parents swearing at their kids

Dog of Tears

castletownman wrote: »

Let's be honest here. We all had an uncle growing up who taught us some swear words just to annoy the parents.

No, that was just you.

bb1234567

I think its fine. Im 19 and my parents would curse when my siblings and I were children. They were/are still loving and caring parents, they only cursed directly at us when we were doing something bad, so I think its fine on occasion . They also casually curse, like' this ****in toaster is a piece of sh1t ' etc but, it wasn't in a serious way. I don't know how to explain it, but the cursing was never malicious. Or maybe we were just de-sensitised, I can't tell. But I just don't see anything wrong with cursing at/around your kids tbh

How Soon Is Now

There's a difference between **** sake "insert name" why did you do that? And "insert name" you little **** why did you do that?

The first one is a reaction out of pure frustration that could happen to anyone second is probably more aimed at the child as being a "****".

anncoates

Philo Beddoe wrote: »

My mother rarely used swear words when I was a kid, except when she got behind the wheel of the car at which point she would make a sailor blush. I have to admit, I found it hilarious at the time.

I actually know somebody that told their kid that swearing is always wrong unless you're a grown up that's driving.

Ave Sodalis

Rosy Posy wrote: »

Because I don't want to be mortified by my child shouting out 'donkey raping sh!t eater' or some such expletive in public. Kids are sponges- if you swear a lot around them they will repeat it and they don't develop a sense of where, when and with whom different language is appropriate until they're older.

That's not what I'm asking though. "Donkey", "raping" and "eater" are not swear words in general and that's my point. Why is substituting words for swear words any better than just using swear words?

JaseBelleVie

I was never sworn at or called a name (apart from something innocuous like "brat" or "whelp" or "pup") during my formative years. Once I turned 18, though, and once I made my liberal-leaning political affiliations known to my conservative-leaning father. "Pinko", "lib-lab", "tree-hugger". Not damaging, but funny to me.

But I hate it when I see parents non-stop screaming/roaring and swearing at their kids. They're only kids, for f*ck sake. They are still learning about life. They need discipline for sure, but calling them a little bollix or a little sh*t is not going to help, is it? It really does smack of poor parenting more than anything else.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Well yeah, there's a difference between swearing AROUND kids and swearing at them, and you can be really nasty to kids without ever using a swear word. My housemate has a five year old and he comes out with some terrible language sometimes, I can't really give out to him because I know I swear around him plenty, but I have explained to him that if he talks like that at school or around his friends' parents he's going to get in trouble, and that people in general do get upset by those words. Haven't been any letters home or angry parents at the door so he seems to have taken it on board.

When he was barely four I was minding him and a garda car went past, I made that classic joke of "Uh oh, the gards are coming for you!" and he'd obviously heard it one too many times because he looked me straight in the eye for a couple of seconds and told me to fcuk off I had to leave the room to laugh for a minute before I came back and gave out to him.

nullzero

Young children and shopping centres don't mix at least not for more than a very short period of time. You're most likely seeing the parents at their wits end to a degree that cannot be replicated elsewhere.
Ideally it's best to avoid bringing kids to shops for this reason but that's not always possible. Any parent can empathize with another parents struggle in shopping centre but as one poster already said there are worse things than swear words in terms of harming a child psychologically, just bear in mind that what you see in the shops is usually the child at their worst and the parent at their most stressed.

ceadaoin.

I've never sworn at my child no matter how frustrated I've been. I might mutter an expletive under my breath when my back is turned but to me it would just feel wrong to direct that kind of language at a 3 year old. I don't swear around her either because I know she would repeat it at the most inappropriate time.

coopdog85 wrote: »

This kind of **** sickens me in Ireland. Everyone gets involved in everyone else's business. Unless a parent is physically abusive then I fail to see why using a swear word, said out of probable sheer frustration, is such a big deal. Unless it's your child then **** off & mind your own business.

Its not just physical abuse that can cause damage to kids. Verbal and emotional abuse can absolutely be damaging for a child's self esteem and sense of worth. Not saying that every instance of a parent swearing at their child is abuse, it obviously isn't, but it can be a big deal if a kid is regularly ranted at and belittled in that way.

Pumpkinseeds

I passed a couple of 7 years olds yesterday whose parents are total scumbags, the sort who've a gang of kids and never have or ever will do a days work to provide for their kids. The kids were effing and blinding at each other in a casual way, just as if it was normal conversation.:(

Savage Tyrant

I have 7 children in the house ranging from 1 to 17 ..... I challenge anyone to sit here for more than an hour without telling somebody to shut the fûck up.

groucho marx

I don't like it, I can see how they might drive you to loosing the head but I hate to hear people swearing at their kids. Some people might think it's rubbish but I do think it would be damaging to their confidence also I hate hearing kids swear and wouldn't want my one grow up thinking swearing is part of normal conversation. I would never comment on anyone else's parenting but I'd like to hope I don't end up shouting curse words at my child.

piperh

Never have sworn at my children and wouldn't be happy with anyone else swearing at them. How can I expect them to speak to others in a polite manner if I don't set an example.
Also never have never would call them stupid, thick or anything else demeaning.

I now have young adults that try their hardest not to swear around us and apologise if they do accidentally. I would not tolerate being sworn at or belittled so why would I subject my offspring or anyone else to it.

mrolaf

No one should curse at a child, no excuses. There are lenity of ways to discipline and be strict without cursing

Dog of Tears

Never sworn at or indeed around my kids and have very little respect for parents that do.

piperh

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

I have 7 children in the house ranging from 1 to 17 ..... I challenge anyone to sit here for more than an hour without telling somebody to shut the fûck up.

As a teacher I manage daily and repetitively to say "be quiet" even if in my head I'm screaming "shut the feck up".

As I said I won't be sworn at so I wouldn't swear at anyone.

Akrasia

piperh wrote: »

As a teacher I manage daily and repetitively to say "be quiet" even if in my head I'm screaming "shut the feck up".

As I said I won't be sworn at so I wouldn't swear at anyone.

Swearing at someone is different to 'swearing' in general. In Ireland people use 'colourful' language integrated into normal conversation.

Its not formally acceptable (ie, you don't use it at work or to your mother in law) but it's not 'offensive' either

piperh

Akrasia wrote: »

Swearing at someone is different to 'swearing' in general. In Ireland people use 'colourful' language integrated into normal conversation.

Its not formally acceptable (ie, you don't use it at work or to your mother in law) but it's not 'offensive' either

I agree that swearing in general is different but I suppose because I wouldn't take being told to "shut the feck up" I don't feel it's acceptable to say it. Now watching tv and saying I wish they shut the feck up talking about interests rates for example I have no issue with.

If we swear at children then they will most likely mimic that when speaking to others and then we end with blurred boundaries imo.

FunLover18

Robsweezie wrote: »

it's a tough one for me. on the one hand I think you should never take crap off your kid and put them in their place when they're genuinely being a little ****.

but swearing...I just don't know. maybe I'm a bit naive as I'm not a parent myself and can't empathise with the struggles of it. I think there could be better ways of communicating to a child but I can understand them blowing off steam.

there's been a couple of times in shopping centres I've noticed it happening, I'm sure you all have. one man dragged his little daughter up and told her to "get up off the ****ing ground" she seemed upset but perhaps was just whinging. another time a man swore at his daughter for standing in front of a novelty Christmas train as it passed through the centre telling her to "get out of the ****ing way". she was a toddler if I remember correctly, not sure.

this other guy laid into his son telling him he was "12 years old and acting like a ****ing baby" in front of a good few of us in a small but packed shop. his other small child was nagging him as he fiddled his wallet. he sounded like a stereotypical junkie if I'm honest(sorry for the judgment or to sound snobby, not my intention )

this all took place over Christmas shopping so I could understand the stress, but it just feels disheartening to see it happening in front of you, uncomfortable even. I know you shouldn't pussyfoot around them though.

what you think?

Personally I would say that with the examples you've given the language is not the issue, it's just the general attitude. Take out the bad words and the things being said are still pretty ****ty. Disheartening to see to a kid treated like that no matter what the language.

Our views and perceptions on "swearing" come from our environments, personally I don't see any problem with the f-bomb or most other "swear words" because it's up to us what meaning we attach to them and I've chosen to put little meaning in them, they're just words. Depending on the age of the kid they mightn't even know that the adult is using "bad language" they do know that they're in trouble by the tone and facial expressions.

Venus In Furs

Optimalprimerib wrote: »

Each to their own tbh. It has become such a nanny state with every tom dick and harry judging how you mind your kid

Well there's a line obviously. Screaming foul/abusive language at your kid crosses it surely.
Swearing in their vicinity in frustration is an entirely different thing though. My brother yelled "Jesus ****ing Christ" the other day at nobody in particular, because my baby niece was screaming and my toddler niece poured the bottle of milk he was preparing for the baby over herself, then the toddler started screaming. I think he can be forgiven though. :pac:

My friend and her partner (and her parents and his father) always curse a blue streak around their boys (never at them) - just out of sheer habit. They probably could tone it down to be fair. Although the older fella wouldn't utter a swear-word in a month of Sundays despite such exposure to it; the smaller fella is always cursing however, and it's hilarious but you can't let him know you're amused. :pac:
I don't have an issue with swearing once you know your audience and don't follow every single word you utter with an expletive.

People who refer to any bit of swearing at all as uneducated, poor parenting, blabla... strike me as too holier than thou to get through the day. My dad swore in the heat of the moment when we were kids, and we're unscathed - and we're also educated and reasonable people.

Mary63

I was In Dundrum Tesco yesterday and dundrum puts me in a bad mood anyway.

Thick DAd has two children,a girl of five and boy of two.

I overheard him say to the daughter,if you hit your brother I will slap you.

What sort of an example is this,you cant hit someone smaller than you but Dad as a full grown though tiny brained adult can hit you.

I wanted so much to tell him he was setting a bad example,I am sorry now I didnt.

Rosy Posy

Mary63 wrote: »

I was In Dundrum Tesco yesterday and dundrum puts me in a bad mood anyway.

Thick DAd has two children,a girl of five and boy of two.

I overheard him say to the daughter,if you hit your brother I will slap you.

What sort of an example is this,you cant hit someone smaller than you but Dad as a full grown though tiny brained adult can hit you.

I wanted so much to tell him he was setting a bad example,I am sorry now I didnt.

...gets popcorn...

cloud493

I definitely don't do it, same way I don't smoke in front of her. Apart from the fact its just bad manners, kids learn by example, so I'm trying to set a good one.

BeerWolf

I seriously despise people that swear beside children, often see the knackers doing it....


Nonetheless I cringe when my nephew, who's 2 years old, says "fookyo fookyo" repeatedly...

My mother pretty much raised my niece, 12 now... great kid - then my sister and his father, who's not the father of my niece, took full time taking care of me nephew, and look how that turned out... and they often dump the toddler to be taken by my niece.

And to top that off, he's a monster of a screamer with full out tantrums who doesn't know the word "no"... and I honestly HATE it when that kid's in the house, because aside from the screaming he CONSTANTLY pulls things down, and has broken a lot of things. Wonder if there's something wrong with that child, mentally...

anncoates

BeerWolf wrote: »

I seriously despise people that swear beside children, often see the knackers doing it....


Nonetheless I cringe when my nephew, who's 2 years old, says "fookyo fookyo" repeatedly...

My mother pretty much raised my niece, 12 now... great kid - then my sister and his father, who's not the father of my niece, took full time taking care of me nephew, and look how that turned out... and they often dump the toddler to be taken by my niece.

And to top that off, he's a monster of a screamer with full out tantrums who doesn't know the word "no"... and I honestly HATE it when that kid's in the house, because aside from the screaming he CONSTANTLY pulls things down, and has broken a lot of things. Wonder if there's something wrong with that child, mentally...

A toddler puling down things and having tantrums?

That's serious.

I would definitely take him for a psychiatric evaluation.

Piliger

BeerWolf wrote: »

I seriously despise people that swear beside children, often see the knackers doing it....


Nonetheless I cringe when my nephew, who's 2 years old, says "fookyo fookyo" repeatedly...

My mother pretty much raised my niece, 12 now... great kid - then my sister and his father, who's not the father of my niece, took full time taking care of me nephew, and look how that turned out... and they often dump the toddler to be taken by my niece.

And to top that off, he's a monster of a screamer with full out tantrums who doesn't know the word "no"... and I honestly HATE it when that kid's in the house, because aside from the screaming he CONSTANTLY pulls things down, and has broken a lot of things. Wonder if there's something wrong with that child, mentally...

Well firstly there is a vast difference between a kid using a few swear words, and not even knowing that they mean .... and an adult shouting abuse at a child.

Secondly - try to remember that this child is how he is because of his parents. No child is like this naturally. They have completely and utterly failed to teach him and show him how to behave and how to control his temper - and as a result they have a deeply unhappy and frustrated little boy, sadly. And by the way teaching a child to control their temper is one of the greatest gifts to a child for the rest of his life.

I came from a loud aggressive family and always tried to live it down. But when my son was born and started to grow I fell into the dumb numbskull habit of shouting.

It is so so so stupid and counter productive. All it achieves is to escalate everything always, and to teach the child to block out your shouting and become an asshole himself.

After a few months of this, I woke up. I started to do the exact opposite. I started to use quietness and other techniques. I taught him that the minute he started to lose it, I refused to give him any attention. When I wanted him to behave or do what he was told I would count .. 1 to 10. All of these and other techniques worked wonderfully over the next ten years.
He never once had a tantrum after that. He never had a tantrum in public either. He never stamped his feet. He learned to talk and explain and discuss, and learned to get what he wanted that way. Yeah I know it sounds all fuzzy and PC ... but that's how it happened.

Shouting and swearing achieve nothing.

BeerWolf

Piliger wrote: »

/snip

I'm very well aware of that, I was just pointing the massive contrast between my niece who was taken care of by my mother 95% of the time who's 12 now, and my nephew who's been taken care by my sister and his father.

Suffice to say, and honestly... my sister, and her father, are bloody useless parents - but I can't personally criticise as I don't ever plan on being one, but the results are there, and the boy can be a real nuisance under his parent's "guidance".

irishgrover

I have, on very rare occasions (3 or four times) in 12 years sworn at my kids. For example "Jesus Christ, just stop for a second" or "I'm so fu(king sick of your attitude" etc. each time, I have immediately regretted it, and apologised, it is poor parenting and should not happen, however I don't beat myself up over it, I'm human.
I did teach all my children, when very young to say "fork and knife" instead of "knife and fork". Purely for the fun of eating at grannies or out in public and them saying, in a baby voice... "I've no fork and knife" or "May I have a fork and knife please" (this is also bad parenting, which I don't regret :-) )

K4t

Ah curse words.

Reminds me of that time I was watching a boxing match on the telly and after a particularly heated round, with blood pouring out of both fighter's heads, the commentator felt obliged to apologise to viewers for any vulgar language that may have been heard from the corners during the round interval.