C&H sex discussion thread

Junco Partner · 13-02-2015 4:29am

Ladies of C&H, If you were in the early stages of dating someone and after the first date you know you'll go for a second and after the second you know you'll go for a third and so on. How many dates would you go on before you'd sleep with that person?
I have been on three dates with this girl. She's smart she's funny and pretty darn pretty but for the third date I once again walked home alone. I have not mentioned it except at the once at the end of each night and because I don't want to pressure the girl. But I am beginning to wonder if the views we both have on sex are incompatible sex to me is just fun if your having a good night with someone sex is the perfect way to send that night off. But I know some guys and girls place a lot more weight in what sex means for that relationship and will wait.

I don't wanna be in a relationship at the minute at all least of all have to be in one before I start sleeping with that person. She hasn't outright said this is the reason but at the end of each night it's been not tonight my mam is collecting me it sucks, next time. The next night arrives and it's the same goodbye.

How do you bring this up with someone without being cruel with them. I can be quite blunt so I've been trying to be more human like in my interaction. Should I just cut my losses and say my goodbyes.

I don't want it to come across as that's all I'm after to you guys here cause that's not the way I mean it. this girl is pretty cool and I am interested in her but it's just I really like sex y'know. I just like it to be part of the already great package.

Cherry Blossom Girl · 13-02-2015 8:53am

Junco Partner wrote: »

Junco's words go here.

IMO (duh) it depends. If I was seeing someone I liked but I wasn't absolutely crazy about them I'd probably have sex with them after 3/4 decent dates. On the other hand, if I was seeing someone that maybe I'd known/liked for a while beforehand and could see myself being with for a long time then I'd probably wait a small while longer to have actually penetrative sex with them, but I'd certainly fool around and whatever in the meantime.

I guess, for me, sex is great and fun and all that but sex with someone you like < sex with someone you like and have a decent emotional connection with. I have no problems with attaining the first but I always seem to be chasing the latter so if I found that connection with someone I'd place a bit more worth on the sex with that particular person. I know 21st century media loves to portray the notion that sex is all fun and no big deal but in reality having sex with someone is an incredibly intimiate act and it does change things between people. Not necessarily in a bad way but the dynamic does shift somewhat.

Maybe she's afraid that you're just after sex. Honestly, speaking as a woman, the stereotype that all men are just after sex is so ingrained in our minds from the media and whatever. I know it's not true, I've plenty experience of it not being true, but it's still a legitimate thought I have every time I meet a new guy where there's mutual interest between us. Maybe that's more to do with my own insecurities, but it holds true for a lot of women.

Bottom line, discuss it with her. You can be blunt without being cruel, which I think is what you should do. Just lay out your feelings on this matter in a clear but non-pressuring way. It sounds like maybe ye have slightly different views on sex and it's weight/lack thereof which is clearly an issue. Then again maybe she's just a bit shy/inexperienced. Maybe she'd to build up to sex by doing other foreplay (does that word make anyone else cringe?) type stuff with you first. Maybe its just the fact that if she lives with her parents (just presuming,if her mam was collecting her) it might be a bit cringe for her to have to imply to them that she won't be home cause she'll be having sex. I know it's how we all got here but whose insides don't coil up at the thought of discussing your sex life with your parents.

If you don't want a relationship though and just want something casual then you need to tell her that straight away. It's really not fair on her otherwise, especially if you feel that she might be after something a bit more serious.

ALSO if you do decide to cut your losses, please don't do the whole 'I'll just stop contacting/ responding to her, she'll get the message." That sh!t is awful. At least give her some kind of concrete explanation.

Take from my 8am non-wisdom what you will.

Jhcx · 13-02-2015 12:28pm

Junco Partner wrote: »

Sex and .casual relations

Tbf she sounds like a serious type of girl I could be totally wrong it's always the quiet ones need to look out for. But 3 dates in and she's not exactly touching u or mentioning anything she could just very well be looking for a bf. But ask and you will get your answer. I'm more simple questions. "between us are you looking for something serious or are you happy going casual. I like where we are but wouldn't mind getting more intimate " your answer will be either yes or no and if she gets annoyed over it well you can avoid getting serious. Can't stand people who get annoyed easily, train wrecks.

Good luck Junco in your quest for sex :pac:

Talib Fiasco · 14-02-2015 11:07pm

For me I would never even consider going out with a girl unless we had sex already and had been doing so with a good while. I am not a guy for going on dates so I am probably the last person to be giving advice but what I have found out about women is that you'll never fully know what they're thinking or where they stand, especially in relation to sex unless you start pushing the boundaries, if you know what I mean. You know the whole "one thing leads to another" mumbo jumbo, well it has some legitimacy associated with it. The more you push for the quicker she will let you know what she is comfortable with. Sometimes it won't be the outcome you want but hey better off not wasting your time right? So yeah my advice would be to push the boundaries as much as you can and see where that goes for you.

HugsiePie · 14-02-2015 11:48pm

Talib Fiasco wrote: »

For me I would never even consider going out with a girl unless we had sex already and had been doing so with a good while. I am not a guy for going on dates so I am probably the last person to be giving advice but what I have found out about women is that you'll never fully know what they're thinking or where they stand, especially in relation to sex unless you start pushing the boundaries, if you know what I mean. You know the whole "one thing leads to another" mumbo jumbo, well it has some legitimacy associated with it. The more you push for the quicker she will let you know what she is comfortable with. Sometimes it won't be the outcome you want but hey better off not wasting your time right? So yeah my advice would be to push the boundaries as much as you can and see where that goes for you.

What a wee Christian Gray we have here :pac:

iamanengine · 15-02-2015 3:10pm

What do y'all think is the average number of sexual partners people have had by say...25?

Talib Fiasco · 15-02-2015 3:18pm

iamanengine wrote: »

What do y'all think is the average number of sexual partners people have had by say...25?

That really is subjective. Could be anything from 0 or 1 to over 50 etc.

iamanengine · 15-02-2015 3:21pm

Talib Fiasco wrote: »

That really is subjective. Could be anything from 0 or 1 to over 50 etc.

Fair enough. I was just reading an article that said the average in Ireland for people in there 30's was 8...I was thinking that seems quite low but, perhaps I'm a slut :pac:

Talib Fiasco · 15-02-2015 3:24pm

iamanengine wrote: »

Fair enough. I was just reading an article that said the average in Ireland for people in there 30's was 8...I was thinking that seems quite low but, perhaps I'm a slut :pac:

I agree, extremely low...then again it's pretty touchy subject. I know a girl, who is just after turning 21 and has had over 40 sexual partners...and if you were told it was below five you'd probably believe it more. I think most people would probably never disclose their real number, especially to randomers for a survey etc.

Macavity. · 15-02-2015 5:09pm

HugsiePie wrote: »

I have 2 good friends who say they're never going to have sex until their married. 1 of them will DEFINITELY carry through on this the other one is in a serious relationship so well see (they arent foreign nor is it for religious reasons) the one who I know will defo not do anything is 19 and has never had the shift and does not plan on getting it till her 1st relationship which she has completely written off till shes finished her PhD.....shes in the 2nd year of her 4year undergrad.

What are their reasons?

The only people I know who are like that are religious.

Jhcx · 15-02-2015 5:24pm

Was doing the maths last night so far I've had 8 at 22. Still 3 years to go 34months to play my game with one every second month average that number is pretty low for 25

Talib Fiasco · 15-02-2015 6:28pm

I honestly don't know my true number due to several blackout drunk stories and slight flashbacks as well as a few other experiences which would vary the number depending on how you see it.

Jhcx · 15-02-2015 10:04pm

HugsiePie wrote: »

You think 25 partners by age 25 is a low number?

No. The number in the original article is a low number considering I'm only 22 and have the same amount. Give me three years and I can't see it still being single digits

Sorry it's 8 at 30. Jaysus that's very low.

Cherry Blossom Girl · 15-02-2015 10:29pm

Does it really matter though? Honestly, who cares if you've had sex with 1 person or 100? I always find this topic of discussion irritating because some group of people get judged unfairly. Oh you're 22 and have had sex with 17 people? Clearly you're a massive slut and have commitment issues. Similarly if someone is 30 and has had sex with 2 people they're obviously an unattractive loser. It's all so uninformed and superficial. I'm not even going to get into the sexism debate.

As long as each individual is happy then who gives a sh!t.

Insect Overlord · 16-02-2015 2:58am

Quality of partner > quantity of partners. Infinitely.

HugsiePie · 16-02-2015 3:04am

An File wrote: »

Quality of partner > quantity of partners. Infinitely.

Intimately :cool:

iamanengine · 16-02-2015 4:15pm

I feel I should point out that when I brought this up I by no means meant it as a bragging contest or anything. I just wanted others opinions to see how it related to my own experience.

An File wrote: »

Quality of partner > quantity of partners. Infinitely.

^ This.

Jhcx · 16-02-2015 5:20pm

Don't think it's about bragging. But you wouldn't realize the amount of people you meet while growing up. Personally as someone my
Self who feels I haven't met a lot looking back I have. Those who only get to be with one person I'd respect that I like the experience but would rather just have the one person to understand

MauraTheThird · 17-02-2015 1:12pm

I'm 21 and have been with 5 pepole but one was a long term (3 year) relationship and another was a year and anoother was 6 months. I feel like if I had been single, I'd be definitely double digits by now. But who cares? I know people who are called sluts because they've been with the same amount as me but because hers were ONS, somehow that makes it worse? I don't understand people tbh.

floutingmaxims · 09-05-2015 8:27pm

I've been in a 12 month relationship, an 18 month relationship and I'm with my current bf with about 6 months now. I've slept with a couple more :rolleyes: I'm 22. I love sex. I love cuddles. I love pillow talk. In my experience,this happens on ONS not just in a relationship. A little lovin' and getting to know someone, no matter how briefly can lift the spirits. I've had one or two not so great encounters but that's part and parcel of life. Sex should never be a basis on which to judge someone. Its one of life's most simple pleasures, you'd be a fool to think you can tarnish someone for taking advantage of it.

#deadthreadrevival

Talib Fiasco · 09-05-2015 8:30pm

Cawcheen wrote: »

*bla bla bla bla* I love sex. I love cuddles. I love pillow talk. In my experience,this happens on ONS *bla bla bla*

floutingmaxims · 09-05-2015 9:48pm

HugsiePie wrote: »

Nevermind. I retract my statement. Hummuna hummuna, but he's saucy there :pac::pac::D

LoonyLovegood · 09-05-2015 9:59pm

I worry about the sanity of some people on this forum at times

MauraTheThird · 09-05-2015 10:14pm

I have not had any action since October so I've spotted the source of my insanity

Junco Partner · 09-05-2015 10:25pm

MauraTheThird wrote: »

I have not had any action since October so I've spotted the source of my insanity

I know them feels. Been ages.

MauraTheThird · 09-05-2015 10:32pm

I had an almost moment, but on the way out of the night club, I met a lad in my class who'd gotten into a fight so I brought him back to his house to safety. Disaster

Junco Partner · 09-05-2015 10:43pm

MauraTheThird wrote: »

I had an almost moment, but on the way out of the night club, I met a lad in my class who'd gotten into a fight so I brought him back to his house to safety. Disaster

my last seven months have been a string of almosts. Met a girl a few weeks ago though so I technically am getting some. New fwb but twill be another few weeks before we meet up. So I'm in the twilight zone of getting some.

MauraTheThird · 09-05-2015 11:00pm

Junco Partner wrote: »

my last seven months have been a string of almosts. Met a girl a few weeks ago though so I technically am getting some. New fwb but twill be another few weeks before we meet up. So I'm in the twilight zone of getting some.

Go on my son. Dreading coming home for the summer because the chances of meeting someone are slim to nil

Live life, love celibacy

LoonyLovegood · 09-05-2015 11:01pm

I've realised over the past while that fwb doesn't work for me. So, celibacy it is!

MauraTheThird · 09-05-2015 11:04pm

HugsiePie wrote: »

You shouldve just got with the lad in your course :P

All this talk of celibacy, who wants to set up a convent with me?

The guy I was leaving with was a guy I was shifting from my course and the guy we stopped to help was his housemate, also in my course. That COULD have made things awkward to say the least.

Convent sounds like a good plan at the moment

C&H sex discussion thread

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