women are free to choose I don't see what it has to do with gender equality

If one doesn't care about the issue, then one's more likely to not see anything wrong with it and therefore see it as being a gender-equality non-issue (a bit of a convoluted sentence there). However, that women would've taken their husbands' name in the first place and men never (or extremely rarely and quite more recently, unless it was an aristocratic move on behalf of the groom's family back in the day) taken their wives' speaks volumes, especially since the reasons really were about woman leaving own family and joining the husband's. She became part of the husband's family, and not really the other way around (in Japan I believe it's the other way around, but I could be wrong). The main issue of course then centres on children, who were there to carry on the line of their father, not their mother. If mothers were equally as important, it wouldn't be like that de facto.

MrWalsh

blatantrereg wrote: »

Personally I think the expectation to change your name after marriage is weird. It's too core a part of your identity. Don't think it's weird that people choose to - just think it's weird that there's an expectation that they do.

Ive heard this a lot and I just dont get it myself. I dont really care if you call me Mr Walsh, Mr Walsh-Barrel, Mr Barrel etc... My identity just isnt tied up in my surname, so long as I know I am being referred to I dont care - a rose is a rose by any other name and all that.

But I appreciate that some people strongly identify with their name even if I dont.

Milly33

Oh I do like my second name then and proud of it as such, would always hold it close..

In saying that I do plan to take on his name as I think it is quite a nice thing to do, it is like a honour thing to me.. If he turned around and said he would prefer to take my name I would have no problem and again be honoured that he would do that. I would be quite smitten

I do plan to maybe do a little double barrel more for the fun it anything as it will be BB and then we can have a kid and call it Bob BB! I chortle..

keeponhurling

PLL wrote: »

I'm not in a same-sex relationship but I think there will be more double-barreling.

is this a metaphor ?

Riskymove

jill_valentine wrote: »

Different pressures I suppose. I remember a friend being completely distraught that she'd "have to" change her name.

while it is unfortunate that she feels under pressure to do it, it is still not a gender equality issue. There is no obligation to do it.

anyone can be put under pressure to do something they don't want to - it isn't about equality

Sligo1

tayto lover wrote: »

Hate double-barrelled names. Too toffey-nosed.

Hate this attitude. Just makes me think the people saying/thinking this have a slight chip (no pun intended tayto) on their shoulder...

keybordWarrior

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

You need to hang out with a broader range of people.

Women refusing to surrender their identify at marriage has been commonplace for a long time. Just looking around my office now, there are four married women. I'm 100% certain that two of them are using their original surname, in the workplace at least.

I forsee more double-barrelling. Am having some interesting discussions with himself about wheether we will be

Mr and Mrs OBumble-Handyman or
Mr and Mrs Handyman-OBumble

So by your logic, the other two have surrendered their identities?