Hen Party Help Needed

thatgirl1 · 06-02-2015 10:13pm

Toots wrote: »

Have any of them been a bridesmaid before?

Nope, but at my age, none of my close friends or family have been, so I tried to choose who I thought was best.

lazygal · 06-02-2015 10:27pm

thatgirl1 wrote: »

Nope, but at my age, none of my close friends or family have been, so I tried to choose who I thought was best.

Best for what? What do you expect them to do?

Sligo1 · 06-02-2015 10:54pm

lazygal wrote: »

Best for what? What do you expect them to do?

Ah come on now. There's no need to start down this road. Usually when people pick BMs it because they are the brides best mates and they are there for support and to help the bride with bits and pieces including a hen if there is one. That's pretty obvious.

Perhaps "expect" wasn't the right word but it's all semantics. The bride is very young here. Her and her friends are obviously all very new to this wedding malarkey. No need to be giving her a hard time and having a go at her "expectations" or whatever. She's quite entitled to think her BMs should be there to support her choices and help her out with a few bits and pieces.

thatgirl1 · 06-02-2015 11:23pm

Sligo1 wrote: »

Ah come on now. There's no need to start down this road. Usually when people pick BMs it because they are the brides best mates and they are there for support and to help the bride with bits and pieces including a hen if there is one. That's pretty obvious.

Perhaps "expect" wasn't the right word but it's all semantics. The bride is very young here. Her and her friends are obviously all very new to this wedding malarkey. No need to be giving her a hard time and having a go at her "expectations" or whatever. She's quite entitled to think her BMs should be there to support her choices and help her out with a few bits and pieces.

Thanks Sligo1, you're on the money!

My "expectations" as you put them, would be for at least some help and support, I honestly didn't think that'd be too much to ask, it's not like I'm asking them to plan the wedding for me!

Toots · 06-02-2015 11:55pm

I was wondering when you said you were young would this be the first rodeo for some of your BMs. That being said, even if it is their first time being a bridesmaid, it's common knowledge that part of being a bridesmaid is that you help the bride! I mean the clue is in the name ffs!

Have you actually outrightly asked them in black and white: I need you to help me organise my hen weekend?

If you have, and they still haven't bothered their holes doing anything, then that's just lousy. How have they been with going to dress fittings/choosing their dresses, etc?

From what you're describing, I'd make sure you have other family/relatives/friends lined up on the wedding day if you need a hand (getting to the loo, bustling your dress, etc) because it doesn't sound like you'd be able to count on your BMs.

thatgirl1 · 07-02-2015 12:09am

I thought that too, but obviously not!

I have asked them outright, but I've gotten very little in rresponse, kind of along the lines of 'oh yeah, must get something planned' and that'd be it! They've been the same for dress fittings too, they came eventually, but it takes forever! Not exactly ideal.

Definitely will have mum on hand for the day to help with my dress/other bits!

Toots · 07-02-2015 12:50am

I suppose it's too late to give them the boot?

thatgirl1 · 07-02-2015 12:51am

Toots wrote: »

I suppose it's too late to give them the boot?

Just a little! :-P

PLL · 07-02-2015 1:35am

I'm 24 and if one of my friends got married she would be sick of me I would so excited. However, I have been in a relationship 5 years so weddings/babies/interior design etc excite me because they are part of my life. Maybe your friends are single or not in long term relationships and just don't get the whole excitement yet. I only have one other friend in a relationship (8 months) and the rest are single so I'd say they wouldn't take it too seriously either.

I wish you the best of luck OP I hope you find a compromise between what you will enjoy. Health, wealth, and happiness to you and your future husband.

Toots · 07-02-2015 1:38am

Back to the drawing board! Has your OH got any sisters? Would it be nice for you and your mum, his mum, his sisters, a few of your female relatives to have a spa day or something, if your bridesmaids are going to be unreliable.

Liam McPoyle · 07-02-2015 12:04pm

Sligo1 wrote: »

Ah come on now. There's no need to start down this road. Usually when people pick BMs it because they are the brides best mates and they are there for support and to help the bride with bits and pieces including a hen if there is one. That's pretty obvious.

Perhaps "expect" wasn't the right word but it's all semantics. The bride is very young here. Her and her friends are obviously all very new to this wedding malarkey. No need to be giving her a hard time and having a go at her "expectations" or whatever. She's quite entitled to think her BMs should be there to support her choices and help her out with a few bits and pieces.

+1

I dont think its down to age though more likely experience. Burd is having her 2 sisters as BM's, they are late 30s + early 40s. When it came to organising the hen party burd had to basically tell them to give her a hand as neither of them made any moves whatsoever to do anything.

The same goes for blokes too. My brothers are my grooms men and neither of them made any attempt to do anything for my stag. I ended up asking a good mate of mine if he would help me out and thankfully he came up trumps.

Some people are just very self involved and dont actually think about anything outside of showing up on the day. I know if one of them were getting married I would be all over it like a cheap suit but I guess thats where people differ, some will offer where as some need to be told.

Toots · 07-02-2015 12:19pm

^^

This pretty much in a nutshell. My maid of honour (my sister) and my mum organised my hen - it was in my parents' house. My other two bridesmaids were really helpful too. And they came to every single dress fitting, helped me unzip my dress numerous times when I had to use the loo (so many layers!) and tying my shoelaces when they opened - they were ribbons, so they untied quite a lot.

My husband was at his brother in law's stag and the best man was crap. He said he'd organised all this stuff down in waterford, and then they all got there, the hotel was in the middle of nowhere, and he hadn't actually organised anything at all. Then ended up having to get a taxi to sit in a local pub all night.

arayess · 09-02-2015 5:27pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Why would you want to go away for a weekend with people you consider useless? Maybe they pick up on your contempt.

cos I was the best man and I invite whom the groom dictates....
I didnt get a say.

but even in my group of friends there are sounds lad who I like to socialise with but they are still useless.
that is life.

tinkerbell · 09-02-2015 6:22pm

OP, my first thoughts are that your friends cannot afford your hen party. It's just a little too obvious when none of them paid the money, if it was affordable then you'd have gotten at least a few people who paid up. So take the hint, and it's a pretty big hint. This is not meant to offend you but you need to be realistic and so don't bother going down the road now of trying to find a similarly priced package. Presumably your friends just can't say it to your face as they don't want to let you down too harshly / are too embarrassed to admit it, etc.

You're having your wedding abroad and that is already a huge expense for your guests. You should not be adding an overnight stay for €120pp or whatever it is on top of that.

Therefore you need to revise your plan. Suggest that you all just go for an early bird dinner somewhere and then off to the pub / night club after. You'll get a much better response then.

Tarzana2 · 10-02-2015 8:21pm

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Well I don't know where the OP's Wedding is so maybe it is "Big Money"

Any wedding abroad is big money. Compared to what you might spend in Ireland even if you're staying overnight in Ireland. Weddings abroad are full of unforeseen costs that rack up, so it's not just about scoring cheap flights and accommodation!

Tarzana2 · 10-02-2015 8:24pm

Business Cat wrote: »

Worst thing about this forum tbh. Its very helpful in many ways but Jesus some people cannot wait to get the holier than thou attitude out and sharpen their claws.

Alot of folk on here dont seem to be capable of giving an opinion or advice without being sanctimonious, very off putting Im sure for posters that arent overly familiar with the place.

There was actually lots of suggestions in the first two pages, some weren't what she wanted but some were along of the lines of what she said she'd like to do.

rainbowtrout · 10-02-2015 9:34pm

thatgirl1 wrote: »

Also to whoever asked about my age , when I say the younger side of 25 I mean a few years younger, all of my friends would be around the same age.

So you are all around 22 perhaps? Most people that age don't have the experience of being a bridesmaid and are not married, so maybe they don't know exactly what is involved in helping you. They mightn't have been on a hen before either.

I'd also hazard a guess that perhaps some of them could be in college, or have recently finished or perhaps are not working that long and don't have the cash to spend on your hen and also a wedding abroad.

I was at a hen last weekend. Similar to what you suggested for your own. It was €120 up front. That covered accommodation, meal and activity in Dublin. But then I had to factor in transport and drink money for the night and suddenly the total was up on €200. That was me being able to get a student fare as I have a student card, and I took it easy with drink. I could have spent a whole lot more.

If your friends are attending your wedding, it could be costing them a lot of money and the hen, no matter how reasonable you think it is, is just too much financially for them.

You might need to strip it right down to a small, and inexpensive gathering, or just do something with immediate family.

lolly28 · 10-02-2015 10:09pm

As a young bride myself (24) i can sympathise with uninterested bridesmaids who are the same age as me.

Maybe it has got to do with how expensive it is, at the same time maybe they just don't want to spend €120-€150 euro on your hen party and would rather have the money for something else.

I would organise a dinner and a show maybe, doesn't have to be anything big, even a comedy night (if that's what your into).

You might be able to get a group dinner so its a set price and menu.

Unfortunately with a wedding abroad (i was a bridesmaid for one in lanzarote) the main amount of money and effort is going into people being able to get the time of work and get the money together for the actual wedding.

Milly33 · 11-02-2015 10:31am

Show and dinner sounds perfect.. I know lets say in the Cork Opera house you could rent booths out and have drinks taken up to you...

Toots · 11-02-2015 2:09pm

Just another thought, is your hubby-to-be having a stag night? What are his plans?

I know in some other countries (USA mainly) they sometimes do a thing which I think they call a Stag & Doe party, where it's basically a joint hen and stag. My cousin was at one, and it was nice and simple, just an early bird meal and then they all went to a local bar that also had dancing. They had an area reserved for them, ordered a couple of bottles of bubbly to have a toast, and then they all sat around and had drinks, chatted, danced, etc.

Would something like this work for you? It might be easier to convince the bridesmaids to go if it was a simple enough night out drinking and dancing. I know it's not what you would really like, but it sounds an awful lot like you'll have trouble organising anything else, either because your bridesmaids are secretly broke, or just couldn't be arsed with 'hassle'. You could maybe do a spa day or something with just your mum, as a relaxer nearer the wedding date.

willow tree · 11-02-2015 2:22pm

+1 to this. Friends of ours had a fancy dress party for their stag/hen, brilliant fun.

kkcatlou · 11-02-2015 5:57pm

I'm really trying not to come off as judgemental here, but when I was 22, I wouldn't have had a notion how to organise a friend's hen party and would have thought any of them who considered getting married were off their heads, so probably wouldn't have been the most supportive!

That said, you have made your decision so even if they think you are mad, they should still be supportive to your face. They probably just don't have a notion how to go about organising a hen!

And also, at 22, if anyone had asked me to fork out €120 for one night out, I wouldn't have been able to do it...especially if they also told me I had to pay for a foreign trip to go to their wedding and most likely miss out on my own holiday as a result. Maybe people are a lot richer now than they were when I was that age!

I'm 12 years older, and was really conscious of money for my friends, so my sisters organised a fun day and night out in Dublin. We thought only half the people invited would come, but nearly 40 ended up turning up as it was so cheap and accessible to all! They hired a bus and we drove around to places that were significant in my life and played (free) games in all the places. Then went for a bit of food and a dance in the nightclub where I met my husband. No major drama, everyone was included (Mammies with hip replacements and all), and no big cost. Would you think about doing something like that? Everybody goes home and sleeps in their own bed afterwards!! It was also a lot more personal and meaningul than some buy it off the shelf, online hen package, that is done 52 weeks of the year by a different group of girls!

pwurple · 11-02-2015 6:31pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

I'm really trying not to come off as judgemental here, but when I was 22, I wouldn't have had a notion how to organise a friend's hen party

Ah jaysus, at 22 I was out of college and had organised my fair share of class parties, club and society weekends away etc.

22 year olds have plenty of partying under their belt!

kkcatlou · 11-02-2015 6:48pm

pwurple wrote: »

Ah jaysus, at 22 I was out of college and had organised my fair share of class parties, club and society weekends away etc.

22 year olds have plenty of partying under their belt!

yeah, but hen parties are a bit different/ more grown up! I was 28 by the time I was at my first hen!

lazygal · 11-02-2015 7:15pm

The youngest person in my 'gang' to get married was 26 and I didn't go to the hen party as it was a weekend away and I couldn't afford it. Since then everyone else has done a dinner and drinks where we can all share taxis home. At 22 I wouldn't have been able to afford what has been mentioned here as prices for hen parties away as it was a week's wages for me as I had a part-time job and was working my way through college.

pooch90 · 11-02-2015 7:29pm

I've just received a text for another hen (we have 5 weddings this yr,will be invited to 4 of the 5 hens). Another €125.
I'm doubting how much more of this I can afford.
We had a joint hen and stag last year.
Boys went to the pub to watch soccer,girls stayed in hotel and had set dinner and a burlesque class. Cost the girls €55 excluding the class (it was a surprise so don't know how much it was).
All met up and went to nightclub with the boys and back to residents bar.
Handy.

jlm29 · 11-02-2015 8:50pm

pooch90 wrote: »

I've just received a text for another hen (we have 5 weddings this yr,will be invited to 4 of the 5 hens). Another €125.
I'm doubting how much more of this I can afford.
We had a joint hen and stag last year.
Boys went to the pub to watch soccer,girls stayed in hotel and had set dinner and a burlesque class. Cost the girls €55 excluding the class (it was a surprise so don't know how much it was).
All met up and went to nightclub with the boys and back to residents bar.
Handy.

A couple of years ago, we had five weddings too, and I think 4 hens. I just told all the brides (apart from my best friend) that I couldn't go to any hens, because there was just too much expense. There's only so much anyone can do! (I also really dislike hens, so it was no struggle for me to stay home!)

Teyla Emmagan · 11-02-2015 10:52pm

jlm29 wrote: »

(I also really dislike hens, so it was no struggle for me to stay home!)

I also dislike hens. If it was a spa day, somewhere away, with an activity and a nightclub and whatever else the OP is proposing, I would also be looking for excuses. However, I am no longer in my early 20s, maybe I'd have loved it back then (but not have been able to afford it! - you're asking a lot of money OP!). Right now though, I would resent having to give up a whole weekend for a hen.

I think the dinner and comedy show is a great idea. Or the burlesque dancing. Have done that before and it's great fun. Basically, I think if it's local for most people, and they can head home after, they will be happy. The best hen I was ever at was in a friend's house. We had dinner, cocktails, put on silly outfits, and danced like eejits to Dirty Dancing. And then went home. It was brilliant!

Redser87 · 11-02-2015 11:18pm

OP would you consider a girls' night in package in a hotel? Finnstown House does them I think, and I think Johnstown House does too. We are going for dinner and a show. It's the first hen for many of my friends as well so we are staying local and fairly low-key.

amdublin · 11-02-2015 11:21pm

OP would you consider an early bird and a few drinks in a pub and then a nightclub if anyone wants?

michellie · 12-02-2015 12:36am

You see its not only €125 it's money for possibly a new outfit and food and drink for the night there would be more costs involved and I think that if you are having a foreign wedding you shouldn't be putting extra costs on your friends and family like that.

nosietoes · 12-02-2015 11:50am

I would never have been able for a hen party like that at 22. Not only financially but I just wouldn't have been excited by it either.

My friend did get married directly after college and we threw her a hen party in another friend's house and just sat around drinking, listening to music and eating snacks and a large pink cake in the shape of a penis... Some of the cake may have included a controlled substance.

Milly33 · 12-02-2015 12:05pm

Sounds fantastic. Must say I would be all up for that without the controlled substance as I would end up hiding the cake more than likely haha. I really do think like all others saying it is just costing too much for them to go..Fine you may want to do it this way, but unless you have some very good friends and those who can honestly afford it, it is time to look at other things..

hdowney · 12-02-2015 12:40pm

I looked at that barge thing and it looks FANTASTIC I must say.

thatgirl1 · 20-02-2015 11:08am

Just an update, suggested a meal out followed by a night in one of the houses or even one of those cottages, just to see and was met with 'that's not a real hen party', so I told them to come up with what they wanted as there was no pleasing them...long story short, we're going to the osprey hotel for a mini spa treatment, b & b and a meal for 125pp, tbh I'm just happy they chose something!

20-02-2015 12:33pm

God they sound painful.

Have a great night. The osprey is supposed to be lovely.

thatgirl1 · 20-02-2015 2:34pm

They really are!!! Thanks though

Liam McPoyle · 20-02-2015 2:37pm

thatgirl1 wrote: »

Just an update, suggested a meal out followed by a night in one of the houses or even one of those cottages, just to see and was met with 'that's not a real hen party', so I told them to come up with what they wanted as there was no pleasing them...long story short, we're going to the osprey hotel for a mini spa treatment, b & b and a meal for 125pp, tbh I'm just happy they chose something!

So they are now happy to go with something that costs a little more but they get a little less, mad stuff altogether.

Still, at least the self righteous brigade have to eat a slice of humble pie as it's clear it wasn't the idea/cost that was the issue in the first place.

20-02-2015 2:45pm

Business Cat wrote: »

So they are now happy to go with something that costs a little more but they get a little less, mad stuff altogether.

Still, at least the self righteous brigade have to eat a slice of humble pie as it's clear it wasn't the idea/cost that was the issue in the first place.

Well I wouldn't necessarily agree.

Like I said earlier, when I wasn't being in the slightest bit self righteous, that I'm going on a hen away for a wedding that's away and it's left a bad taste. People are paying it, but reluctantly so and some certainly aren't jumping to have the cash ready.

Liam McPoyle · 20-02-2015 3:06pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Well I wouldn't necessarily agree.

Like I said earlier, when I wasn't being in the slightest bit self righteous, that I'm going on a hen away for a wedding that's away and it's left a bad taste. People are paying it, but reluctantly so and some certainly aren't jumping to have the cash ready.

Ftr I didn't consider yours and a couple of other peoples replies as self righteous, it's very easy to give input without been snarky, that's what you and a couple of others did, my comment was directed at those that were obviously in high horse mode and that seem incapable of giving an opinion unless it's as unsubtle as a shovel to the face!

Anyway, I will leave it at that, mods apologises for goin OT, feel free to delete my posts.

thatgirl1 · 20-02-2015 3:10pm

Business Cat wrote: »

So they are now happy to go with something that costs a little more but they get a little less, mad stuff altogether.

Still, at least the self righteous brigade have to eat a slice of humble pie as it's clear it wasn't the idea/cost that was the issue in the first place.

Makes no sense to me either, but I'm not questioning it at this stage, genuinely just glad they bloody chose something!

I had known myself that cost wasn't the issue, to be honest I don't know what was...I guess I'll never know!!

Sherlof3 · 20-02-2015 3:53pm

Hi OP! Great to hear things are moving - I'm 25, getting married in France in July and hen is May Bank Holiday. My BM's are first timers and two of them have never been on a hen before! So things were a little bit late to kick off but they have sent out a save the date with the location and price (all top secret from me). I found it really hard to not know what was going on - they're really not telling me anything. But I do think they're on top of it now.

Has anyone else had this level of secrecy? Not that I don't trust them to do a good job I just thought it would be fun to help plan!

thatgirl1 · 20-02-2015 4:02pm

Sherlof3 wrote: »

Hi OP! Great to hear things are moving - I'm 25, getting married in France in July and hen is May Bank Holiday. My BM's are first timers and two of them have never been on a hen before! So things were a little bit late to kick off but they have sent out a save the date with the location and price (all top secret from me). I found it really hard to not know what was going on - they're really not telling me anything. But I do think they're on top of it now.

Has anyone else had this level of secrecy? Not that I don't trust them to do a good job I just thought it would be fun to help plan!

Oh wow..France, what part? (sorry to get off topic) You're so lucky to have two great bms! I would totally trust them, part of the fun I hoped to get from mine was the not knowing, sit back, relax, and enjoy. Makes it even more exiting when the time comes!

Sherlof3 · 20-02-2015 4:06pm

Just outside Bordeaux! I work in event management and PR and am always the group organiser so it pains me to not know anything! V lucky with the girls, but I would say if they had done it before they might have kicked it off earlier. At this stage they don't have deposits from anyone - is that grand or am I totally paro? Thought it would be good to start collecting earlier to give people more time...

streetcar · 24-02-2015 9:48am

thatgirl1 wrote: »

Just an update, suggested a meal out followed by a night in one of the houses or even one of those cottages, just to see and was met with 'that's not a real hen party', so I told them to come up with what they wanted as there was no pleasing them...long story short, we're going to the osprey hotel for a mini spa treatment, b & b and a meal for 125pp, tbh I'm just happy they chose something!

Great to hear that something is organised. I hope you enjoy it! It is a night for you remember!
It sounds lovely and relaxing.

Hen Party Help Needed

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