I don't ever want a girlfriend(again), wife or kids

bnt wrote: »

Imagine living in a tribe in the Amazon jungle. Women from different generations would stay in the village and take care of the kids while the men were off hunting. They had to be fed, and that was about it for costs. A few might toddle off in to the jungle and get eaten by jaguars, or eat something bad and die - but it was the jungle.

You do understand that people in your imaginary "Amazon jungle" lived hand to mouth. That every resource was limited. Therefore raising a child was about the most difficult, resource wasting, thing that could be done.

In terms of cost having a child was more difficult then.

bnt wrote: »

Now, people live in overcrowded cities. where everyone has to work to make ends meet (no stay-at-home mothers). Every kid is precious because of the sacrifices and investments of time etc. you have to make, just to keep the kid alive and safe in the concrete jungle. If your kid dies, all that investment is wasted, and if the law suspects it's your fault, you can be prosecuted.

You think that men off hunting, gathering, farming the land, while the women cooked, preserved the food, made the clothes, kept the fire going and dealt with the health of the tribe, meant that people didn't have to work to make ends meet? Keeping in mind that this was all done exposed to the weather, to mother nature and that there was no law apart from who had the bigger weapon. Times have changed so much that we now have time off, holidays and can chat on the internet to complete strangers. Want to go to work? Drop your kid off at a childminders. Didn't go "hunting" today, order take-out.

It also disturbing that you refer to a life as an "investment". Do you only see yourself in terms of what you mean financially to others? That if you die people will only be effected by the amount of time that they put into their relationship with you.

bnt wrote: »

In short looking at it from the outside: having a kid today is like willingly walking in to a minefield. One wrong step, it all blows up in your face. "It takes a village to raise a child"? The village is gone: everyone around you is fighting to survive and has no time, resources or interest in helping you raise yet another resource-munching parasite the world does not need. :cool:

It must be interesting where you live. All those gun fights, blocks wars, fighting for survival. Me? I can go entire weeks without stepping on a minefield, sometimes months.

Whats with all the melodrama? Having a child is about getting up in the morning, getting them dressed, feeding them, sending them where they have to go, making sure that they have somewhere to come home to and food on the table. Last night I sat down with a cup of tea and watched Bear Grylls with my two lads and am planning to head off camping with the oldest once the weather warms up a bit. Hardly the tale of sacrifice and parasitic survival that you are talking about.

H3llR4iser wrote: »

That is social pressure; It seems to be particularly bad here - seemingly nowhere in western societies you will find men so hell bent on "getting married, having kids!" as much as in Ireland.

Really?

I've been to England, France, Germany, Denmark, Greece, Egypt, the States, and pretty much everywhere has married families with children.

In fact I think I'm fairly secure in saying that it has been going on world wide, in various ways, for thousands of years now. The earliest records of marriage go back to 2000 B.C. in Mesopotamia.

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Frankly, I think it is an absolutely terrible thing - there are lots of people, men and women alike, who just start families because their mammy says "it's the right thing to do".

As for the OP, there's nothing wrong with you. What a lot of people fail to understand is that not necessarily everyone is suited for the fairytale, traditional long term relationship, kids, school runs and so on. There is nothing strange nor "selfish" about it; If you don't feel you'd be a good life partner/parent, it's better to steer clear of it rather than make an half-assed attempt at "fitting in".

There is nothing strange about wanting to be single. But not everyone gets married to keep their mother happy.

Being married is only a prison if you let it be... or look at it that way. I don't check in and I have time to do what I want, not as much as I would like but its about compromise. I like having somebody there that I can talk to whenever I need, somebody that understands me and doesn't judge me. We don't live in each others pockets and if she wants to go out with her mates, there's no issues and vice versa.

Having a kid was the best thing I ever done. Yeah you don't get to go out, its a big responsibility, wreaks havoc with your sleep but its worth it, even when they completely wreak your head. I cant wait to see my little man when I get home and he goes absolutely bonkers when I arrive at the door. Its the best feeling and I never thought I would feel this way but the drinking, one night stands etc, don't give a monkeys about them anymore.

because we don't live in each others pockets and we're not joined at the hip like my single friends perceive a relationship should be!

In a nutshell! Some people like to live in each others pockets an be draped over each other, and other people don't. My wife would be the former as her family are extremely close and very 'huggy' whereas I would be the latter as I can be very distant.

All it takes is a simple conversation to say... 'look, I love you more than anything, but I need some space sometimes. It's not that I don't want to be with you or that I don't like your company; we're different people with different needs and I like time to myself and time to do things for myself as much as you like to be close to me." If they can't understand that, then they are not right for you but my experience is that you are always better to be honest and forthright, this is how you maintain a happy relationship.

i dont want kids because i dont think id be a very good father , my own father ( deceased ) was a decent man but a pretty poor father

Never make that assumption, my father is a great man but he couldn't handle kids, he evens says it himself, he just cant deal with them.

Both my brother and I are great fathers and we would do anything for our kids. If you don't want kids, fair enough, but don't make that decision based on your own father.

RoboRat wrote:

All it takes is a simple conversation to say... 'look, I love you more than anything, but I need some space sometimes. It's not that I don't want to be with you or that I don't like your company; we're different people with different needs and I like time to myself and time to do things for myself as much as you like to be close to me." If they can't understand that, then they are not right for you but my experience is that you are always better to be honest and forthright, this is how you maintain a happy relationship.

I totally agree with you. 3 or 4 times a week I have 'man time'. Free time to myself to go to gym, cycling or socialising. I find this time most beneficial to relieve the stress of everyday life. Without it our relationship will ultimately fail.

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Do the opposite of what the bad parent did!

Something like that alright!

I mean, we've all been children ourselves, so it's not like we have no understanding of being a child, or indeed being a parent to a child. It's not the rocket science some people make it out to be!

There are plenty of people who would be great parents simply because they're great with people, that's really all it takes!

i totally agree with op, ive had long relationships and they always end in pain.
single a year now and i think im happier.

def dont want the marriage and kids, never appealed to me!!

**** bitches, get money!

durpdurp wrote: »

Does any one else find this strange? I never want a girlfriend or wife as would find it like prison. Wake up she's there, home from work she's there, having to check in with her on what I'm doing and always having her there would drive me up the wall. Im 28 now and had a few on off relationships back when I was 20 to 24 but they drove me cracked and longest one lasted three weeks and ended it then as couldn't stick having to check in, she wants a DVD night, your not going out tonight, getting annoyed over nothing etc etc. It could be rihanna, Taylor swift and I wouldn't last more than a week in a relationship without having to end it. I also never want children as they waste all your money, free time and there's more commitment in your life which I never want

I like travelling, sport and one nightstands. Anyone else like this or am I just a nut job?

I'm quite confident that id happily stay in a relationship with anyone *I* choose.. Which usually seems to be beyond my reach due to aiming too high or whatever. Going along with someone who fancied me because they were there has never worked for me.. And I'm not the confrontational type so the pfo is usually dragged out