Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

parents swearing at their kids

  • 05-01-2015 8:07am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 3,434 ✭✭✭


    it's a tough one for me. on the one hand I think you should never take crap off your kid and put them in their place when they're genuinely being a little ****.

    but swearing...I just don't know. maybe I'm a bit naive as I'm not a parent myself and can't empathise with the struggles of it. I think there could be better ways of communicating to a child but I can understand them blowing off steam.

    there's been a couple of times in shopping centres I've noticed it happening, I'm sure you all have. one man dragged his little daughter up and told her to "get up off the ****ing ground" she seemed upset but perhaps was just whinging. another time a man swore at his daughter for standing in front of a novelty Christmas train as it passed through the centre telling her to "get out of the ****ing way". she was a toddler if I remember correctly, not sure.

    this other guy laid into his son telling him he was "12 years old and acting like a ****ing baby" in front of a good few of us in a small but packed shop. his other small child was nagging him as he fiddled his wallet. he sounded like a stereotypical junkie if I'm honest(sorry for the judgment or to sound snobby, not my intention )

    this all took place over Christmas shopping so I could understand the stress, but it just feels disheartening to see it happening in front of you, uncomfortable even. I know you shouldn't pussyfoot around them though.

    what you think?


«1

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 776 ✭✭✭seventeen sheep


    Well I'm pretty sure that even those who do it wouldn't agree that it's a good parenting method, or a good example to be setting for the child.

    When I see something like that happening, I always just hope that it's a once-off where the parent is at the end of their tether. Rather than a regular thing.

    I'd never intervene, but I wouldn't be one to throw dirty looks at the parent either. "Judge not lest ye be judged", and all that ... No parent is perfect, and you might have just caught them on a bad day.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,713 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    It's purely out of frustration, with nothing positive coming from it.

    Those kids will probably end up swearing as their parent did, and getting shouted at for doing so.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,885 ✭✭✭Optimalprimerib


    Each to their own tbh. It has become such a nanny state with every tom dick and harry judging how you mind your kid, it will get to a point where you cannot discipline your child in any manner in the fear of social services coming to your door.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    I hate seeing it, my mam used to swear at me the odd time and it always made me upset. Even when I was out with friends I'd get upset if one of them cursed, it reminded me of how small I felt when the words were said with venom.

    If my husband ever swears at me I still get upset, and he swears about once every few months and there's no venom behind it.

    I've never lost my tether and cursed at my son, I hope I never do either. Never agreed with hitting kids or shouting at them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,676 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    Swear words aren't the issue, it's name calling or humiliating behaviour towards children that is the real problem

    If a child is being a brat and won't obey simple instructions it's not much different to say to the child 'For the last time, get into the car' compared with 'for the last time, get into the fecking car' or 'for the last time get into the f*cking car'

    Obviously, not swearing is better because of social attitudes, but you can completely avoid any swear words and do much more damage to a child. Calling a child useless or stupid or lazy can lead to loss of confidence and other issues if it is repeated and re-inforced often enough


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,666 ✭✭✭Rosy Posy


    I'll admit to having sworn in front of my kids on occasion (dropping the dinner on my foot and other such incidents), although I'm getting good at substitutions- fluich, motherlover, and various spells from Harry Potter get trotted out- but I don't think I've sworn at them (in their earshot anyway!). In the situations you're describing I don't think it would do anything to improve the situation and would most likely make it worse. For me the bad thing about kids in a shopping nightmare misbehaviour situation is that people look at you and judge you. If you start cursing your kids out the focus goes from bad kid to bad parent. I try to minimise the shopping trips I need to take with kids in tow (try to do swops with friends or go when they're at school) but if I do have to bring them all I start out by telling them where we have to go and what we have to do and promise them some kind of treat at the end if they can behave. If they start acting up in the shop they get reminded that what they're doing is not the behaviour that's expected of them. If they don't stop doing whatever it is that they're doing they don't get the treat. If they still don't comply we leave the shop and go home in disgrace. This has only happened a couple of times and not for ages. Once they know you're going to follow through they learn very quickly and the older ones help to keep the younger ones in check because everyone's reward is dependent on everyone's good behaviour. Much more effective than swearing, without being soft. Imo swearing at kids is already a win for them (or a loss for you) as you're admitting that you don't have control.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,641 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    Really negative and damaging way to speak to your children in my opinion. Denotes how poor and lazy the swearer's parenting skills are. And how then is the unfortunate child supposed to learn how to express themselves and communicate with others? As well as having their self worth annihilated. How good can your life be when the person who is supposed to love you most speaks to you like you are dirt? It's abuse.

    I would have absolutely zero respect for anyone who swears at a child.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,825 ✭✭✭lertsnim


    I'd have no issue with swear words being used in the vicinity of a child. I do however have an issue when it is a parent using insulting and belittling words towards a child.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    I saw a couple recently with two kids- maybe 10 and 8- the two boys were horsing around but doing no harm as far as I could see. The father kept swearing at the older one "you're such a f**king bully, leave him the f**k alone" and then the mother joined in.

    Kids with those kind of parents have no chance :(


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    I'm a believer that use of words is generally about the context. Doesn't matter what the words are be they swear words or not. The examples in the OP appear to emphasize the urgency of what is being said. There are other ways of handling it, which could be just as definitive, by stating "now!" after telling a child what to do. But it's more so the tone overall the child is going to pick up on. I don't think there'd be much difference to the child between the use of the swear word, or stating "now!" in that regards.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,676 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    I've never sworn at my children but they think the word 'sake' is a swear word'

    Scenario: I'm helping child one with something while child two climbs onto the kitchen table behind my back and empties out an entire box of cereal onto the floor'

    Scenario 2: We're all eating our dinner together as a family and a toddler keeps squirming out of her child seat restraints and standing up in her chair (dangerous because she could fall out)

    While you're trying to get her to sit down, another child spills her glass of milk covering the whole table and dripping onto the floor


    the scenarios above happen multiple times in similar forms every single day in every house where there are multiple young children.

    Any exasperated parent will verbalise his/her frustration and when a child is too young to properly reason with, then changing the tone of voice is the only way to communicate urgency.

    'Ah for feck sake' Guys, everyone, just do what you're told!' is not an abusive response to the frustration involved with herding cats (also known as raising young children)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,491 ✭✭✭looking_around


    it's what is actually said that matters rather than the words being used to say it, imo.

    my mother rarely ever swore. it's "vulgar and uneducated". didn't stop her belittling me and making me feel worthless though.


  • Site Banned Posts: 2,922 ✭✭✭Egginacup


    it's what is actually said that matters rather than the words being used to say it, imo.

    my mother rarely ever swore. it's "vulgar and uneducated". didn't stop her belittling me and making me feel worthless though.

    Indeed, a bratty kid being called a "little bollocks" by a stressed parent is much more preferable to a kid being called a "stupid, useless imbecile"


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    Egginacup wrote: »
    Indeed, a bratty kid being called a "little bollocks" by a stressed parent is much more preferable to a kid being called a "stupid, useless imbecile"

    But that isn't what the OP is on about. The examples in the OP, the swearing wasn't directed towards the child. An insult is still an insult in your case no matter what's used to say it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    I've sworn in front of the kids in anger once or twice, because of them but never directly at them if that makes sense. Never in public though. More like an spontaneous ejaculation when they've wound you up.

    It's a stupid thing to do and not positive but I'm human and you just do the best you can parenting-wise instead of getting down in the amen corner on the internet.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    anncoates wrote: »
    I've sworn in front of the kids in anger once or twice, because of them but never directly at them if that makes sense. Never in public though. More like an spontaneous ejaculation when they've wound you up.

    It's a stupid thing to do and not positive but I'm human and you just do the best you can parenting-wise instead of getting down in the amen corner on the internet.

    That's the same thing as what Akrasia is on about really. I think some people just tend to get stirred up by words themselves, without thinking of how they are used.


  • Registered Users Posts: 148 ✭✭coopdog85



    I'd never intervene, but I wouldn't be one to throw dirty looks at the parent either. "Judge not lest ye be judged", and all that ... No parent is perfect, and you might have just caught them on a bad day.

    And why would you even feel the need to intervene? It's not your child. Keep your beak out of other people's business. If they want to smother their child in Nutella & have the neighbours toothless dog come over & lick it off them then you wouldn't have any right to open your trap.

    This kind of **** sickens me in Ireland. Everyone gets involved in everyone else's business. Unless a parent is physically abusive then I fail to see why using a swear word, said out of probable sheer frustration, is such a big deal. Unless it's your child then **** off & mind your own business.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,676 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    Egginacup wrote: »
    Indeed, a bratty kid being called a "little bollocks" by a stressed parent is much more preferable to a kid being called a "stupid, useless imbecile"

    Especially if it's done in a Bishop Brennan voice


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,713 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    I think the comments (based on a once-off observation lasting perhaps only a few seconds) about parents who swear being useless and the kids having no chance are way over the top.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Ah swearing. The antidote to the intentionally loud nouveau parenting that involves bleating about naughty steps and making baby reindeer cry... Not as bad as slapping but still rotten. Though I think a distinction can be made between certain types who swear every second word at their kids and normal, decent parents who are only human and might occasionally lose the rag. And who wouldn't. Being followed around by a loud, incontinent, dependent whinger who has yet to separate self and non-self and can't comprehend that the world does not exist solely for his benefit? Jeez... I don't think any amount of baby smell or smiling and gurgling could make that job worthwhile....


    I take it swearing while you're having them is allowed? :)


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,676 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    coopdog85 wrote: »
    And why would you even feel the need to intervene? It's not your child. Keep your beak out of other people's business. If they want to smother their child in Nutella & have the neighbours toothless dog come over & lick it off them then you wouldn't have any right to open your trap.

    This kind of **** sickens me in Ireland. Everyone gets involved in everyone else's business. Unless a parent is physically abusive then I fail to see why using a swear word, said out of probable sheer frustration, is such a big deal. Unless it's your child then **** off & mind your own business.
    Well there's extremes on both sides.

    Parents should of course have freedom to raise their children as best they see fit,but the childrens rights should be respected too. Parents have absolutely no right to bully their children. Children have a right to protection from bullies including when the bullies are their own parents.

    It's a ridiculously complex situation but early intervention services for vulnerable children should be a much bigger part of our social contract. The fact that Childline is so woefully underfunded and is not on a statutory footing is an indication that the state does not take their obligations under the 31st ammendment to our constitution seriously enough

    Ireland has deferred to the rights of 'the family' for generations while children's suffering in abusive and neglectful homes was ignored


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,555 ✭✭✭Ave Sodalis


    Rosy Posy wrote: »
    although I'm getting good at substitutions- fluich, motherlover, and various spells from Harry Potter get trotted out

    I never really understood this. What's the different between this and swearing? At the end of the day, they're just different words but they're used in the same way and with the same meaning. Why is fluich okay but f*ck bad?
    But then, I find the amount of emphasis put on the rudeness of swear words to be silly. They're only words. People can still be insulting without them and they're often used without an insulting nature. How come we've put more emphasis on certain words but other words used in the same way are okay?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,554 ✭✭✭bjork


    It's a bit much for me. "Feck this" and "Feck that"

    "You big bastard." Oh, Dreadful Language.
    You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff!

    And of course the F-word, the bad F-word. Worse then Feck. You know the one I mean.
    "F you" "F your effing wife" I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this effing pitch fork up your hole" That was another one.

    "Bastard this" and "Bastard that". You can't move for the Bastards. It's wall-to-wall bastards.

    "You Bastard" "You Fecker" "You bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face."

    "Ride me sideways" was another one.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    bjork wrote: »
    It's a bit much for me. "Feck this" and "Feck that"

    "You big bastard." Oh, Dreadful Language.
    You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff!

    And of course the F-word, the bad F-word. Worse then Feck. You know the one I mean.
    "F you" "F your effing wife" I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this effing pitch fork up your hole" That was another one.

    "Bastard this" and "Bastard that". You can't move for the Bastards. It's wall-to-wall bastards.

    "You Bastard" "You Fecker" "You bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face."

    "Ride me sideways" was another one.

    I don't know why but I find myself chuckling away reading this post with all the fecks and big hairy b.astards. It's like nervous laughter, when someone else is saying something they shouldn't :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,666 ✭✭✭Rosy Posy


    sup_dude wrote: »
    I never really understood this. What's the different between this and swearing? At the end of the day, they're just different words but they're used in the same way and with the same meaning. Why is fluich okay but f*ck bad?
    But then, I find the amount of emphasis put on the rudeness of swear words to be silly. They're only words. People can still be insulting without them and they're often used without an insulting nature. How come we've put more emphasis on certain words but other words used in the same way are okay?

    Because I don't want to be mortified by my child shouting out 'donkey raping sh!t eater' or some such expletive in public. Kids are sponges- if you swear a lot around them they will repeat it and they don't develop a sense of where, when and with whom different language is appropriate until they're older.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    I saw a knacker (i believe you jackeens call them skangers) call his child a "fcuking spastic" to his face.

    Poor kid.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    osarusan wrote: »
    I think the comments (based on a once-off observation lasting perhaps only a few seconds) about parents who swear being useless and the kids having no chance are way over the top.

    That was me and ok I don't know what goes on behind closed doors but if they're comfortable belittling and swearing at their kid in public for horseplay then they're probably even worse at home.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,558 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    Let's be honest here. We all had an uncle growing up who taught us some swear words just to annoy the parents.

    Never done any harm.


  • Registered Users Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Philo Beddoe


    My mother rarely used swear words when I was a kid, except when she got behind the wheel of the car at which point she would make a sailor blush. I have to admit, I found it hilarious at the time.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    If you're resorting to swearing at a child or smacking a child to discipline them, then youre a **** parent.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 812 ✭✭✭Dog of Tears


    Let's be honest here. We all had an uncle growing up who taught us some swear words just to annoy the parents.

    No, that was just you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,513 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    I think its fine. Im 19 and my parents would curse when my siblings and I were children. They were/are still loving and caring parents, they only cursed directly at us when we were doing something bad, so I think its fine on occasion . They also casually curse, like' this ****in toaster is a piece of sh1t ' etc but, it wasn't in a serious way. I don't know how to explain it, but the cursing was never malicious. Or maybe we were just de-sensitised, I can't tell. But I just don't see anything wrong with cursing at/around your kids tbh


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,136 ✭✭✭✭How Soon Is Now


    There's a difference between **** sake "insert name" why did you do that? And "insert name" you little **** why did you do that?

    The first one is a reaction out of pure frustration that could happen to anyone second is probably more aimed at the child as being a "****".


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    My mother rarely used swear words when I was a kid, except when she got behind the wheel of the car at which point she would make a sailor blush. I have to admit, I found it hilarious at the time.

    I actually know somebody that told their kid that swearing is always wrong unless you're a grown up that's driving. :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,555 ✭✭✭Ave Sodalis


    Rosy Posy wrote: »
    Because I don't want to be mortified by my child shouting out 'donkey raping sh!t eater' or some such expletive in public. Kids are sponges- if you swear a lot around them they will repeat it and they don't develop a sense of where, when and with whom different language is appropriate until they're older.

    That's not what I'm asking though. "Donkey", "raping" and "eater" are not swear words in general and that's my point. Why is substituting words for swear words any better than just using swear words?


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 936 ✭✭✭JaseBelleVie


    I was never sworn at or called a name (apart from something innocuous like "brat" or "whelp" or "pup") during my formative years. Once I turned 18, though, and once I made my liberal-leaning political affiliations known to my conservative-leaning father. "Pinko", "lib-lab", "tree-hugger". :o Not damaging, but funny to me.

    But I hate it when I see parents non-stop screaming/roaring and swearing at their kids. They're only kids, for f*ck sake. They are still learning about life. They need discipline for sure, but calling them a little bollix or a little sh*t is not going to help, is it? It really does smack of poor parenting more than anything else.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Well yeah, there's a difference between swearing AROUND kids and swearing at them, and you can be really nasty to kids without ever using a swear word. My housemate has a five year old and he comes out with some terrible language sometimes, I can't really give out to him because I know I swear around him plenty, but I have explained to him that if he talks like that at school or around his friends' parents he's going to get in trouble, and that people in general do get upset by those words. Haven't been any letters home or angry parents at the door so he seems to have taken it on board.

    When he was barely four I was minding him and a garda car went past, I made that classic joke of "Uh oh, the gards are coming for you!" and he'd obviously heard it one too many times because he looked me straight in the eye for a couple of seconds and told me to fcuk off :D I had to leave the room to laugh for a minute before I came back and gave out to him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,691 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    Young children and shopping centres don't mix at least not for more than a very short period of time. You're most likely seeing the parents at their wits end to a degree that cannot be replicated elsewhere.
    Ideally it's best to avoid bringing kids to shops for this reason but that's not always possible. Any parent can empathize with another parents struggle in shopping centre but as one poster already said there are worse things than swear words in terms of harming a child psychologically, just bear in mind that what you see in the shops is usually the child at their worst and the parent at their most stressed.

    Glazers Out!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,401 ✭✭✭ceadaoin.


    I've never sworn at my child no matter how frustrated I've been. I might mutter an expletive under my breath when my back is turned but to me it would just feel wrong to direct that kind of language at a 3 year old. I don't swear around her either because I know she would repeat it at the most inappropriate time.

    coopdog85 wrote: »

    This kind of **** sickens me in Ireland. Everyone gets involved in everyone else's business. Unless a parent is physically abusive then I fail to see why using a swear word, said out of probable sheer frustration, is such a big deal. Unless it's your child then **** off & mind your own business.

    Its not just physical abuse that can cause damage to kids. Verbal and emotional abuse can absolutely be damaging for a child's self esteem and sense of worth. Not saying that every instance of a parent swearing at their child is abuse, it obviously isn't, but it can be a big deal if a kid is regularly ranted at and belittled in that way.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,635 ✭✭✭Pumpkinseeds


    I passed a couple of 7 years olds yesterday whose parents are total scumbags, the sort who've a gang of kids and never have or ever will do a days work to provide for their kids. The kids were effing and blinding at each other in a casual way, just as if it was normal conversation.:(


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,165 ✭✭✭Savage Tyrant


    I have 7 children in the house ranging from 1 to 17 ..... I challenge anyone to sit here for more than an hour without telling somebody to shut the fûck up.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭groucho marx


    I don't like it, I can see how they might drive you to loosing the head but I hate to hear people swearing at their kids. Some people might think it's rubbish but I do think it would be damaging to their confidence also I hate hearing kids swear and wouldn't want my one grow up thinking swearing is part of normal conversation. I would never comment on anyone else's parenting but I'd like to hope I don't end up shouting curse words at my child.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 989 ✭✭✭piperh


    Never have sworn at my children and wouldn't be happy with anyone else swearing at them. How can I expect them to speak to others in a polite manner if I don't set an example.
    Also never have never would call them stupid, thick or anything else demeaning.

    I now have young adults that try their hardest not to swear around us and apologise if they do accidentally. I would not tolerate being sworn at or belittled so why would I subject my offspring or anyone else to it.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 54 ✭✭mrolaf


    No one should curse at a child, no excuses. There are lenity of ways to discipline and be strict without cursing


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 812 ✭✭✭Dog of Tears


    Never sworn at or indeed around my kids and have very little respect for parents that do.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 989 ✭✭✭piperh


    I have 7 children in the house ranging from 1 to 17 ..... I challenge anyone to sit here for more than an hour without telling somebody to shut the fûck up.

    As a teacher I manage daily and repetitively to say "be quiet" even if in my head I'm screaming "shut the feck up".

    As I said I won't be sworn at so I wouldn't swear at anyone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,676 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    piperh wrote: »
    As a teacher I manage daily and repetitively to say "be quiet" even if in my head I'm screaming "shut the feck up".

    As I said I won't be sworn at so I wouldn't swear at anyone.

    Swearing at someone is different to 'swearing' in general. In Ireland people use 'colourful' language integrated into normal conversation.

    Its not formally acceptable (ie, you don't use it at work or to your mother in law) but it's not 'offensive' either


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 989 ✭✭✭piperh


    Akrasia wrote: »
    Swearing at someone is different to 'swearing' in general. In Ireland people use 'colourful' language integrated into normal conversation.

    Its not formally acceptable (ie, you don't use it at work or to your mother in law) but it's not 'offensive' either

    I agree that swearing in general is different but I suppose because I wouldn't take being told to "shut the feck up" I don't feel it's acceptable to say it. Now watching tv and saying I wish they shut the feck up talking about interests rates for example I have no issue with.

    If we swear at children then they will most likely mimic that when speaking to others and then we end with blurred boundaries imo.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,793 ✭✭✭FunLover18


    Robsweezie wrote: »
    it's a tough one for me. on the one hand I think you should never take crap off your kid and put them in their place when they're genuinely being a little ****.

    but swearing...I just don't know. maybe I'm a bit naive as I'm not a parent myself and can't empathise with the struggles of it. I think there could be better ways of communicating to a child but I can understand them blowing off steam.

    there's been a couple of times in shopping centres I've noticed it happening, I'm sure you all have. one man dragged his little daughter up and told her to "get up off the ****ing ground" she seemed upset but perhaps was just whinging. another time a man swore at his daughter for standing in front of a novelty Christmas train as it passed through the centre telling her to "get out of the ****ing way". she was a toddler if I remember correctly, not sure.

    this other guy laid into his son telling him he was "12 years old and acting like a ****ing baby" in front of a good few of us in a small but packed shop. his other small child was nagging him as he fiddled his wallet. he sounded like a stereotypical junkie if I'm honest(sorry for the judgment or to sound snobby, not my intention )

    this all took place over Christmas shopping so I could understand the stress, but it just feels disheartening to see it happening in front of you, uncomfortable even. I know you shouldn't pussyfoot around them though.

    what you think?

    Personally I would say that with the examples you've given the language is not the issue, it's just the general attitude. Take out the bad words and the things being said are still pretty ****ty. Disheartening to see to a kid treated like that no matter what the language.

    Our views and perceptions on "swearing" come from our environments, personally I don't see any problem with the f-bomb or most other "swear words" because it's up to us what meaning we attach to them and I've chosen to put little meaning in them, they're just words. Depending on the age of the kid they mightn't even know that the adult is using "bad language" they do know that they're in trouble by the tone and facial expressions.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Venus In Furs


    Each to their own tbh. It has become such a nanny state with every tom dick and harry judging how you mind your kid
    Well there's a line obviously. Screaming foul/abusive language at your kid crosses it surely.
    Swearing in their vicinity in frustration is an entirely different thing though. My brother yelled "Jesus ****ing Christ" the other day at nobody in particular, because my baby niece was screaming and my toddler niece poured the bottle of milk he was preparing for the baby over herself, then the toddler started screaming. I think he can be forgiven though. :pac:

    My friend and her partner (and her parents and his father) always curse a blue streak around their boys (never at them) - just out of sheer habit. They probably could tone it down to be fair. Although the older fella wouldn't utter a swear-word in a month of Sundays despite such exposure to it; the smaller fella is always cursing however, and it's hilarious but you can't let him know you're amused. :pac:
    I don't have an issue with swearing once you know your audience and don't follow every single word you utter with an expletive.

    People who refer to any bit of swearing at all as uneducated, poor parenting, blabla... strike me as too holier than thou to get through the day. My dad swore in the heat of the moment when we were kids, and we're unscathed - and we're also educated and reasonable people.


  • Advertisement
Advertisement