Say a prayer for me now, don't save it until the morning after.

Orion · 28-10-2014 04:07AM #1

robindch wrote: »

My 11 year old daughter has an as-yet unexplained problem with her legs. Good days and bad days - the bad days have become so frequent and severe that we've bought her a wheelchair so that she's at least mobile when she can't walk. She's a very active child so you can imagine that neighbours, friends, etc were shocked to see her in a wheelchair. But I'm telling you the next person who says "she's in our prayers" is going to get a punch right in the face and told in no uncertain terms - "I don't want your fcuking prayers - I want a fcuking doctor who can figure out what is wrong with her legs! Can you arrange that?"

Mod: This is a spin off thread from a discussion that began in the Funny's of religion thread.

shruikan2553 · 29-10-2014 10:08AM

Orion wrote: »

My 11 year old daughter has an as-yet unexplained problem with her legs. Good days and bad days - the bad days have become so frequent and severe that we've bought her a wheelchair so that she's at least mobile when she can't walk. She's a very active child so you can imagine that neighbours, friends, etc were shocked to see her in a wheelchair. But I'm telling you the next person who says "she's in our prayers" is going to get a punch right in the face and told in no uncertain terms - "I don't want your fcuking prayers - I want a fcuking doctor who can figure out what is wrong with her legs! Can you arrange that?"

I always found it odd. People who say this rarely even pray! Its like feeling like you have done something without doing anything. You're going into the hospital? I could offer to check on the cats but that requires effort, instead I'll pray for you.

Standman · 29-10-2014 05:37PM

Orion wrote: »

My 11 year old daughter has an as-yet unexplained problem with her legs. Good days and bad days - the bad days have become so frequent and severe that we've bought her a wheelchair so that she's at least mobile when she can't walk. She's a very active child so you can imagine that neighbours, friends, etc were shocked to see her in a wheelchair. But I'm telling you the next person who says "she's in our prayers" is going to get a punch right in the face and told in no uncertain terms - "I don't want your fcuking prayers - I want a fcuking doctor who can figure out what is wrong with her legs! Can you arrange that?"

Sorry to hear about your kid, hope it's nothing too serious. Do you not think their heart is in the right place though? It's just another form of showing sympathy for your situation IMO.

CramCycle · 29-10-2014 05:54PM

Standman wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your kid, hope it's nothing too serious. Do you not think their heart is in the right place though? It's just another form of showing sympathy for your situation IMO.

Not sure about Orion but I just find it annoying, and slightly insulting. While in no way similar to Orions situation, I was having a rough time a few years ago, I had several people call round for a chat, several who asked what could they do, but there were a few who said "your in my prayers" or "I'll say a prayer for you" and nothing else. Now whether they said a prayer for me or not, was irrelevant, if they really wanted to, fair enough but I don't need to hear about it, that's not what I needed, what I needed was a friend. If they were not able to be that or be there, fair enough, friends can't always be there, I have been a **** enough one in the past too people, but just give your condolences, offer your sympathy, show your humanity, say sorry, but don't f*ckin look me in the eye, with a smile on your face and offer to say a prayer that I will never hear.

It's an insult to our friendship and to my view of their decency.

smacl · 30-10-2014 11:26AM

When someone says they'll pray for you, I tend to think that they're actually doing it for themselves. Showing off what good pals they are with the almighty, and what a basically decent skin they really are. Its a cop out of doing anything more tangible, and an escape from a situation that perhaps needs a bit more than that. Pretending to do something while actually doing nothing.

magicbastarder · 30-10-2014 11:28AM

all it means is that they're concerned for you and are wishing you well. it's an irish way of saying so.
i don't see any reason to view it as any more than that.

eviltwin · 30-10-2014 01:58PM

I don't take offence to it either, I think sometimes people feel helpless and not great with words and its something to say. It shows they are thinking of you.

Shrap · 30-10-2014 02:23PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't take offence to it either, I think sometimes people feel helpless and not great with words and its something to say. It shows they are thinking of you.

I agree with this. "You'll be in my prayers" is the same as saying "you're in my thoughts". When there's little or nothing someone can do in an awful situation, people want you to know that they are thinking of you and that your troubles are on their mind. It is an indication of empathy/sympathy, but it is the kind of platitude that can get your back right up if you're feeling helpless about a situation yourself. Like "what's the effing use of thinking about it? Somebody do something!"

I get a lot of "Ah, it'll be fine" and "he'll grow out of it" about my son and it also makes me want to punch someone even though I know they're only saying it cos they can't think of anything helpful. Platitudes are only helpful to the person saying them, in my opinion.

Cabaal · 30-10-2014 04:20PM

Standman wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your kid, hope it's nothing too serious. Do you not think their heart is in the right place though? It's just another form of showing sympathy for your situation IMO.

Is it though,?
It's as meaningful as saying you'll watch modern family later for the person

I'd rather some one says, that I'll be in their thoughts later.... Rather then telling me they are going to tell their powerless invisible friend about me later

One eyed Jack · 30-10-2014 04:35PM

Cabaal wrote: »

Is it though,?
It's as meaningful as saying you'll watch modern family later for the person

I'd rather some one says, that I'll be in their thoughts later.... Rather then telling me they are going to tell their powerless invisible friend about me later

I think the important thing here is perception - if it's a close personal friend that says it, knowing you're an atheist, then at best it's merely thoughtless, at worst it's simply crass and best ignored.

I have mobility issues where sometimes I would need assistance, and a complete stranger after helping me recently said to me "I'll pray for you". Their prayers weren't going to do a whole pile for me, but I appreciated the sentiment all the same.

When you might constantly hear it though, I can understand how that would eventually get irritating, and even more so if it's the same person every time. It might be an idea then to politely inform them that you don't share their beliefs and while you appreciate the thought, it doesn't mean the same for you as it does for them.

robindch · 30-10-2014 04:48PM

Stella Virgo has been booted from A+A permanently for posting what I think is the most offensive post I've read in ten-odd years on boards. And I will be recommending an immediate, permanent site-ban for the same user.

Many thanks to the people who reported this so quickly so that it could be dealt with quickly.

lazygal · 30-10-2014 08:02PM

I feel the same way when people refer to "heaven needing another angel" tripe. Which usually appears on Facebook after a tragedy.

magicbastarder · 30-10-2014 09:30PM

Cabaal wrote: »

Is it though,?
It's as meaningful as saying you'll watch modern family later for the person

from whose perspective, though?
they mean well. that's what counts.

One eyed Jack · 30-10-2014 09:36PM

magicbastarder wrote: »

from whose perspective, though?
they mean well. that's what counts.

It's not the only thing that counts though, otherwise their sentiments are truly meaningless as they're not saying it with any respect towards the other person, and that's when it can be perceived as nothing more than a patronising platitude.

PopePalpatine · 30-10-2014 09:49PM

robindch wrote: »

Stella Virgo has been booted from A+A permanently for posting what I think is the most offensive post I've read in ten-odd years on boards. And I will be recommending an immediate, permanent site-ban for the same user.

Many thanks to the people who reported this so quickly so that it could be dealt with quickly.

Is it wrong that I'm curious as to what they posted?

branie2 · 30-10-2014 11:55PM

Would you be offended if your daughter was offered a place on a pilgrimage to Lourdes?

CramCycle · 31-10-2014 12:23AM

branie2 wrote: »

Would you be offended if your daughter was offered a place on a pilgrimage to Lourdes?

No, nice to be offered, then she can decide herself whether to go or not.

branie2 · 31-10-2014 12:26AM

Well, if she was offered a place, and does decide to go, she'd be very welcome at Easter in one of the IHCPT groups :-)

blindside88 · 31-10-2014 12:33AM

Cabaal wrote: »

Is it though,?
It's as meaningful as saying you'll watch modern family later for the person

I'd rather some one says, that I'll be in their thoughts later.... Rather then telling me they are going to tell their powerless invisible friend about me later

This is what really gets in people's craw about atheists to be honest. I'm by no means religious but saying "rather than telling me they are going to tell their powerless invisible friend about me" is surely insulting to a large portion of the population. Someone saying they'll pray for you is merely an irish saying and isn't offensive at all. You may not believe in God but most people won't know that.

I was raised Roman Catholic and if a Muslim said they would pray to Muhammad for me I would just accept their well wishes and not come out with "I don't believe in your false prophet and invisible friend". Why does it insult you so much?

Orion · 31-10-2014 12:43AM

Firstly I'd like to point out that this was originally posted in the funny Ha Ha thread so wasn't meant to be taken entirely seriously. Moving it to its own thread changes the point somewhat.

But as to the sentiment I do find it amusing that people who know that I am an atheist think that it actually means something to me that they will pray for my daughter. I do smile and say thanks rather than punch them in the face of course but the sarcastic voice in my head is also saying "can you also ask Santa to bring a remedy".

As for the deleted comment I'd expect a site ban for being a complete dick but I'm far from offended - trolls are best ignored than reacted to so if you're reading this nice try.

hdowney · 31-10-2014 01:17AM

orion Im so sorry to hear about your little lady genuinely wish there was something I could do.

as a Christian (Not going into it) I still believe in NOT saying to the person you'll pray. by all means do so if it is a belief of your but it doesnt help and possibly angers the person to hear depending how they feel that day.

31-10-2014 01:19AM

blindside88 wrote: »

This is what really gets in people's craw about atheists to be honest.

It's not about atheism; it's about sectarianism and fundamentalism, and about human weakness.

Regrettably there are a lot of people for whom the point is not to be different and to live with difference, but instead to find fault and to look down on and denigrate those who don't share our world view.

They are the sectarian ones, they are the fundamentalists; and religion hasn't a monopoly of shame in this regard. You'll find plenty of Catholics, Protestants or Muslims who fail the basic standards of decent human behaviour in this way. I think it would be naive to expect atheists to be any different in that regard.

Brian Shanahan · 31-10-2014 03:40PM

blindside88 wrote: »

This is what really gets in people's craw about atheists to be honest. I'm by no means religious but saying "rather than telling me they are going to tell their powerless invisible friend about me" is surely insulting to a large portion of the population. Someone saying they'll pray for you is merely an irish saying and isn't offensive at all. You may not believe in God but most people won't know that.

I was raised Roman Catholic and if a Muslim said they would pray to Muhammad for me I would just accept their well wishes and not come out with "I don't believe in your false prophet and invisible friend". Why does it insult you so much?

Saying "I'll pray for you" is all too often just a way of pretending to be seen to be doing something to help when you are too lazy and unconcerned to get off your rear and, you know, actually do something. It is the formulation of those who just don't give a damn yet are too worried about their reputation to actually come out and say it.

People who genuinely want to help others will verbalise their desire to help in concrete ways, either by offering their expertise or asking if there is anything they could do. Offering prayers does neither of these things.

So, the only reason any sensible thinking person would find any persons annoyance over the formulation "you'll be in my prayers" (and I'll tell you, I know quite a lot of christians, including members of religious orders, who are as annoyed, if not more so, as I am with it, because they are cognizant of the phrase's true meaning), would be that they've just been told that the person they are using the formula on has seen through their attempt at deception.

Kidchameleon · 05-11-2014 01:48AM

Brian Shanahan wrote: »

People who genuinely want to help others will verbalise their desire to help in concrete ways, either by offering their expertise or asking if there is anything they could do. Offering prayers does neither of these things.

A believer who says "I'll pray for you" is genuinely helping in their own mind. Praying to God for help or actively doing something are one and the same to a them.

The OP getting offended by a kind person doing their bit just beggars belief.

Orion · 05-11-2014 03:46AM

Doesn't "doing their bit" imply doing something to help? Sending telepathic ideas to some mythical being doesn't do jack sh!t. That aside nobody here is offended - amused is the most common feeling. Irritated sometimes - especially when it's people I know well who decide that a prayer will make me feel better despite my atheism. If they want to help "in their own mind" then they should keep it in their own mind. If they want to pray and it makes them feel better there's no need to tell me their doing it - unless the telling me is what makes them feel better in which case it's selfish on their part not mine.

MrPudding · 05-11-2014 09:36AM

Kidchameleon wrote: »

A believer who says "I'll pray for you" is genuinely helping in their own mind. Praying to God for help or actively doing something are one and the same to a them.

The OP getting offended by a kind person doing their bit just beggars belief.

Meh. It does more for the person offering to pray than the person they are praying for.

MrP

efb · 05-11-2014 09:42AM

Mam us into all that prayer stuff so I don't get offended as I know it's meant in earnest and she means well. When she was ill I bought her a mass bouquet as I knew it meant a lot to her. It is no skin off my nose- or am I being a bad atheist?

Delirium · 05-11-2014 09:55AM

Kidchameleon wrote: »

A believer who says "I'll pray for you" is genuinely helping in their own mind. Praying to God for help or actively doing something are one and the same to a them.

The OP getting offended by a kind person doing their bit just beggars belief.

I actually read it to mean that it's a number of people have said "I'll pray for you". It may be well meaning but it's not much use to the sick child. The OP is annoyed because it's an empty offer of help to a non-believer.

Anyone who has had a sick family member will understand how emotions can become frayed if the relatives health is poor over an extended period of time. A person could become annoyed over anything, so it's not outside the realm of possibility for a non-believer to become annoyed over people saying they'd offer prayers to "help".

I know I'd probably be annoyed in a similar position. I'd bite my tongue but wouldn't think twice about venting about it on the atheist + agnosticism forum should the mood take me.

So I don't think it's fair to take issue with the OP for being unreasonable ("beggars belief") considering they have a sick child. When are parents ever reasonable when their children are sick??

kylith · 05-11-2014 10:29AM

My mother occasionally says she's going to pray for me (in an 'I'm going to pray for you to a god I know you don't believe in, and there's nothing you can do to stop me, so :P' way). I just tell her to go ahead, if it makes her feel better about the situation.

Delirium · 05-11-2014 10:36AM

kylith wrote: »

My mother occasionally says she's going to pray for me (in an 'I'm going to pray for you to a god I know you don't believe in, and there's nothing you can do to stop me, so :P' way). I just tell her to go ahead, if it makes her feel better about the situation.

Dad does the same :pac:

CramCycle · 05-11-2014 10:42AM

SW wrote: »

Dad does the same :pac:

My dad goes to church every Sunday morning, one might say, religously. He then gets drunk at the funerals of close friends and declares, quite loudly, that there is no God as you would have to be insane to believe in such BS.

Say a prayer for me now, don't save it until the morning after.

Comments