The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

sligojoek wrote: »

Probably better told than written

I doubt it

Young Anwar Ibm Ibrahim misfired on the way to the job and ended up in the domain of Allah. As he was mysteriously propelled toward a great white light, a feeling of unimaginable bliss came over him as he began to think of his eternal reward, as befitting a martyr.

<BANG!> The butt of a Colt Single-Action Army .45 caught him a right cracker just behind the ear. It transpired this was wielded by James Madison. Hardly a second later he gets an almighty hoof to the plumsack by none other than Ulysses S. Grant. This is followed by several boots and haymakers from such dignitaries as Paul Bunyan, Jim Monroe, Alexander Hamilton and George Washington himself.

This shows no sign of abating, so our man yells out "Stop, stop, STOP!! What is going on?? What kind of Paradise is this??"

Mr. Washington steps forward. "Son," he said, "I'm afraid there was a misprint a long time back. It's supposed to say '72 Virginians'!"

Anyone see that Rolex documentary?

It's a good watch.

Does this cloth smell of chloroform to you?

The fact that there's a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell, tells a lot about expected traffic..

A chicken walks over to a duck who is about to cross the road and says
"don't do it - you'll never hear the end of it".

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

I was at the Man City match the other day and the lad sat next to me called me a cunt.

I would have hit him but I couldn't be bothered to walk half way around the stadium.

el diablo wrote: »

Why did the Kerryman always leave one shoelace undone?






On the sole of his shoe was written "Taiwan".

gotta love Kerryman jokes


Did you hear about the group of Kerrymen who tried to do their own version of Riverdance?

Did you hear about the Kerryman who tried to blow up a bus?






He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

yellowlabrador wrote: »

Ho do you confuse Kerry man.
Send him into a shed full of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

That one takes me back!

I apologise in advance of this one!

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Fred's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Local Farm Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.